Can I get some clarification here?

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

What is snark? What are we talking about here? Please help me define this for this board.

If you want a definition of origin, snark is combination of "snide" and "remark."

In forum land, however, I always thought snark was sarcastic and cynical humor. Its funny, keeps things interesting, usually includes GIFs and other funny images to poke fun at whatever we're talking about and each other.

Recently, however, people here have been referring to snark in a way that insinuates that is 100% negative, mean, and rude comments.

So when people say that they hate snark - do you hate blatantly rude comments meant to cut people down or do you hate any kind of sarcasm/cynical humor in general.

LMK.

Mommysaurus123 · March 2012

I think of it as all negative, like the rude comments that cut people down.

I think a lot of times the sarcasm gets lumped into that field, since there is no "sarcasm" font on TB. There should be, though, because I feel like some people just have really dry humor but it comes across as biitchy.

kat81again2 · March 2012

I hate sarcastic humor. It is too weird and mean for me.

j/k obviously, but I think that anyone who says they hate snark in fact hates the mean stuff. Obviously there is a continuum, because as DH puts it, anything that is truly funny is so at someone's expense (and he's kind of right.) There are those comments that are hilarious but sort or make fun of another commenter or poster.

Personally I love funny but hate mean, even if I'm not the target of the rudeness. But I can't say for sure whether I like or dislike snark because it depends on just how mean and/or funny it is. If it makes me laugh I typically give it a pass, because I'll assume the poster's intent was to be funny rather than mean...and sometimes it's ok to be a little bit mean in order to be funny.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

mands629:
Snark also means (according to urban dictionary):

Use of sarcasm or malice in speech. Commonly found in the LiveJournal community. also snarky, snarkiness.

~or~

Biting, cruel humor or wit, commonly used to verbally attack someone or something.

Personally, I attribute snark to something like sarcasm. I consider myself snarky at times, just like I consider myself sarcastic at times. Both snark-ism and sarcasm can be funny and appropriate, but it can also get cruel, mean, and hurtful. I'm fine with both as long as it's in good fun, but the moment it crosses over it's not cool. And if I'm the one who tried to be funny using the snark or sarcasm and it comes off as not funny and hurts someone, then I feel really bad. Make sense?

I get what you're saying. What bothers me is the bolded part - there are a gajillion of us here. All it takes is one person to decide what someone wrote isn't acceptable and the "drama" and "snark" and whatever terms get pulled out again. I'm tired of it. Huh? It can't be rainbows all the time. I like the debates and conversations where everyone doesn't agree.

Disagreeing =/= awful, worst thing in ever.

No one here has ever pulled out name calling or seriously rude comments. Its mostly opinions, but even those get attacked sometimes if they "come off" as accusatory.

GrayGhost13 · March 2012

I think snarky and mean are different. A poster can be snarky without being truly mean, and someone can also be mean without the sense or humor or sarcasm I'd associate with "snark."

All I can say is you have nothing to worry about OSC. You are a consistently nice and helpful poster and probably the last person I'd think of to call out for meanness.

xxbabycakesxx · March 2012

I think snark is sarcasm. But I think sometimes in forumland snark can come off as b!tchy cause its hard to show emotions over the computer. So, someone who is just making a snide remark might be taken as making a b!tchy comment, when really thats not that case.

Or maybe I'm just talking nonsense, I don't know lol.

MamaPajama2010 · March 2012

Thanks for asking! I've also been wondering this also. Sarcasm is like air to me... it's just who I am. 99.9% of the time I don't mean it in a negative way. To me, sarcasm =/= mean. ANY type of humor can get mean (not just sarcasm).

Also, I want to know who is "popular" and who is not... lol... this just does not make any sense to me. I think people forget that message boards are like real life. Not everyone is going to like each other. There might be friendship groups formed, but I think they overlap significantly on here... this doesn't make anyone more "popular" than others. I feel like people are trying to say "popular" = mean... and that is just as hurtful to the people they are talking about than what is being accused in the first place! It's just ridiculous to me. It's fine to say mean things about people as long as they aren't the "underdog"??

FWIW, I do not consider myself "popular" in this group. I know that there are people who like me and I know that there are people who don't like me... and I am okay with that. I try to just be myself, and I think that is all everyone should do. It's better to be yourself and have a few people not like you instead of working hard to be someone you aren't just so you feel like you fit in more.

EVM1216 · March 2012

TobioLovesAce:

I think snarky and mean are different. A poster can be snarky without being truly mean, and someone can also be mean without the sense or humor or sarcasm I'd associate with "snark."

All I can say is you have nothing to worry about OSC. You are a consistently nice and helpful poster and probably the last person I'd think of to call out for meanness.

