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2nd Trimester
allisonmarie22
member
Seriously over all the MIL bashing
allisonmarie22
member
I get that some MIL issues are very valid, but I just sit here and LOL at some of the pretty normal stuff some of these poor women do that the posters see as horrible atrocities.
In most cases, NOT ALL, your MIL played a huge part in making your DH into the wonderful man you chose to share your life with. It's amazing how horribly they get treated for just wanting to be excited about their grandchildren when in reality it sounds a lot of times like it's the little wifey that needs to get over herself and grow up.
Note: This is not in reference to any specific post. It's just a general observation from being around TB for a few months now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Seriously over all the MIL bashing
My MIL was telling me this the other day.. she never knew her MIL (both of my FIL's parents passed away when he was a teen) and she hates hearing her coworkers fuss about their MILs. It reminded me of TB a lot
DS - 7.2006 - C-Section b/c Breech
DS2 - 4.2008 - Successful Vbac
DD - 5.2012 - Successful Vbac
I also agree with this. I know there are cases with terrible MILs (honestly my first MIL was in this category- just as an example, she literally kidnapped my daughter when she got mad me and the ex were going to try to work things out) but I feel like sometimes people look for issues because the stereotype is that MILs are terrible, awful people. Don't get me wrong, mine has done some shady stuff, but I brush it off because none of it is a huge deal. We get along pretty well most of the time and she treats my daughter as though she is her granddaughter and not just some kid I came into the marriage with, which is important to me.
DD1- 12/26/05 DD2- 4/12/12
I love my future inlaws. My future MIL was not a great mom and it's not thanks to her that my FI is a great person (it's his dad and several other family members), but we get along just fine. I don't particularly like her as a person, but neither does FI and we don't see her often. But I definitely don't have anything to b*tch about.
The rest of my in laws I love though.
I do actually have a MIL that after 5 years, I am JUST now getting along with. I will admit that after the first year of dating DH, neither of us tried too hard to like each other and some of the things said/done to DH and me were awful. But we are moving past it all now and in some weird way I think this pregnancy is bringing us together.
BUT I will not complain about anything she says/does when it comes to this pregnancy because I know she is just SO excited to have her first grandchild. I have to remember the type of personality she has and the type of person she is. Sometimes she says things in a way that I would find rude but she actually in her own way is trying to be nice. I also think that more women need to learn that somethings aren't worth fighting about and you really need to pick your battles.
On the otherhand, DH and my mom get along amazingly. I think they talk more often than my own mother and I do haha!
4th BFP-August 2014- Due May 12, 2015
Married DH 7/30/11
CSC arrived 5/7/12
CHC arrived 6/2/14
I have a difficlut time with all the MIL posts because DH's mom passed away right before we met and I know how much he would LOVE to have her around to meet her first grandson. I know MIL's can be difficult, (My mom drives DH bonkers sometimes!) but it still makes me sad to see some people pushing away someone who will be a very important person in their child's life.
I agree. Sometimes on some of the posts that I've read on this and other boards "venting" about MIL, they are such bs vents, that the pregnant woman just needs to take it down a notch--it's not that big a deal. Now, there are some posts where the MIL are truly terrible people, and I do feel bad for the woman who has to deal with that and also be pregnant.
My MIL and I have a great relationship. DH and I have taken her (along with my mom) on a couple of trips with us because we get along so well. We have different opinions on religion, but we still love and respect one another. And we can still have a great time together and talk about all the stuff that we DO have in common. She knows that I love and take care of her son and that he loves me, and in the end, whether or not we go to church is not worth losing a relationship.
Me: PCOS DH: Low everything (MFI)
Clomid with TI x 3 2010 BFN
Clomid+IUI+Ovidrel 2010 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 2011
9/8/11 Beta #1: 2082!! 9/19/11 Beta#2 34,689!! U/S 9/22/11 HR 127! 11/8/11 HR 150! 12/6/11 HR 136! 12/14/11 HR 139! Born at 26w2d on 2/4/2012! After 83 days in the NICU, Adalyn came home on 4/26/12!
FET 1 3/2013 BFN
FET 2 5/2013 BFN
I've always thought this, even back on the knot days. There are some posters who have seriously heinous MILs and I cringe when they share stories about them, but a lot of the stuff I just think, "imagine this is your son and his wife having their first baby."
My mom is a MIL (I have two brothers) and I think seeing how she operates gives me a better understanding of how hard it can be to be a mother-in-law, especially during times like pregnancy and wedding-planning, etc.
Dude. Online message board. People vent. Get over it.
And I like my MIL.
::shrug::
Bigger things to get your panties in a wad over IMO.
Up until I had my first baby, my MIL was amazing. She was like a second mom. But, once I had my DD, she would sneak things behind my back, call me crazy for how I choose to parent and other things like that. I think until you actually have a child will you understand that in some way (either positive or negative) your relationship will change to an extent.
Goodbye little angel(7/22/2011)....see you in heaven
Goodbye my second angel (9/18/2011)
And this was the OP venting, so I don't see what the big deal is. Yes, bigger fish to fry and all that but she's just as entitled to vent as anyone else, KWIM?
DD1- 12/26/05 DD2- 4/12/12
ITA. If you don't like those posts, don't read them. And, I'm equal opportunity when it comes to being annoyed by people. I could vent about DH, FIL, or either of my parents some days. I'm PG, people are getting on my nerves and not always for rational reasons. Also, something may sound petty to you, but if it's been going on for years, it can cause some problems.
Wow. Go stuff myself? You need to calm down. Just based on your response I'd have to guess that your MIL isn't the only one in your equation who is BSC.
