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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
bgf1
member
Pulled LO out of daycare WWYD - sorry long?
bgf1
member
I am hoping you all can help me decide if I am being a fussy mommy or I you think something funny is going on at the daycare LO used to go to.
My LO has been attending a home daycare 3 days a week since I returned to work a month ago. There were a few things that have happened that have made me a little uncomfortable. LO was having trouble napping there and the DCP would mention that she had let LO cry for 15 minutes or so but that he hadn't napped. (We've never done any CIO and never needed to at home.) I also noticed that he had red marks on the backs of both of his hands when I would pick him up (the size and shape of his teeth) and DCP said she thought maybe he was biting his own hands at nap time. Cole generally seemed to be struggling to adjust there and would cry whenever I dropped him off. He also never seemed excited to see the DCP, never smiled at her or went willingly to her (she assured me it took 4-6 weeks for most kids to adjust and that he was doing well during the day) Then the next week DCP mentioned she had let him cry for 30 minutes on two different occasions that day and he had not napped. At that point I asked her how long she would let a child cry? The became defensive and said she needed a break during the day and all the LO's napped at 1. I said I under stood that but I was not comfortable with her letting LO cry that long. At that point we agreed that she would not let LO cry for anymore than 30 minutes. When you pick LO up at she always meets you with your child in the mudroom saying that the other kids got too wound up when the parents arrived, so you never get to see what the other kids are doing/where your child is coming from.
On Thursday I got off work early and arrived to pick LO up about 30 minutes early. When I arrived DCP came to the door and was visibly flustered and told me I was early and that I wasn't allowed to just show up whenever that I should call if I was going to be early so she would have LO ready. I could hear LO crying and she stated that he had cried for all but 30 minutes during that day ( so he cried for more than 7 hrs.) He was alone in a playpen in a room with the door closed off the mudroom. DCP stated that he had been in there since the start of nap time ( 1 hr ago) she also admitted that she had been letting him cry for up to 1 hr at naptimes (and he still was't napping) and had been lying to me about how long he was left to cry. I think he was pretty distressed if he was biting himself to the point of leaving multiple marks that were still there at the end of the day. She also stated she had been giving him times outs alone in the room for 10 minutes or so when his crying was disruptive to the other kids. When I got LO home he had a rash fever and diarrhea for the next couple days. So she let a sick child cry for 7 hours and didn't attempt to contact his parents or check his temperature. I believe that if I had arrived on time that she would have met me at the door with my LO and said he'd had a good day and I never would have known what was going on. So I pulled him from this home daycare, but I feel like maybe I should do something more. What do you think?
1/ The DCP and I have some philisophical differences and I should move on.
2/ The care was inappropriate and maybe bordering on neglect and I should report her.
Sorry this is so long TIA
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Pulled LO out of daycare WWYD - sorry long?
If this were me, I would definitely be reporting this DCP. I'm sorry your LO was having such a hard time the last few days, there is some truth to taking time to adjust but something just seems off with this lady.....
#2, totally.
The fact that you could never see what was going on and she is so secretive is a HUGE GIGANTIC FRANTICALLY WAVING RED FLAG!
I would report her. For these reasons
1. I have never had a daycare, home or otherwise not be open with me seeing where the children spend their time
2. I have never heard of a provider letting infants/toddlers cry for more than a few minutes. Every place I have seen/used either rubs their back til they fall asleep or engages them in a quiet activity. Nap time is not about the provider "getting a break"
3. Crying is not something that should be disciplined (unless it is related to a tantrum) and 10 minutes is not a developmentally appropriate time-out for a toddler.
Trust your instincts - I would be incredibly worried that she doesn't have an open door policy, you never see any of the other kids and he doesn't nap there.
We have an inhome daycare provider and I love seeing all the kids and what they're up to. I can also come and go as I please and I've often popped by to see them cuddling my son to sleep or feeding him, etc.
Trust your gut, mama. Good luck.
I'd also mention that he cried for 7 hours one day and she failed to take his temperature or call his parents.
That sounds VERY fishy to me. I'd report her. I would 100% pull my child from her care. I know it takes time for kids to adjust, my almost 3 year old will still whimper most days when I drop him off.
To each their own, but these are all the more reasons why we chose a center over an in home provider. I just like that there are always other people around, and not just one individual caring for my child. I think it makes the workers more accountable.
I would report her. That is way too long to let a child cry, especially if you did not CIO at home. DS is at an in-home daycare, and by the third day he no longer cried at drop off, and now he literally runs off to play or pushes me out the door when we get there. I even had to convince her to CIO for 10min at naptime to help him sleep, since he is not a good napper. Not seeing what the other kids are doing and not being allowed to "drop in" are big no-nos. You can even check with the licensing dept on what you are allowed to do. In CA, they have to let you drop by randomly "just to check in" and see what they are doing. I don't pick up my son at an exact time (teacher and sometimes get there later or earlier depending on the day), and she never is upset if I am early! We just get his shoes on, his stuff together, and out the door!
