I feared the wooden spoon. That was the go-to for my mom if there was ever a dire need to shut me up and get me to realize my wrong doing. I'll tell you, it worked. I had a little cry, calmed down, and was able to talk with my mom about what I did wrong.
Now I (probably) won't use a wooden spoon but I don't think spanking is wrong if there is a learning situation that comes of it.
Also I had to wash my mouth out with soap if I ever said something so bad to warrant it. I only remember having to do that a couple times though.
I want them to know they have personal dignity, and it's NEVER ok for someone to raise a hand to them with the intent of causing them physical harm.
Huh. The fact that I was spanked a couple times for misbehaving as a child in no way took away my dignity.
As far as them learning that it's not okay for someone to raise a hand with the intent to cause harm thing...I think you are confusing a little knock on the rear and physical abuse. I would never spank my child with the intent to harm her.
Definately on the fence about spanking. I was spanked twice, once by my father after my little sister and I caused a scene at a christmas musical, and got us all kicked out. The other time was by my grandmother after I crossed the street when she had told me not to. Man grammy was a hard spanker, lol. I'm of the mind set that spanking or even the threat of spanking should only be used extremely sparingly. I feel like explaining to your children why you don't want them to do something can be very effective. It seems like a lot of parents I've known (friends, family, ect.) jump too quickly to threats of physical punishment w/o thoroughly & calmly explaining to the child what they did wrong. I also like the idea of timeouts, although I don't remember ever having a timeout as a child. I do remember that sometimes my dad would tell us he was going to count to 3 and we better do what he wanted. He didn't actually say he was going to spank us but the threat was there so by 2 and 1/2 we were behaving. Also I've been watching Super Nanny, and she is against spanking. Her method does seem to work so it's something to think about. I don't want my child to fear me and be afraid to express themselves. I do however want them to be safe, and feel like they are in a secure environment where they know their parents are in control of the situation.
2. It lowers a child's I.Q. on an average of 10 points.
That's false. The one study I found on this stated 2.8 - 5 points and those were related to the amount of spanking that occurred.
How would spanking impact intelligence? Straus suggests that the chronic
stress created by regular spanking creates post-traumatic stress
symptoms in children.
ETA: And the test was done by checking kids and then rechecking them 4 years later after some amount of spanking had occurred. You cannot be 100% for certain that those results were based on spanking.
And while we are talking about studies, here is the result of another one I found while I was looking around:
(Conducted by psychology professor Marjorie Gunnoe at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan.)
?According to the research, children spanked up to the age of 6 were
likely as teenagers to perform better at school and were more likely to
carry out volunteer work and to want to go to college than their peers
who had never been physically disciplined.?
I want them to know they have personal dignity, and it's NEVER ok for someone to raise a hand to them with the intent of causing them physical harm.
Huh. The fact that I was spanked a couple times for misbehaving as a child in no way took away my dignity.
As far as them learning that it's not okay for someone to raise a hand with the intent to cause harm thing...I think you are confusing a little knock on the rear and physical abuse. I would never spank my child with the intent to harm her.
DH and I were both spanked as children and have no issues from it and I'm not entirely against it in all cases either.
That being said, we did spank our oldest for awhile but recently stopped because her behavior was becoming increasingly aggressive and violent and spankings weren't doing much in the discipline department. In the past week since we've stopped and tried just doing time outs and loss of privileges she's a new kid. She's WAY less aggressive and acts out far less. I know spanking can work for some but it just wasn't for her and from all this, I don't plan on using it as a form of discipline for our other children. I just think there are better methods out there.
1. It's illegal in some states, look it up for where you live.
2. It lowers a child's I.Q. on an average of 10 points.
3. Considered "lazy" parenting.
4. The word Discipline means Learning. What is your child learning when they're spanked compared to talking with them and teaching them what they're doing wrong and why it's wrong.
1. This is false. California tried but failed. There are restrictions in some states about how you can spank but there isn't one that says it's 100% illegal.
2. I'm going to go with false on this one too. I don't know where you are getting this from but even if there is a study that suggests this that doesn't equal fact.
3. This is a matter of opinion. I don't make my parenting decisons based on other people's opinions.
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I'm pro spanking if its used correctly. DH and I spank the kids for doing something very dangerous like running out in the street, hurting someone else, or lying. As long as spanking is done to teach a lesson and not out of anger there is a difference between spanking and abuse.