I agree with Tobio, I think that many times when people say they hate snark it is because they hate the people who come on and just say hurtful things to say hateful things.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

justbeachy109:
I have a sarcastic sense of humor. IRL and online.
Honestly, I think the passive aggressive jabs with the "regs/originals" coming only to cause drama, is worse than the drama thread those comments were referring to in the first place.
I think we can all agree that our lives have been busier now than when we were pregnant and it is harder for some of us to post now like we used to. Me, I am in front of a computer all day at work, so it's easy. Someone else might lurk from their phone, which can be a PITA to respond with, so they just keep lurking unless something really compels them to say something.

When it comes to the regular/original thing, my opinion is this: It doesn't matter when you started posting or even how much you post, its all about how you entered and what you say when you do post. If you came in and introduced yourself and contribute to the board, then cool yo - have fun. If you jump in randomly or post useless things or ONLY attention hor, than that's weird.

This isn't the drive through age range boards - we have been around for years now and like that we (generally) know each other - even the occasional posters and lurkers. That doesn't mean people can't join whenever - they totally can.

It would be like a new Mom showing up to your Moms group IRL without introducing herself, saying, "I've been watching you guys from across the room for a year now, so I know you, but you don't know me - lets have a play date at your house!" Yeah sure, you'll get to know each other, but its weird at first. And NO, this is not directed towards anyone specific, its my general belief about lurkers turned posters.

I like getting to know people, but know that just because you "know" me and some of my stories, I don't know you since you've lurked. Take time to even the playing field so we can have a conversation.

Plus, please don't be passive about it. If you're referring to someone, grow a vulva and call them out. There are a ton of people who have been here "since the beginning." Unless you're talking about every single one of us, please don't use general terms like that.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

TobioLovesAce:
I think snarky and mean are different. A poster can be snarky without being truly mean, and someone can also be mean without the sense or humor or sarcasm I'd associate with "snark."
All I can say is you have nothing to worry about OSC. You are a consistently nice and helpful poster and probably the last person I'd think of to call out for meanness.

Aw thanks, Tobio. :-)

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

MamaPajama2010:
Thanks for asking! I've also been wondering this also. Sarcasm is like air to me... it's just who I am. 99.9% of the time I don't mean it in a negative way. To me, sarcasm =/= mean. ANY type of humor can get mean (not just sarcasm).

Also, I want to know who is "popular" and who is not... lol... this just does not make any sense to me. I think people forget that message boards are like real life. Not everyone is going to like each other. There might be friendship groups formed, but I think they overlap significantly on here... this doesn't make anyone more "popular" than others. I feel like people are trying to say "popular" = mean... and that is just as hurtful to the people they are talking about than what is being accused in the first place! It's just ridiculous to me. It's fine to say mean things about people as long as they aren't the "underdog"??

FWIW, I do not consider myself "popular" in this group. I know that there are people who like me and I know that there are people who don't like me... and I am okay with that. I try to just be myself, and I think that is all everyone should do. It's better to be yourself and have a few people not like you instead of working hard to be someone you aren't just so you feel like you fit in more.

I always think its kind of funny when people try to say that a message board means nothing and its just a computer screen with words on it.....because its not. Its people with opinions and feelings and humor - all different than yours. People you care about and care about you. People you don't like and don't like you. Sounds like real life to me!

And I don't understand the popular vs. unpopular thing either. This happens anytime there is a remotely scandalous post where people disagree. Someone disagrees, someone gets butt hurt, then everyone takes sides and strokes egos. Its not okay to be mean and call names, but it is okay to disagree and its even okay to get butt hurt sometimes! Just like in real life.

We will go on and be happy and post questions and do clicky polls about sex and poop and dinner just like always, but trying to banish any form of snark/off humor/disagreements is crazy talk.

Everyone jst follow these two rules:

#1 - assume best intentions.

#2 - don't be a d#ck.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

mands629:
OhSewCrafty:
mands629:

Snark also means (according to urban dictionary):

Use of sarcasm or malice in speech. Commonly found in the LiveJournal community. also snarky, snarkiness.

~or~

Biting, cruel humor or wit, commonly used to verbally attack someone or something.

Personally, I attribute snark to something like sarcasm. I consider myself snarky at times, just like I consider myself sarcastic at times. Both snark-ism and sarcasm can be funny and appropriate, but it can also get cruel, mean, and hurtful. I'm fine with both as long as it's in good fun, but the moment it crosses over it's not cool. And if I'm the one who tried to be funny using the snark or sarcasm and it comes off as not funny and hurts someone, then I feel really bad. Make sense?

I get what you're saying. What bothers me is the bolded part - there are a gajillion of us here. All it takes is one person to decide what someone wrote isn't acceptable and the "drama" and "snark" and whatever terms get pulled out again. I'm tired of it. It can't be rainbows all the time. I like the debates and conversations where everyone doesn't agree.

