Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
leapgirl8
member
Re: Choosing guardians
It was relatively easy for us. We knew it would be a family member, but the question was whether it would be one of K's sisters (and which one, she has 6) or my brother (my only sibling). Because K is older, her sisters are also older. If K and I died today would they want a 2 year old? Do they want to raise another child while in their 50s? My brother is two years younger than me, single, but stable. We know that if my brother had to raise JB tomorrow he would have overwhelming support from our family. So for us we knew that if my brother had JB, K's sisters would always be there to help guide him and lend a hand.
So my brother is her legal guardian should something happen to us, however one of K's sister is executor of our estate.
My wife and I took several things into account:
1. The age of the person/people
We wanted to make sure that the person we picked wasn't too old.
2. Financially stability
We wanted to make sure that the person we picked was financially stable to care for a child.
3. Current (and projected) energy of the individual
They need to have the energy to keep up with a child.
4. Religious/Spiritual beliefs
We looked for someone whos beliefs where aligned with our own.
5. Communication style
This person would have to be able to communicate with various members of our family and our friends.
6. Feelings towards LGBT issues
We don't want our children to be raised by someone who has issues with LGBT folks nor LGBT civil rights.
This was a hard decision for us but we are happy with the decision that we made. We also made sure to talk tot he person that we picked just in case they didn't want to have that responsibility.
This was (is) so hard for us. We had to choose for the adoption ppwk and I'm still not sure that we made the right choice. A big part of the difficulty was that we have 3 children. We didn't go with our most logical choice (DW's brother/sil) because they have explicitly said that they are "one and done" and don't want any more than 1 child. So how could we potentially "saddle" them with 4? My brother isn't in a position to parent and may never be. So that ruled out our siblings. When we continued to look at extended family there just werent any great fits. We ended up going outside of the family - which makes me a little sad/uncomfortable, but i think its the best choice. We chose who we did because they:
- are financially stable and have good careers
- love our children and would raise them in a similar manner
- have a healthy and loving marriage (from what we can see)
- are willing (they straight out volunteered within days of getting the children, lol)
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
This was really hard for us. Family was out. Both sets of parents are too old/not interested. I don't have any siblings and we have very different parenting philosophies from all of L's 3 siblings. There were a few pre-kid friends we considered but ruled out because we don't see them often (and wanted the kids to really know whoever it was going to be since the trauma of losing both of us would already be go great) and/or because we didn't feel like they would be responsible with the life insurance policy money that would come with the kids.
In the end we chose a good male friend of ours. Since we had the boys, he's gotten married to a woman who is a Foreign Service Officer. They are living in Paris right now and will be stationed in Africa after this. We stated questioning the whole notion of the boys not knowing them, but that seems okay at this point. We Skype with them and when they come into town we make sure to see him. It doesn't hurt that the boys adore him. He and his wife share a lot of our same values and we feel confident that they would be loved and taken care of - and being a global nomad would be kinda cool.
This was one of those things that didn't play out at all like we thought it would. There was one option that appeared to be the obvious "best" choice when we were pregnant, so we went with it. However, over the course of E's first year, the relationship between E and these family members did not develop as we expected. Also, since E's arrival, they have become especially vocal about how much they love their current (child-free) family/life and it's really hard to imagine where E and his siblings might fit in to that. The other thing that changed is that once he was here for us to know and love, we felt a heightened sense of duty/urgency to pick the Right People, keeping in mind we weren't just picking the people to finish the job of raising him - as 2brides noted, if he ended up in their care, it would mean the unthinkable had happened to both of us so we were also picking the people we wanted to comfort and navigate him through the greatest trauma a child can experience. The problem is, we really don't have any candidates that would be good in both roles. We ended up changing our wills to name my parents. Realistically, they are probably too old to take permanent guardianship of him, but they are the people (after us) that he is closest to so we talked with them about how we would like them to care for him as long as it takes for his little world to stabilize, and then use their own judgment about naming subsequent guardians from there. I suspect we'll change it again (and maybe again and again and again) as our children's relationships with family and friends shift over time, but that's where we are with it today. Tough, tough, tough.
Obviously we don't have kids yet, but our lawyer had us write this regarding potential future kids in our wills in case something happens before we get everything updated when we have kids. We chose my sister and BIL as first choice, and DW's parents as second. My sister and BIL are the people we're closest to, they're family, and I have every assurance that they would love and raise our children like their own children who we are now watching them raise. My parents are too old/too many health problems to handle young children. DW's sisters are younger and neither is married or done with school yet.
We may someday re-write things to have someone in DW's family co-responsible for managing the life insurance money. This is hard to think about even regarding future children!!!
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
We drew up wills when we were married, and the lawyer also encouraged us to put "any future children.." in there. And, when/if we adopt Pumpkin or another child, we would name someone then.
L's family would not be a good fit-- mom is too old/wouldn't want to, bro is single and not ready (although a great uncle). We named my bro and his wife... enough shared values (although some different ones) but they are geographically and emotionally close to my parents, and would all work together I am sure.
we are dealing with this RIGHT NOW .... UGG. I am also a lil surprised at how many people listed their parents when we brought this up to out ATTNY she strongly advised against this mainly basing that on the AGE FACTOR.... SO I asked my Sister who is a ADA and she also said the same thing Do not list our parents and in fact when her and her husband we doing their paperwork her Attny said the same thing....
Its a tough decision - we will choose 2 different people one person to be their guardians and one to manager their estate/Trust so the two people have to be in agreement ... and obviously it helps with checks and balances.... I HOPE and GOD FORBID!
our Blog -http://dosbabies.wordpress.com/
Thanks for this post and all the thoughtul responses.
I am embarrassed to say that we STILL have not done this. That is how difficult we are finding the decision.
I am glad to see that others have named their parents, with the intention of changing that in time. That may be best for us...
C's parents are too old. She has one sib, who is married and will surely soon have kids, but they live in rural PA on a farm. Henry does/will see them every couple of months, but I just can't cope with the idea of sending him to live in a completely different place after experiencing the unthinkable. Plus, there are some philosophical differences I can't get past.
My sibs are too young. My half sis and bro are both in high school, and youngest half bro is 5! My sis could definitely be a great option...in 10 years. My mom (who is the one with the 5 yo) is QUITE over being a primary parent (he was unplanned) and I would not want to saddle her with full care of another young child. My dad (and stepmom) seem to be the only choice, and I know he would be conscientious about making sure Henry stayed connected to the rest of his family. He is an amazing dad, who I know loves C & I (and Henry of course!) 100% and would do his best to care for him in a way that would make us really proud. That being said, he and my stepmom are soon to be empty nesters, and while they are quite young, it feels unfair to "burden" them with starting all over as parents.
Honestly, my heart tells me to choose friends. I feel like C doesn't really agree with me there. Plus, we don't really have "oldest and dearest" friends that fit the bill. It is newer friends that I think of, and that seems weird. "Oh hi, we've only known each other 2 years - want our kid if we die?" Sigh.
Obv C and I really need to discuss this further and GET MOVING on this decision. In the meantime, we have limited our time and distance away from H together because this "what if" is in the back of my mind.
After reading all your replies and thinking through my own. I'm wondering if maybe we should desginate my dad for now, and revisit the issue down the line.
Thanks ladies
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer