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Trying to Get Pregnant
angelsnight
member
Your DH as a dad
angelsnight
member
For those trying for your first, is anyone else a little nervous at the prospect of leaving your Future LO with your DH? It's not at all that I don't trust him, but he's had much less experience with babies (which I know babysitting etc doesn't compare to being a parent, but experience with the basics must help a tiny bit). Even if he did have experience I think I would still be a little nervous about anyone doing anything other than me.
For those of you who already have kids, did you experience this at all? If so how long did it take for the nervousness to ease up?
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
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Re: Your DH as a dad
I was a little nervous because HE was nervous. I completely trusted him with DS, he was just nervous he wouldn't do something right. He thought he was going to break LO in the beginning & didn't know what to do when DS cried. It took him about a week but now you'd never know that the first time he held an infant was 3 & a half months ago.
I agree with PP, I would never have a child with someone I didn't trust.
ETA clarity
This all the way! My DH is great with DD. And I never had that feeling.
The first time I had to go out of town for work, LO was about 7 months old and I was gone for 3-4 days. He did pretty good with him, and the only thing he missed was giving him a bath (when I asked when his last bath was, DH realized and said, oops). DH freaked out though because the day I left, LO chose that night to start sleeping on his belly. DH was so scared and I was trying to console him that everything would be fine (LO stopped sleeping on his belly as soon as I got home...hahahaa) I was gone for another 2 days last month and everything was good.
I was definitely paranoid now that LO puts EVERYTHING in his mouth and I know DH does not watch him every second. They both survived!
I think DH is just as nervous as I am when I leave him alone with him, especially overnight. I hope the fear goes away eventually, but I think having it there is part of being a mother.
I'm not nervous about my DH at all! He's amazing with children. Most of our friends have kids and they're always begging to play with him. Mostly because he's like a jungle gym to them, but he always has fun.
I keep a mental picture in my head of him holding a little girl in a frilly pink dress (he looks like a big football player) and it brings me smiles. Granted I do have a preference for boys though. LOL.
I feel perfectly fine leaving my future baby alone with my husband. (as soon as I feel comfortable leaving him/her alone at all) I plan to breastfeed and I don't use bottles so it's a while before I can leave for very long.
I felt fine the first time as long as the baby was with my mom or sisters at home. My ex is another story so that doesn't count. EDIT
I'm pretty much positive he'll be batter at parenting then me.
I knew DH would be a great dad, and he is. But in the beginning, he was so nervous. He was too worried about giving him a bath, so I did the baths. He was too worried about cutting his nails, so I cut the nails.
I've heard this before, and I think there's definitely truth to it: you become a mom when you're pregnant. The guy becomes a dad when he first holds his baby. Until they see their baby, they're not really in "dad mode" yet. Some guys are, sure, and some women don't feel it until later - whatever. But for some people, what I said is true.
Anyway, DH quickly got into his comfort zone, and now he's a pro. Awesome dad. Bathtime, bedtime, feedings, playtime, comforting, etc.
DH is a bit nervous about children, as he has almost 0 experience (only child, cousins all older, etc...). But I'm not nervous about him at all. I know he will be a great, reliable, father.
Yes, he'll need to learn how to do everything (change, feed, burp, heck, even hold) - but I'm sure once he gets the hang of it (which should be in like a week!) that he'll be amazing!
I never worried about it because I had witnessed him with little ones before. He also has a sister that was born when he was 15, so he was very confident going into it.
I think it's a very typical emotion/concern to have, even after the baby comes. Mom's tend to feel like they do everything right (because we do
), and no one can possibly take care of their child better than them.
Just try to be confident in your DH. You will both feel clueless sometimes, you're learning together. DH felt much more connected with DS1 because BFing didn't work out, so he was able to comfort him without problems. DS2 was a completely different baby. He nursed non-stop, and would only be comforted by me nursing him (never would take a paci). I just tried to encourage DH as much as I could, but I could tell he felt helpless, plus he vocalized that on several occassions. Once I put more faith in him, and gave them alone time together they bonded very quickly, and I felt less stress when I needed to be out without the LO's.
When I first met DH he was a nanny (to his 6 month old neice). He is now a nurse and I'd say he is more nurturing than me sometimes.
He is so good with kids and I can't wait to see how he'll do as a father.
Exactly! I'm very confident MH will be awesome with a baby.
Completely agree.
TTC since August 2011 (Me-29, DH-32).
4/28/2012 - SA: 5% motility.
5/21/2012 - SA: same results.
Only shot is IVF (ICSI)
5/31/2012 - HSG: all clear
6/22/2012 - appt with RE, confirmed ICSI is necessary.