When looking for a new daycare, here's what I like about mine: She was upfront about all my rights, including documentation on it. She has a young daughter of her own, who is very friendly with all the kids. One other 2yo has been there since she was a baby. I get daily records of activities, food he ate/didn't eat, diaper changes, etc. I often get there and they are in the middle of an activity or snack, and she has no problem stopping to get his stuff ready to go.
You did the right thing.
I would definitely report the DCP as this all sounds pretty damn fishy to me.
Poor kid. I'm glad you took him out.
I'm not sure you have enough concrete proof that she was being abusive/neglectful, but I also have no idea how much you'd really need. If nothing else, I would hope they would investigate.
The fact that she doesn't want parents to stop by un-announced is a HUGE HUGE red flag.
Thank you all for your replies. I have felt just awful about this all weekend. I feel like I really let me son down. We choose an in home daycare because my husband and I work different hours and need childcare until 7:15pm 1 or 2 nights a week. We did are research and we were very comfortable with her when we interviewed her but after he started I kind of felt something was off but attributed it to the fact that I was feeling guilty about working and he was adjusting.
I am going to report this. I was hesitating because as pp said I don't have a lot of concrete proof, and I was worried that maybe these concerns would seem like a difference of opinion on child rearing rather than a cause for concern about the welfare of the kids in her care.
We have been incredibly lucky and found a established daycare center which is opening an infant room in 3 weeks. They are open until 6:30, so we will have to figure something out for the evening times. I liked the idea of inhome care but after this experience I think that we need to put LO in a totally different environment that he won't associate with his previous experience, and I think as other posters have said, I need to know that the workers have coworkers and supervisors around to see what is going on.
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This would be a huge red flag for me. Its my kid - I can come and pick them up whenever I damn well please! I understand avoiding throwing them off schedule and trying to not interrupt nap time/quiet time, but, she can NOT tell you when you can and can't pick him up.
And, if he was unconsolably crying, she should have called you.
I think you did the right thing. Sounds like your LO did not adjust well there and that her methods are not matching up with yours, which is very important. I think one way to tell if your made a good choice in DCP is whether or not your child is happy there. It sounds like he isn't.
Ok so I'll answer this in pieces based on the flow of how I read it. At first I thought you were freaking out too much about him not napping and not being happy there/not adjusting etc. Then I read on to the lengthy CIO, her unwillingness to allow a parent to come by whenever they want, locking your sick child away, etc. and I believe you are 100% right here. HOWEVER. The only reason I still mentioned the first part of your post is because I do want to tell you that even under the most ideal circumstances, this behavior is bound to happen. I assume you're sending him to a new daycare and you are going to be understandably nervous and on edge about how things are going there. But even if his next provider is an angel, he may very well shun naps and freak out at dropoffs for quite a while. It took my son 6+ weeks to not freak every day and now he goes off with a smile on his face.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. I would NOT be ok with my child being treated that way.
Hopefully you were using a licensed in-home - I would definitely report her.
Personally I have used a center and now we are in-home. I know it is tough, but you have to do a lot of research to find a good place. T willingly goes to DCP every morning, is happy when I pick her up, I have access to the areas she is in, and my DCP calls if things are even just 'off' a bit so that I am aware. Most importantly, I trust my DCP, I'm a huge believer in go with your gut. GL!
I am so sorry you and your son had to go through this! That is awful!
I would absolutely report her. I can't even imagine what else she's doing/not doing?
All of this. Glad you reported her. If he cried for 7 hours, you would think any adult and ESPECIALLY a licensed daycare provider would have investigated the CAUSE of the crying (i.e. took his temp, etc.) or called his parent to let the parent know that something was wrong. The fact that she seems to have locked him in a room all by himself is concerning!
This!
My DD LOVES her DCP. She practically jumps into her arms in the mornings and hugs her. It only took her 2-3 days to adjust to being there (I had her home with me for 14 months - so I had been expecting more of a difficult transition). My DCP is trully wonderful and I have no issues with leaving DD there.
If I were in your shoes I would have definitely pulled DD out of there. I don't know if I would report her - I'm kind of insanely non-confrontational.
Eleanor Noelle - 18/05/12 Claire Elisabeth - 16/-5/10
All of this.
So sorry you and your DS had to go through this - it sounds horrible.
The fact that she thinks a "timeout" in another room is an appropriate action for crying makes it obvious this lady knows nothing about kids. A timeout even for something that DOES warrant it should not be longer than a couple minutes at this age.
#2
Lord knows how many other kids are suffering there too, or if she is keeping them all locked up like a baby mill or something.
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I was abused as a toddler by my daycare provider.I'm glad you trusted your instincts and pulled your child from her care.
Please report her.
Whether action is taken or not, the complaint will be recorded and will be there in the event she's reported in the future. Personally I'd go a step further and speak with some of the other parents who send their children there and let them know what's going on.
I was going to suggest you contact other parents as well.
This behavior is completely inappropriate and almost dangerous. I'm not sure how situations like this are handled in Canada, but I have some experience with this here in the states. I was hired as a director at a day care center. Within my first week, I saw many things which scared me and made me uncomfortable. I quit immediately and filed a report with the board of licensing. The center was inspected and ordered to remove people, materials, etc. Hopefully, your complaint won't land on deaf ears.
If you have a better business bureau, I would file a complaint with them as well.