Let's Talk About Age, Baby!

mork · February 2012

I often see references to age while TTCAL, and made such a reference today. I'm 33 and we would like 3 or 4 kids (although we have reserved the right to stop at 2 if we find that's all we can handle Smile ). I would, ideally, like to be done by 40, although I am willing to go up to 45, if we need/want to. (I am willing to be pg back-to-back if my doctors and loss rate allow it.)

Anyway, it seems that others (no one specifically comes to mind, I just vaguely remember some old posts) have much lower age cut-offs. For example, it seems a lot of people don't want to be pg after 35. I was on the other end, in that I didn't want to be pg before 30, and am not as concerned with the older end of the range. So, I guess I'm asking what everybody's personal age range acceptance is, and why.

Thanks for feeding my curiosity. Big Smile

ETA: Added to title, in honor of BEB. Wink

LEP424 · February 2012

I am almost 29 and DH just turned 34. We have not talked about cut-off age. We are more concerned about trying to project which deployments will materialize how we will "plan" around DH being here for conception and delivery. I use "plan" loosely because we all clearly know how that works out.

katekate628 · February 2012

Happy Saturday Mork!

I am currently 31, will be 32 in June. DH is 32, will be 33 in April. Honestly, I hope to have a LO by the time I'm 35. I just worry so much about the risks. We would like to have at least 2 LOs but who knows what God has in store for us. At this point, I am just hoping for 1 take home baby, if God gives us the opportunity to have more then we are all for it!

I always keep in mind that my aunt had twins at 42, and my uncle was 50! So, I would definitely like to be finished before that. LOL

Good luck and FX for a BFP & take home baby!

maxsom · February 2012

I'm also 33. We only want one of our own (DH has 3 from previous relationships) and I'd be willing to give myself till 40 to have our one, though I truly hope it doesn't take that long. DH, on the other hand, is 41 and was concerned about his age and having another kid when we first got married three years ago as it is. So, I don't think he'd want to keep trying that long. He hasn't expressed a cut off age for himself and I think if we have a third m/c, it will have to be discussed how long he's willing to keep trying. He doesn't want to be the super old dad, though now that us having a child has become more of a reality, I get the impression he wants it more than ever, so he may not be quite as concerned about his age as he was once upon a time.

katharine25 · February 2012

I'm 30, but approaching 31 very soon. DH is 10 years older, but a youthful 40. In an ideal world, I would like to have 2 before I'm 35, so they are close in age. Who knows what will really happen, At the very least I want one child, no matter the course that brings it about.

shanrob · February 2012

When I got married at 29, DH and I decided we may want to have 5 children. I had hoped to have my family complete by age 38 (don't know why I picked that arbitrary number). I will be 35 in August and DH is 38 so it is unlikely that we will be blessed with 5 kids. And now that we struggle with difficulties, I feel like my age "limit" will be increased. Now, I feel like 40 is that magic number for when we will "throw in the towel", so to speak. But talk to me again when I am 38-40, and if we are still in the same boat, I bet I would be willing to push that number up yet again.

ETA: To answer your "why" question, it is basically because I am already high-risk for a variety of reasons, and it has been proven that "advanced maternal age" (I hate that term), has shown increased risks.

panacea05 · February 2012

I just turned 28, and I've always wanted to be done having children by 32--so I'm 50 when the last one graduates high school, and DH and I will still be young enough to travel and enjoy our grandchildren. However, my loss has taught me that we don't always have control over our family planning, and if we don't have at least one boy and one girl by then, we'll still be trying. I guess my new tentative cut-off is 35ish.

mork · February 2012

Thanks for your input ladies. I find the different view points very interesting! Carry on!

katekate628:
Happy Saturday Mork!

At this point, I am just hoping for 1 take home baby.

Happy Saturday Kate!

I totally hear you on that! In reality, I just want a take home baby too! I guess my age and # of children comments and curiosity are coming from that dream world part of me. You know, if we could actually plan. Wouldn't that be nice!?

JP2323 · February 2012

We got married at 23 and he was ready at 25. I was so not ready to have kids at 25!! When we turned 28 we were ready to start trying. I got PG at 29 and was thrilled because I thought it would be great to have 1 child at 30. Well a month before I turned 30 I had a MC. So I'm not 30 and no child and I would like to not go past 35. My mom was over the age of 35 when she got remarried and had 2 other kids and I see as the kids get older the harder it is on my mom & stepfather. They should be retired and living in FL instead they have a 16 and 11 year old! My stepfather is 11 years older than my mom too.

delino · February 2012

I always said that I wanted a baby in my arms by the time I was 30. My husband was never ready and we had other issues that we had to deal with. So then I wanted to be pregnant by the time I was 30....did that twice with finding out the second one on my 30th birthday. I would love to be done before turning 35, but I don't know if I would say that's my cut-off. I thought I would have 3 children, but now consider myself truly lucky if I can have just one.

katekate628 · February 2012

mork:

Thanks for your input ladies. I find the different view points very interesting! Carry on!

katekate628:

Happy Saturday Mork!

