Is anyone else taking a month off after baby

sexyandrhinoit · January 2012

LittleMissLulu:
TwilightMV:
Why? I'm confused. I like those things as much as DH, and would never look at them as a wifely "duty". I'm sure he's really psyched to know how much of a chore it is for you, and that you're planning a "vacation" from it. I would be hurt if I was your DH too.
Now, if I'm sick or in pain, that may change. But that's a given for both of us, birth or not.

Not sex. Blow jobs. I don't like them but he does, so we keep a schedule (once a week + holidays) and we stick to it. I guess I don't feel like I should have to suck his *** right after giving birth

Generic holidays like arbor day or strictly federal holidays?

PunkRockPrincess1313 · January 2012

I do not understand why women do this if they do not LOVE IT!!

For me...its all about the person....I have only enjoyed it with like 2 people... and let me tell you..when YOU enjoy it, its a blast and way much fun becuase you have literally go thim by the balls.

If this is something you want to continue, have you thought about taking classes?? Maybe finding something about it you do like because seriously...if you do not...please do not do it. I think it is horrible that women give in because they feel like they HAVE TO. Men can live without getting head....its true!

But check out local sex shops for classes ...find something that works for you. Maybe if head isnt your thing...a good old fashioned?? (handjob) could be a replacement?? They have tons of things that even help with those.

Good luck chica!

EDIT:

I did not read all the replies until after I posted this! Are we really moving to call this MUD? I am still getting used to that term...I just take everyone so seriously right off the bat...because I would not waste my time posting sh!t that was not true...*shrug*

bpwife&mama · January 2012

BabyCoco29:
This is crazy, I dont believe people think of it as a wifely duty, I like sex more then my husband probably and could do that and whatever else all the time. That being said im not worried about after the baby becasue my husband and I know that after giving birth that will be the last thing on our minds for a while though its never been talked about becasue I dont know why it would. FYI to all of you that wont do things like that, hate to tell you but they will find someone who does if they havent already. What that saying Be a cook in the kitchen and maid in the house and a whore in the bedroom..... something like that......... totally true and fun so try it

The orignal post is probably MUD, but this comment makes me chuckle. I don't necessarily do those things to my DH and I can tell you he is not out finding someone who will. He is a decent human being and wonderful husband who considers our marriage to be more than just these things. Your little quote is absurd, I don't need to be all of these things. Our marriage is a partnership. It's not all about him.

PunkRockPrincess1313 · January 2012

bpwife&mama:

BabyCoco29:
This is crazy, I dont believe people think of it as a wifely duty, I like sex more then my husband probably and could do that and whatever else all the time. That being said im not worried about after the baby because my husband and I know that after giving birth that will be the last thing on our minds for a while though its never been talked about because I dont know why it would. FYI to all of you that wont do things like that, hate to tell you but they will find someone who does if they haven't already. What that saying Be a cook in the kitchen and maid in the house and a whore in the bedroom..... something like that......... totally true and fun so try it

The original post is probably MUD, but this comment makes me chuckle. I don't necessarily do those things to my DH and I can tell you he is not out finding someone who will. He is a decent human being and wonderful husband who considers our marriage to be more than just these things. Your little quote is absurd, I don't need to be all of these things. Our marriage is a partnership. It's not all about him.

It really makes me sad when women do stuff they do not want to do in the bedroom for fear of losing their man.

The only man you are going to lose is one who cares more about his *** than you and if that is the case, then you should be happy he is gone.

Sex is about being together...and for me...going down is about being empowered...I do it when I want to because I want to. I would never do anything with MY body that I did not want to do.

I think I fully take care of being a whore in the bedroom without having to do everything on the list of things to do... I mean...where would YOU draw the line??

Blowjobs...that you hate..you put up with...but then next he wants a threesome? or decides that rape fantasy is his thing....you do not like either of these (hypothetically speaking here) but you do it. So then what?? He wants to make amateur porn and post it on the internet...and you oblige because he is your husband and this is your duty??

