Need a little advice

Re: Need a little advice

• weddedwife member

  February 2012

  Forgive me, I don't remember exactly your story. But I'm assuming you had a later loss since you're here?

  I've had a few people say they experienced something "similar". And it turns out that what they meant by that is that they had an early miscarriage. It always leaves me feeling a little stranded. While I don't doubt that it caused them pain, it is just not the same thing. I had to hold my dead baby, name him & bring his ashes home in an urn. It's just so much more real that you are losing a baby when you're more than halfway through your pregnancy.

  (The leader of my grief group, on the other hand, would disagree. She says, "Grief is grief". She suffered many miscarriages and said it's like giving birth every time, just on a smaller scale.) 

  I don't want to discourage you from contacting her, but you might want to be prepared for her to tell you she suffered an early miscarriage. I could be wrong, but this has been my experience.

  If you do decide to contact her, you could just say something simple like, "I'd really like to talk to someone in person about this experience, if you're open to it". I wouldn't worry about the amount of time that has passed. If she's willing to chat, she probably will be regardless of when the card was sent. 

  

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• pb&fluff member

  February 2012

  weddedwife:

  Forgive me, I don't remember exactly your story. But I'm assuming you had a later loss since you're here?

  I've had a few people say they experienced something "similar". And it turns out that what they meant by that is that they had an early miscarriage. It always leaves me feeling a little stranded. While I don't doubt that it caused them pain, it is just not the same thing. I had to hold my dead baby, name him & bring his ashes home in an urn. It's just so much more real that you are losing a baby when you're more than halfway through your pregnancy.

  (The leader of my grief group, on the other hand, would disagree. She says, "Grief is grief". She suffered many miscarriages and said it's like giving birth every time, just on a smaller scale.) 

  I don't want to discourage you from contacting her, but you might want to be prepared for her to tell you she suffered an early miscarriage. I could be wrong, but this has been my experience.

  If you do decide to contact her, you could just say something simple like, "I'd really like to talk to someone in person about this experience, if you're open to it". I wouldn't worry about the amount of time that has passed. If she's willing to chat, she probably will be regardless of when the card was sent. 

  I totally agree with all of this.  GL!
  

  
  
  "You know my name, not my story.
  You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
  If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
  
  

  
  

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• littlepenguin2012 member

  February 2012

  Thanks for the help.  The idea of an early miscarriage didn't occur to me, but seems likely.   Maybe I will hold off, since I agree with your above statement that it really isn't the same or "similar".  Thanks!

  

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