At this point, I am just hoping for 1 take home baby.

Happy Saturday Kate!

I totally hear you on that! In reality, I just want a take home baby too! I guess my age and # of children comments and curiosity is coming from that dream world part of me. You know, if we could actually plan. Wouldn't that be nice!?

It would be THE. BEST. THING. EVER! I find myself drifting to that same dream world, usually when driving (I drive an hr to work & home each day) so, lots of time to think-which can be bad! I hope for you, myself & every wonderful lady on this board, that our dreams will come true sooner rather than later!

buckeyebaby814 · February 2012

I will be 30 this year, MH will be 29. We want 2-3 children and we will stop when we're exhausted or when/ if our doctor says to. I feel like I've worked too hard my whole life in school and my career to give up easily/early in TTC!

ecmleo · February 2012

I will be 33 next month and DH just turned 40. We always wanted 4 or even 5 kids. I don't know if that will happen, but I do not have a cut off age. I just hope I don't have to wait too long!

smcjmk09 · February 2012

If you asked me when I was younger I would have wanted to have 2 kids by my late 20's... haha.. I'm 32 now and haven't had one. But life doesn't always go as planned and I'm finally okay with that ;-) If we could squeeze out 2 by 35 and have them close in age that'd be ideal but I also don't want to put pressure on myself. I don't want to be over 35 and in the "high risk" preg category but if it ends up having to be that way then it does and I'll have to be okay with that

IEtoLA · February 2012

I always wanted to be married and start having kids at 30, but DH wasn't even ready to get married until I turned 30. I always wanted to have my 2 kids close in age and be done by 35 because of the increased risks after the age if 35. Being that I was 32 when I had DD, I figured I was still ok TTC number two and still be able to have our 2nd by 35. I'm just a few months shy of 35 and at this point, DH and I are just giving ourselves until June (the one year mark of active TTCAL) and if no bFP by them, we agreed to stop trying.

Allycat11 · February 2012

DH and I are both 24, so a bit on the young side compared to others. We think we want 3 or 4 but we will be happy with however many children we have. I always wanted to be done by 32 or 33, now I am learning that I have no control over anything. How many kids and when will depend on how we can emotionally and physically handle everything...right now I do not have a cut off.

benoitfan · February 2012

I'm 40, and DH is 30. We didn't even meet until I was 36. We got married when I was 37 and had our first when I was 38. I always wanted two kids and DH wanted 3. I thought I would have my kids long before now, but I believe strongly in marriage before children (this is what is right for me and I have no problem with people not choosing to do things this way - my own sister chose a different route).

Due to the fact that I had a difficult 3rd tri and a very difficult birth with my first (resulting in a broken tailbone and chronic tailbone pain), I am very weary of the toll another pg will take on me physically as I age. I am willing to keep trying til the end of the year, which will mean I have a 2nd no later than a few months past my 42nd bday. After our loss, DH is on board with this timetable and with stopping at 2. If I do get pg again, and suffer another loss, we will likely stop TTC all together. The fact that I have one child likely makes my stance on the age situation different than many other ladies TTCAL.

ETA: to add, that FWIW 3 different docs (GP, and 2 OBS) have told me since my loss that I am young and healthy and that they have plenty of patients that have healthy, unassisted pgs that result in adorable babies all the time with ladies into the mid to late 40s.

minicheezburg · February 2012

I am 23 DH is 30 I would be willing to try for as long as it takes. DH thinks late 30's to early 40's. He doesn't wanna be 60 when our kids leave the house. It takes 2 to tango so naturally there will be some compromising where needed. Although we have discussed that is we don't end up PG in the next 2 years we will pursue adoption.

nanabanana06 · February 2012

I guess I will be the odd egg out here. However, I am 21 (22 in march) and DH is 24. I had DD when I was 20. We ideally want to be done having all 3 kids by the time I am 25. We like being younger parents. We also like the thought of being in our late 30s early 40s when all our kids graduate high school. We also like the thought of being young empty nesters. I know I am the odd egg in this group with being as young as I am. However, that is our goal. Once we have our 3rd kid I am getting a tubal and a tummy tuck and enjoying being with my kids. We are established enough to accomplish this. So yeah. That's our age goal.

buckeyebaby814 · February 2012

Ok Mork. So every time I refresh the TTCAL page and I see your thread title, I get 'Let's Talk About Sex' in my head Stick out tongue

VineyardMel · February 2012

***Siggy***

Hope it's OK if I jump in on this one. I'm 39, and if this pregnancy works out I'll be a few months shy of 40 when LO is born. I would really love to have 2, so we think that we'll start trying again as soon as we're cleared to. I originally wanted to be done by 40, but met DH at 36 and married at 38, so it just wasn't in the cards. I honestly don't know what our cut off will be. I guess we'll just follow our hearts on that. If this isn't our rainbow baby and we're still trying at 40, I will probably start looking at adoption on a parallel path because that can take time, too.

jinxycat24 · February 2012

I'm 38 (turning 39 this year) and DH is 32. Of course when we decided to start TTC I was naive and thought by the end of the year we would have our LO. Well reality has set in and I know how difficult this road has been.

Yesterday our RE showed me a lovely chart to illustrate the increase in probability of issues with maternal age. Yeah I already knew that but thanks for reminding me. I'm hoping for just 1 rainbow baby by the time I am 40. If not we've already discussed adoption as an option....may continue to look at this either way.

ShellBear+ · February 2012

Well I'm 35 now and i feel like the clock is ticking for me. I didn't meet dh until 30 so having kids young was out and I never wanted that anyway. It took me awhile to be sure I even wanted to ttc. I would like to have 2 pretty close together and be done in a couple years but we'll see if that works out . I want to be done before 40, I don't think I will try after that.

My doctors have not been concerned with my age. I always bring it up and they say it is not like 35 is a magic number where you have issues. It's more that after 40 you might experience more difficulty getting pg, m/c etc. Yes everyone is different but many have babies in the later thirties just fine and of course over 40 too.

Deethebee · February 2012

In my younger years I had always envisioned being married with a child by 30. I didn't get married until 33...now I am 34 and DH is 32. We both only want one child, but would be fine if we end up with more. We have discussed it and agreed that we will try for our little bee naturally until we hit the one year mark, then try IUI and/or IVF. If we are unsuccessful by age 36, we'll look towards adoption.

Carolee · February 2012

I'm 30 and DH is almost 30. We always used to say we wanted 3 kids, but now we'll be happy with one. Before we discovered our struggles with TTC, we wanted to be done by 35, but now I don't know. We'll likely try with my own eggs until 35 or so and then possibly with donor eggs/embryos after that. We'll probably try until about 45 or so also if we are not successful before that.

Cubskers · February 2012

I'm 29 - my cutoff is 35. My parents were older when they were done and while I see the value in that, it's scary that they're late 60s and still not retired. DH and I would like 2 about 2 years apart, but based on our history, I'll take whatever the good Lord gives me!!

HopingforChange · February 2012

I'm 26 and DH is 27. I will be 27 in June. Right now, I honestly don't care how old I am when I get my take home baby, though I do think I will only be able to take so much loss and disappointment. For me, emotional factors, rather than age, will signal a stopping point. I am not, at this point, willing to spend years and years of my life suffering over something that won't happen. I think one person can only take so much, and I think DH and I will know that point if/when we get to it. We have started talking about adoption if TTC never works out for us. We know that is a hard path, too, though. I am working with my therapist on learning to accept my lack of control over family planning, but it truly sucks.

ETA: wording

AngnShaun · February 2012

im 31... id like 3 or 4... ideally i would like to be done by 38...

shanaynerz · February 2012

I'm 27 (28 in May) and DH is 29 (30 in Sept) and all I really want is to have one rainbow baby before I'm 30. If I get two, either with twins again or back-to-back pregnancies, that's fine, too. We always wanted three kids, but after our loss, I'm just happy with thinking about our rainbow baby. Since I'm only 27 right now, my cut-off would probably be 40, but we haven't discussed it. I'm the opposite of you, I want to have my kids young.

I have no real reason, but I guess it's because my folks were a bit older when they had my brother and me. My mom was 36 when she had my brother and 30 when she had me, and he was a handful. And now my mom's a bit sick @ 58 and my brother and I are still too young to really handle it, especially my brother though at almost 22. Not a great reason, I guess I just wanna be younger when I have them. I was told it's easier on your body. *shrug* But to each their own, right!

bananers · February 2012

I am turning 31 next month and DH is 32. Even though we married young (23 and 24), we had no desire to be young parents. We didn't even seriously talk about starting our family until I was 30 and he was 31. I had never felt close to ready, and then one day, bam! I wanted kids NOW. Ideally I would like two and would like to be done by 35, but it's by no means a cut-off; just my personal preference.

