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June 2012 Moms
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How would you respond? (kinda vent?)

Scientist23Scientist23 member
in June 2012 Moms

So I have been dwelling on this for a few days.  On the weekend I was over at my in laws house.  My BIL has Tourettes (sp?) and I had some questions about it.  He is super open with his condition, and has no issues answering anything.  So he was really helpful and nice about it.

So my MIL (who I normally get along with famously) pipes in that our kid pretty much is guaranteed to have learning disabilities as they have numerous people in their family who has had them, undiagnosed none the less.  She then listed them for me, and went into great detail.

At this point I just said, well luckily they get their genes from DH & I, and neither of us have any issues.

I will not have a problem raising a child with a learning disability, but why on earth would she say something like that to an already stressed out hormonal preggo woman? *grumble*

How would you respond to this?  Would you bother bringing it up again saying that you didn't appreciate it, or just leave it alone?

DH said she probably didn't realize that what she said could be offensive.

Thoughts?

Thanks lovely bumpies!

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Re: How would you respond? (kinda vent?)

  • AndromedaEclipseAndromedaEclipse member
    I don't think she was trying to be offensive.  I'd just drop it.  If I were you, I would have looked at it as "as my child grows, these are things I should look out for."
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  • ToastieSimonsToastieSimons member

    Why couldn't you just say "thanks for the information, I"ll be sure to keep it in mind".

    Maybe she wanted to prepare you for it? 

    I don't think it came from an offensive pov, i think it was a what I would have wanted to know before hand pov.

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  • CAM718CAM718
    I would let it go, I don't think it is worth bringing it up again.  While it is rude for her to tell you that your child will for sure have learning disabilities, I think it is good for you to know that there is a lot of that in YHs family because it does raise their risk and is something to be aware of.  She probably didn't mean to upset you.
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  • AndromedaEclipseAndromedaEclipse member
    Btw, learning disabilities doesn't mean something's "wrong" with your child, it just means they see the world differently.
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  • hecallsmecathecallsmecat member
    I understand your point of view and your MIL did seem rude to me. My MIL is similar because her youngest child has Down's Syndrome. She has said things in the past similar to what your MIL said. While I in no way want to defend my MIL (I hate her) I do understand that she is saying those things because on some level I think she feels guilty about her son's disability, as if it her fault. Obviously, it is not and she has been a fantastic mother to him and continues to be. I just think it is how she feels about herself and maybe your MIL feels the same way. She may blame her genetics for her son's condition and is trying to deflect those feelings a bit onto you so that she doesn't feel so bad. I'm sure she is not hoping for your child to have any kind of diffculty, but she may be trying to say that if he/she does that it is genetics. It may be a way of making herself feel better. Just a thought.
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  • pitmommypitmommy
    I would probably just let it go. I don't know your MIL but it doesn't seem like based on your post she was being malicious. It is important for you to be aware of specific disabilities on his side of the family in the event your child does have some difficulties parents are always asked for this information. I would take note of it and just accept it is possibly helpful information in the future (if needed).
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  • morgie44morgie44
    I would be really annoyed too, but I probably would just let it go, unless it comes up again, and then speak up about it.  I would probably say something to the effect that we are aware that it's possible for LO to have an LD and you will definitely look for any warning signs, but that there is no sense in worrying about those issues now. 
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  • rissa_nrissa_n
    imageCAM718:
    I would let it go, I don't think it is worth bringing it up again.  While it is rude for her to tell you that your child will for sure have learning disabilities, I think it is good for you to know that there is a lot of that in YHs family because it does raise their risk and is something to be aware of.  She probably didn't mean to upset you.
                                                                               I agree w/ this.
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  • jc0n15jc0n15 member
    I would be a little pissed, only because there are so many other things that we have to worry about. She doesn't need to add anything more on to the list at this point in time. She should have waited until the baby is born or older when something can be done.
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