So lost

BronwynJaede · April 2012

Hi, I'm Bronwyn. My son was stillborn on Friday morning at just under 24 weeks. I am so lost and have no idea how to make a path through this. Right now I'm so numb and have literally spent the day lying on my bed just staring into space. I feel guilty that I'm not crying more and that I slept most of Saturday (with the help of sleeping pills). The father is not around. I have great friends but I feel so alone. Yet on the other hand I just want to be left alone.

Reading all your stories has been so heartbreaking. I pray for peace for you all. I don't know what I'm asking for here but if anyone has any words of advice for surviving these early days I would be so very grateful.

Thank you so much.

LuckEinLuv · April 2012

Take it one day at a time. I am so sorry that you are joining us here. These women are amazing and will be here for you to laugh and cry with. There is no "right" way to grieve. I could not cry! I wanted to but the years would hardly come.

dandywarhol · April 2012

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your son. If you wouldn't mind I'd love to know his name. We hate to welcome anyone here but the women here are wonderful and very supportive. I hope you can find some comfort here.

Don't feel guilty about not crying. Grief is like a roller coaster, it is full of highs and lows. Everyone of us experiences loss differently. Do whatever you need to do to get through the next minute and hour. Cry, scream, sob, zone out, sleep. I found that journaling was very helpful and cathartic to me. There were so many thoughts and feelings flying around my head that writing them down helped me deal with some of them.

Please know that you can share with us any of your feelings. Nothing you say or feel will make you a bad mother.

pb&fluff · April 2012

LuckEinLuv:
Take it one day at a time. I am so sorry that you are joining us here. These women are amazing and will be here for you to laugh and cry with. There is no "right" way to grieve. I could not cry! I wanted to but the years would hardly come.

I agree 100%. You grieve in the way that is best for you. It will just happen. We grieved much before our actual loss because of our daughter's diagnosis. I cried for days. After the procedure was over, I felt numb. You'll figure out what is best for you.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Auki13 · April 2012

I am so sorry for your loss and that you are so raw in your grief. As PP said, you need to do what feels right for you and just take it a day at a time. It's ok if you can't/don't cry and it's ok if you cry all day and night. You need to be gentle with yourself and just process all that you are going through. I hope you can find some comfort here on this board with us, and please feel free to post whatever you need. We are here for you. (((HUGE HUGS)))

BronwynJaede · April 2012

Thank you all for your kind words. I think this board will be a great comfort to me as I grieve for my son, Jack.

lrichmond86 · April 2012

I don't think there is any advice I can give you other than to give yourself the time you need to heal. Try not to be hard on yourself when you have bad days. We all grieve differently. What works for one person doesn't for another. Whatever you are feeling is right. I'm so sorry for your loss and please know that I'll be thinking of you in the upcoming days!

blessedhope · April 2012

dandywarhol:

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your son. If you wouldn't mind I'd love to know his name. We hate to welcome anyone here but the women here are wonderful and very supportive. I hope you can find some comfort here.

Don't feel guilty about not crying. Grief is like a roller coaster, it is full of highs and lows. Everyone of us experiences loss differently. Do whatever you need to do to get through the next minute and hour. Cry, scream, sob, zone out, sleep. I found that journaling was very helpful and cathartic to me. There were so many thoughts and feelings flying around my head that writing them down helped me deal with some of them.

Please know that you can share with us any of your feelings. Nothing you say or feel will make you a bad mother.

Well said. I am so, so sorry about your little boy.

Carolee · April 2012

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I'm sad that you have to be here, but welcome. Please know we're here for you. The early days are very, very hard. I honestly don't know how I got through them, but somehow I did.

Mandiemn · April 2012

I am sorry for the loss of your sweet little boy, Jack. I love that name.

Like the women have said before me, there is no right or wrong way to get through this. I was numb and then angry and then many weeks in a row I stayed in bed and cried until my entire body hurt and I ran out of tears.

Your little boy will be with you always and you might find it therapeutic to write your feelings down, or write to him or speak to him directly (like I do sometimes, even though if someone were to overhear me, they might think I'm crazy). I even sought out counseling, which has helped me to deal with the grieving process in a healthy way.

