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TTC After a Loss
I thought this was meant for support...
Im sorry how bitchy this is going to sound but I am pretty well fed up with all the drama that goes on here. I know were all women and thats what you get with a bunch of women but I thought this board was meant for support, not criticism. I do not agree with many things I see on this board but do not call people out on it, especially so rudely!
CANT WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?! 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I thought this was meant for support...
You are adding drama. You are calling people out. You are insulting us as women. You are not adding support.
Posts like this do not help us get along.
My Blog: One Emerald
BFP#1: 9-13-11 EDD: 5-26-12 MMC: 11-4-11 D&C: 11-8-11
BFP#2: 7-6-12 Elizabeth Faye ("Zuzu") born 3-21-13
I usually try to be supportive, but everyone has their breaking point. You've found mine.
Agreed.
BFP #1 9/25/2011 | EDD 6/1/2012 | M/C 10/26/2011 at 8w6d
BFP #2 3/13/2012 | EDD 11/23/2012
9DPO hcg: 45; Prog: 41 | 14DPO hcg: 694 | 17DPO hcg: 2733 | 28DPO hcg: 53,006
First u/s 4/13 showed a beating heart! Second u/s 5/2 showed a HB of 163! Let's GROW, baby!
He's here! Kellen born 11/16/12 - 8 lbs 8 oz 22 inches long via scheduled c-section (breech baby, gestational diabetes mama)
Wow. I'm about to quit this board because people like you think there is too much drama. The only drama that happens on this board is because of people like you.
If people would read the blog, etc. before running past us and dropping BFP bombs on us (a bunch of mourning women), we wouldn't have this problem.
If BFP people want a bunch of support, go to PGAL. The end.
Again, Im sorry for speaking my mind on this matter (everyone has that right, including people I do not agree with).
But you didn't say that women create drama in general (although you did allude to it), you said that THIS BOARD does. I have no problem attacking someone who is looking for rainbows and puppy dogs from a LOSS board that she isn't even a part of. Just sayin.......
Ya know, I posted something similar to her when I got my BFP, but on the TTC board. I now know how HORRIBLE that was, but at the time it didn't cross my mind. I was excited and that was it. I wanted to announce it to the world! NOW, I understand what everyone gets upset about. It isn't fair. They didn't know me. Now I am supportive and caring towards all of the women on this board. I don't recognize you either, by the way. Are you friends with our other phisher?
Those people have been here long enough to give support to others and are recognized by most members of TTCAL. The only drama comes from those posting BFPs who've either never posted here before OR posted so rarely that no one knows them. It's simple: give support, get support.
Actually Im not. Go check my posts...I post here. Maybe not everyday but I do not have time to post every single day!
Exactly.
BFP #1- 11/7/10 ~EDD 7/20/11 ~M/C (bo) 12/6/10 @ 8wks ~Missing my Little Firework
BFP #2- 9/11/11 ~EDD 5/25/12 ~M/C (mmc10w)11/4/11 @ 11wks ~Missing my May Flower
BFP #3- 02/21/12 ~EDD 11/1/12 Audrey Lee Born 11/4/2012
BFP #4 ~EDD 6/20/14 stick baby stick!
I guess you do, but I dont recognize you at all. It really helps to have a ticker/siggy and get involved.
It doesnt help to post the OP (which is all sorts of weird). If you lurk here at all you would know how supportive this board is. You would also see how hurtfull drive by BFPs and phishing from randoms are. You would see most of these girls as your friends and part of your support group. You would be sticking up for us not calling us rude and unsupportive.
YOU think your OP "needs to be said" because you dont know enough about this place. Settle in, get to know us, show and get support ---we are an amazing group.
You really are missing out.
BFP #1- 11/7/10 ~EDD 7/20/11 ~M/C (bo) 12/6/10 @ 8wks ~Missing my Little Firework
BFP #2- 9/11/11 ~EDD 5/25/12 ~M/C (mmc10w)11/4/11 @ 11wks ~Missing my May Flower
BFP #3- 02/21/12 ~EDD 11/1/12 Audrey Lee Born 11/4/2012
BFP #4 ~EDD 6/20/14 stick baby stick!
I would like to add that even though I will have been an active participant on this board for 7 months before I even get to TTC, I would be hesitant to post a BFP on this board simply out of consideration for the other members and what they are going through.
Ok, I'm going to put my snark away for a minute and be very serious. I'd really like to know the answer to these questions.
Ckoch, if you really are fed up with this board, why are you still here? Do you think it will change due to this one thread? Will you come back and check? If yes, why, when you seem to dislike this board? Why not find another website that is more your desired style? We're not the only loss board out there (by far), and I really am curious why people who claim to dislike this board stick around.
