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Baby Showers
no kids allowed?
in Baby Showers
Is it rude given the whole idea of the shower is about a baby to ask that no kids be invited? I just want everyone to enjoy themselves without having to run after their kids. I also had a bad kid situation at my bridal shower that turned me off to kids at parties like these. How would I even mention it? I feel weird about it but i don't want another fiaso at another one of my showers.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: no kids allowed?
I don't think it is rude at all. I would talk to your host/hostess about it.
I co hosted an adults only shower and simply put adults only please at the bottom of the invite. One reason was space and also that my house is not child friendly. I had a few guests call and ask and I politely explained the reasoning. All were okay with this and were happy to have a child free afternoon.
Baby Boy born on 1/14/13
Don't feel bad about it, you want what you want and a kid's free baby shower isn't out of the ordinary. Simply state on the invite that this will be an adults only event. With that said, don't be surprised if some of your guests decide NOT to come b/c they either find the request offensive, can't find a babysitter, or are unable to afford one on top of purchasing your gift. So long as you know what might happen, I don't see any issue. Let your host know your wishes and leave it to her to deal w/those who want to complain or who want to request some type of exception b/c there's always gonna be someone who can't read, lol!
Well, you can't tell people at the door to take their kids home, so if they bring them, you're sort of S.O.L. on the deal. But what you can do is have your host put just the woman's name on the invite, no one else, that's sort of a subtle message about who's invited to a party. Some people put a note in the invite about it being an adult only party. Most people tend to leave kids at home when it comes to showers, but there are some dense idiots out there that don't quite get it and will show up with their 8 and 10 year olds. If you can't get a sitter, then you don't go..simple.
I would on the other hand be a little more lenient to mom's with infants who are breastfeeding, some of them don't have their child on a bottle yet, so if a mom comes over with a baby in a carrier, I think you should let that one slide.
Bottom line, I'm against older children at adult parties. Nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with someone and dodging kids who are playing tag.
This!
Baby Boy born on 1/14/13
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
THIS!
Really? I am kind of shocked to learn this about you.
This part not directed at BallSox:
I think it's tacky to put "adults only" on the invitation, but I think it's even worse to assume that a child is invited anywhere the parent is. You wouldn't automatically bring your child to a dinner party held at your boss' house so why would you assume your child is invited to a luncheon or other adult event?
And a shower is an adult event. Every time a newbie whines that a shower is to celebrate the baby (because ALL babies should be celebrated), we remind them that showers are not for babies - they are for the mother.
Glad to know I can still surprise you. :-D Hence the "massive minority" comment. Yeah, I really side-eye it, but it's because locally, showers are never as formal as everyone on the bump makes them out to be. Hell, even weddings very rarely are. I would never assume my toddler would be invited to dinner at my boss's house but dinner at my bosses house and a shower are two different things (to me). Every shower I've ever been to (even before I had L) has been laid back, cake-punch-appetizers-dinner mints-potato chip events with friends and family.
Since I've had L and I've been reading about all of the "zomg--no-babies-allowed-this-day-is-about-me!" showers, I've made it a point not to assume L is invited and for all three showers since he's been here, the hostess or the m2b has out and out asked if I was planning on bringing him. I commented I wasn't planning on it and they've all wondered why the heck not.
The distinction between showers are about the baby and showers are about welcoming the woman to motherhood is a moot point when it comes other babies. The m2b says "The shower is to celebrate the baby!" =/= to celebrate all babies. Yes, her baby isn't there but other babies are guests, not guests of honor. (I'm a little tired so if I'm not explaining it in a way that makes sense, I'm sorry).
The last part of this that I suppose factors in to my decision is the whole "little kids running crazy" aspect. The moms/parents of the little kids in our social circle are very aware of how their kids are acting. Every child I've seen at a shower has either been on good behavior or was removed once they started acting up. Once kids (esp boys) got to a certain age, they weren't brought along because they don't care about things like baby showers. The girls, however, loved the idea of being a big girl and usually are on their "princess tea party" manners (if that makes sense).
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I would certainly put "adults only" on the shower invite. Some people don't understand the concept that if a name is not on the invite that person is not invited...kwim? Some will think like you...it's a BABY shower so my BABY should be able to come. If they call and ask anyway (some will for sure) tell them that it is an adult only shower because the location is not set up for kids.
