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2nd Trimester
Spanking your child
My SO's mother posted this on facebook last night:
"Has to laugh at people who are against spanking. My parents whipped my ass like there was no tomorrow. I didn't hate them. I didn't have trust issues with them because of it. I didn't fear them. But I DAMN sure respected them! I learned what my boundaries were, and knew what would happen if I crossed them. I wasn't abused. I was disciplined. *Re-post if you got your butt smacked and survived. This is why kids nowadays have no respect of anyone or anything & act like wild animals"
.......whaaat? My guy and I have yet to discuss the spanking issue. All I know is, if my future MIL ever spanks my kid, she is going to be getting a whooping.
What are your views on this issue?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Spanking your child
I'm conflicted.
Respect is not earned from spanking.
I got spanked maybe 3 times in my life. Redirection works better. I'm not 100% opposed to it, but people who only use spanking as a way of teaching their children right from wrong are just plain ignorant.
I have however known a few spoiled brat children who could have used a pop on the arse every now and then and it could have done some good.
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"Everything happens for a reason"
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This.
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"Everything happens for a reason"
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I was raised on it. It works on some kids more than others. But to this day I still respect my Mother and always will. Not to say that that's the only way to get respect. But it does work on some kids. I'm a "spanker" with my nieces and the mind wonderfully for me (usually better than at home) and still love me the same and enjoying coming to visit. I will definitely continue the form of discipline in my household.
That being said, I have heard, many times, of children being abused instead of punished. Some people do get out of control with it and it's up to you to draw the line. I don't mind a smack on the butt in the least but face-smacking and head-thumping are ABSOLUTELY out of the question with me. That's where I draw my line.
Also, the spankings are usually reserved for when the time-out and nose-in-corner aren't working..
Let me add, spanking was not a Go To punishment in the house. It was reserved for my really bad kid times. Mom would talk to me first, time outs and what not....but sometimes I would be a huge brat. And spanking was a last resort and usually when threatened, I straightened right up.
I was SO against spanking -- and then I had a son! Lol. Time out is our go-to brand of punishment, but sometimes our son needs a little tap on the bottom. It depends on your child. (You may even find that many other things you say you absolutely will not do change once you actually have and get to know your individual child!)
Of course, I will never all out beat my child.
I agree. I was only ever spanked when I lied or did something dangerous (tried to light a pumpkin on fire once then lied to my mom about it, not sure why....) I got spanked for that. But honestly, that is the only time I remember being spanked. All my dad had to do was count to three and I was good.
I'd like to say I will never, ever, ever smack my child on the rear end, but I can't. I can definitely say that I will never use spanking as a first or second response to a behavioral problem. It will have to depend upon what is actually going on, I think.
ETA: If I ever find out my in-laws or parents hit my kid, they better be wearing football or hockey pads and better run really fast.
I agree.
Ideally I would never want to use spanking as a punishment and obviously would try other things first, but I'm not going to rule it out completely. I got spanked a few times when I was little and the threat of it definitely kept me in line. (And I have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents now.)
I am not a fan of spanking. I was never spanked. My mother could give you this look that made you shut up and listen in a instant. I do agree in popping a childs hand if they put a finger in the socket of something like that.
anyone else find that an odd way to end an anti-spanking post? :oP
I was spanked, but I don't know yet if we will spank in general. I think there are some times where's it appropriate. Child runs into the street or does something dangerous, a spank may be warranted. I spanked my DD once. It was kind of just a reaction when she ran away from me and straight towards the pool. I grabbed her, pulled her back and spanked her butt. We then went into time out. I can't say whether it worked or not, but I know she knew she did somethign wrong.
Chemical Pregnancy 10/5/10
BFP 2/7/11--m/c 2/12/11
TTD pics taken by knottie jen&louie
This. We were both raised with spankings & are fine, have great relationships with our parents. We weren't beaten (a pop on the butt that leave no marks isn't beating IMO). We've already popped DS on the butt (super padded diaper butt, BTW) when he doesn't listen to corrections/redirections. He's smart enough to understand a pop on the butt means he had several warnings & now has to stop. It works for us & he's a happy lil guy & isn't scared of us in the least. Thankfully, he's pretty good at stopping something when we say to.
We spank in certain situations and I do not believe that it is abuse when used correctly. The form of punishment really depends on your child and the situation. You have to be consistent with punishment and they will learn. The bottome line is training your child and you need to do what will work for them. Spanking is not beating or whoop'in like the quote above!