Disagreeing =/= awful, worst thing in ever.

No one here has ever pulled out name calling or seriously rude comments. Its mostly opinions, but even those get attacked sometimes if they "come off" as accusatory.

So crosses over = gone too far. Dose that make more sense?

I guess I see going too far as bullying. Snark in a good way = good clean fun. Snark in a bad way could be seen as bullying.

And unfortunately, we're not going to fix what I bolded. Each person is different and has different "snark" tolerances IRL and online, no matter your age or gender. Part of getting to know each other and become "friends" is to know that limit. What pi$$es you off might not be what pi$$es me off and visa versa. Same could be said for snark, too much puppies and rainbows, etc. But that's part of what I like about all of us - we're all different.

Oh no no, I understood what you were saying and I agree. Sorry - I should have clarified. It bothered me because its a fact, not because you said it.

And I know we can't fix it and I wouldn't want to. What I hope people can do is communicate and be up front about what bothers them to gain clarification and understanding -- or agree to disagree. Not post passive responses about large, sweeping groups of people. KWIM?

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

justbeachy109:
MamaPajama2010:
Thanks for asking! I've also been wondering this also. Sarcasm is like air to me... it's just who I am. 99.9% of the time I don't mean it in a negative way. To me, sarcasm =/= mean. ANY type of humor can get mean (not just sarcasm).

Also, I want to know who is "popular" and who is not... lol... this just does not make any sense to me. I think people forget that message boards are like real life. Not everyone is going to like each other. There might be friendship groups formed, but I think they overlap significantly on here... this doesn't make anyone more "popular" than others. I feel like people are trying to say "popular" = mean... and that is just as hurtful to the people they are talking about than what is being accused in the first place! It's just ridiculous to me. It's fine to say mean things about people as long as they aren't the "underdog"??

FWIW, I do not consider myself "popular" in this group. I know that there are people who like me and I know that there are people who don't like me... and I am okay with that. I try to just be myself, and I think that is all everyone should do. It's better to be yourself and have a few people not like you instead of working hard to be someone you aren't just so you feel like you fit in more.
ITA.
I u MP!

For real. ::humps MPs leg::

jillybean800 · March 2012

I guess my definition of snark IRL and here are kind of different, because here is does take a broader definition, more of the second definition.

For the record, I don't mind arguing if we are arguing about an actual topic. I think that's interesting, and I remember lots of passionate talk about breastfeeding, roles of husbands and wives, homosexuality, religion, etc. Sometimes things got hot and people seemed angry, but that's not really what I mind. And sometimes that stuff included cynical humor, etc. that was in good fun and fine.

I guess what turns me off, or what I refer to as snark or drama, is more like arguing about something pointless and it really seems like it might hurt one specific person. Because that to me is more like bullying behavior rather than a bunch of intelligent, but different, women disagreeing, KWIM?

missmuffin87 · March 2012

i think of snark as when someone starts talking like they are better than another person or group of people for whatever reason and their comments are intended to be hurtful. and usually they say their snarky comments in a way that is "funny" but it's never funny to the person being cut down. snark encourages other people to join in and make the target feel foolish.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

Everyone's definitions are so different! Its a good thing, but I'm glad I asked so we all know.

Nicole0012 · March 2012

I think we all know what mean is, however you define it, and there are definitely some meanies on here at times. As adult women we should know what constitutes as being mean, and I don't care what anyone says, there are mean, rude comments that people make that for some reason draw others to make mean, rude comments that somehow "unify" those making the mean comments. (Wow, that was a long sentence. Make sense?)

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

jillybean800:
I guess my definition of snark IRL and here are kind of different, because here is does take a broader definition, more of the second definition.
For the record, I don't mind arguing if we are arguing about an actual topic. I think that's interesting, and I remember lots of passionate talk about breastfeeding, roles of husbands and wives, homosexuality, religion, etc. Sometimes things got hot and people seemed angry, but that's not really what I mind. And sometimes that stuff included cynical humor, etc. that was in good fun and fine.
I guess what turns me off, or what I refer to as snark or drama, is more like arguing about something pointless and it really seems like it might hurt one specific person. Because that to me is more like bullying behavior rather than a bunch of intelligent, but different, women disagreeing, KWIM?

Bullying is definitely one thing that no one should tolerate. I guess I was referring to the thread the other day about the whole hitting thing that eventually derailed.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

Nicole0012:
I think we all know what mean is, however you define it, and there are definitely some meanies on here at times. As adult women we should know what constitutes as being mean, and I don't care what anyone says, there are mean, rude comments that people make that for some reason draw others to make mean, rude comments that somehow "unify" those making the mean comments. (Wow, that was a long sentence. Make sense?)

Yes, your one gigantic run on sentence makes sense. Wink

(Love you, Nicole!)

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

justbeachy109:
OhSewCrafty:
justbeachy109:
I have a sarcastic sense of humor. IRL and online.
Honestly, I think the passive aggressive jabs with the "regs/originals" coming only to cause drama, is worse than the drama thread those comments were referring to in the first place.
I think we can all agree that our lives have been busier now than when we were pregnant and it is harder for some of us to post now like we used to. Me, I am in front of a computer all day at work, so it's easy. Someone else might lurk from their phone, which can be a PITA to respond with, so they just keep lurking unless something really compels them to say something.

When it comes to the regular/original thing, my opinion is this: It doesn't matter when you started posting or even how much you post, its all about how you entered and what you say when you do post. If you came in and introduced yourself and contribute to the board, then cool yo - have fun. If you jump in randomly or post useless things or ONLY attention hor, than that's weird.
This isn't the drive through age range boards - we have been around for years now and like that we (generally) know each other - even the occasional posters and lurkers. That doesn't mean people can't join whenever - they totally can.
It would be like a new Mom showing up to your Moms group IRL without introducing herself, saying, "I've been watching you guys from across the room for a year now, so I know you, but you don't know me - lets have a play date at your house!" Yeah sure, you'll get to know each other, but its weird at first. And NO, this is not directed towards anyone specific, its my general belief about lurkers turned posters.
I like getting to know people, but know that just because you "know" me and some of my stories, I don't know you since you've lurked. Take time to even the playing field so we can have a conversation.

Plus, please don't be passive about it. If you're referring to someone, grow a vulva and call them out. There are a ton of people who have been here "since the beginning." Unless you're talking about every single one of us, please don't use general terms like that.
LOL @ "grow a vulva"
Oh wait. Am I not allowed to laugh?

I never understood telling women to grow a pair, so yeah. Grow a vulva.

babyonthebrain2010 · March 2012

If anybody every needs to let their snark dragon out of it's cage feel free to pm me and we can get down and snarky in private

Just putting that out there.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

babyonthebrain2010:
If anybody every needs to let their snark dragon out of it's cage feel free to pm me and we can get down and snarky in private Just putting that out there.

Snark dragon sounds dirty. Hehehehehe

jillybean800 · March 2012

OhSewCrafty:
jillybean800:
I guess my definition of snark IRL and here are kind of different, because here is does take a broader definition, more of the second definition.
For the record, I don't mind arguing if we are arguing about an actual topic. I think that's interesting, and I remember lots of passionate talk about breastfeeding, roles of husbands and wives, homosexuality, religion, etc. Sometimes things got hot and people seemed angry, but that's not really what I mind. And sometimes that stuff included cynical humor, etc. that was in good fun and fine.
I guess what turns me off, or what I refer to as snark or drama, is more like arguing about something pointless and it really seems like it might hurt one specific person. Because that to me is more like bullying behavior rather than a bunch of intelligent, but different, women disagreeing, KWIM?
Bullying is definitely one thing that no one should tolerate. I guess I was referring to the thread the other day about the whole hitting thing that eventually derailed.

Yeah, but I didn't really think that one was that bad though. I know that I posted something like, peace, December moms, but I didn't think anyone was like, getting their ass handed to them in that one or anything. And it was a legit topic, you know?

lswivel · March 2012

rachelrm87:
i think of snark as when someone starts talking like they are better than another person or group of people for whatever reason and their comments are intended to be hurtful. and usually they say their snarky comments in a way that is "funny" but it's never funny to the person being cut down. snark encourages other people to join in and make the target feel foolish.

I agree with this.

[Deleted User] · March 2012

I think snark is fine, but then I see it as a kind of sarcastic humor. Snark =/= bullying, and I don't like bullying. It's all fun & games until someone loses an eye.

As far as old vs new or whatever, I agree with OSC. Don't generalize, and please speak to the person you mean. Be it me, or justbeachy, or who ever (just what popped into my head, not picking on people.)

We really have been around each other for 2 years. We've welcomed new people along the way & said goodbye to several as well. I agree that lurkers know us, but we don't know them. A little give & take goes a long way. Let us know you a little before jumping right in like you own the place. No one owns here. It's a community.

com?mu?ni?ty/k?'myo?onite/

Noun:

A group of people living together in one place, esp. one practicing common ownership: "a community of nuns".

Except without the nuns part. lol.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

sofamonkey:
I think snark is fine, but then I see it as a kind of sarcastic humor. Snark =/= bullying, and I don't like bullying. It's all fun & games until someone loses an eye.

As far as old vs new or whatever, I agree with OSC. Don't generalize, and please speak to the person you mean. Be it me, or justbeachy, or who ever (just what popped into my head, not picking on people.)

We really have been around each other for 2 years. We've welcomed new people along the way & said goodbye to several as well. I agree that lurkers know us, but we don't know them. A little give & take goes a long way. Let us know you a little before jumping right in like you own the place. No one owns here. It's a community.

com?mu?ni?ty/k?'myo?onite/

Noun:

A group of people living together in one place, esp. one practicing common ownership: "a community of nuns".
Except without the nuns part. lol.

[Deleted User] · March 2012

justbeachy109:
jillybean800:
OhSewCrafty:
jillybean800:

I guess my definition of snark IRL and here are kind of different, because here is does take a broader definition, more of the second definition.

For the record, I don't mind arguing if we are arguing about an actual topic. I think that's interesting, and I remember lots of passionate talk about breastfeeding, roles of husbands and wives, homosexuality, religion, etc. Sometimes things got hot and people seemed angry, but that's not really what I mind. And sometimes that stuff included cynical humor, etc. that was in good fun and fine.

I guess what turns me off, or what I refer to as snark or drama, is more like arguing about something pointless and it really seems like it might hurt one specific person. Because that to me is more like bullying behavior rather than a bunch of intelligent, but different, women disagreeing, KWIM?

Bullying is definitely one thing that no one should tolerate. I guess I was referring to the thread the other day about the whole hitting thing that eventually derailed.

Yeah, but I didn't really think that one was that bad though. I know that I posted something like, peace, December moms, but I didn't think anyone was like, getting their ass handed to them in that one or anything. And it was a legit topic, you know?

I'm sorry, but this kind of bugs me. I am not trying to be mean, snarky,or whatever. I am just being honest in saying that who gets to decide what a "legit topic" is?

IMO, a topic is a topic, and someone can either choose to participate in the thread or not.

I'm thinking legit topic = subject. Illegitimate = call out.

lswivel · March 2012

OhSewCrafty:
sofamonkey:
I think snark is fine, but then I see it as a kind of sarcastic humor. Snark =/= bullying, and I don't like bullying. It's all fun & games until someone loses an eye.

As far as old vs new or whatever, I agree with OSC. Don't generalize, and please speak to the person you mean. Be it me, or justbeachy, or who ever (just what popped into my head, not picking on people.)

We really have been around each other for 2 years. We've welcomed new people along the way & said goodbye to several as well. I agree that lurkers know us, but we don't know them. A little give & take goes a long way. Let us know you a little before jumping right in like you own the place. No one owns here. It's a community.

com?mu?ni?ty/k?'myo?onite/

Noun:

A group of people living together in one place, esp. one practicing common ownership: "a community of nuns".
Except without the nuns part. lol.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

justbeachy109:
jillybean800:
OhSewCrafty:
jillybean800:
I guess my definition of snark IRL and here are kind of different, because here is does take a broader definition, more of the second definition.
For the record, I don't mind arguing if we are arguing about an actual topic. I think that's interesting, and I remember lots of passionate talk about breastfeeding, roles of husbands and wives, homosexuality, religion, etc. Sometimes things got hot and people seemed angry, but that's not really what I mind. And sometimes that stuff included cynical humor, etc. that was in good fun and fine.
I guess what turns me off, or what I refer to as snark or drama, is more like arguing about something pointless and it really seems like it might hurt one specific person. Because that to me is more like bullying behavior rather than a bunch of intelligent, but different, women disagreeing, KWIM?
Bullying is definitely one thing that no one should tolerate. I guess I was referring to the thread the other day about the whole hitting thing that eventually derailed.
Yeah, but I didn't really think that one was that bad though. I know that I posted something like, peace, December moms, but I didn't think anyone was like, getting their ass handed to them in that one or anything. And it was a legit topic, you know?
I'm sorry, but this kind of bugs me. I am not trying to be mean, snarky,or whatever. I am just being honest in saying that who gets to decide what a "legit topic" is?
IMO, a topic is a topic, and someone can either choose to participate in the thread or not.

This is true. Just like the definition of what is "snarky" - everyone is going to have a different view of what is a legitimate topic worth talking about and what is a dramatic waste of time. Yes, some are much clearer than others, but it goes back to either ignoring topics you don't like/care to read and calling people out if you feel hurt or have an opinion about something.

Its not WHAT we talk about, its HOW we go about it. We could have a rousing talk about Coke vs. Pepsi. Legitimate? Not really - its pretty silly, but we can still talk about it with some tact.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

sofamonkey:
justbeachy109:
jillybean800:
OhSewCrafty:
jillybean800:

I guess my definition of snark IRL and here are kind of different, because here is does take a broader definition, more of the second definition.

