Poll: If you have girls, how modest? How old?

June2007 · January 2012

LynsiBHM:
June2007:

Nope.Modesty is not on my radar yet. They are children. When they are teens I dont think they should have shorts up their rears or their breast busting out of their tops but for now they are children. They can wear whatever they like and are comfortable in. I think its ridiculous that people think a young girl can show her thigh or shoulders. I dont encourage my girls to flash their underwear or anything and if DD wants to wear a dress that she loves that is too short I have her wear little shorts or leggings underneath but thats the extent of the modesty issue for us. I also let them wear *shock* bikinis. Why? Because they are children! They dont have shapely bodies to show off so they can wear basically whatever they choose.

My possibly flammable confession:

I think telling a seven year old that she cant wear a tank top is setting her up for body issues and it almost implies that old notion of 'a girl must keep her self covered lest a boy fancy her too much and not be able to contain himself, and it will be all her fault for being provocative with her naughty ways!' (picture that with a southern accent, fake face fanning and a theatrical faint at the end)

I think modesty depends a lot on the child/ family. I don't have a DD, but I worked in a preschool for years and had 2-4 year olds that used the word sexy, talked about things like "shaking their booty like Beyonce because she's sexy" and they wore things that were undeniably too risque for a toddler. I distinctly remember one of the little girls asking my why my blouse was buttoned up so high (I only had the top 2 or so buttons of a collared shirt unbuttoned) she said "don't you want to look sexy?" I was speechless. The same girl often wore juicy (or similar) sweats (you know, the ones that say JUICY on the butt?) and she wore her baithing suit top under her shirt on more than one occasion and called it her bra, as she showed the strap to her friends. I could go on... I'M TALKING ABOUT TODDLERS HERE.

I think if your little girl is wearing a tank top and some short shorts in the backyard because it's 85 degrees outside, no big deal. But when they start picking out those same short shorts and spaghetti straps becuase they think it's going to make them look "cool" then it's an issue.

And please, ladies, don't put your toddler in clothing with words on the butt. WHY would anyone want to draw attention to a child's backside in that manner?? (unless they are 6 months old, and you're drawing attention to the diapered butt by wearing a ruffled romper or something)

Anyway, all i'm saying is, you DO need to worry about this before they are teens.

Obviously these kids are this way because they were exposed to different things. I was responding to short lengths and strap width criteria, not the influence of music videos and toddlers that know the word sexy. Spaghetti straps =/= kids knowing what sexy is. KWIM? I work in the child development field as well I absolutely have seem horrifying behavior from kids too young to know what they're truly saying, however I dont think it's because their shorts didnt touch their knees.

JessesGirl&MackenziesMom · January 2012

I have sooo many thoughts about this post.

The baby bikinis bother me primarily on a sun safety issue. I would never, ever want to risk safety for cuteness. I feel the same way about a really adorable, expensive, designer coat that DD was given... the buttons are a choking hazard, she pulled one off VERY easily and thankfully I was watching. I would not risk safety for her to wear the bikini if she needed a rash guard or the really cute coat (until I get to reinforce the buttons). Safety is a much bigger deal to me.

That romper is too stinkin' expensive!!

I am hoping to lead by example in this area. I was watching What Not to Wear at 2am last night and Stacy was talking to a mom about how she really shouldn't be going out in public in things that were inappropriate for her DD to see her in. Apparently she was throwing a huuuge sweatshirt over skanky clothes to go out with her FI. Stacy was really emphasizing being an example by dressing appropriately and attractively. I hope to do that for my DD.

I really agree with Kate on the intent of the clothing thing. You can absolutely tell when an item is designed to be skanky or suggestive, as opposed to cute.

June2007 · January 2012

EmilyVReese80:
June2007:

Nope.Modesty is not on my radar yet. They are children. When they are teens I dont think they should have shorts up their rears or their breast busting out of their tops but for now they are children. They can wear whatever they like and are comfortable in. I think its ridiculous that people think a young girl can show her thigh or shoulders. I dont encourage my girls to flash their underwear or anything and if DD wants to wear a dress that she loves that is too short I have her wear little shorts or leggings underneath but thats the extent of the modesty issue for us. I also let them wear *shock* bikinis. Why? Because they are children! They dont have shapely bodies to show off so they can wear basically whatever they choose.

My possibly flammable confession:

I think telling a seven year old that she cant wear a tank top is setting her up for body issues and it almost implies that old notion of 'a girl must keep her self covered lest a boy fancy her too much and not be able to contain himself, and it will be all her fault for being provocative with her naughty ways!' (picture that with a southern accent, fake face fanning and a theatrical faint at the end)

I am by no means attacking you or trying to start an argument but I have to disagree. I think teaching a girl how to dress appropriately from the get-go helps her have a more positive body image. Of course, I would never look at my 5 year old and say something stupid like "If you wear that it's going to make the boys think you're pretty," but to me modesty isn't so much about sexualization as it is about self respect.

I think if girls are taught to wear clothing that is both visually appropriate and appropriate to the environment they are in, then she is less likely to feel the need to show off her body for attention later.

Just to clarify though, we don't make it a big issue at all. If she were to want me to buy a piece of clothing I thought was inappropriate I wouldn't look at her like she was crazy and tell her the devil must have got ahold of her head or something (ha!), but I would just point something else out in the store and say "This is really pretty, did you see this?"

I dont disagree with your last point. I think we just have different standards for what qualifies as appropriate. Again, shorts that dont touch the knee at age 4 will hardly lead to a need to show her body for attention, IMO. Teaching her that she shouldnt show her thighs (do thighs = private parts?) might though. I think this whole post got a little OT since OP was talking short length and strap width and then it turned into more. I dont think a thin strapped shirt = lack of self respect either.

I get what you're saying but we obviously have different perceptions. I literally have dozens of photographs of me playing in back yard shirtless, just wearing shorts and no top from age 2-5. I hardly grew up to lack self respect or think I was sexy! I was just a kid being a kid. The focus was never put on my body at such a young age. I think focusing on a childs body and teaching them to think of it as an adult would causes more harm than letting a kid be a kid.

Hope2Have · January 2012

scatteredtrees:
Hope2Have:

Scattered... I get what you're saying about babies needing to be modest too, and I struggle with the double standard..... BUT, look at this romper... I can not no matter how risque it might be not let her wear stuff like this for just this summer.. makes me crazy! ;O)

https://www.etsy.com/listing/73855280/the-mia-bubble-romper-with-halter-tie?ref=cat3_gallery_29

Uh, I didn't say anything anywhere in this thread. Well, except now.

Sorry... my memory is terrible, I think I meant what Lynsi84 had said? Heck if I know, this post got way too long, lol. Sorry I called you out accidentaly

penguingrrl · January 2012

I would say that I'm fairly middle of the road. During summer tank tops and spaghetti straps don't bother me, but I prefer that they be higher cut. I would be fine with mid-length shorts, but won't buy my kids short shorts.

My girls generally won't wear pants or shorts and prefer dresses/skirts and we do either tights or leggings now. If a dress is getting short but otherwise fits (my older daughter is very tall and has a really long torso, so this is a frequent problem) then she has to wear leggings instead of tights so it's more of a tunic and leggings style. My cutoff is mid-thigh before she is no longer allowed to wear it with tights. We do either skorts or shorts under skirts/dresses in the summer.

We do two piece bathing suits because in order for a one piece to be long enough for DD1s torso it's too big everywhere else and usually ends up sitting too low on top. DD2 wears her hand-me-downs so she wears two pieces as well.

Really, they dress in the kid version of how I do. I figure that if they follow the level of modesty I do that should be fine.

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