I think of it this way, for years and years people spanked their children and well, the majority of them turned out fine! I really think it is your personal choice how you choose to train your child and other people should not judge you either way. Now, I do have a problem with people beating their kids, but a normal structured spanking is not a big deal.
I am totally for discipline! obviously not taking it too far, but having them realize it is a consequence from something they did wrong.
I was spanked once and that was all it took... whenever they even said the word, I would immediately be good...
My mom did this, too!! I lovingly call it "The Look of Death". She got really good at it.
I think the most important thing to remember when disciplining is consistency. Whether you choose to spank or not, if your kids know what is expected of them they will be better behaved.
Haha, this is me. I am not totally opposed to spanking; I try not to judge other parents and the situations they're in (I'm speaking of spanking as a last-resort form of discipline, not abuse, of course). I didn't really plan to use it on the LOs, but my DS can be an incredibly difficult and defiant child. Time outs have never been effective for him (his EI worker agreed that time outs often arent very effective), and within the last year we started using spanking as a last resort. DS gets plenty of warning and often the threat of spanking is enough to stop him, but if not, then it's a smack on the butt. To be honest, it's been the most effective way to discipline him. I think it just depends on the child. For some kids I really do think it's effective. DD is a different child then DS and we may never have to resort to spanking for her, as other forms of discipline seem to have enough effect.
This wasn't an anti-spanking post. This was a way to open up the subject, and I'd like to say I was totally joking, but I'd be seriously pissed if my MIL took spanking into her own hands. Does that make sense?
This
While I do believe in spanking (or a few swats, or even the threat of a swat) there is a fine line.. and "whipping their ass like there's no tomorrow" sounds a little on the abusive side to me.. just sayin.
I hate those 'repost if you think....' posts from people.
I don't believe in correcting bad behavior with bad behavior. Parents shouldn't hit their children, plain and simple. Flame away if you disagree but if anyone, including grandparent's smack my child then they will find out quick that I disapprove.
I'm not against spanking. I also believe there are other ways to discipline a child. But it depends on the child. When my brother was little, you could just scold him and he would never do it again. When my sister was little, you just had to explain to her why she couldn't do whatever. When I was little, nothing worked. scolding, talking to, time out, getting things taken away, grounding. nothing. Half the time spanking didnt even work. In our house, discipline will depend on the child. If something else works, we'll go with it. But we'll go through different things until we find what works for that child.
I agree with your MIL's post though. I was spanked. I don't have any hatred or anger towards my parents for it. I don't fear them. I was not abused. There is a difference between spanking and beating/abusing. I also believe that kids are super disrespectful these days and probably could/should have been disciplined better.
I would be super pissed if someone else spanked my child without a really good cause though.
Oh I totally took it as an anti-spanking post. but I got you were joking.
Chemical Pregnancy 10/5/10
BFP 2/7/11--m/c 2/12/11
TTD pics taken by knottie jen&louie
I will spank my child not abuse him. I was raised getting spankings even though I only got a few. All you had to do was say I was getting a whooping and I got on the right track. My brother on the other hand always got a spanking because he would not listen at all. We had to pick out our own switches and everything. I love my parents to death and I don't think not spanking me would make me love them any more. My nieces and nephews don't get spanked by their mom but I spank them when they are in my care. (sad to say they get out of hand a lot) I put them in the corner first and sometimes right when they get out they go back to doing the same thing until they get spanked. They act like totally different kids when they are at my house, when at home they draw on walls and jump all on the furniture. I don't know what other method of punishment their mom uses, but me spanking them has not ade them feel anger towards me. They love coming over and hanging out. Now I do have a nephew (SIL's son) who does not get put in the corner so when he comes over with the other kids and he is told to go to the corner he throws a fit! He acts like he is getting beat just because he has to go to the corner!!!!
I think it's a personal choice and it may depend on how you were raised. All kids are different so talking and time out will not work for eveybody.
Don't you mean if your MIL spanks your kid, she'll be redirected or get a time out??
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Kidding, of course.
I don't spank as a common punishment, BUT we have spanked on occasion for serious circumstances. One quick swat will get their attention but doesn't do mental damage. If they are getting into something seriously bad or putting themselves in danger or hurting someone else they get a quick swat. There is a difference between a quick swat to catch attention and a beating. My kids are now at the age where a spanking wouldn't do a thing. I've only needed to spank a handleful of times with my girls. We don't go over the top (lose control or hit hard enough to leave any type of mark) but once they have had one they listen when I say no. I see parents in the stores with a tantruming toddler and the parent has no control over them. Of course every kid learns differently...I have one kid that HATES timeouts and she would rather be grounded instead of sitting in a chair quietly. Sometimes other forms of disapline works but sometimes they need a bump on the butt to make them realize who is the authority figure. My kids behave very respectfully and very well at home and in public.