I'd love to hear your answers, and I will not jump on you for them, although others may (and I can't blame them).
Note: this is a rare snark-free opportunity from me, so it'd be great if you really did answer.
I promise not to snark either.
Congratulations!
Lassie told you there was problems in the well, and you saved the whole village from starving with your post! +3 gold stars to you, my dear!
Im not doubting or saying this isnt a great board with many supportive people. I have been helped and supported by many great people here and I do appreciate it, greatly.
I feel like every time I log on here, someone is getting attacked for something. It may not happen often but it seems that when I log on, I see it. Im sorry if it does not happen often and I am just catching it when it does. I am not fed up with the helpfullness and support that I do see, just fed up with drama which I know will occur anywhere. I just do not agree with rudeness I have seen and to what extent I have seen it.
I did/do not mean to offend ANYONE and Im sorry that I have.
Gracie??? Is that you??
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
I
you, and I've missed you love!
Those are probably the people who have been here for MONTHS and have given a ton of support to all of us.... those are probably the people we have grown to love and are rooting for.
If you're a goat and I don't know you from a shoe to a handbag, i'm not rooting for you and I don't give a crap about your BFP.
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
Ok, I get that you like the supportive people you find here. I (and I think most) agree with that. But, if you dislike the "drama" so much, and it happens "like every time (you) log on," why continue to come back? Is the support outweighing the drama? Or does the drama really bother you enough that it outweighs the support to you? (I tend to believe the latter, due to your need to post this thread.)
Again, I'm not being snarky, I'm just trying to understand why you're still here.
ETA: Btw, I'm not offended by your post, and I'm not sure anyone else is either. Snark doesn't always come from being offended or hurt. A lot of times it comes from being fed up with the goats, AWs, google-type questions, and ladies who expect support when they don't give it. <------- Not snarky, just informational.
Seriously? We need ANOTHER post about this? FFS, just read the other posts where this has been touched on countless times.
I don't give a flying flip what anyone says, BFP's posted by people who aren't active members of this board will NEVER be accepted. Get over it already. If you don't like it, then leave. I'm so sick and tired of this bull$hit. You are the ones who cry foul, but you aren't the ones who are stuck here month after month watching these BFP's. If you don't like the board dynamics then don't let the door hit you on the way out because your pointless post isn't going to change something that was put into effect how long ago to prevent this very bull$hit.
♥BFP #1 "Spawn"- 02/23/11 | EDD: 11/01/11 | natural m/c 03/20/11 @7w5d♥
♥BFP #2 "Offspring"- 11/10/12 | EDD: 07/25/13 | incomplete m/c 12/14/12 @8w1d | D&C 12/21/12♥
♥BFP #3 "Progeny" - 02/16/15 | It's a BOY!! | EDD: 10/17/15 | BD: 10/23/15♥
All AL Always Welcome
You know what quote I love. Just because you had a loss, doesn't mean I have to be nice to you, and doesn't mean that you can lose your common sense.
In order to keep the stupid off this board, sometimes you have to be a little harsh to the stupid. If people see you're giving P&R to the stupid, they'll be stupid more often. If we just give P&R all of the time, this place will turn into babygaga. If I wanted babygaga P&R, i'd go there. I like the harsh reality checks of TB.
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
Our TTCAL Blog--Newbies and Lurkers Please Read!
♥♡♥ PAL/PGAL welcome♥♡♥You're making me fall in love with you, please stop being so awesome!
I just wrote about this in one of the posts. It was addressed a few weeks ago too.
If we don't say anything and ignore a post, or give them the P&R they deserve. There will be more. People will say "Oh, it's allowed!" and this place would be overrun with goats.
However, flaming someone, deters others from doing it. There are newbies on this board that are seeing this today and thinking to themselves "Note to self: Do not post a BFP unless I've been here for months and are a regular." and ta da! Mission accomplished!
Is it in a good way? No. But sometimes we need to send that one kid to the principals office to straighten up the rest of the class.
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
Well, I am glad that you like the group and would like to stay. It is a great group. It sounds like you've read the blog and are starting to get to know the board. I appreciate that. And I do have to disagree with you a little, in that those actions are not just common courtesy. When anyone joins a new community, it is expected they read the rules, and it is expected they follow them. There are consequences if they don't. This is not new, it exists in real life too, not just the internet.
Thus, everyone in the community, whether active poster or lurker, is expected to read, know, and follow the community's rules. That is why we get up in arms with goats and drive-bys. We protect our community and the ladies who participate in it.
And, in an effort to help you understand this, I'm going to repeat myself from my last post. Again, not to be snarky, but to share information. I believe most people have been snarky in this thread due to annoyance, more than anything. I do not think the posters are "offended" by you.
