Need a little advice

littlepenguin2012

We received a card from a department that I work with right after the funeral.   I have more of a consulting role with this department, so I have met everyone, but not worked closely with them.

Anyway, in the card one of the members of the department mentioned that they had experienced something "similar".  I would really like a IRL person to talk to, so I have been thinking about emailing, but it seems kind of weird to me.  Also, it's been a while since we got the card...

 Would I be nuts to contact this person?  From what I know of them, they are really nice.  What would I possibly say??   

weddedwife

Forgive me, I don't remember exactly your story. But I'm assuming you had a later loss since you're here?

I've had a few people say they experienced something "similar". And it turns out that what they meant by that is that they had an early miscarriage. It always leaves me feeling a little stranded. While I don't doubt that it caused them pain, it is just not the same thing. I had to hold my dead baby, name him & bring his ashes home in an urn. It's just so much more real that you are losing a baby when you're more than halfway through your pregnancy.

(The leader of my grief group, on the other hand, would disagree. She says, "Grief is grief". She suffered many miscarriages and said it's like giving birth every time, just on a smaller scale.) 

I don't want to discourage you from contacting her, but you might want to be prepared for her to tell you she suffered an early miscarriage. I could be wrong, but this has been my experience.

If you do decide to contact her, you could just say something simple like, "I'd really like to talk to someone in person about this experience, if you're open to it". I wouldn't worry about the amount of time that has passed. If she's willing to chat, she probably will be regardless of when the card was sent. 

pb&fluff

weddedwife:

Forgive me, I don't remember exactly your story. But I'm assuming you had a later loss since you're here?

I've had a few people say they experienced something "similar". And it turns out that what they meant by that is that they had an early miscarriage. It always leaves me feeling a little stranded. While I don't doubt that it caused them pain, it is just not the same thing. I had to hold my dead baby, name him & bring his ashes home in an urn. It's just so much more real that you are losing a baby when you're more than halfway through your pregnancy.

(The leader of my grief group, on the other hand, would disagree. She says, "Grief is grief". She suffered many miscarriages and said it's like giving birth every time, just on a smaller scale.) 

I don't want to discourage you from contacting her, but you might want to be prepared for her to tell you she suffered an early miscarriage. I could be wrong, but this has been my experience.

If you do decide to contact her, you could just say something simple like, "I'd really like to talk to someone in person about this experience, if you're open to it". I wouldn't worry about the amount of time that has passed. If she's willing to chat, she probably will be regardless of when the card was sent. 

I totally agree with all of this.  GL!

littlepenguin2012

Thanks for the help.  The idea of an early miscarriage didn't occur to me, but seems likely.   Maybe I will hold off, since I agree with your above statement that it really isn't the same or "similar".  Thanks!