ETA: I agree with hopingforchange, that emotional factors, rather than age, will determine if/when we stop.

LaTi07 · February 2012

We're 27 (be 28 this summer) and originally I wanted to be done by 30. Now I'd like to be done by 35. We are probably only going to have one, so that gives us a good window to get this done.

KGS2003 · February 2012

When I was a young girl, I thought I had all the time in the world to have kids. Unfortunately for me life happened not quite the way I planned it. In my mind cut off was 30. Two losses and becoming a widow at 24 derailed my dreams of a big family and being a young mom.

Fast forward to the present. I'm 41, DH is soon to be 43. We didn't get together until I was 30. We didn't have DD until I was almost 33. In my mind my cut off was 35. What's so hard about having just 1 more right? Wrong!! Life happened again and my DH got sick. So here we are still trying for just one more 6 years later.

In my mind my last cut off was 41. Well here I am freshly 41. We are at a crossroads right now and are not sure how we will continue our TTC journey. It's not age that has us here it's finances. Life happened and changed my plans multiple times.

jonesdouglas · February 2012

I will be 25 soon.

DH and I are shooting for 3 kids and I want to have them before 35. My mom had my youngest sister at 37 and she had so many complications so it makes me nervous.

butterfly843 · February 2012

I will be 32 in april, when we first started trying I thought we would have 3 kids by 30 (thought I would be a fh like everyone else in my family). I never had an age cutoff, still don't. But at this point I don't even think we will get 1, which makes me sad because I always wanted 4.

KacyChicago · February 2012

I've always thought 45 would be my cutoff age, and that was decided long before I knew if/when I would be having children.

My partner and I hope we are blessed with just one biological baby, but are also planning to adopt another in a few years. We had decided not to try until I was near my 37th birthday (I'm 35, he's 27, and wanted to be closer to 30 when his first was born. I was OK with that time-frame as well, and didn't feel in a rush because of my age.) But now that we've unexpectedly gotten pregnant and lost our baby, we know that we're ready to be parents now. (One of the rare bright spots of this whole experience.) But we are also waiting a few months to actually "try" again, as I want my brain and body to be on the same page.

Great topic of discussion!

raashton · February 2012

I am 25, DH is 26. I personally have no problems building our family and trying until about 35, simply because the health risks for both myself and the child worry me. However, this is assuming we will have a child then. If it doesn't work out that way, us having no children by 35, I can see myself pushing to 45 being acceptable. DH however, says he wants to be finished by 33 if we get pregnant again and don't have any more losses. However, he says if it is difficult for us, he wants to try until 40.

While I thought I would be done by 30ish, I am okay with being an "Older" mom. Just all the more incentive to become and stay healthy to enjoy that time with my kids and grandkids.

4legsRbest · February 2012

I am 34, soon to be 35 and DH (36) and I want 3. I am hoping to freeze some in my IVF cycle so that we can go until 40 if necessary but I may not go past that b/c of egg quality issues and the rate of m/c increasing at 40. Things change so I don't really want to put myself on a time line - those things have a way of not working out Smile

AnoraStar · February 2012

We started TTC when I was 23, and I felt that was on the younger side. (My DH is five years older than me.) I'm 24 now and wish I had my first kid already. I don't really have a cut off, but I know risks go up after 35, so ideally, I hope I've had all my children by then.

We would like to have at least two and ideally three children and not take any time 'off' in between. I don't really have a range, but MH has said many times he wishes he will have his first child before he turns thirty. Well, he turns 30 at the end of this year...hopefully we will have an infant by then.

mrsashleyn · February 2012

I'm 24 DH 26 I would like to be done by the time I'm 30 but that could change. We want 2 of our own depending on how this next pregnancy goes and we want to adopt.

cg0112358 · February 2012

I'm 31 and wanted to have 3 kids before 35. DH and I didn't start trying until I was 29 and DS was born a few days after I turned 30. I was on my way to 3u2 by the age of 31 before I lost the twins

melly918 · February 2012

I married at 28 but because I wanted to travel first, I had DS three days shy of my 34th birthday. I lost the last baby six days before my 36th (my current age). I think 40 might be my cut-off. I am not sure if I can handle a second or third loss. It will just depend on my health.

Want a personalized experience?

Let's Talk About Age, Baby!

Re: Let's Talk About Age, Baby!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards