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3rd Trimester
advice.. grandmother wants to be called "mama"
My mother in law wants her grandma name to be "mama (with an accent over the second a). " This is too close to mama for me. My sister in law just had a baby too and got shot down when she tried to suggest other grandma names, so she just gave up and doesn't care anymore. To me mama is the mom's name, not the grandma's. My mother in law likes the name because her mom died young and everyone called her grandmother mama. She thinks that anything else makes her sound too old. How would you handle this situation without trying to cause any hurt feelings. We've always had a good relationship, but this is crossing the line for me. Any suggestions of other grandma names that don't sound old. Already refused were: Grandma, Granny, Grammy, Abuela, Abue, Gran, and Nana.
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Re: advice.. grandmother wants to be called "mama"
I would just start calling her whatever you want to call her. Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to stop her from referring to herself as mama if that's what she wants to do.
H's grandma is Big Mama. Maybe she would go for that?
DH and I firmly believe that grandparents don't get to choose their name, the child will establish it organically when they start to speak. Same goes for aunts and uncles. We just think it's a little presumptuous to tell our child what to call you as a term of endearment.
So everyone starts out as Grandma/Grandpa last name and Aunt/Uncle first name. If LO starts calling them something on their own, then we'll adopt that, too. Just seems so much sweeter and genuine for that to actually come from the child themselves.
We went through the ringer with my MIL about names. She refused to be called ANYTHING that reflected that she was a grandmother. Her only suggestion was that she be called KayKay (her name is Kathy). I hate it but finally give up the battle. Hoping that LO picks out something different when he starts talking.
The mama thing would get to me too. Maybe try Mimi as PP suggested. Or even Mama "first name" would be better. I've know people to do that too.
Noni, MeMaw, MeMe.
No a fvxking chance would I let anyone but ME go my mama! I don't care where the accent goes!
I always thought that the child picks the name. Before my niece was born, my dad wanted to be called Grandpop, b/c that's what his dad was called before he passed. But when my niece came along (she was the 1st baby in the family), she started calling him Poppy. So now he's Poppy. And she started calling my mom Nana, so now she's Nana. And I imagine that's what the rest of the kids will call them, b/c they'll hear it so much.
So maybe your child or your SIL's child will just call her something else and she'll have to learn to live with it.
My grandmother told me to call her Grandmuah and not to call her Grandmaw so for the longest time I actually called her Grandmother.
The only thing I could see as being a close compromise is Nana...
Mama is reserved for the person who gave birth to the child...I think it's stupid to nitpick over that stuff though. My grandmother did it because she's old south and thought it sounded like trash when people said Grandmaw.
Your MIL can b*tch, whine, moan, and cry to her heart's content as she attempts to get her way with the nickname, but even Santa Claus couldn't prevent your LO from calling your MIL whatever he or she wants.
Example:
My grandmother wanted to be called "grandma." Simple enough, right?
Nope.
I somehow mutilated "grandma" into becoming "gurny" (yeah, like the hospital bed) and I never called her anything else.
Your LO will make that call...and MIL has zero control over that.
Oh, and I'd be annoyed too...
My mom and dad wanted to be called Grammy and Grandpop. Well when my DS started talking it came out as Mimi and Poppop. So that's what they are.
My MIL is Grandmom. She had another grandson, and that's what she was. No biggie. Alot of times my DS's spend so much time with my mom they slip and call my MIL Mimi. She hates that.
My grandmother and grandfather didn't pick anything. My kids just started calling them Grandmom Grandmom and Grandpop Grandpop. It is hilariously adorable and no one will ever correct them! My poor Grandma signing cards though, LOL. She eventually just started sigining GMGM and GPGP. LOL.
My DH's grandma was "Great". I don't know how that came about. But it did.
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DD - 5.2012 - Successful Vbac
I know someone who goes by Mama Sue since she thinks everything else makes her sound old. Maybe if you put her first name after mama it would sound a little more removed from mom, mama, mommy, etc.
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I agree with PP that the LO will call them whatever they call them. With my grandma on my Dad's side I somehow started calling her Grandma That. That is also what my brother and sister call her. She hated it at first, but now it's no biggie.
Also, I don't understand the whole "I don't want to be called Grandma b/c it makes me feel old" trend. **NEWS FLASH** you ARE older!! (probably the same age as your parents were when you had us) Deal with it. (Rude I know...sorry)
hahahaha
What about using grandmama'?