The community can be and is often "offended" by drive-bys. More often, however, there are people HURT and ANNOYED by drive-bys and goats. (My capitals are not screaming, they are for emphasis.) The ladies do not spew puppies and rainbows at the drive-bys and goats, because they know some of the ladies here (and perhaps even themselves) are hurt by the drive-bys and goats. Thus, they respond with snark in an effort to protect the community and ladies within it. (ETA: Cashew said this best above: it's also about discipline. Not only for the original goat/drive-by, but for the newbies and lurkers, so that they learn what the rules are, and that there are consequences for not following them.)
I hope this helps you understand our community a little better, if you continue to choose to stay.
You better start running, because if I catch you Imma hump yo leg!
I have missed you and JVB.
BFP #1- 11/7/10 ~EDD 7/20/11 ~M/C (bo) 12/6/10 @ 8wks ~Missing my Little Firework
BFP #2- 9/11/11 ~EDD 5/25/12 ~M/C (mmc10w)11/4/11 @ 11wks ~Missing my May Flower
BFP #3- 02/21/12 ~EDD 11/1/12 Audrey Lee Born 11/4/2012
BFP #4 ~EDD 6/20/14 stick baby stick!
THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Here's my two cents. More of a story or vignette for ya. Do you remember being/Have you ever told a child they were too young to understand something? I think it's sort of like that.
When I first got here - lurking in late May, early June - and after my loss and into my early TTCAL cycles, I thought similarly to you. Someone would post a BFP and would get "torn to shreds" and I'm thinking, "these Biatches are CRAZY! WTH are we here for if not to get a BFP? People like Cashews, Wicked, Em, etc must just be bitter little bettys."
I don't mind naming names because now...NOW?! I get it (and I PPH them). As time has gone by, I understand how you never know how one or two might be having a day that seeing a BFP from some complete rando will make her soul hurt.
I think when you come in, fresh from grieving but still full of hope and coasting on IRL well-meaning 'you're still young, as least you know you can get pregnant, etc' wishes and you don't "get" this board, it can seem a little harsh. If you have to spend some time here, it all starts to make a little sense.
Bee Tee Dubs - I have no idea if THIS made any sense, but it did in my head. This is why I usually stay away from these.
Well-behaved women rarely make history.
BFP #1 ~ 4.29.11 | Blighted Ovum 6.2.11 | D&C 6.9.11
DX Unicornuate Uterus 4.12
BFP #2 ~ 10.12.12 | m/c 11.25.12 | D&C 2.8.13
BFP #3 ~ 12.11.13 | heartbeat ~12.20
| no heartbeat ~12.27 | D&C 1.6.14
BFP #4 ~ 7.20.14 | EDD 3.29.15 | heartbeat x2 eeek! ~ 8.4 | heard heartbeat-120 ~ 8.8 |
11.6.14 Courtland Jeremiah & Landon Joseph born sleeping
Yes!!! This is a perfect way to state it!
Believe it or not, I was once a youngin' like you too. People like Carrie, Kona and Suntoto would jump on people and I wouldn't understand why. But I stood in the back of the room and watched on.... not daring to open my big mouth.
Then, one day, it hit me. I totally understood why.
However, we got told a big "I told you so" by a few. That was horrid. I would never do that to anyone else. I actually hate seeing people understand where i'm coming from. I sometimes wish you could all be youngin's forever.
Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11
I don't know...I keep seeing all these replies about "don't expect support if you haven't given support" and my mind keeps going to the old saying that a gift isn't truly a gift if you're expecting something in return. I believe that giving support is much like giving a gift. You're supposed to do it out of the kindness of your heart, not out of the expectation to get some in return.
That being said, I'm feeling more and more that this site isn't the site for me. If someone could let me know how to completely delete a profile I think I am leaning towards that route at this point. Thanks.
If a complete strange were to come up to you and tell you they got a BFP and you have spent months or even years TTC with no results other than possibly more miscarriages would you really be able to be all happy and bubbly regarding their good news?
On the other hand, a good friend who has struggled and supported you through all of your troubles announces a BFP, are you happy for her? Yes, b/c you know everything that she has gone through to get there.
I do believe that giving support is something that should be done out of the kindness of your heart but it is hard for some people when someone has been here maybe one cycle and has contributed very little in the way of support but wants to AW their BFP to those who are still struggling with their loss or their inability to conceive.
Absolutely. The one thing I have learned through all my struggles of trying to get a take home baby is that every birth is truly a miracle and I am overjoyed to see people having success!!! Does it somewhat sting that it isn't my joy yet...of course...but I am still genuinely happy for others. I guess it's just my nature.
You could just stop logging on to here if you're that upset. Otherwise you can email someone that moderates TB and ask them to permanently delete your profile.