The women here are amazing and are always here to listen and provide virtual hugs.

My thoughts and love are with you honey. (Super big hugs)

weddedwife · April 2012

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Jack. The first few weeks were the worst. I won't lie- you have some very hard times ahead of you. But the ladies here are so supportive, I don't know what I would've done w/o them these past few months. I wish you whatever comfort you can find as you begin this process.

StephK86 · April 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. It is normal to feel so alone after you lose your child. This is the best I could describe to my friends how I felt after Gavin died "It was like I was on an island alone and it was the saddest place in the world."

Take the time you need to grieve by yourself and do it the way you need to. Right now you are probably still in shock which is why you are not crying. The tears will come and they can be cleansing. Crying is a release of all your anger and sadness. Cry until you can't anymore. Then when you feel ready it is important to find at least one person to talk to. You have to let those feelings out so they don't eat you alive. This board is a great way to receive the support you need. Also I know most of us would talk to you in private if need be.

Again, I am so so sorry for you loss hunny. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

doodlescaboodles · April 2012

I compleately agree. There have been many a days where I simply stare out the window and talk to my girls with no tears, no screaming. Then the very next day I will go through a entire box of tissues (I should invest in kleenex). Each day will be a entity on its own. I know just last week I felt "guilty" because it had been exactly 3 weeks since the girls passed and I had not realized it will I was in bed that night.

You WILL have good days again. It just takes time.

BronwynJaede · April 2012

I cannot thank you all enough for your support. You give me hope that somehow I can survive this. Much love and peace to you all.

krysiahamaty · April 2012

I am sorry for your loss. Try to take things one day at a time. The ladies here are amazingly supportive so I hope you find some comfort here. We are here for you.

wmthorpe0815 · April 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. My moto was hour by hour. And it still is. The little bit is a blurr. There are times when I wont cry for weeks and then out of the blue I am breaking down. It is really hard and I hate seeing another new face on here. But I absolutely love the women on here. They are so supportive and loving. Spend time outside. I live in texas so we have alot of sun and it is welcoming. There is no right way to act. Everyone is different and we all try getting through this horrible time in our own way. If you ever want to talk privately you can PM me. I lost my little girl at 26 weeks. It is a hard thing that we never expect.

jbranden12 · April 2012

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Jack. Like the other women said, it's hour by hour, day by day. It has been just over two weeks since we lost Patricia, and I can barely remember anything that I have done since then.

I know during the first few days, my husband and I stayed with my parents. We needed to be around people who were grieving as much as we were. In a bubble. It made it more okay for me to just do what came natural, even if it meant watching a funny sitcom that actually made me laugh. I didn't feel as guilty if I wasn't crying all the time, because everyone around me knew how much I was hurting. However, I still felt some guilt when the crying tapered off. The women on this board were helpful. Here is my post about it: https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/64888988.aspx

Other than that, I tried to keep eating and went for walks. A couple of times I pushed myself too hard. Remember to take it easy, your body is still recovering.

((hugs)). I'm sorry you had to join us.

magdalina.h · April 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. Some times it will feel like making it second by second is a good day. Then it will be minute by minute and so on and so on. Right now you're in a very numb place that any emotion you feel is normal. I hope you find comfort from this group.

pottermommy · April 2012

Jack is so lucky to have a mommy who loves him so much. I am so sorry, for your loss and your lonliness. There are no words that can say it better that I can think of.

littlepenguin2012 · April 2012

pottermommy:
Jack is so lucky to have a mommy who loves him so much. I am so sorry, for your loss and your lonliness. There are no words that can say it better that I can think of.

This. I am so sorry for the loss of your Jack. I do hope this board will be of some comfort to you.

PrettyAccountant · April 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. The women here are absolutely wonderful and can be leaned on for support any time. It is still so new so do whatever you feel is right for you. I know the first few days after my triplets passed were horrible for me - there were times I just wanted to scream and tear my hair out from the pain of losing them. It is amazing and although you think you will never get passed that point - you do get passed it.

I am so sorry for your loss and for you having to be here.

Hugs

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