I wouldn't say not spaking is the only reason why "kids nowadays" aren't respectful but lack of disipline is. I'm not saying spanking is the only way to disipline because it's not but I've met several parents who say spanking isn't needed to have well behaved children and their kids are little shits.
I think you are over reacting to your MIL's post. It's a copy and paste FB post. She didn't write it herself. There is a huge difference between posting that you think it was ok that you were spanked and planning on spanking some else's child.
I completely agree with you!
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We use positive parenting techniques with our daughter, and we'll continue that with the next one. If anything, having a child strengthened my resolve to never spank.
Fwiw, I was spanked a couple times as a kid, and while I don't think it damaged me in any way, I also don't think it was effective or necessary.
Is the parent spanking the child for their own self? Because I don't think a child can even understand why they would be getting spanked. I will not be spanking my baby. parents who spank need to get their own anger in control. that's my view. use a time out chair.
1. It's illegal in some states, look it up for where you live.
2. It lowers a child's I.Q. on an average of 10 points.
3. Considered "lazy" parenting.
4. The word Discipline means Learning. What is your child learning when they're spanked compared to talking with them and teaching them what they're doing wrong and why it's wrong.
As for point number 2, I'd like to see the research you are quoting here. Could you please point me to the resource you've quoted?
I agree with a PP about point number 3. I don't base my parenting decisions on other people's opinions.
1. It's illegal in some states, look it up for where you live.
2. It lowers a child's I.Q. on an average of 10 points.
3. Considered "lazy" parenting.
4. The word Discipline means Learning. What is your child learning when they're spanked compared to talking with them and teaching them what they're doing wrong and why it's wrong.
I was spanked a few times while I was a child and I have a rather high IQ. I wonder if I would have been a genius if I wasn't spanked? I could see children that have been beaten having a lower IQ but honestly I don't think spanking does any real harm.
I hope I don't get arrested for saying this but my husband and I have decided we will use this as a form of punishment (spanking, not beating) when our child does something dangerous or unsafe.
I want them to know they have personal dignity, and it's NEVER ok for someone to raise a hand to them with the intent of causing them physical harm.
Huh. The fact that I was spanked a couple times for misbehaving as a child in no way took away my dignity.
As far as them learning that it's not okay for someone to raise a hand with the intent to cause harm thing...I think you are confusing a little knock on the rear and physical abuse. I would never spank my child with the intent to harm her.
I'm not confused. I believe that hands are not for hitting. I think there a lot of ways to teach without hitting or 'tapping' or whatever. But I already said I don't care what others do with their kids.
Also, another poster mentioned its illegal in some states. While it's not in this country, other countries have banned it:
Cnn recently did a whole series on research on spanking. And none of it was positive. Will it forever damage the kid? Probably not. But I think there's a lot of more effective ways.
I can't get the ticker to work, but I have two sons:
Is the parent spanking the child for their own self? Because I don't think a child can even understand why they would be getting spanked. I will not be spanking my baby. parents who spank need to get their own anger in control. that's my view. use a time out chair.
There have been way too many experiments to prove that even animals pick up on the cause-effect relationship of their behaviors (hit this buzzer and get a shock. eventually the dog stops hitting the buzzer) to think a child wouldn't get the message of this. And time out chairs don't always work. My cousin laughed at the time out chair, was never disciplined in any other way, and grew up to be abusive and disrespectful towards his parents and everyone else. Is that everyone? No. But other methods don't always work. Thinking spanking is simply for parents and due to anger issues is underestimating both parents and children. Parents can explain, and children can understand.
I'm sorry if some of you don't like my post. I've gone through child psychology and development classes in college and I've gone through a bi-state adoption (The mother ended up killing the child after released from jail and on meth). I've HAD to learn some of these things.
I was just sharing what I know. Raise your kids any way you want.
Is the parent spanking the child for their own self? Because I don't think a child can even understand why they would be getting spanked. I will not be spanking my baby. parents who spank need to get their own anger in control. that's my view. use a time out chair.
I always understood why I was getting spanked. The reason for the spanking was always made clear to me by my parents and it was never because of their anger, it was because I did something seriously wrong. Neither of my parents had/have anger issues. And the time out chair doesn't work with every child. I was one of them. Do you plan on holding them down or tying them to the time out chair because I would get up even if you were standing there. No matter how many times you put me back. I would also scream, cry, and freak out. "when you calm down your time will start" or "if you don't stop you'll have to be here longer" didn't work either. Time outs for me were more harm than help. With some children, time outs are enough. With others, they aren't effective.