Pfft... my body...my rules. Thank you very much. If you do not have that kinda strength and faith in your relationship...I personally would have ran away a long time ago.

judahsmommy1 · January 2012

So I think that, sure, make a schedule for blow jobs. Tell him that you'll stick with that schedule when he sticks to the diaper schedule you also come up with, the "watch the baby so I can take a nap" schedule, the "getting up with the baby in the middle of the night" schedule, the "make dinner so my wife doesn't have to" schedule, and the "clean the toilets, floors, baby accessories, dishes, and laundry" schedule that you also come up with. So basically, he gets blow jobs if ALL you have to do for the first 6 weeks after baby is born is rest, nurse the baby, and blow him. Seriously, if he's doing his share after this baby is born, HE will prefer a nap to a blow job.

tartaruga · January 2012

sexyandrhinoit:
LittleMissLulu:
TwilightMV:
Why? I'm confused. I like those things as much as DH, and would never look at them as a wifely "duty". I'm sure he's really psyched to know how much of a chore it is for you, and that you're planning a "vacation" from it. I would be hurt if I was your DH too.
Now, if I'm sick or in pain, that may change. But that's a given for both of us, birth or not.

Not sex. Blow jobs. I don't like them but he does, so we keep a schedule (once a week + holidays) and we stick to it. I guess I don't feel like I should have to suck his *** right after giving birth

Generic holidays like arbor day or strictly federal holidays?

I would certainly contact my union rep if he were insisting on holidays like Secretaries Day and Cinco de Mayo.

Sascha3 · January 2012

My husband has never, ever asked for a blow job. They are not my favorite thing to do, and I rarely do them. But, on occasion, I will do them because I know he enjoys it. And the other reason I do them? Because then I like to ask for oral in return!

I think he feels the same as me. Oral is not his favorite thing to do, but I love it. I cannot imagine going through the rest of my marriage without it, so yes...I do ask for it on occasion if it has been a while. Many times, he initiates, but sometimes I ask for it. Does this make me a bad, demanding wife? Am I taking advantage of him sexually by asking him to do something he is not in the mood to do?

I think there needs to be some compromise in the bedroom and it is not going to lead to us forcing each other into degrading, abusive sexual acts.

Back to the OP though...a schedule??? No way in helll. Like I said...I do things occasionally that I don't love, but it is my choice...he is not asking me to do anything. He would never, ever ask me to give him a BJ after giving birth.

imoan · January 2012

BabyCoco29:
This is crazy, I dont believe people think of it as a wifely duty, I like sex more then my husband probably and could do that and whatever else all the time. That being said im not worried about after the baby becasue my husband and I know that after giving birth that will be the last thing on our minds for a while though its never been talked about becasue I dont know why it would. FYI to all of you that wont do things like that, hate to tell you but they will find someone who does if they havent already. What that saying Be a cook in the kitchen and maid in the house and a whore in the bedroom..... something like that......... totally true and fun so try it

Are you kidding me with this?

mominatrix · January 2012

judahsmommy1:
So I think that, sure, make a schedule for blow jobs. Tell him that you'll stick with that schedule when he sticks to the diaper schedule you also come up with, the "watch the baby so I can take a nap" schedule, the "getting up with the baby in the middle of the night" schedule, the "make dinner so my wife doesn't have to" schedule, and the "clean the toilets, floors, baby accessories, dishes, and laundry" schedule that you also come up with. So basically, he gets blow jobs if ALL you have to do for the first 6 weeks after baby is born is rest, nurse the baby, and blow him. Seriously, if he's doing his share after this baby is born, HE will prefer a nap to a blow job.

This. This. 100x this.

CinemaGoddess · January 2012

kcl22 · January 2012

PunkRockPrincess1313:

I do not understand why women do this if they do not LOVE IT!!

