Extended absences from your tot(s)? — The Bump

Extended absences from your tot(s)?

Wondering if anyone here travels for work or has had extended absences from their kid(s)?

Looks like we're calling in hospice for my Dad who lives out of state.  DH and I are trying to figure out how to be in 2 places at once.

My older one does fairly well but my younger one (4) seems to really struggle with me being out of town.

We do skype but often the best time is at bedtime and that's almost always a mistake ending in lots of tears.

We may have the option to take them to my Mom's (divorced from Dad) house but honestly my Mom would sit them in front of a TV for days on end.  She's almost 4 hours away from my Dad so I'd still only see them every few days so DH thinks we're better off putting them in full time day care here (currently do 3 days) so they're with him and in their own surroundings.

DH raised our 17 yr old on his own from 6 months to 3 years.  He's an amazing dad and while it would be tough on him he's fully capable of doing dinner, soccer practice, night time routine, EVERYTHING without a single worry on my part. 

This could be a 2 weeks gone, 1 week home kinda thing but it may also end up being gone for a solid month.  We figured that our out of pocket costs not including travel expenses would be about $700 a week.

I cry just trying to figure out a solution to this.  I need to be there for my Dad but I also need to be there for my kids.

Usually I'm happy about living away from family but this is so incredibly hard.

Any words of wisdom or advice?


There just doesn't seem to be a good solution.

Oh... and keeping them with me at my Dad's house isn't an option because my Dad's wife is a psycho nut job alcoholic that hates kids.  She has totally lost her mind at this point and can't even care for her own daily needs (cooking, paying bills, etc).  She's threatened family members with a gun before so I seriously don't think I can take the chance of exposing them to her around the clock under these circumstances.


Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.

Re: Extended absences from your tot(s)?

  • I'm sorry you are in this position.  :(  I totally get why this is difficult for you.  I would not be able to be apart in the way you lay out. My boy is 3.5 and is very much a homebody who thrives on routine -- he is best when everyone is where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there.  If I so much as have to work late, things get all out of whack at home and take days and days to settle.  I was out of town for work for the first time since he was born last month and it was really hard on all of us. 

    Is it financially feasible for you to go for shorter periods of time?  Like 3 days on, 3 days off?  Are you going to provide hands on care or to be with him in his last days?  Where are you staying? 

  • I don't have any advice, but wanted to say I am so sorry you're in such a tough spot.  It sounds like them staying home with your DH is the best option.  They will miss you and it will be terribly hard, but won't leave lasting scars.  Hang in there.  
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  • I am so sorry that you are going through this situation.  We went through a similar situation when my Mom passed a year ago.  DD was 2.5 then.  We kept her home wIth DH.  I spoke to her very little because we were staying at a hospice facility and the cell phone reception was very poor. the hardest part was that DH and DD traveled too early because we had several false alarms and then DD was with DH and not even in her own home.  I thought that the consistency and comfort of her home, school and routine was best. DD has lots of pics of me and my pillow so that helped I think.  I wish I had a perfect answer for you.  My advice would be just to make the best decision you can at this time And don't second guess it.  In the long run, DC will be fine with the love from you and your DH.  

    Again, big hugs to you and I hope you have some support too for all of this.
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