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There's a difference between spanking and beating. I was spanked when I was bad as a kid, then all it had to be was a threat of a spank and I'd be good. Worked for me, and I turned out fine.
I agree. I was only ever spanked when I lied or did something dangerous (tried to light a pumpkin on fire once then lied to my mom about it, not sure why....) I got spanked for that. But honestly, that is the only time I remember being spanked. All my dad had to do was count to three and I was good.
Agree x2. The counting to three or a threatended spank was usually good. I think I was only actually spanked once or twice.
only thing that was an actual deterrent for bad behaviour from my now 3 year old. Wasn't my first choice, isn't my only go to, isn't done in anger, but it's so much more effective than anything else. If something else works, cool, but it's been around for 1000's of years for a reason - when used responsibly- it's quite an effective tool.
I'm pro-spanking. I would just get threatened with a spank and I would be good. You don't have to actually always spank your kid, just the idea of it is scary to a kid. I don't equate spanking to abuse. I wouldn't spank hard enough to leave bruises. I grew up that way and it's how I learned to behave when I wouldn't listen. I knew better, I just wouldn't listen. But as soon as mom threatened to tell Dad who would spank me later.....you can bet I was good to avoid it.
This.
This for us as well. DH and I were both spanked as kids and we turned out completely fine and are good, upstanding people. We have morals, manners, and respect for others and we're not mentally damaged in the least. It will be a last resort for us, but I'm sure it will happen at times. Too many kids run the house-hold these days and have no manners or respect for others, and my kids will not be one of those. If that means a swat on the butt or hand now-and-then, then so be it. There's a big difference between spanking for discipline and beating/abuse for anger, the importance is knowing the difference and knowing the limits.
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Late to the party here, but my take is this. I don't want other people spanking my child, but DH and I do plan to spank for certain infractions. We were both spanked and we turned out just fine. I've seen that status update on Facebook, and I honestly agree with it.
Wow, I cannot believe how many pro-spankers there are on this board. I could never imagine hitting my son, or ruling our house with threats of spanking. We work very hard to discipline our child with other means, as I have no plans of having children rule the roost around here. In our community (Seattle) there are tons of resources for positive disciplining techniques.
We rarely ever spank. It is used only as a last resort when our son has had many talks and warnings.
I much prefer to use guidance with my son. We're more authoritative than authoritarian. We set limits and enforce them, but we always explain why we have those rules and limits. We get to our son's level and work with him as long as he needs us to to understand his limits.
All of that said, we do spank. But it really hasn't happened much in his life. I think that parents who spank immediately are far more likely to do so out of anger and that's getting too close to abusive for me.
Studies show that physically abusive families are proponents of spanking as punishment. A high amount of children die from being beaten by their parents every year. If I can stay away from that spectrum, then I will.
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We won't spank. Neither one of us was spanked, we were disciplined in other ways though. I don't judge parents who do spank, it's just a different style of discipline. But it kind of ticks me off when parents say they spank so their children will respect them. I respect my parents more than anything.
1. It's illegal in some states, look it up for where you live.
2. It lowers a child's I.Q. on an average of 10 points.
3. Considered "lazy" parenting.
4. The word Discipline means Learning. What is your child learning when they're spanked compared to talking with them and teaching them what they're doing wrong and why it's wrong.
1. It is NOT illegal to spank your child with an OPEN hand.
2. I also want to see where you're getting your bogus info because that is just off the wall stupid.
3. I consider NOT disciplining to be "lazy" parenting.
4. So you're telling me they'll learn why it's wrong by staring at the wall? lol This is why you TALK to your child about why they were punished. No punishment is going to work if you don't explain why they got it in the first place!
My BFF tried the time out method on her kids and it doesn't do ***. She refuses to try and other method because it may "mentally damage" her kids. Lets just say her kids run the show and walk all over her. She can't even go grocery shopping without them throwing a fit because she won't buy them cookies and candy.
DH and I will spank our child if it's necessary. My brother and I were spanked, and it only took a few times, and just the threat of it made us sit up straight and we never dared cause a scene in public because we knew what would happen when we got home! We grew up respecting our elders.
I teach my child to respect all living things, and that includes not hitting. How can i possibly set a good example for appropriate behavior if I am doing one of the very things i teach him NOT to do?? Hitting another human being is not OK. I will never hit/spank/"pop" my child. There are many other ways to gain respect and good behavior. Admittedly, many of these other ways rely on more patience and thought. That is why spanking is often referred to as lazy parenting, and I agree.
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1. It's illegal in some states, look it up for where you live.
2. It lowers a child's I.Q. on an average of 10 points.
3. Considered "lazy" parenting.
4. The word Discipline means Learning. What is your child learning when they're spanked compared to talking with them and teaching them what they're doing wrong and why it's wrong.
1. It is NOT illegal to spank your child with an OPEN hand.
2. I also want to see where you're getting your bogus info because that is just off the wall stupid.
3. I consider NOT disciplining to be "lazy" parenting.
4. So you're telling me they'll learn why it's wrong by staring at the wall? lol This is why you TALK to your child about why they were punished. No punishment is going to work if you don't explain why they got it in the first place!
My BFF tried the time out method on her kids and it doesn't do ***. She refuses to try and other method because it may "mentally damage" her kids. Lets just say her kids run the show and walk all over her. She can't even go grocery shopping without them throwing a fit because she won't buy them cookies and candy.
DH and I will spank our child if it's necessary. My brother and I were spanked, and it only took a few times, and just the threat of it made us sit up straight and we never dared cause a scene in public because we knew what would happen when we got home! We grew up respecting our elders.
1. It's illegal in some states, look it up for where you live.
2. It lowers a child's I.Q. on an average of 10 points.
3. Considered "lazy" parenting.
4. The word Discipline means Learning. What is your child learning when they're spanked compared to talking with them and teaching them what they're doing wrong and why it's wrong.
1. It is NOT illegal to spank your child with an OPEN hand.
2. I also want to see where you're getting your bogus info because that is just off the wall stupid.
3. I consider NOT disciplining to be "lazy" parenting.
4. So you're telling me they'll learn why it's wrong by staring at the wall? lol This is why you TALK to your child about why they were punished. No punishment is going to work if you don't explain why they got it in the first place!
My BFF tried the time out method on her kids and it doesn't do ***. She refuses to try and other method because it may "mentally damage" her kids. Lets just say her kids run the show and walk all over her. She can't even go grocery shopping without them throwing a fit because she won't buy them cookies and candy.
DH and I will spank our child if it's necessary. My brother and I were spanked, and it only took a few times, and just the threat of it made us sit up straight and we never dared cause a scene in public because we knew what would happen when we got home! We grew up respecting our elders.
hmmm...could only give me news articles but no actual studies from medical journals! The LA Times is a bad newspaper which is why they are going bankrupt so I wouldn't trust their paper at all.
Go get some real facts and not newspaper clippings.
When I was little I was rarely spanked. My parents reserved spanking for when I was in major hot water. However, I do want to say that my parents NEVER spanked me in anger.
When I got in trouble they always sent me to my room "to think about what I had done." After a little while they would come in and discuss with me what I had done wrong, why it was wrong and why they felt that I needed punishment.
Until I was an adult I never understood or appreciated what my parents were doing. They were giving me time to think, they were giving themselves time to cool off and they were giving me the opportunity to have a conversation about what had gone wrong. I can't imagine how difficult it must've been for them each time they spanked me because just the thought of spanking my kids breaks my heart (I can't even swat my dogs when they get crazy). However, I feel that I turned out a better person because I was properly disciplined, and I owe my parents a huge debt of gratitude for never striking me in anger.
For those of you who equate abuse with spanking, FWIW I think you're way off base. They are nowhere near the same thing. You will never convince me that the method of discipline I just described above is abuse.
I'm pro-spanking. I would just get threatened with a spank and I would be good. You don't have to actually always spank your kid, just the idea of it is scary to a kid. I don't equate spanking to abuse. I wouldn't spank hard enough to leave bruises. I grew up that way and it's how I learned to behave when I wouldn't listen. I knew better, I just wouldn't listen. But as soon as mom threatened to tell Dad who would spank me later.....you can bet I was good to avoid it.
This for me too. I think some people can rely on it too much, which I think is just lazy. But I do feel it's necessary and effective in rare instances.