For me...its all about the person....I have only enjoyed it with like 2 people... and let me tell you..when YOU enjoy it, its a blast and way much fun becuase you have literally go thim by the balls.

If this is something you want to continue, have you thought about taking classes?? Maybe finding something about it you do like because seriously...if you do not...please do not do it. I think it is horrible that women give in because they feel like they HAVE TO. Men can live without getting head....its true!

But check out local sex shops for classes ...find something that works for you. Maybe if head isnt your thing...a good old fashioned?? (handjob) could be a replacement?? They have tons of things that even help with those.

Good luck chica!

EDIT:

I did not read all the replies until after I posted this! Are we really moving to call this MUD? I am still getting used to that term...I just take everyone so seriously right off the bat...because I would not waste my time posting sh!t that was not true...*shrug*

LMFAO @ blow job classes. Really.

Later chicas!!

PunkRockPrincess1313 · January 2012

kcl22:
PunkRockPrincess1313:

I do not understand why women do this if they do not LOVE IT!!

For me...its all about the person....I have only enjoyed it with like 2 people... and let me tell you..when YOU enjoy it, its a blast and way much fun becuase you have literally go thim by the balls.

If this is something you want to continue, have you thought about taking classes?? Maybe finding something about it you do like because seriously...if you do not...please do not do it. I think it is horrible that women give in because they feel like they HAVE TO. Men can live without getting head....its true!

But check out local sex shops for classes ...find something that works for you. Maybe if head isnt your thing...a good old fashioned?? (handjob) could be a replacement?? They have tons of things that even help with those.

Good luck chica!

EDIT:

I did not read all the replies until after I posted this! Are we really moving to call this MUD? I am still getting used to that term...I just take everyone so seriously right off the bat...because I would not waste my time posting sh!t that was not true...*shrug*

LMFAO @ blow job classes. Really.

Later chicas!!

I know it sounds crazy but there is a shop in San Francisco that does them and one in Santa Cruz as well. *shrug* Might be useful for some... but yeah...there are also instructional type videos ... there is a market for everything I guess ^_^

lurkeyloo · January 2012

mominatrix:
judahsmommy1:
So I think that, sure, make a schedule for blow jobs. Tell him that you'll stick with that schedule when he sticks to the diaper schedule you also come up with, the "watch the baby so I can take a nap" schedule, the "getting up with the baby in the middle of the night" schedule, the "make dinner so my wife doesn't have to" schedule, and the "clean the toilets, floors, baby accessories, dishes, and laundry" schedule that you also come up with. So basically, he gets blow jobs if ALL you have to do for the first 6 weeks after baby is born is rest, nurse the baby, and blow him. Seriously, if he's doing his share after this baby is born, HE will prefer a nap to a blow job.
This. This. 100x this.

AGREED!

laurenpetro · January 2012

I think the OP should give him a blowie evey time she feeds the baby. The baby will be sleeping and she cam catch up in about 3 days. Score! No pun intended.

nicsigni · January 2012

laurenpetro:
I think the OP should give him a blowie evey time she feeds the baby. The baby will be sleeping and she cam catch up in about 3 days. Score! No pun intended.

New favorite term.

mamabear0813 · January 2012

Sascha3:
My husband has never, ever asked for a blow job. They are not my favorite thing to do, and I rarely do them. But, on occasion, I will do them because I know he enjoys it. And the other reason I do them? Because then I like to ask for oral in return!

I think he feels the same as me. Oral is not his favorite thing to do, but I love it. I cannot imagine going through the rest of my marriage without it, so yes...I do ask for it on occasion if it has been a while. Many times, he initiates, but sometimes I ask for it. Does this make me a bad, demanding wife? Am I taking advantage of him sexually by asking him to do something he is not in the mood to do?

I think there needs to be some compromise in the bedroom and it is not going to lead to us forcing each other into degrading, abusive sexual acts.

