FFFC

Birdies08 · December 2011

june2011ae:
i made up an ae bc i'm to embarrased to post under my real sn. a few years ago i was in an abusive relationship and got pregnant. long story short i had an abortion. now that i have a beautiful baby i am so sick about it i have fallen into a deep depression because i cannot believe i did that to a baby. i cry every day and can't forgive myself. i am so ashamed and have no one to talk to about it and i don't have enough money right now to see a counselor. i am disgusted with myself.

I want you to know that you are not alone. I would encourage you to find someone to talk to- it is so common to have a range of emotions after having an abortion, even years after the fact. You do not need to be ashamed or disgusted. You made the best choice for yourself and your future family given your difficult circumstances.

This is a really great resource I urge you to check out:

https://exhaleprovoice.org/

JsMama11 · December 2011

kathetakite:
Magenta728:

kathetakite:
I rarely post on UO Thursday and got mildly flammed yesterday and at first I thought I really didn't care but today I am a little nervous about posting. I know, I know....it is the internet put your big girl panties on and get over it.

Don't feel nervous about posting! I went back and read. It just seemed like it more of a disagreement. We aren't all gonna agree all the time. It's what makes the world go round

Yeah I am just not good with confrontation. It really wasn't bad and at the time I was cool but today I keep thinking "I hope I didn't piss anybody off". I keep telling myself it's the internet, no big deal, life goes on.

Try not to sweat it....the post is called "unpopular opinion" for a reason! No one is supposed to agree lol.

sunset+skies · December 2011

hruhlman:
This is going to sound totally heartless, but I kind of hope DH's grandma passes in the next couple days. She's been on hospice for 2 weeks and took a bad turn yesterday - enough that the priest came out and the hospice nurse said she doesn't have more than a week. So I have two reasons for hoping she'll pass soon: first, because she's clearly ready to be done - apparently she just kept saying she didn't want to do this anymore, and really I can't blame her. I just hope her suffering ends quickly; second, and my selfish reason, is that we're supposed to leave to drive home (700 miles away) on Sunday. I really don't want to drive home, only to have to turn around and come back for the funeral if she passes early next week. And honestly Ev and I probably won't come back if she does pass next week - the drive is way too hard on him. So yeah, I'm a horrible person who's actually wishing for someone to die soon.

I think there's a HUGE difference in wanting someone to just go die, and hoping that a suffering person with no hope of recovery finds release soon. I have never understood why it's compassion to want to help relieve an animal of it's suffering, but if you wish for the same relief for a human, it makes you some sort of monster.

DH's family watch his uncle wither away from cancer last year, and every single one of them confessed after the fact that they wished there had been some way they could have helped him to end it sooner.

hepcats · December 2011

I am extremely jealous of moms whose LOs have progressed further than mine. All those LOs who are waving, sitting, etc. WELL before Martin. I know he's going to be a little behind because he was 6 weeks early and I know how very lucky I am that he's progressing at all, but I'm still jealous.

62406 · December 2011

hepcats:
I am extremely jealous of moms whose LOs have progressed further than mine. All those LOs who are waving, sitting, etc. WELL before Martin. I know he's going to be a little behind because he was 6 weeks early and I know how very lucky I am that he's progressing at all, but I'm still jealous.

I know how you feel. I read people posting around "rollers", well LO rolled twice maybe and stopped, I hope she won't have issues learning to crawl since we aren't encouraging tummy time much anymore. I feel as long as they are gaining weight and growing properly they will reach different milestones at their own pace and in their own time. My co-workers LO is walking at 9 months and I look at my LO and know there is a good chance she won't even be crawling by that point.

I know I've said this before, but your LO is just so stinkin cute in his reindeer outfit, I love it even more with the pacifier.

LaRue86 · December 2011

All of this. My friend works at a pregnancy crisis center. You may want to look and see if there is one in your area. They are a NFP and will see you regardless of ability to pay. They provide counseling for those who have gone through abortions.