First came love, then came marriage - Oct 31, 09 Then came a miscarriage March '11 Then came a baby in the baby carriage May 16, 12
I got spanked... and by golly, just the thought of getting in trouble and my mom and dad spanking me was enough to teach me wrong from right. As a teacher, I see way to many children who don't get spanked. They are the ones that have absolutely NO discipline. There is a huge difference between discipline and abuse. Our girl will get spankings if she misbehaves. Time-out just really isn't effective IMO.
I don't believe in correcting bad behavior with bad behavior. Parents shouldn't hit their children, plain and simple. Flame away if you disagree but if anyone, including grandparent's smack my child then they will find out quick that I disapprove.
I couldn't agree with you more. We will never spank our children for this very reason.
I was spanked to the point of abuse yet I am still pro-spanking. Why? Because there is a difference is disciplining with love and doing things correctly and disciplining with anger. People see a child being spanked and get a bleeding heart about it yet know nothing about the situation or the family. Regular punishment no, but in some cases it is necessary.
i wish i could be joking but my dad is the music teacher at a church so he owuld be mad. we had sex, all the time how bad i know but we dont want to wait and he said GREAT OH KAY! and I was really feeling the wets? down there- too embarsed to say- but he acted like man.
I teach my child to respect all living things, and that includes not hitting. How can i possibly set a good example for appropriate behavior if I am doing one of the very things i teach him NOT to do?? Hitting another human being is not OK. I will never hit/spank/"pop" my child. There are many other ways to gain respect and good behavior. Admittedly, many of these other ways rely on more patience and thought. That is why spanking is often referred to as lazy parenting, and I agree.
well said.
"Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind."
- Kurt Vonnegut
2. It lowers a child's I.Q. on an average of 10 points.
That's false. The one study I found on this stated 2.8 - 5 points and those were related to the amount of spanking that occurred.
How would spanking impact intelligence? Straus suggests that the chronic
stress created by regular spanking creates post-traumatic stress
symptoms in children.
ETA: And the test was done by checking kids and then rechecking them 4 years later after some amount of spanking had occurred. You cannot be 100% for certain that those results were based on spanking.
And while we are talking about studies, here is the result of another one I found while I was looking around:
(Conducted by psychology professor Marjorie Gunnoe at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan.)
?According to the research, children spanked up to the age of 6 were
likely as teenagers to perform better at school and were more likely to
carry out volunteer work and to want to go to college than their peers
who had never been physically disciplined.?
As an abuse survivor - it is NEVER okay to hit. Ever.
Just lurking, but yeah this.
Also, KeriMarie is right as well, although some of her facts seem to have been a bit a skewed. According to the below articles, 27 states in the US have banned in public school systems, and long term use of spanking/corporal punishment can in fact have negative side effects on a child IQ and motor skills. Spanking/corporal punishment also seems to be banned or outlawed to various degrees in several countries around the globe, so IMO they got the right idea.
I also wanted to point out that there is a right way and a wrong way to use time-out methods, so if you don't know how to use it correctly, then of course its not going to work. The same goes for all forms of punishment, but as someone who comes from an abusive family, its my opinion that there are DEFINITELY better forms of a punishment other than spanking and parents should strive to learn how to properly enforce those punishments.
Re: Spanking your child
I feared the wooden spoon. That was the go-to for my mom if there was ever a dire need to shut me up and get me to realize my wrong doing. I'll tell you, it worked. I had a little cry, calmed down, and was able to talk with my mom about what I did wrong.
Now I (probably) won't use a wooden spoon but I don't think spanking is wrong if there is a learning situation that comes of it.
Also I had to wash my mouth out with soap if I ever said something so bad to warrant it. I only remember having to do that a couple times though.
I'm of the mind set that spanking or even the threat of spanking should only be used extremely sparingly. I feel like explaining to your children why you don't want them to do something can be very effective. It seems like a lot of parents I've known (friends, family, ect.) jump too quickly to threats of physical punishment w/o thoroughly & calmly explaining to the child what they did wrong.
I also like the idea of timeouts, although I don't remember ever having a timeout as a child. I do remember that sometimes my dad would tell us he was going to count to 3 and we better do what he wanted. He didn't actually say he was going to spank us but the threat was there so by 2 and 1/2 we were behaving.
Also I've been watching Super Nanny, and she is against spanking. Her method does seem to work so it's something to think about.
I don't want my child to fear me and be afraid to express themselves. I do however want them to be safe, and feel like they are in a secure environment where they know their parents are in control of the situation.
That's false. The one study I found on this stated 2.8 - 5 points and those were related to the amount of spanking that occurred.
