GTKY: Would you adopt

AnnBerry610 · November 2011

DH and I were talking tonight about the future of our family. DH has varicocele (it's like varicose veins in your scrotum) and he will be seeing a doctor in December for it so at this point most of our talks are mostly hypothetical. We started talking about IF treatments and the cost. Then the possibility of not being able to have a baby at all. He is very open to adoption. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Would you adopt if you couldn't have a biological child?

LLK122207 · November 2011

I have a DS and if we couldn't have another we would look into adoption and the cost. I'm adopted and I think it is a wonderful thing and I am so incredibly for it! So many children deserve better and will love you unconditionally even if you aren't "blood" so if you've exhausted your options.. why not?!

megs2011 · November 2011

If I couldn't have any biological children I would definitely consider adopting. I have 2 cousins that were adopted and 2 of DH's cousins are adopted too. I think it's a wonderful idea.

d3esika · November 2011

My husband and I have planned to adopt after 2 bio kiddos. If we can't have bios, we will just move that goal up for our adopted kiddos. We look forward to that time in our lives too!

Juicy71 · November 2011

DH has been very vocal about adoption knowing how much I want a baby. Just the other night we were talking about potential issues we may face TTC because of my age (40) and he just said, "Well, if it doesn't happen then we will adopt. Simple as that. We will have a wonderful family, no matter how it happens.

I married a good man.

And, I think I would like to TTC for a year, maybe two..., but if it doesn't happen in that time than I would definitely adopt. I just want to be a mom.

angelsnight · November 2011

I think so, yes. I admit I am not entirely sure of all the options, but I know I would be very against using a donor egg or donor sperm (if it came down to that). If we cannot have a bio kid that is both of ours, I would rather it be neither of ours.

willowprincess · November 2011

We would have (and will if we can't have many more). We actually talked about that before we got married. We agreed that if we couldn't get pregnant easily, we would not do any fertility treatments and just adopt. It is still something we might do anyway.

Nikko Blue · November 2011

We've never talked about it. I would consider it, but from what I have heard it is very expensive. I don't know if I could afford it.

sweetgoose · November 2011

Absolutely! My DH & I were just talking about this last night. If we are unable to have a bio child, then we would adopt. In fact, it is something we are considering even after having 1 or 2 bio children. There are plenty of children out there who are in need of loving homes and we would be able to provide one.

emikat · November 2011

I don't think we would. DH has a son, my stepson, and I'd probably just put my love towards him. I'm not sure how an adopted child would fit in this context and I might feel even more saddened that I couldn't have my own. It's a courageous and selfless thing to do, however. I applaud anyone that would consider it.

jlrschmidt · November 2011

Definitely. I was adopted when I was 2 weeks old because my adoptive parents couldn't get pregnant. My biological mother was only 16 when she had me! So I think I ended up in a far better situation this way than if I had stayed with her.

erikaja6 · November 2011

Absolutely.

SchruteBucks · November 2011

We would love to adopt someday. Don't know if we'll be able to because of the cost, but it is something we would love to do regardless of if we are able to have a biological child together.

misstrish521 · November 2011

I am very open to it, MH is not really sure how he feels about it.

landosmommy · November 2011

slightlyslapdash:

I haven't spoken to DH about it, but I definitely would.

There are so many children in this world that need a good home - I don't need to give birth to a child in order to be its mother.

This exactly. I definitly would adopt as well.

VineyardMel · November 2011

I really want to have a baby of our own, but even more than that I want to be a mom. We will absolutely adopt if we can't have our own.

Oceanbabe2012 · November 2011

How much is it generally to adopt?

Jnmac83 · November 2011

We are very open to adoption. I know it's fairly expensive, so we'd just have to cross that bridge if/when we get there, but it wouldn't be out of the question at all.

Ladybug720 · November 2011

Oceanbabe2012:
How much is it generally to adopt?

Every situation is different. Some of the factors include: the country your adopting from, if you are going through the state in which you live or an agency, if the adoption is open or closed, the age of the child ect.

DH and I have discussed this recently. It is definitely something that we are open to. We have established a limit to the amount of IF treatment that we would be willing to undergo before going to adoption. The only thing we really differ on is that he is more interested in an international adoption and I am not.