I STARTED my post by saying that I understand some issues are valid.
Geez...
My MIL passed away suddenly when I was 7 weeks along. So the MIL-bashing sorta pisses me off too.
Eleanor Gwendolyn
My MIL is awesome! She never says anything negative or bad about anyone. She has a heart of gold and I see where DH gets it from. My FIL can be a pain sometimes but he has such a big generous heart and without him we would not have had the amazing wedding we had.
You're acting like people are venting just to piss you off, when obviously you don't know what you're talking about. Don't like posts? Don't f-ing read them. But let me tell you, if your MIL called you names, threw things off the mantle in your house, allowed an addict into her home and around your 11 year old niece, dressed said 11 year old in a too-small 8 year old's PAGEANT dress and then tried to steal her from school, you'd bloody vent too. So yes, stuff yourself.
But obviously I wouldn't have any problems if I was just a better person, like you. Sunshine and rainbows for everyone!
*snort*
That goes for you, too.. and take a chill pill! Geez! Unless she personally attacked you (which she didn't), I don't see why you would personally attack her with the "go stuff yourself" comments.
I think of it this way, we're all on a board that has a bunch of hormonal pregnant women. Things that shouldn't bother us, now do. So either read the posts about people venting or don't. It's better then vent to us, who are supposed to understand the crazy hormones, then to actually get mad at them. Just my opinion.
I also don't have a MIL, and if my boy friend and I ever got married, I still wouldn't have a MIL. She passed away a year and a half ago, after a long battle with a serious illness. And I still think it's ok, for a hormonal pregnant women to vent and overreact alittle. If you're all telling me, during your pregnancy you haven't overreacted once, I firmly believe you are full of Sh*t. Yes, some people have valid reasons to be angry, but hormones make everything seem like a valid reason to be angry.
This. I really love my MIL. I give her tons of credit for helping my husband be the man he is. The reason I have vented once or twice on TB is because its an anonymous way to let off some steam without actually damaging anyone else's relationship with her. I don't want to tell DH she's driving me nuts because I have no wish to damage his relationship with her. I don't want to talk to other friends or family members who know her, because, again, they might start to view her negatively. Having strangers relate and encourage you is helpful without harming her reputation!
THIS!!!
who cares. This is a forum filled with hormonal pregnant women, often who may not have anywhere else to vent/complain/question/etc. So if you don't like a certain kind of post, then don't read it.
I used to get annoyed by repetitive posts then I realised that was silly, because that's what a forum is about and we all have things that irk or worry us more than others, and that seem silly to other people.
My MIL is pretty great, she can be annoying at times of course, but overall I'd say I'm pretty lucky. If I had a total wackjob for a MIL though, maybe I'd be venting about it too.
This to an extent. We had a great relationship... until DH and I got married. Then it's like she doesn't care as much for DS and she really doesn't care for me. She had made that point to DH very clearly.
DH even stated to her once "you liked it better when I was with my ex-wife because she cheated on me and hurt me and I would come to you with everything, and now that I'm with (me) and happy and know what true love is... you hate her because of it"....and she didn't disagree.
I think there is a difference between complaining about a MIL (or any family member) who is legitimately crazy and complaining because "OMG she wants to know how my appointment went!"
ETA: And honestly, as someone who is familiar with loss (which I'm very sorry about by the way) I would think you would have a little more compassion for the people who have lost someone close to them rather than "hating" their reactions to petty complaints.
I never said that I never overreacted to anything. I know I overreact at times. As I mentioned in my original post and again in a subsequent response, I know that some women have very VALID complaints. I just said some of the things that are considered awful are really, in the end, silly misunderstandings. Like some PP have mentioned, it's sad to me that these misunderstandings snowball into huge issues that form a wedge between us and someone who is so important to our husbands and will be important to our little ones.
Hormones may make lots of things *seem* like they are bigger than they are. I also have come to realize that lots of pregnant women use their hormones as an excuse to act like out of control children.
I was just doing a bit of venting, which is my right just like anyone else on this board. The only reason I keep reading the MIL vent posts (and will continue to do so) is for the very fact that some of them are valid, and I still like to offer support to those that are struggling with real issues.
Yeah...it's clear to me that you don't have any issues of your own. I'm sure your MIL is a total ogre and you're just a perfect little princess. WTFever.
Your blatant overreaction to my post and the fact that you feel the need to personally attack me, while my post was in no way directed at anyone or an attack of any kind, just proves my suspicion. You = BSC.
I definitely agree that a lot of MILS aren't all that bad. However, the title of your post of how you are "over" MIL threads makes it seem like you are getting your panites in a bunch over what's on a message board. If you are "over" them, then ignore them.
If you had posted something like "Why MILs are great!" and invited people to share their positive MIL stories or something like that, then I think it would have come across better. As it is, it just sounds like you are being whiney.
And FWIW, my MIL isn't the most horrible person on the Earth, but she does get on my nerves and I do see her as a big part of the reason why DH has some of the not-so-great habits that he has. I think most of the positive qualities that he has, he has developed on his own in spite of his mom, not because of her.
Such compassion.
Eleanor Gwendolyn
Yes, it sucks your MIL is not here anymore. But responses like yours insinuate that people who have bad relationships or truly crazy MILs should just suck it up and take it with a smile on their face because "at least they have one." Like your MIL never annoyed you. Once people die, they all turn into saints who never did a thing wrong their entire life. It's a common sentiment that people go through after the death of a loved one. Like I said, I lost my mom when I was younger. IT SUCKS. But I don't make other women whose moms are still here feel bad for having a bad relationship, and I don't pretend like my mom never annoyed the shiit out of me for a single second my whole life.