I am very pro-life, but cannot say that I would have made a different decision than you. If the man was abusive to you, he most likely would have been abusive towards the child. Perhaps knowing that you protected that baby from an abusive father will provide you with some peace. As PPs have mentioned, remember the reasons why you did it at the time.

Hugs!

Rachel5782 · December 2011

62406:

hepcats:
I am extremely jealous of moms whose LOs have progressed further than mine. All those LOs who are waving, sitting, etc. WELL before Martin. I know he's going to be a little behind because he was 6 weeks early and I know how very lucky I am that he's progressing at all, but I'm still jealous.

I know how you feel. I read people posting around "rollers", well LO rolled twice maybe and stopped, I hope she won't have issues learning to crawl since we aren't encouraging tummy time much anymore. I feel as long as they are gaining weight and growing properly they will reach different milestones at their own pace and in their own time. My co-workers LO is walking at 9 months and I look at my LO and know there is a good chance she won't even be crawling by that point.

I know I've said this before, but your LO is just so stinkin cute in his reindeer outfit, I love it even more with the pacifier.

This. DS seems to have no desire to roll over. He is enjoying tummy time for much longer periods of time now and is trying to crawl. He just can't seem to figure out what to do with his legs. He is also not sitting up unassisted consistently yet.. he's getting closer (can do it for maybe 10-30 seconds) but still not totally there yet. It doesn't help that he gets frustrated and throws himself backwards on purpose. On top of not really rolling or sitting up unassisted, he hasn't mastered his pincher grasp. I gave him some mushed up banana today and he got mad because he was having trouble picking it up using all his fingers. Of course I can't help get paranoid that he has underlying issues (I'm especially scared of autism), but he's a social butterfly and loves to laugh and talk. He has just learned to click with his tongue and we were doing it back and forth at each other today. Too funny.

hepcats · December 2011

Birdies08:
june2011ae:
i made up an ae bc i'm to embarrased to post under my real sn. a few years ago i was in an abusive relationship and got pregnant. long story short i had an abortion. now that i have a beautiful baby i am so sick about it i have fallen into a deep depression because i cannot believe i did that to a baby. i cry every day and can't forgive myself. i am so ashamed and have no one to talk to about it and i don't have enough money right now to see a counselor. i am disgusted with myself.
I want you to know that you are not alone. I would encourage you to find someone to talk to- it is so common to have a range of emotions after having an abortion, even years after the fact. You do not need to be ashamed or disgusted. You made the best choice for yourself and your future family given your difficult circumstances.
This is a really great resource I urge you to check out:
https://exhaleprovoice.org/

I'm so sad that you felt you had to make an ae for this. This is precisely why the June mamas are here for one another. You may not feel you can talk to others about this but you can talk to us. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk. No judgments here.

thatgirl84 · December 2011

june2011ae:
i made up an ae bc i'm to embarrased to post under my real sn. a few years ago i was in an abusive relationship and got pregnant. long story short i had an abortion. now that i have a beautiful baby i am so sick about it i have fallen into a deep depression because i cannot believe i did that to a baby. i cry every day and can't forgive myself. i am so ashamed and have no one to talk to about it and i don't have enough money right now to see a counselor. i am disgusted with myself.

I understand using a different SN. It seems like there is always one person that will have a snarky remark, but it's usually someone who isn't even a June Mom. I was in an abusive marriage, and if I had gotten pregnant I would have done the same thing. Violence is a cycle. My ex-H's dad was abusive, and the grandfather was abusive and the great grandfather. It doesn't end. If you had a baby by him, then he would still be using that fact to control you.

Life has only one direction. With every loss we grieve, but must move on. I know it is hard. Focus on what you have now, accept that you cannot change the choices you made, and talk to someone. You always have us, too. Your beautiful LO is your second chance.

My FFFC-

My DH asked me if I was thinking about leaving, and I said no. I think about leaving every day. I have been very unhappy, and moody very recently. I'm starting prozac, and I hope that helps me. I love my DH, and my family, but I don't think he knows me very well in some very basic ways.

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