Laurakat81 · November 2011

I definitely would. I'd like to adopt one day no matter if we have biological children or not. But it's definitely a loaded question and not an easy decision. Im afraid of adoption being our only option. I want to be pregnant and know what it feels like. I want a child that looks like DH and myself. I'd grieve deeply if that never happened. And I'd fear that an adopted child would think they were my second choice. I would never want to make a child feel that way. And that part scares me.

I just cannot imagine my life not being a mom.

sadeathe · November 2011

I am on board with adoption, and not necessarily and infant. My husband will have to be convinced, however, because he's seen several adoptions turn out badly. I think if we couldn't have our own, and the cost wasn't enormous, he'd probably come around.

Mother Meghan · November 2011

Absolutely! While I would love to have a biological child, I would love to adopt.

Mother Meghan · November 2011

Absolutely! While I would love to have a biological child, I would love to adopt as well, especially if I'm not physically able to conceive.

MrsBlindLove · November 2011

We have adoption on both sides of our families. We have talked about and are both open to it and would love to give a child in need a home. I am not sure if we will be able to because of medical reasons and finances but if we can we will.

ks3pink · November 2011

After going through the process of DH legally adopting my DD I think I definitely would. I know its a totally different animal but all the people who work with adoption are so supportive and nice and the thought of being able to help someone else's child is awesome. I would want an infant but would consider a teenager (DH would completely disagree with the teenager lol) but not sure I'd want to go anywhere in between.

BenandSuzy · November 2011

We adopted first because it has always been a dream for me. We were afraid that if we had bio children first we would never adopt due to time, travel, etc. We adopted a 2.5 year old from Russia who is about to turn 7 in a few weeks. He's awesome and we hope to get the opportunity to do it again. We also have a 3 year old bio child and hope to do that again as well. Both of our boys are "our" children. While adoption isn't for everyone I am a huge advocate. It was the ride of a lifetime and not inexpensive, but more than worth it.

MeganJane915 · November 2011

We started talking about this way before we ever started TTC. We would absolutely try to adopt if we couldn't have children of our own! Adoption has always been something I have a heart for! Even if we do have children of our own we may still try to adopt if finances allow!

Kathy4678 · November 2011

I think that your opinions of this change a lot along the way. I think it's hard to really say what you would do unless you were put in the position to really consider this option. Adoption is an expensive and potentially heart wrenching process- the same as IF treatments can be.

vpine · November 2011

We wouldn't. I just don't think it would be the same, I would assume children weren't meant for me and God didn't want us to conceive for a reason, adoption isn't for us.

tegdirb2001 · November 2011

I would def adopt even with bio kids. I have alwasy thought of adoption as something I would like to do and DH has also. This is something we will look into after bio kids...or during. We will see.

sweetpea2003 · November 2011

Yes, I would adopt.

That being said, adoption isn't a band aid for infertility treatments. To me, it is a calling that you have to have aside from the situation.

I'm not saying that infertile people who adopt are using it as a band aid. Just that they have to process their grief of not being able to have biological children and then move on to exploring whether adoption is something that is good for their family. I HATE IT when people tell infertile couples to "just adopt" - it is sooooooo not that simple.

Adoption has been something that has been in my heart since long before I found out about our IF. I'm not sure if we will ever do it, it is extremely expensive and very stressful (no guarantees), but I would definitely do it under the right set of circumstances. Only time will tell I guess.

dragontears507 · November 2011

We want children so desperately at this point, we would certainly adopt if our IF road ended. We have even discussed if we do finally get our BFP, we may adopt our other children because we're not sure we want to go through all of this stress of IF all over again. Only time will tell...

brookelynpaisley · November 2011

We have decided we would not adopt. We also will not do IVF. Even at this point in time, we're not even sure we want to pursue IUI.

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Emily&Chad · November 2011

Yes

brookelynpaisley · November 2011

sweetpea2003:

Yes, I would adopt.

That being said, adoption isn't a band aid for infertility treatments. To me, it is a calling that you have to have aside from the situation.

I'm not saying that infertile people who adopt are using it as a band aid. Just that they have to process their grief of not being able to have biological children and then move on to exploring whether adoption is something that is good for their family. I HATE IT when people tell infertile couples to "just adopt" - it is sooooooo not that simple.

Adoption has been something that has been in my heart since long before I found out about our IF. I'm not sure if we will ever do it, it is extremely expensive and very stressful (no guarantees), but I would definitely do it under the right set of circumstances. Only time will tell I guess.

Oh my gosh, your babies are so big! I remember back when it was just Kate in your sig They're so beautiful

And I agree with you. Part of an issue I have with adoption is that a lot of people are saying, "we would adopt if we can't have children." Adoption isn't a cure for infertility, people. While it gives an opportunity to parent, you still have to allow yourself to grieve the bio child you will never have. Saying you would adopt if you can't have kids makes it sound like you're settling, and that's not the mindset one should have going into an adoption.

grahambaby · November 2011

We are considering it even if we do have our own biological children. My Goddaughter is adopted and having her in my family's life has made it that much better. I think it is an amazing thing to give your love to a child who otherwise wouldnt have it.

Good luck to you and hubby! With whichever baby path you end up on

bostonbluejay · November 2011

GhostMonkey:
Oceanbabe2012:
How much is it generally to adopt?

Here is generally runs about $11k and at least a year just to get the green light from the state. That's not counting any adoption agency fees, lawyer fees, and whatever else may come up. Expecting to pay $20k for an infant/toddler here isn't unordinary. Unless you go through the foster system and end up with a placement that become permanent, but you still have to do the state hoop jumping to be a foster parent. And they wonder why we have a shortage of foster parents. Hmmmm.

When we first started trying we were open to the idea. It's very easy to be open to the idea when it's not something you are actually facing. It's a whole different decision when you are staring it down as an actual option (not saying that those saying they would adopt or those planning on adopting after having a couple kids of their own won't, it's just very easy to say yes when it isn't something you are actually facing at the moment).

After trying for a while and after starting treatments and finding out how much adoption costs- it's not a route we would have taken. We would have chosen to be childless had treatments not worked.

This exactly. (Cost and everything) When you are staring that option in the face, for many women, you actually have to mourn the biological child that you are never going to have before you can move forward with adoption. (Like PP said) A lot of adoption agencies will ask you that question point blank and will not proceed until you have done that and come to terms with the decision to no longer pursue getting pregnant and having a biological child.

I don't personally know what I would do. Before we started trying, I would say that I would adopt if we couldn't get pregnant (knowing then that I have endometriosis and other issues). Now that it's been almost 14 months since we started trying and all we've been through in that time, I'm not sure. Cost is certainly an issue, as it would be with IVF. It's not something I'm ready to truly consider yet.

branmuffin2112 · November 2011

Yes we would, it's something that we've recently talked seriously about.

bostonbluejay · November 2011

vpine:
We wouldn't. I just don't think it would be the same, I would assume children weren't meant for me and God didn't want us to conceive for a reason, adoption isn't for us.

I am not at all going to bash on your beliefs, but I just have an issue with that last statement. So, do you think that any woman who can't conceive can't conceive because God doesn't want them to? I'm honestly just asking for clarification.

And if you truly believe that way, then wouldn't you think that you may not conceive because God means for you to adopt? Do you think that people who adopt are going against God's wishes? Again, just asking for clarification...

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Me: 30, DH: 33 Married 8/3/08
BFP 7/16/2012 (8th cycle), EDD 3/27/2012, Delivered 3/24/2013 - IT'S A BOY!

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GTKY: Would you adopt

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Me: 30, DH: 33 Married 8/3/08 BFP 7/16/2012 (8th cycle), EDD 3/27/2012, Delivered 3/24/2013 - IT'S A BOY!

Me: 30, DH: 33 Married 8/3/08 BFP 7/16/2012 (8th cycle), EDD 3/27/2012, Delivered 3/24/2013 - IT'S A BOY!

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Me: 30, DH: 33 Married 8/3/08
BFP 7/16/2012 (8th cycle), EDD 3/27/2012, Delivered 3/24/2013 - IT'S A BOY!

Me: 30, DH: 33 Married 8/3/08
BFP 7/16/2012 (8th cycle), EDD 3/27/2012, Delivered 3/24/2013 - IT'S A BOY!