8/3/2012 - First IVF Monitoring Appointment
8/17/2012 - Egg Retrieval (retrieved 23 eggs, 3 made it to freezer)
8/18/2012 - OHSS - hospitalized, need to wait one cycle to transfer embryo(s) due to OHSS
8/29/2012 - begin meds for frozen cycle
10/12/2012 - FET one embryo
10/24/2012 - Beta #1: 442
10/26/2012 - Beta #2: 947
10/29/2012 - Beta #3: 2900!
11/15/2012 - first u/s: baby measuring perfect, heart rate is right on target
2/6/2013 - A/S looked perfect. Still team green by choice!
7/6/2013 - Baby girl born after 44 hours of un-medicated labor, 2 hours of pushing, and emergency c-section due to transverse head. DD was perfectly healthy at 6 pounds, 14 ounces. We are thrilled!!
Ticker/Siggy Warning: Children and losses mentioned
TTC #1 since 7/2011
ME: 37 DH: 38
SA-12/28/11-normal
HSG-1/16/12-possible blocked left tube
BFP#1---CP 7/9/12
Hysteroscopy-8/9/12-blocked left tube for sure, proceeding with IUI#1
IUI#1 (Gonal-F + trigger)=BFP#2 m/c @ 19w1d D&E 1/23/13
IUI #2 (Gonal F + trigger)=BFP#3 EDD 1/6/14 TWINS!!!
Identical girls born 11/17/13
BFP#4 EDD 8/27/15 MMC at 7w6d
BFP#5 m/c at 6w
BFP#6 EDD 10/5/16 Going Strong! It's a Girl!
same here!
All of this exactly! I was only nervous because he was nervous.
Mom to 4 wonderful children: T(8), B(6) ,M(3), and A(1)
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
H and I both have pretty minimal child caring experience. I get nervous about both of us taking care of a child sometimes. Honestly, yes it has crossed my mind that he might not be as good at some things that I will, but we both have a ton of common sense and I think we will be fine.
So OP I am with you, I have gotten nervous about it. I don't think that means we are incapable, I just think it means I worry about a lot of stuff. I'm a worrier.
DH has been around a few infants, so he knows the basic's. When my niece was first born she spent alot of time at our house and he was really good with her. I'm sure once we have a LO I will be a bit nervous leaving him alone, but everyone is like that the first time they leave there LO with someone for the first time regardless if its the dad or not. But I do know that he will be a great father to our LO!
Thanks for everyone's input. As I said in my OP, I do trust MH, I think it is just a combination of him being nervous which would make me nervous, and the fear of leaving the baby for the first time no matter who is watching him/her.
MH is very good with his older neices and nephews (3 and up), he loves to play with them and will discipline them if they're misbehaving, but he kind of kept his distance when they were smaller. I'm sure it will be different with our own kids though.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
yep.
I was never nervous about leaving DH with the baby, but DH was nervous about being a dad before J was born (he had never even changed a diaper). He's the best dad in the world though, don't worry your DH will pick it up fast.
Also, I was pretty anxious whenever I left DS with anyone at first, but it had nothing to do with the caregiver, more just my own anxiety about being away from him.
I thought Ava's father was going to be a great dad, but boy was I wrong! He would leave her unattended to play on youtube or go outside and have a drink while i was at work and she was all by herself...he didn't want to try to feed her solids and was so happy when I got home for work so he could go outside to "play" with his toy airplanes and leave me to be a single mama. Needless to say I left him and I am happily divorced. He ended up being so selfish and couldn't stand all the attention going to his own daughter. So sad. He is considering giving up his rights to her too...
My BF is polar opposites from my ExH. He would like to adopt Ava after we get married and my Ex gives up his rights. He treats her like his own and being with him - I know now how a father should be to his child! I am very blessed to be with a stand up guy that loves the heck outta my little lady!
Not at all. If anything he'll be the nervous one and only because he always thinks he'll break a baby. He'll learn quick enough though. He is really awesome with our niece.
No, not in the slightest. DH is the oldest of 3 boys, the youngest of which is 11 yrs younger than him. He was around for a lot of his youngest's early childhood, and I think that is pretty helpful! He probably has more baby experience than I do, to be honest.
DH likes to brag that he'll be "awesome at being a Dad". I agree.
Dx: Feb '13 - HSG shows clear tubes but minor diverticulitis; Borderline DOR; Low DHEA and low testosterone.
Moving on to IUI or IVF.
We've got a peen.....it's a boy!
Little man born 11.17.2013 via c-section
"A man walking backwards does not see what lies ahead, only what he is leaving behind."
BFP #1-7/22/12 EDD: 4/8/13 It's a Boy!! Born 3/30/13
BFP #2 2/3/14 EDD: 10/15/14 - My Chart
My DH has no experience with babies. I also agree that he will figure it out quickly. Much of it comes so naturally. Other parts of parenting are no-brainers. Everything eles he'll figure out soon enough.
At times, I trusted DH more than I trusted myself! He had lots of prior experience with babies, and I had none. I was even slightly newborn-phobic, scared of holding them, ha ha. Luckily I've grown out of that!