Back to the OP though...a schedule??? No way in helll. Like I said...I do things occasionally that I don't love, but it is my choice...he is not asking me to do anything. He would never, ever ask me to give him a BJ after giving birth.

This. 100%. I used to love to give BJ's. I don't anymore. Things change. I change. I actually have a physical issue (TMJ) that gets aggravated when I do it, so I don't do it very often. DH understands. He likes it when he can get it, and sometimes he'll ask while we are already engaging in foreplay and I'm happy to oblige for a short while then we move on to other things.

Agreeing to try something, or do something that isn't necessarily your favorite is not abuse. HOWEVER, feeling like you have no choice or that your husband will be unfaithful if you don't perform IS abuse.

Also, having sex is a "wifely duty." DH is great in bed. He's caring and always makes sure I get mine. But there are still times that I'm not in the mood and if it's been a while, I'll still give it up, because it's not fair to him not to. He isn't cheating on me. We aren't in an open relationship. And he makes it "worth my while." Not to say I do it every time he wants just because, but there are definitely times when I will put his desire ahead of my own.

Daiz813 · January 2012

Agreed. No offense but your husband sounds like a ***

kimbo1216 · January 2012

LittleMissLulu:
I guess I don't feel like I should have to suck his *** right after giving birth

Um. You should NEVER HAVE to do that if you don't want to. And a schedule? That's a bit much, imo, but hey if it works for you. Tell him you will go down if he will.

MamaAllison · January 2012

sexyandrhinoit:
LittleMissLulu:
TwilightMV:
Why? I'm confused. I like those things as much as DH, and would never look at them as a wifely "duty". I'm sure he's really psyched to know how much of a chore it is for you, and that you're planning a "vacation" from it. I would be hurt if I was your DH too.
Now, if I'm sick or in pain, that may change. But that's a given for both of us, birth or not.

Not sex. Blow jobs. I don't like them but he does, so we keep a schedule (once a week + holidays) and we stick to it. I guess I don't feel like I should have to suck his *** right after giving birth

Generic holidays like arbor day or strictly federal holidays?

That just made me laugh so hard my baby started to cry, and it was still worth it!!

Amberrrr · January 2012

This thread is very popular, lol...

Seriously before I read it, I was assuming it would be something like a month off of work,, or a month off of house cleaning. hahaha...

But this is a lot more interesting.

ladybear06 · January 2012

kimbo1216:
LittleMissLulu:
I guess I don't feel like I should have to suck his *** right after giving birth
Um. You should NEVER HAVE to do that if you don't want to. And a schedule? That's a bit much, imo, but hey if it works for you. Tell him you will go down if he will.

this.

MellyBelly33 · January 2012

Hi, I am 9 weeks and 5 days along! My due date is August 9, 2012! Best wishes!

Netty_3 · January 2012

You're technically supposed to take 6 weeks off for wifely duties...your husband needs to suck it up...your business is going to be recovering from a child coming out...does he have at least one hand...tell him to reunite with it.

Again I'm reminded of what a great man I'm married to.

Netty_3 · January 2012

And this!

lurkeyloo:
mominatrix:

judahsmommy1:
So I think that, sure, make a schedule for blow jobs. Tell him that you'll stick with that schedule when he sticks to the diaper schedule you also come up with, the "watch the baby so I can take a nap" schedule, the "getting up with the baby in the middle of the night" schedule, the "make dinner so my wife doesn't have to" schedule, and the "clean the toilets, floors, baby accessories, dishes, and laundry" schedule that you also come up with. So basically, he gets blow jobs if ALL you have to do for the first 6 weeks after baby is born is rest, nurse the baby, and blow him. Seriously, if he's doing his share after this baby is born, HE will prefer a nap to a blow job.

This. This. 100x this.

AGREED!

Netty_3 · January 2012

I hate them too...you're a better woman than me giving them regularly...unless it's sparkling clean, and some special occasion...maybe a few drinks...then it happens...otherwise, no thank you.

