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Working Moms
If you could SAH...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: If you could SAH...
I could, but I don't.
In an ideal world, my exact same position would be fewer hours per week, but I don't have a desire to SAH full-time. Working is part of my identity and a happier mom means happier babies
I couldn't SAH FT...but if I could drop down to 16 hours/week...that would be perfect....of course providing I could keep my cleaning lady and salary the same....
when I first went back to work I desperately wanted to be a SAHM...the first 2 months were HARD...but after that we settled into a routine and I was able to transfer out of my soul sucking job (which made a HUGE difference)...I am now pretty happy with my work/life arrangments (I work 32 hours/4 days) in a pretty nice office environment doing semi-challenging work in a great team environment...I would really miss the adult interaction and me time if I were to SAH ft...
I would love to be able to stay home, but I'd have to find something I could do a few hours a day, a couple times a week. I loved being home on maternity leave (I was home for 12 weeks), but towards the end I got a little stir crazy. There's only so many trips to Target you can take. Well, I don't know if that's entirely true
Wow, ladies, thanks for all the wonderful responses! I totally agree with many of the points you have made, especially:
-Working part-time. If I decide to quit, I am going to ask if working part-time is an option. It probably won't be, but I have to ask.
-Adult interaction: If I SAH and don't work part-time, I plan on volunteering at my local museum.
-"Me" time/social and developmental interaction for my son: We have a great Mothers Day Out program at our church that I will enroll him in at least a couple days a week so he gets social interaction and I have time to run errands or maybe just take a nap!
I just don't know how long I can keep up this 40-hour work week, 1.5 hours of commuting daily and lack of sleep and time. My house is a disaster area, I'm extremely grumpy and short-tempered and I miss my son! I'll give it at least a couple of more weeks though.
Thanks again for the helpful responses!
Anyway, I don't need to work for my salary, but I need it in a different way. My job is part of who I am, I'm not equipped to take care of DD full-time and I like making money and traveling and max-ing out my 401k.
I wouldn't. I think I'd be bored at home, I think DD would be bored w/ just me. I think I'd be frustrated and spend a lot of money wandering around Target and the Mall. I think DD is happy at daycare, well taken care of and loved and mentally engaged.
I would also worry about how I would re-enter the workforce - do you stay home until your LO is 2 or 3 and starts driving you BSC or would you wait until they were in kindergarten or later? Also - honestly, like PP noted - what if your DH got fired or laid off? Or what if he just absolutely hated his job? Being the sole provider is a lot of pressure for one person - and what if something happened to him or your marriage? I just don't want to put all my eggs in one basket if I don't absolutely have to.
Ideally, I would LOVE to work PT - like 4-6 hours a day w/ no commute or a minimal commute. Since having DD I feel like my life is more "at home" - taking care of my family and home, but since I'm away 10 hours a day, I don't feel like I am taking care of it the way I want to.
Going back to work after ML is very hard, there's no doubt. When you need to, take a day (or a morning) off and just hang out w/ your LO. I would wait to make any decisions for at least another month. I went back when DD was 4 months old and it took me about 2 months to feel like I had any handle on what was going on. The first few weeks are a total blur.
Probably not. I do enjoy being with my children but I think I would find the day to day monotony unbearable.
If I could replace my full-time job with part-time charity work perhaps I could make a go at it but then I would still be working.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
I would maybe find a new job or work part-time. But I don't think I would SAH. Although I would happily stay home for the first year or so.
Now that DS is a tantrummy toddler, I'm not sure I could handle staying at home with him all day.
Off to the beach
DS 7/18/2010
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12/17/2011 Christmas Caper 10K
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10/28/2012 Marine Corps Marathon
My initial thought is Absolutely! But I don't think it is truly that simple of a decision.
I have been in my current career for 10 plus years and I consider myself to be successful at it. But I don't love it anymore and i would much rather be home with DD than at work. Also becoming a mom has really brought out my inner martha stewart. I would love to be home, cook, garden, do crafts, and generally be a homemaker. That being said- having this job, the security, the financial independance etc. Has shapped me in a lot of ways and I don't know how not having that would impact me. I think in a perfect world I would love to stay home full time until my kids go to school and then work part time.
Right now i find working 5 days a week and looking after a toddler a bit much.
In a perfect world, part time work would be best.
Unfortunately, it's a rarity.
Yes, I would SAH if I could. I would love to have more time to enjoy my life. The rat race is really getting to me right now and I am struggling with feeling as though I'm failing all around. I would love to not have to immediately panic about what to do about work when my kids are sick - and rather just focus on them. I would love to be able to have time to sit down and really play with them as much as I want. I would love to be able to see friends who I don't get to see because they're all SAHMs and get together with their kids while I'm working.
I just wish there was better work/life balance.
I would SAH in a heartbeat. I reduced my hours this year and it has helped a lot, but I would still rather be at home full time.
Depends on the day. I have a two year old and a newborn, life is crazy at home. I'm better rested now that I'm back at work.
However, I will soon begin traveling again, as will my husband, and life will get crazy again - requiring crazy excellent organizational and planning skills that I'm not sure DH and I are up to in our sleep deprived state.
If we had a socialized health care system I'd SAH and run the family business we've been dreaming about for years... or DH would... so, I guess I'd never really SAH, just work for myself part-time/flex-time.
I agree that you should give it some time before you make the decision. I, too, was heartbroken about the idea of leaving my baby and going back to work. Before I had DD, I never gave staying at home a second thought. I'm career-driven and I loved what I was doing, but I still felt the pull.
Now, it's about logistics. DH and I both have demanding jobs. We're both working nights and weekends. DH is traveling more. The big difference is that he really loves what he does, and I'm just feeling burnt out and taken advantage of. I haven't had a raise in 3 years, and I'm just getting work piled on me. I do have a fair amount of flexibility, which I would lose if I tried to find another job. But I'm nearing the end of my rope, and it would be nice to be able to better run our house, spend time with DD, take care of rental properties, focus on our investments, etc. All of that is suffering right now. So I would love to stay home... but DH isn't on board. Boo.
In a heartbeat! I know there are things about it that wouldn't be easy but I think it would be SO worth it! Your kids are only young once... As far as what would be best for me... obviously the time and memories with my kids. Plus more control over how they are being raised and not have to worry about how others are disciplining etc...
One of the bads would be firing our once a month cleaning lady
~ I wouldn't miss my job but I am sure I would miss adult interaction...but if you make an effort to join groups, plan things with your friends I think you can still have that.
I do however agree with some of the others that such a big decision shouldn't be made so quickly...
I could, but I don't. I SAH with LO for 10 months and loved it, but I truly believe my calling in life is to be a nurse.
What do you do? Do you love it? Is it a career you could take some time off from and get back into, or would an extended leave pose a problem to your career? (ie I'm an RN... I could quit, take off as much time as I wanted, and easily find another job when I wanted one, but that is definitely NOT the case with many jobs.) With any future LOs, I will not take less than a 9-12 month leave, anything younger than that is too young for us.
IF you can easily get back into your career or you don't love what you do, I would say SAH with your LO while he is so young since you can afford it. You may find it easier to go back to work and leave him at daycare/preschool when he is more able to play, interact, etc. If your career is not flexible, that's really a choice that your family will have to make based on weighing wanting to SAH with LO vs your career taking a hit.
I know this is hard. Good luck, mama!
My ideal situation would be to work 4 days per week from 9-3. Even if I was financially stable.
Right now I work full time, 40 hours, sometimes more. While I love my job, it's a "bit" too much, what with having two kids as well. But I would never want to be a full-time stay at home. That's just me. I stayed home for the first year when my daughter was born, and I actually was online for half the time looking for a job! It wasn't even money-related. I just like going to work and using my brain and being ME and not MOM 100% of the time.
I have found this out about myself after three years of mothering two children: I am my best mom when I am working outside the home, talking and conversing with adults, earning my own money, and then coming home to my family.
Don't get me wrong, there is always times when the balance is skewed with too much work and I want more than anything to stay home...but in a perfect world...three days at home, four days working a lighter schedule. Oh, and lots of vacation time, which I am lucky to have now.
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
Im in the middle of all these hell yeah and hell no posts.
I would absolutely stay at home --- for the first four years or so. Then I would absolutely want to go back to work (part-time would be my dream)
We could have me or my husband SAH now in the short term. But I'm concerned about the getting hired again in this crappy economy.
I did SAH. I SAH for three years. The first two years were great. After 2 years it started getting repititive (boring) and mentally draining due to the whining and the tantrums.
I had to go back to work when DS was old enough for preschool (age 3). I also only work part-time during the summer.
I stated the annoying parts---nor for the good parts...it was a more relaxed time period of my life. I hardly ever felt rushed. It was nice not to need an alarm clock for 3 years.
As far as adult interaction, I was involved in two mothers groups which were great. I am actaully still involved in one of those mother's group.
IMO, I say go for it. You can always look to get something part-time when your LO turns a year old.
Yes. I would love to spend afternoons at the park, swim lessons, library, etc. with my little girl.
My job is fine, I like the people in my office, but I am certainly in the working because I have to, not working because I want to category.
Burned by the Bear
I could stay home and we'd be relatively comfortable. WHen I have bad days at school, I wonder what the hell I'm doing there. But the good days outnumber the bad, and I truly love my job 99% of the time.
Even more important, I SUCK AT SAH. I was a wreck on maternity leave with no structure to my day. I guess I'm just not disciplined enough, but I just couldn't get it together. The house was a disaster and it was just awful. I feel so much more "together" and "with it" when I'm working. I feel like out home/family life runs so much smoother.
I'd consider staying home if I thought I'd be better at it, though. That sounds awful.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
It is such a hard choice and I've been all over the gamut. When DS was born, we needed half of my income to pay the bills and luckily I worked in a job that while it paid horribly, it honored PT and I returned at 20 hours after a long maternity leave.
I really loved it and had no problem with the balance. Then DH was considering going back to school and I ramped it up to 32 hours a week for about six months. I felt the balance shift (DH travels for work too) and it was too much. We figured out a way to shift our budget so I could SAH when DD was born until she entered K and then I would return PT (that was the plan.)
There were and the parts I loved about SAH, I loved the complete flexibility in my schedule, I liked the mom groups, I liked traveling to see friends and family, grocery shopping during the week, having our weekends as complete family time without chores.
But after our DD was six months old, I was looking to return to work PT. Work anchors me, it's part of my identity, I wanted extra money for more travel and home remodels, I wanted to make my own money and I also wanted a break from the kids with more structure. I went back to 20 hours when DD was one, I hired a nanny to come into the home two afternoons and I also worked Saturday mornings when DH was home with them.
We then had income for me to hire a cleaning lady, the nanny helped with laundry, I then had two and a half working days and the rest SAH days.
It's not perfect by any stretch PT either. My job (private practice counselor) can be very stressful and wearing, I had to miss dinner as a family on those two nights most weeks, it's hard to find moms who can relate because most either SAH or work FT. My career has taken a backseat. Other clinicians my age are going on speaking circuits, generating more income, have more prestige, more training. I can only handle seeing clients in the 20 hours I have each week.
But it's best fit for me and now that I have more experience under my belt, I am just about to switch to three days a week, 8-2. If had SAH all this time and tried these hours now, it wouldn't have happened. It took awhile to get my client base to this.
In all of my situations, I have never felt it matters to the kids. I know I'd still be a good mom if I worked FT or SAH. I think it's more about what I want. I know that probably sounds selfish, but it helped me navigate each of my situations, knowing the kids were all right as long as I had quality care for them!
No. I would not be happy or fulfilled if I SAH seven days a week/24 hrs/365. I need something outside of my home and walls and children to make me feel organized and I think I would be sad/lonely/depressed if I didn't have something to "push" me in a direction.
On my days I am home, I am happy to cook dinner and clean the house and run errands. I go to the gym, I take the kids to school, I do laundry and meet girlfriends for lunches on ocassion. I get my "fix" of being home, and then work a few days.
We are in the position where I could possibly cut my hours more, but I am thinking of ramping them up and doing more with my time/career now that my kids will be in school.
And, to add onto pp's, one of my main reasons for not quitting my job is the economy and fears about security. At any time, if DH lost his job/income, insurance, benefits, or life, I have the ability to get a full time position in a few months that would support myself and both of my children. I have my own retirement plan, 403, and benefits, and I carry the life insurance for all of us through work. (DH has our health insurance and his own pension right now.)
I have always feared divorce, death, and life circumstances changing, and I would never want to be without my safety net.