How would spanking impact intelligence? Straus suggests that the chronic stress created by regular spanking creates post-traumatic stress symptoms in children.
ETA: And the test was done by checking kids and then rechecking them 4 years later after some amount of spanking had occurred. You cannot be 100% for certain that those results were based on spanking.
And while we are talking about studies, here is the result of another one I found while I was looking around:
(Conducted by psychology professor Marjorie Gunnoe at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan.)
?According to the research, children spanked up to the age of 6 were likely as teenagers to perform better at school and were more likely to carry out volunteer work and to want to go to college than their peers who had never been physically disciplined.?
EXACTLY!
DH and I were both spanked as children and have no issues from it and I'm not entirely against it in all cases either.
That being said, we did spank our oldest for awhile but recently stopped because her behavior was becoming increasingly aggressive and violent and spankings weren't doing much in the discipline department. In the past week since we've stopped and tried just doing time outs and loss of privileges she's a new kid. She's WAY less aggressive and acts out far less. I know spanking can work for some but it just wasn't for her and from all this, I don't plan on using it as a form of discipline for our other children. I just think there are better methods out there.
1. This is false. California tried but failed. There are restrictions in some states about how you can spank but there isn't one that says it's 100% illegal.
2. I'm going to go with false on this one too. I don't know where you are getting this from but even if there is a study that suggests this that doesn't equal fact.
3. This is a matter of opinion. I don't make my parenting decisons based on other people's opinions.
I completely agree with you!
We use positive parenting techniques with our daughter, and we'll continue that with the next one. If anything, having a child strengthened my resolve to never spank.
Fwiw, I was spanked a couple times as a kid, and while I don't think it damaged me in any way, I also don't think it was effective or necessary.
As for point number 2, I'd like to see the research you are quoting here. Could you please point me to the resource you've quoted?
I agree with a PP about point number 3. I don't base my parenting decisions on other people's opinions.
I was spanked a few times while I was a child and I have a rather high IQ. I wonder if I would have been a genius if I wasn't spanked? I could see children that have been beaten having a lower IQ but honestly I don't think spanking does any real harm.
I hope I don't get arrested for saying this but my husband and I have decided we will use this as a form of punishment (spanking, not beating) when our child does something dangerous or unsafe.
I'm not confused. I believe that hands are not for hitting. I think there a lot of ways to teach without hitting or 'tapping' or whatever. But I already said I don't care what others do with their kids.
Also, another poster mentioned its illegal in some states. While it's not in this country, other countries have banned it:
https://www.cnn.com/search/?query=Spanking&x=0&y=0&primaryType=mixed&sortBy=date&intl=false
Cnn recently did a whole series on research on spanking. And none of it was positive. Will it forever damage the kid? Probably not. But I think there's a lot of more effective ways.
I can't get the ticker to work, but I have two sons:
Baby RJ, born 1/25/2014
Formerly Twilightmv
There have been way too many experiments to prove that even animals pick up on the cause-effect relationship of their behaviors (hit this buzzer and get a shock. eventually the dog stops hitting the buzzer) to think a child wouldn't get the message of this. And time out chairs don't always work. My cousin laughed at the time out chair, was never disciplined in any other way, and grew up to be abusive and disrespectful towards his parents and everyone else. Is that everyone? No. But other methods don't always work. Thinking spanking is simply for parents and due to anger issues is underestimating both parents and children. Parents can explain, and children can understand.
Me (32) DH (30)
A Wordy Blog
Baby Evangeline is here!
I'm sorry if some of you don't like my post. I've gone through child psychology and development classes in college and I've gone through a bi-state adoption (The mother ended up killing the child after released from jail and on meth). I've HAD to learn some of these things.
I was just sharing what I know. Raise your kids any way you want.
I always understood why I was getting spanked. The reason for the spanking was always made clear to me by my parents and it was never because of their anger, it was because I did something seriously wrong. Neither of my parents had/have anger issues. And the time out chair doesn't work with every child. I was one of them. Do you plan on holding them down or tying them to the time out chair because I would get up even if you were standing there. No matter how many times you put me back. I would also scream, cry, and freak out. "when you calm down your time will start" or "if you don't stop you'll have to be here longer" didn't work either. Time outs for me were more harm than help. With some children, time outs are enough. With others, they aren't effective.
Agree x2. The counting to three or a threatended spank was usually good. I think I was only actually spanked once or twice.
No, we will not spank.
I was spanked as a child and there were no lasting effects, I'm close to my parents yada yada yada.
But we won't spank our children.
This for us as well. DH and I were both spanked as kids and we turned out completely fine and are good, upstanding people. We have morals, manners, and respect for others and we're not mentally damaged in the least. It will be a last resort for us, but I'm sure it will happen at times. Too many kids run the house-hold these days and have no manners or respect for others, and my kids will not be one of those. If that means a swat on the butt or hand now-and-then, then so be it. There's a big difference between spanking for discipline and beating/abuse for anger, the importance is knowing the difference and knowing the limits.
I much prefer to use guidance with my son. We're more authoritative than authoritarian. We set limits and enforce them, but we always explain why we have those rules and limits. We get to our son's level and work with him as long as he needs us to to understand his limits.
All of that said, we do spank. But it really hasn't happened much in his life. I think that parents who spank immediately are far more likely to do so out of anger and that's getting too close to abusive for me.
Studies show that physically abusive families are proponents of spanking as punishment. A high amount of children die from being beaten by their parents every year. If I can stay away from that spectrum, then I will.
1. It is NOT illegal to spank your child with an OPEN hand.
2. I also want to see where you're getting your bogus info because that is just off the wall stupid.
3. I consider NOT disciplining to be "lazy" parenting.
4. So you're telling me they'll learn why it's wrong by staring at the wall? lol This is why you TALK to your child about why they were punished. No punishment is going to work if you don't explain why they got it in the first place!
My BFF tried the time out method on her kids and it doesn't do ***. She refuses to try and other method because it may "mentally damage" her kids. Lets just say her kids run the show and walk all over her. She can't even go grocery shopping without them throwing a fit because she won't buy them cookies and candy.
DH and I will spank our child if it's necessary. My brother and I were spanked, and it only took a few times, and just the threat of it made us sit up straight and we never dared cause a scene in public because we knew what would happen when we got home! We grew up respecting our elders.
Here you go..
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090924231749.htm
https://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2009/09/spanking-iq.html
hmmm...could only give me news articles but no actual studies from medical journals! The LA Times is a bad newspaper which is why they are going bankrupt so I wouldn't trust their paper at all.
Go get some real facts and not newspaper clippings.
When I was little I was rarely spanked. My parents reserved spanking for when I was in major hot water. However, I do want to say that my parents NEVER spanked me in anger.
When I got in trouble they always sent me to my room "to think about what I had done." After a little while they would come in and discuss with me what I had done wrong, why it was wrong and why they felt that I needed punishment.
Until I was an adult I never understood or appreciated what my parents were doing. They were giving me time to think, they were giving themselves time to cool off and they were giving me the opportunity to have a conversation about what had gone wrong. I can't imagine how difficult it must've been for them each time they spanked me because just the thought of spanking my kids breaks my heart (I can't even swat my dogs when they get crazy). However, I feel that I turned out a better person because I was properly disciplined, and I owe my parents a huge debt of gratitude for never striking me in anger.
For those of you who equate abuse with spanking, FWIW I think you're way off base. They are nowhere near the same thing. You will never convince me that the method of discipline I just described above is abuse.
This for me too. I think some people can rely on it too much, which I think is just lazy. But I do feel it's necessary and effective in rare instances.
Then came a miscarriage March '11
Then came a baby in the baby carriage May 16, 12
Waiting on our second little peanut!
I couldn't agree with you more. We will never spank our children for this very reason.
well said.
You took the words right out my my mouth.
And "lazy parenting" give me a flippin' break.
Just lurking, but yeah this.
Also, KeriMarie is right as well, although some of her facts seem to have been a bit a skewed. According to the below articles, 27 states in the US have banned in public school systems, and long term use of spanking/corporal punishment can in fact have negative side effects on a child IQ and motor skills. Spanking/corporal punishment also seems to be banned or outlawed to various degrees in several countries around the globe, so IMO they got the right idea.
I also wanted to point out that there is a right way and a wrong way to use time-out methods, so if you don't know how to use it correctly, then of course its not going to work. The same goes for all forms of punishment, but as someone who comes from an abusive family, its my opinion that there are DEFINITELY better forms of a punishment other than spanking and parents should strive to learn how to properly enforce those punishments.
https://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1581853,00.html
https://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1926222,00.html