TwilightMV:

Why? I'm confused. I like those things as much as DH, and would never look at them as a wifely "duty". I'm sure he's really psyched to know how much of a chore it is for you, and that you're planning a "vacation" from it. I would be hurt if I was your DH too.

Now, if I'm sick or in pain, that may change. But that's a given for both of us, birth or not.

Leyne29 · January 2012

Generic holidays like arbor day or strictly federal holidays?

HAHA! If you're the type of husband who has to demand BJs on the holidays and your wife actually does it, I'd guess that you'd be "celebrating" ALL holidays, including the Canadian ones!

ealta · January 2012

Wow, sorry but I think he's being a ***. And not one you want to do anything with. I agree, he can use his hand while you take a month to establish healthy and comfortable breastfeeding, heal from probable perineal and vaginal tearing, and not to mention and insane amount of hormone readjustment! I think the first couple of months should be about your baby (4th trimester) and not about your marital and sexual relationship.

If he's worried about getting blow jobs tell him to start working on his flexibility now.

kcrockett1980 · January 2012

That whole post just sounds crazy to me, clinically, for you and your husband. It sounds like you both need professional help, seriously. I'm saying this to be helpful, that does not sound healthy in any way. I'm sad for you. Good luck.

kcrockett1980 · January 2012

honey, you should never "have" to suck anyone's *** ! that is the most unromantic, non-spontaneous thing i've ever heard! my husband would never be into it if we weren't both into it.

BarbourWales04 · January 2012

All I have to say to this is that Queen Victoria would be proud. All the OP needs to add at this point is, "And I lie back and think of England."

Which reminds me, where did I leave my hoopskirt and corset?

briannalaura · January 2012

I can't help but laugh right now... this is such a crazy conversation. My husband is lucky to get it once a month right now because I feel like crap and I obviously have a lot going on with my body right now. And guess what... he's understanding and loving about it. I tell him I feel bad, and he's says its ok, he doesnt care and he loves me. We still have our intimate moments... we cuddle and spend time together, but doing the deed or anything such is not on my mind right now. We do it when we want, and its not a duty. Guess I'm just a lucky girl.

sbost0118 · January 2012

This just kind of sucks the romance right out, doesn't it? I doubt he'll ask much of you in the first week anyway while you're recovering. Just do what you're up to. Tickle his balls or something if you're not up to head bobbing action just yet. That is, if you're not both completely exhausted and actually do get in the mood.

It will be really important to keep a certain amount of focus on your relationship when baby comes. I don't think it's very matrimonious to X time off on a calendar ahead of time when you don't even know how you'll feel. Just play it by ear and be honest with each other about your needs day by day.

Bexi · January 2012

I needed that laugh! You ladies rock so much! But seriously, eff that. My husband doesn't get "blowies" at all. Period. And he's fine with that because he knows how much it bothers me. Tell him to suck it up and that he's lucky he gets to get laid by you period.

StefB28 · January 2012

sbost0118:

It will be really important to keep a certain amount of focus on your relationship when baby comes. I don't think it's very matrimonious to X time off on a calendar ahead of time when you don't even know how you'll feel. Just play it by ear and be honest with each other about your needs day by day.

This. I gave DH a BJ the night we brought DS1 home from the hospital. It took 5 minutes & I was fine. I wasn't exhausted (yet)-- we were still running on adrenaline.

If you're up for it, do it. If you're not, don't. Whatever.

StefB28 · January 2012

sbost0118:

It will be really important to keep a certain amount of focus on your relationship when baby comes. I don't think it's very matrimonious to X time off on a calendar ahead of time when you don't even know how you'll feel. Just play it by ear and be honest with each other about your needs day by day.

This. I gave DH a BJ the night we brought DS1 home from the hospital. It took 5 minutes & I was fine. I wasn't exhausted (yet)-- we were still running on adrenaline.

If you're up for it, do it. If you're not, don't.

waterlily2k2 · January 2012

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