In all honesty LO will have much more influence on what your MIL will be called than any of you do. My dad's parents were Nanny (which is family tradition on his mom's side) and Bompy. And Bompy got his name because my oldest cousin couldn't say the "gr" sound in Grampy so it sounded like Bompy.
You can guide your LO to what you are ok with calling your MIL. And there are options that are similar to mama (with it's odd accent) that could work for you. I saw PPs have suggested some- Mimi, Memaw, etc. I also had an ex that called his grandmother Memme (sp?). Apparently it's the nick name for the French word for grandmother.
As it is I'm hoping DH and I get out of the habit of using Brown Grammy when LO gets here. It's what we refer to MIL as when she comes over and our cats go into hidding. I think that since it's just us calling her Brown Grammy it's OK- H is the one who started it- but I'm not sure how others will take it since she's black and I'm not.
My mom is Mimi and I don't think that's too old-lady-sounding. SIL's mom went through a phase where she wanted to be Gigi ("G" for grandmom and then just bc she liked Gigi) but that didnt stick.
I had a friend in college who called her grandmother Mama - it was something similar, she wanted to be called grandma-MA with the accent on the last syllable, but my friend (first grandchild) couldn't say that as a child so just called her Mama. no one in their family even associated "mama" with the name of a mother - because they associated it with the grandmother. I have also known people who referred to their grandparents as "Ma" and "Pa" so I dont think it's that unusual to use a name that is traditionally for the parents as a name for the grandparents.
Maybe just wait and see what the baby calls her? Sometimes they pick their own names.
My MIL also wants to be 'mama' and FIL wants to be 'dede'.
I just flat out said "not gonna happen, end of story".
When I say 'end of story' to them, they know that I will open a can of whoopass on them if they press the subject.
BTW, dede is pronounced deh-deh. Also, my ILs are idiots.
Momma I would make a big deal over...
But being from a southern family, my cousins & I called my dad's mom Meemaw & my cousins called my mom's mom Mammaw (pronounced like M'am-maw), I've also heard of Mama (Pronounced like M'am-ma)... Aside from the variances of Nana & Grandma these are all traditional names.
My MIL wants to be Bousha (sp?) which is the Polish equivalent to Grandma... both the hubby and my BIL are fighting her on it. I just sit back and let them because I know baby will eventually pick a name for her.
My MIL wanted the same thing, to be called Mama. I did not fully understand her explanation but basically DH is chinese and the chinese word to call the husbands mother is one word, and mama is the cutesy shortened up version of it. I was too uncomfortable with this and told my husband no way. She already is trying to play way to much of a roll in this and would prefer my LO to not call me and her both the same name, or close to it.
Call her what you are comfortable with, or what your LO will be comfortable with.
As if! I wouldn't like my MIL wanting to be called Mama either!!
She has to accept the fact that she is a "grandma", regardless of whether or not she feels old. Your baby is not going to call her Mama. Just start calling her grandma or whatever name you think is appropriate. Maybe she would like to be called "Yaya" (my sisters MIL uses this), or another little nickname.
My grandmother for example is called "GG" (for Great Grandma) for our kids and all of my siblings/cousins kids. She loves it, it's easy, etc.
Good luck!
Yeah - I'm with ya - mama (regardless of what vowel is stressed) is waaaay to close to Momma.
My MIL goes my GiGi.
My neighbors, who are spanish (I noticed you had Abuela as an option) goes by Bella (instead of Buela) and it seems to work.
Good Luck!
DS #1 born 05/25/2012
BFP#2: 06/12/2013 ---- loss
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BPF#4: 2/1/2016 --- 2/23/2016 suspected molar pregnancy--- 3/15/2016 D&E - diagnosis MM
BFP#5 - 9/22/2016
* formally bornmommy
My MIL insists that her grandchildren call her "mommy". Can you believe that cr*p? Worse yet, my niece actually calls her that.
MY child is not calling her mommy, or momma, or anything of the sort. If she keeps that cr*p up, she'll be known as evil f*cking cow.
If it bothers you (and it would me) I would put your foot down now. If you let her walk over you on this, you are setting yourself up for problems down the road. I would tell her that you are not comfortable with having LO call her mama as that is a known and calculated milestone for babies. You are mama and not her.