For the record, I don't mind arguing if we are arguing about an actual topic. I think that's interesting, and I remember lots of passionate talk about breastfeeding, roles of husbands and wives, homosexuality, religion, etc. Sometimes things got hot and people seemed angry, but that's not really what I mind. And sometimes that stuff included cynical humor, etc. that was in good fun and fine.

I guess what turns me off, or what I refer to as snark or drama, is more like arguing about something pointless and it really seems like it might hurt one specific person. Because that to me is more like bullying behavior rather than a bunch of intelligent, but different, women disagreeing, KWIM?

Bullying is definitely one thing that no one should tolerate. I guess I was referring to the thread the other day about the whole hitting thing that eventually derailed.

Yeah, but I didn't really think that one was that bad though. I know that I posted something like, peace, December moms, but I didn't think anyone was like, getting their ass handed to them in that one or anything. And it was a legit topic, you know?

I'm sorry, but this kind of bugs me. I am not trying to be mean, snarky,or whatever. I am just being honest in saying that who gets to decide what a "legit topic" is?

IMO, a topic is a topic, and someone can either choose to participate in the thread or not.

I'm thinking legit topic = subject. Illegitimate = call out.

Do you mean that all call outs are illegitimate topics? Or illegitimate topics should be called out?

Not all call outs are totally illegitimate and unfounded. I think we've had our fair share of appropriate call outs around here over the years! lol

[Deleted User] · March 2012

OhSewCrafty:
sofamonkey:
justbeachy109:
jillybean800:
OhSewCrafty:
jillybean800:

I guess my definition of snark IRL and here are kind of different, because here is does take a broader definition, more of the second definition.

For the record, I don't mind arguing if we are arguing about an actual topic. I think that's interesting, and I remember lots of passionate talk about breastfeeding, roles of husbands and wives, homosexuality, religion, etc. Sometimes things got hot and people seemed angry, but that's not really what I mind. And sometimes that stuff included cynical humor, etc. that was in good fun and fine.

I guess what turns me off, or what I refer to as snark or drama, is more like arguing about something pointless and it really seems like it might hurt one specific person. Because that to me is more like bullying behavior rather than a bunch of intelligent, but different, women disagreeing, KWIM?

Bullying is definitely one thing that no one should tolerate. I guess I was referring to the thread the other day about the whole hitting thing that eventually derailed.

Yeah, but I didn't really think that one was that bad though. I know that I posted something like, peace, December moms, but I didn't think anyone was like, getting their ass handed to them in that one or anything. And it was a legit topic, you know?

I'm sorry, but this kind of bugs me. I am not trying to be mean, snarky,or whatever. I am just being honest in saying that who gets to decide what a "legit topic" is?

IMO, a topic is a topic, and someone can either choose to participate in the thread or not.

I'm thinking legit topic = subject. Illegitimate = call out.

Do you mean that all call outs are illegitimate topics? Or illegitimate topics should be called out?

Not all call outs are totally illegitimate and unfounded. I think we've had our fair share of appropriate call outs around here over the years! lol

I don't know what you mean. ::cough, CLJ, cough::

MamaPajama2010 · March 2012

justbeachy109:
jillybean800:
OhSewCrafty:
jillybean800:

I guess my definition of snark IRL and here are kind of different, because here is does take a broader definition, more of the second definition.

For the record, I don't mind arguing if we are arguing about an actual topic. I think that's interesting, and I remember lots of passionate talk about breastfeeding, roles of husbands and wives, homosexuality, religion, etc. Sometimes things got hot and people seemed angry, but that's not really what I mind. And sometimes that stuff included cynical humor, etc. that was in good fun and fine.

I guess what turns me off, or what I refer to as snark or drama, is more like arguing about something pointless and it really seems like it might hurt one specific person. Because that to me is more like bullying behavior rather than a bunch of intelligent, but different, women disagreeing, KWIM?

Bullying is definitely one thing that no one should tolerate. I guess I was referring to the thread the other day about the whole hitting thing that eventually derailed.

Yeah, but I didn't really think that one was that bad though. I know that I posted something like, peace, December moms, but I didn't think anyone was like, getting their ass handed to them in that one or anything. And it was a legit topic, you know?

I'm sorry, but this kind of bugs me. I am not trying to be mean, snarky,or whatever. I am just being honest in saying that who gets to decide what a "legit topic" is?

IMO, a topic is a topic, and someone can either choose to participate in the thread or not.

I'm not trying to be mean or snarky, either. But I agree with JB on this one. I am assuming that you mean that the JBM thread was NOT legit, right Jilly? Well, to me it was. She lied (yes she apologized and I have moved on, but it was brought back up). If we all just say it's NBD to lie to each other then I do not want to be part of the group. If it is NBD what she did, why was it an issue when CLJ did it? Yes, I understand that lying about having a child is different than lying about deleting children... but either way it breaks the trust of the community. I was not intending to bully JBM (and I don't feel like I did-- and I am sorry if she felt like I was), but I was trying to see if she actually was lying and then have her realize that it is something that really bothers me.

