Trying to think like a parent
Fast forward 30 years or so.
If your children offered to pay for you to go on vacation with them, would you be offended, if you couldn't afford to go on the trip they had invited you on? Would you go?
Or current day.
If your siblings invited you on a trip and were paying for the lodging, which is outside of your budget/what you feel comfortable spending, would you be offended? Would you go?
Or;
If you were invited on a trip where the activities were a bit pricy (for example amusement park tickets or ski lift tickets) and you weren't sure you could afford for your whole family to do all the fun things, would you still go to be a part of it or would you skip it because you didn't want to be there but not be able to do the activities others might be doing?
Re: Trying to think like a parent
Here is the background: We want to have my family come visit us because my sisters have been here once in 6 years. We can't really have them all stay at our house for an entire week so we were thinking of renting a house on the Hood Canal or Mt Baker. My sister says they wouldn't want to go to Mt Baker because she couldn't afford for her kids to buy lift tickets and they wouldn't want to sit at the house all day.
My parents want to pay for a house for us all to get together somewhere, but they can't afford to fly anywhere so we offered to pay for them to fly out here (anywhere they drive to we'd have to fly to so we'd be paying for airfare anyway)
My parents would rent a 2 bedroom house for all 8 adults and 7 kids. We would rather have someplace bigger and with more than 1 bathroom so are offering to cover the cost difference but it seems we've offended most of them. Just want to get others persepctive!
Probably. It would depend on if I thought THEY could afford to bring us.
hard to imagine - my siblings all make less than I do (and spend more...). But, hypothetically, I'd probably go for it. In my mind I would find a way to 'pay them back' with deeds, bartering, or otherwise non-money related.
I have done this before - my dad invited me and my 2 kids when I was single. I went and regretted it. If I'm going to worry about money on the trip and feel "left behind" then I'll just stay home.
I am the oldest of three girls. One sister is out in Arkansas and they have difficulty making ends meet. Last year for my 40th (while I was on maternity leave) my local sister and I offered to pay for the out of state sister, BIL, and niece to come out as we were planning on renting a house on the Oregon coast for all sisters' families and our parents. Out of state sister took us up on the offer but BIL couldn't get away from work. They were not offended (perhaps embarrassed) but wanted to meet DD and know it would be quite some time before they could afford to fly all of them out here.
Family dynamics are always interesting and sometimes touchy.
DH and I also sent my parents on an Alaska cruise for their 40th anniversary which is something they always wanted to do but would never be able to afford. No offense taken, but lots of shock.
Exactly, a gift is a gift. If it's offered, take em up on it. If you offer, HOPE people take you up on it. If my kid offered to pay for a vacation for us (and we felt he could afford it) then heck yeah.
My brother makes way more money than the rest of us and he picks up the tab on a lot of stuff. He likes to, has no family and no real expenses. We all pay him and each other back in different ways (I plan out his trips for him, one bro fixes cars, another computers, another has a car detailing biz on the side etc.)
I might be in the minority, but if YOU offer to bring/fly people out knowing they might not otherwise be able to afford it, you ALSO need to be prepared to pay for the activities involved. And then hope they offer to pick up some things - or - help in other ways. If they don't, live and learn and realize you can't change people and you can't pick family. Be the bigger person. You wouldn't invite them to Anaheim and not offer to pay their ticket to Disney...you probably can't invite them to Whistler and not pick up the lift tickets....If it YOU deciding whether to go, and you don't think those are included, then me, I'd probably pass....it would be kind of awkward for everyone.
This! I think you wanting a bigger place is no biggie
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Fast forward 30 years or so.
If your children offered to pay for you to go on vacation with them, would you be offended, if you couldn't afford to go on the trip they had invited you on? Would you go? No, I wouldn't be offended. I would be excited to have the vacation and opportunity to spend time with the family.
Or current day.
If your siblings invited you on a trip and were paying for the lodging, which is outside of your budget/what you feel comfortable spending, would you be offended? Would you go? Am I right in understanding you mean that my siblings are paying for the lodging? I wouldn't be offended, and I would go. We've done that kind of thing before in our family - it's more important that we have time together than about who spends what (that is, unless you are my older SIL, who divides up restaurant bills to the exact cent).
Or;
If you were invited on a trip where the activities were a bit pricy (for example amusement park tickets or ski lift tickets) and you weren't sure you could afford for your whole family to do all the fun things, would you still go to be a part of it or would you skip it because you didn't want to be there but not be able to do the activities others might be doing? This depends on whether or not people would be around to do things, or if they'd all be gone all day, every day doing expensive things and we'd rarely see them. We'd probably still go.
That's complicated. I wouldn't be offended, and i see no reason to be offended, but i'm not surprised that they are offended. Maybe just make sure you are being really transparent about it, so they know you aren't trying to make it "better" than they can afford, but just make sure you all can get together and try to keep everything comfortable and fun for everyone. And remind them about the airfare -- you'd be spending it, anyway, and you really just want to see everyone.
If i were invited, but couldn't afford to participate in everything, i'd still go. I'd just make arrangements/plan ahead so we could get the biggest bang for our buck. Maybe plan meals so we can eat together w/o eating out, and put that money toward a day of tickets (lift, amusement park, etc.), with other free/cheap things planned for the remainder of the time.
ETA: You'd qualify for Mt. Baker's group rate. I don't know what it is, but it's for 15+ people. I think there is also a free (or super cheap) tow rope and there might be a sledding/tubing area, too. https://www.mtbaker.us/1011/prices/groups/
Fast forward 30 years or so.
If your children offered to pay for you to go on vacation with them, would you be offended, if you couldn't afford to go on the trip they had invited you on? Would you go? hmmm...I might be embarrassed that my financial situation was in a place where I couldn't afford a trip at that age. I'd also be proud of my child for being generous and having his finances in a place to be able to afford such a thing. (I'm assuming he really has the money, not available credit on his Visa--that would not be ok and I'd refuse.)
Or current day.
If your siblings invited you on a trip and were paying for the lodging, which is outside of your budget/what you feel comfortable spending, would you be offended? Would you go? No offense and I'd go. I'd pick up the tab for other things.
Or;
If you were invited on a trip where the activities were a bit pricy (for example amusement park tickets or ski lift tickets) and you weren't sure you could afford for your whole family to do all the fun things, would you still go to be a part of it or would you skip it because you didn't want to be there but not be able to do the activities others might be doing? this one is touchier. I'd feel odd if my baby sister was picking up the tab for everything, but I wouldn't refuse to go. Again, I'd pick up the tab for other things.
Do you parents really think that 8 adults in a 2 bedroom house is feasable? 4 adults and 4 kids, sure, you can make that work, but anymore that that......
Paying the difference seems like a logical solution. Almost seems like since it's your idea, they have to protest. Like you are trying to "one up" everyone else. Obviously you are trying to make SOMTHING work for your WHOLE family.
Does the rest of the family really think everyone will fit into that situation?
I remember you said you were fustrated with them for not going to Cali for W's bday. SOunds like this is just adding fuel to that fire! Sorry things are not going easy for you with them.