I'm pro spanking if its used correctly. DH and I spank the kids for doing something very dangerous like running out in the street, hurting someone else, or lying. As long as spanking is done to teach a lesson and not out of anger there is a difference between spanking and abuse.
I wouldn't say not spaking is the only reason why "kids nowadays" aren't respectful but lack of disipline is. I'm not saying spanking is the only way to disipline because it's not but I've met several parents who say spanking isn't needed to have well behaved children and their kids are little shits.
I think you are over reacting to your MIL's post. It's a copy and paste FB post. She didn't write it herself. There is a huge difference between posting that you think it was ok that you were spanked and planning on spanking some else's child.
I got spanked as a kid. My mom actually did hit me with a wooden spoon once (it hurts). Honestly, looking back on it now makes me laugh, and I don't hold anything against my parents. I was a BAD kid sometimes.
With that said, there will be no wooden spoons used on my child, but if I need to spank her butt, I will. I don't intend to use spanking as the first line of punishment, but she does need to learn boundaries and what's "OK" and what's not. Sometimes "time out" does not work (as evidenced by my cousin who was only ever given time out and is now a drug addict who is violent, hateful, etc.). It can, and I'd like to find alternative ways to discipline her. But, if she just won't listen, and her butt needs a quick smack, she'll get one.
Me (32) DH (30)
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lol sorry but I have to agree lol
Ok...Touchy subject...but ...let me prefrence this first- I did go to parenting classes through insurance as well as met with a child therapist regarding parenting and behavior rearing. (Had a crazy person in my life and was a single parent at the time, so i reached at every and any information).
Sorry long response...
For my daughter (age 10) I spanked. HOWEVER we have a discussion with her prior to punishment and punishments were always based on age, LEGALITY, maturity and comprehension. And as she got older we would discuss alternative
Personally, as a parent, I think that you set the tone and boundries early on with FOLLOW through and they mature, they learn that actions have consequencespunishments. I can say that at age 10, she is an A student beyond well behaved awsome personality and has total respect. My daughter is amazed at how some of her peers act and behave. My daughter is the first to say "that kid needs a spanking!"
I was strict from the beginning with her so generally for me, just a look tells her to fix her behavior. For her, early years, we did time out. As boundries were pushed, we adjusted punishments for as she matured. I honestly cant think of the last time she got a spanking. For me personally, after seeing the differences in parenting skills (based off of her classmates and playdates) I think we did something right.
My parents have never spanked her. Nor will any one be allowed. That is my job. There are rules in my house. We do not raise voices, we do not hold grudges. We talk it out. Prior to her ever getting a "spanking" time is given for reflection (cool down time for me). Then we discuss the action, correction needed and consequence.
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I can't get the ticker to work, but I have two sons:
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I can't say I liked her post buut, I don't think she would spank my kid without discussing with me (she's a nice lady). It definitely got me thinking about if spanking is something I will use in the future. Look at all this great discussion that came out of it!
I have loved hearing everyone's feedback! I guess I am pro-spanking under the right circumstances, definitely not out of personal anger.
It depends on the circumstances. I have a 9 yr old boy and some of them will test you. I don't do full out spanking (bend over with the belt) but I have had to swat him a few times.
I think there is a line between correcting behavior and abuse. If you don't know the difference then yes, maybe you shouldn't 'spank' your kid. I probably don't/didn't spank him enough according to some people but I did what I feel is best.
Kids get mouthy at a certain age. Plus my mother was a spanker and she has never hit my son. He's my child, Imy DH and I are the ones that handle the discipline (but my DH has never spanked him, he's his stepfather).
It's a GIRL!
Huh. The fact that I was spanked a couple times for misbehaving as a child in no way took away my dignity.
As far as them learning that it's not okay for someone to raise a hand with the intent to cause harm thing...I think you are confusing a little knock on the rear and physical abuse. I would never spank my child with the intent to harm her.
1. It's illegal in some states, look it up for where you live.
2. It lowers a child's I.Q. on an average of 10 points.
3. Considered "lazy" parenting.
4. The word Discipline means Learning. What is your child learning when they're spanked compared to talking with them and teaching them what they're doing wrong and why it's wrong.