[Deleted User] · March 2012

justbeachy109:
sofamonkey:
justbeachy109:
jillybean800:
OhSewCrafty:
jillybean800:

I guess my definition of snark IRL and here are kind of different, because here is does take a broader definition, more of the second definition.

For the record, I don't mind arguing if we are arguing about an actual topic. I think that's interesting, and I remember lots of passionate talk about breastfeeding, roles of husbands and wives, homosexuality, religion, etc. Sometimes things got hot and people seemed angry, but that's not really what I mind. And sometimes that stuff included cynical humor, etc. that was in good fun and fine.

I guess what turns me off, or what I refer to as snark or drama, is more like arguing about something pointless and it really seems like it might hurt one specific person. Because that to me is more like bullying behavior rather than a bunch of intelligent, but different, women disagreeing, KWIM?

Bullying is definitely one thing that no one should tolerate. I guess I was referring to the thread the other day about the whole hitting thing that eventually derailed.

Yeah, but I didn't really think that one was that bad though. I know that I posted something like, peace, December moms, but I didn't think anyone was like, getting their ass handed to them in that one or anything. And it was a legit topic, you know?

I'm sorry, but this kind of bugs me. I am not trying to be mean, snarky,or whatever. I am just being honest in saying that who gets to decide what a "legit topic" is?

IMO, a topic is a topic, and someone can either choose to participate in the thread or not.

I'm thinking legit topic = subject. Illegitimate = call out.

See, I think a call out can be a subject. lol I guess it is one of things that can be different for everyone.

See, that's me totally putting words in jilly's mouth. Some people think call outs are totally worthless too. I, however, am not one of those people. Clearly.

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

justbeachy109:
sofamonkey:
OhSewCrafty:
Do you mean that all call outs are illegitimate topics? Or illegitimate topics should be called out?

Not all call outs are totally illegitimate and unfounded. I think we've had our fair share of appropriate call outs around here over the years! lol
I don't know what you mean. ::cough, CLJ, cough::
That was the call out of all call outs here. It was one of the reasons of The December '10 Great Divide", right?

Shhhhhh.....the others will hear you. Stick out tongue

OhSewCrafty · March 2012

sofamonkey:
justbeachy109:
sofamonkey:
justbeachy109:
jillybean800:
OhSewCrafty:
jillybean800:

I guess my definition of snark IRL and here are kind of different, because here is does take a broader definition, more of the second definition.

For the record, I don't mind arguing if we are arguing about an actual topic. I think that's interesting, and I remember lots of passionate talk about breastfeeding, roles of husbands and wives, homosexuality, religion, etc. Sometimes things got hot and people seemed angry, but that's not really what I mind. And sometimes that stuff included cynical humor, etc. that was in good fun and fine.

I guess what turns me off, or what I refer to as snark or drama, is more like arguing about something pointless and it really seems like it might hurt one specific person. Because that to me is more like bullying behavior rather than a bunch of intelligent, but different, women disagreeing, KWIM?

Bullying is definitely one thing that no one should tolerate. I guess I was referring to the thread the other day about the whole hitting thing that eventually derailed.

Yeah, but I didn't really think that one was that bad though. I know that I posted something like, peace, December moms, but I didn't think anyone was like, getting their ass handed to them in that one or anything. And it was a legit topic, you know?

I'm sorry, but this kind of bugs me. I am not trying to be mean, snarky,or whatever. I am just being honest in saying that who gets to decide what a "legit topic" is?

IMO, a topic is a topic, and someone can either choose to participate in the thread or not.

I'm thinking legit topic = subject. Illegitimate = call out.

See, I think a call out can be a subject. lol I guess it is one of things that can be different for everyone.

See, that's me totally putting words in jilly's mouth. Some people think call outs are totally worthless too. I, however, am not one of those people. Clearly.

Your pic made me LOL

[Deleted User] · March 2012

justbeachy109:
sofamonkey:
OhSewCrafty:

Do you mean that all call outs are illegitimate topics? Or illegitimate topics should be called out?

Not all call outs are totally illegitimate and unfounded. I think we've had our fair share of appropriate call outs around here over the years! lol

I don't know what you mean. ::cough, CLJ, cough::

That was the call out of all call outs here. It was one of the reasons of The December '10 Great Divide", right?

Ah, the good 'ol days. The start of us vs. them. ::gigglesnort::

[Deleted User] · March 2012

OhSewCrafty:
justbeachy109:
sofamonkey:
OhSewCrafty:

Do you mean that all call outs are illegitimate topics? Or illegitimate topics should be called out?