BTW...I totally agree with you. I've gone to showers when there have been kids and it has been a fiasco. Kids double, triple, etc. dipping veggies in the dip (and then putting the carrot back on the tray!) and putting fingers in cake/cupcakes plus running around. Heck...if I wanted to see kids running around I would have stayed home!
I think this is where things have gone horribly wrong. If I thought ladies would properly parent their children about how to behave in public then this wouldn't be a question. No one would mind kids at showers because of course they would behave and be a delight to have around.
For example, I have two sisters with children (alright 3, but we'll just use two for this example). The one with 8 year old triplets can bring them anywhere because they are super-sweet with impeccable manners. My sister with the 3 and 5 year old should lock them up in the basement because no one has ever told them "no" before.
This was my problem when I had my shower. My grandmother (who was a guest, not a hostess) invited my aunt and uncle (who I am not a big fan of) and their two girls. Both of the girls act like little terrors, they don't listen (not that their mother makes an attempt to control them) throw tantrums and run around hitting and biting and kicking each other.
When I found out that they were coming I almost made it a no children shower just so that they could not come. It would have looked bad if I told them no children and had my other little cousins there. In situations like that I would not give a side eye.
Eh, I don't see the huge deal. I wouldn't bring DS to a shower, likely, he's a busy baby and doesn't understand just yet to sit still and read.
But a baby shower is kind of your welcome to motherhood party. Mommyhood means babies.
Personally, I think it could go either way, just depending on your preference. If you want kids to be there, great, if not, that's fine too. Personally, I have never been to a shower where there were kids. Where I am (or at least in my social circle) showers are more formal, at a restaurant or catering hall, full meals, alcohol, so I think it's a little more understandable when people don't bring their kids. I would never assume Lilah is invited unless her name was on the invitation. In fact, SIL is getting married and unless she specifially tells me to bring her to her shower, I'm leaving DD at home with DH.
I would not put "no kids" or "adults only" on the invitation. It is rude to say on an invitation who is not invited. I would simply address the invitation to the person who is invited and when they RSVP and say it's them plus their 3 little angels, just have the host let them know that it is an adults only party.
Love this! Which is why it drives me up the effing wall when some doesn't RSVP to a party or shower.
Since when is it okay to bring someone to a shower that was not invited? The list of names on the invitation are the people invited. If you are invited to bring a guest, then by all means, bring 1 guest.
And just curious, how is it rude for someone to only want certain people at their party/shower/wedding? As a guest, the guest list is NOT your decision.
Baby Boy born on 1/14/13
Not other people's babies!
99% of the showers I've been to, both bridal and baby, if there were kids there they were either 1) less than 4 months old and nursing or 2) the niece of the BTB/MTB.
Lucky for me all of the people I know respect rule that the person/people the invitation is addressed to is/are the ones invited. If the name is not on the invite then that person is not invited.
For my shower it will be at the home of one of the hostesses and her twins will be there. But they are 7 and usually very well behaved. Since they will be there my mom and I added my oldest cousin's DD to the guest list. She is 8 (or nine) and also well behaved. However, I will admit that if the twins weren't going to be there we wouldn't have put my cousin's DD on the list.
IMO...adding "adults only" on the invite is not rude. Putting "no kids please" is rude since that is a negative.
BTW...I am in agreement that "lap babies" are OK since they are not mobile. It is the older kids that I have issue with at showers...either toddlers that just don't know any better than to run around, get into things, etc. or older kids (4-8) that should know better but don't act like they do! Unfortunately, many mom's don't corrale their kids.
I would never bring my baby to a bridal shower or wedding, unless it was a really close family affair where I knew peeps were cool with it (and I asked ahead anyway). As for baby showers, all of the ones I've attended or hosted (except for one) have been carte blanche when it comes to people bringing their kids. My house is set up for kids and we had a spare room with toys where the kiddos could play and be fine. Moms corralled appropriately and everyone had a great time.
However, now that I'm expecting my own LO and have been reading these boards, I will definitely ask the host for the green light to bring my baby. That does seem appropriate and courteous even though I don't expect folks to do the same with me.
Case in point, the one shower I attended where kids would not of been welcome was at a country club (!) where we were served duck crepes with three tiny pieces of asparagus and the guests thought I landed from mars when I gave the MTB some lovely books instead of fancy toys and clothes. Obviously, I was a little out of my element there, but a good lesson for the future. Babies and duck crepes don't mix!