Not all call outs are totally illegitimate and unfounded. I think we've had our fair share of appropriate call outs around here over the years! lol

I don't know what you mean. ::cough, CLJ, cough::

That was the call out of all call outs here. It was one of the reasons of The December '10 Great Divide", right?

Shhhhhh.....the others will hear you.

Batsignal. Don't make me PIP upinthisbitch.

Mommysaurus123 · March 2012

Were the "popular" comments about what I said?

I guess I'm just thinking that there are some people who come on here and it seems like everyone is just kind of kissing their butts all the time, showering them with rose petals... I don't know. And I couldn't even tell you who because I truly don't look at many of the names of the posters. I know OSC because of her siggy, but that's pretty much it.

Every time I log on, I just kind of start with a clean slate, and don't look at who's posting what (unless it's something really serious, because I truly do pray for you girls in tough situations).

I think the "bump crush" threads kind of showed that there are some posters who are more liked than others, and I appreciate the honesty that many of you have, in that you are honest to everyone all the time, like SM has been with me frequently. But I do think there are people who just materialize and some others might just follow their lead with snark, rudeness, sarcasm, etc, just to show their support of a "queen bee" figure.

But as I said, I really don't keep track. And it might not be that way at all. It's just that so much can get lost in translation in the online world, and things come across differently, so maybe it's not happening but I'm just interpreting.

jillybean800 · March 2012

It's ok if you disagree with me. But I just think that call-outs are something that probably would be better suited for a pm. Then that person would have just explained to the other and it probably would just end. I also think that lying because you are embarrassed is kind of natural (as opposed to pretending you have a fetus in you, haha). I just think the thread kind of quickly turned into a "and who does she think she is posting so much" which was more mean-spirited than a "why did you lie" kind of thing which is more legitimate. And I guess that's where I saw it get more out of hand and all I kept thinking about was that if it was me I would feel so bad about myself.

Look, it's just that I see a lot of internet bullying (high school girls...need I say more?) and I see what it does to these young girls. When it gets personal I feel bad because I can't help but think if it was me, and people started saying that the stuff I post is stupid and inappropriate, I would feel terrible. That's all. And it's fine if you disagree with it, I am not trying to be mean or snarky in what I am saying either.

Hope that's ok

Mommysaurus123 · March 2012

jillybean800:
It's ok if you disagree with me. But I just think that call-outs are something that probably would be better suited for a pm. Then that person would have just explained to the other and it probably would just end. I also think that lying because you are embarrassed is kind of natural (as opposed to pretending you have a fetus in you, haha). I just think the thread kind of quickly turned into a "and who does she think she is posting so much" which was more mean-spirited than a "why did you lie" kind of thing which is more legitimate. And I guess that's where I saw it get more out of hand and all I kept thinking about was that if it was me I would feel so bad about myself.
Look, it's just that I see a lot of internet bullying (high school girls...need I say more?) and I see what it does to these young girls. When it gets personal I feel bad because I can't help but think if it was me, and people started saying that the stuff I post is stupid and inappropriate, I would feel terrible. That's all. And it's fine if you disagree with it, I am not trying to be mean or snarky in what I am saying either.
Hope that's ok

Yes

MamaPajama2010 · March 2012

jillybean800:

It's ok if you disagree with me. But I just think that call-outs are something that probably would be better suited for a pm. Then that person would have just explained to the other and it probably would just end. I also think that lying because you are embarrassed is kind of natural (as opposed to pretending you have a fetus in you, haha). I just think the thread kind of quickly turned into a "and who does she think she is posting so much" which was more mean-spirited than a "why did you lie" kind of thing which is more legitimate. And I guess that's where I saw it get more out of hand and all I kept thinking about was that if it was me I would feel so bad about myself.

Look, it's just that I see a lot of internet bullying (high school girls...need I say more?) and I see what it does to these young girls. When it gets personal I feel bad because I can't help but think if it was me, and people started saying that the stuff I post is stupid and inappropriate, I would feel terrible. That's all. And it's fine if you disagree with it, I am not trying to be mean or snarky in what I am saying either.

Hope that's ok

No, I totally get what you are saying and I totally agree. I think that the thread went overboard, too. The only thing I disagreed on was that several people (not just you) were brushing it off as not legit or nbd. Lying because you are embarrassed might be natural, but it doesn't mean it is right. I don't appreciate it no matter what the motives are. I agree that bullying is wrong, but I think that everyone needs to remember that it goes both ways (not directed at you, Jilly). I know I already said this, but if someone says it is bullying to say "wow, you are so annoying" but then turns around to the bully and says "wow, you are such a biiitch"-- what kind of message is that sending?

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