Toddlers: 24 Months+

Naughty, sassy, rude little girl...

I'm afraid to admit this because I feel its DH and I fault somehow but I have a naughty, sassy, rude little girl on my hands.  She is extremely independent.  Which means, she does what she wants when she wants.  I am a SAHM so I'm the one doing most of the discipline.  Time outs and no, no no - all day long.  I try to distract her with stuff or give her the 'you pick from these two options'.  Yes, I have done the 'if you are a good girl you will get blank' but that is coming to a halt because she is expecting it.  And I don't l like that.   Some examples...Me: DD say good bye to your friends. Her: "No!", she makes this really irritating screamish/whine then stomps her foot, folds her arms up and turns away.  She does this with her music teacher, some random people at the halloween event today, the neighbors, family, anyone...  She's rude to these people and I don't know how it got to this point.  She use to be so sweet and loving child.  I've been trying to get her socialized a bit more; thinking it will help but it almost seems to be worse.  We try to take her to fun family events but she never seems happy.  She always is saying "I no like it", "I can't", "I'm scared".  I have to say...it's progressively gotten worse since being 18 mths - 2 years old.  

Am I over-reacting?  Is this a normal 3 year old?  If not, what are some things you have done to fix it?  Any books on discipline? Help...       

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Re: Naughty, sassy, rude little girl...

  • Pretty sure that's a normal three year old. They really like to assert their independence at this age.
    I like privacy. A lot.
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  • Sounds *exactly* like dd. This must be what people are talking about when they say 3 is worse then 2....

    It's esp hurtful when she says she doesn't love daddy : ( We know she doesn't mean it but it's no fun to deal with. 

  • sounds pretty normal to me.  We pretty much ignore her when she acts like that.  My mom got pretty annoyed when DD was rude to her yesterday.  I don't think giving it a ton of attention is the best course of action either.  I either ignore her or I try to redirect her or at least try to express herself correctly - I'm mad at you because _____ or whatever. 
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  • I go with normal, too.  My DD#1 had also been sweet, eager to please, polite.  But from 3-3.5 she was a wild child.  Suddenly, right around 3.5 my little one was back.  The independence is developmentally appropriate and important. I agree with KathrynMD's advice, calmly provide her with the proper way to express herself.  That's how I have always handled yelling, screaming, tantrums, rude behavior.  My kids now correct eachother- "No, John, say "May I have..."   Good luck. 

     

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  • I don't really know since DS is not that age yet, but would she understand if you explained to her that it's hurtful when she is rude to people?  Would she understand if you said "how would it make you feel if  your friend wouldn't say good bye." 
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  • We are going through the same thing. It seems to be worse if she doesn't have her nap.

  • My DD is almost four and we had a bad streak of spoiled behavior about 4 months ago. It came-on slowly so it was a bit of a shock when I realized she was in a full-on phase. So, I started to address "spoiled" girl behavoir and correcting for it just like hitting or anything else. Once I idetified it and corrected it (TO, ignoring, redirecting, teaching) it took  bit of work but resolved.

    Basically, it really helped ME to isolate it as behavior that needed to stop.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • imageNewFamily09:
    I don't really know since DS is not that age yet, but would she understand if you explained to her that it's hurtful when she is rude to people?  Would she understand if you said "how would it make you feel if  your friend wouldn't say good bye." 

    They wouldn't care.  They don't have much empathy or fully understand social norms at 3 (especially early 3 years old). 

     

    It's completely normal and not a sign of bad manners.  Just calmly remind her that we say goodbye and move on with the day.

  • imageEchowysp:

    It's completely normal and not a sign of bad manners.  Just calmly remind her that we say goodbye and move on with the day.

     

    i agree, esp with the "move on with your day" part.  by fighting her, you are making it a battle that she will always try to win.  and is that really the biggest battle worth fighting?  the best way to teach is by example, and you can explain to her why you do it (say bye to friends when leaving, etc), but don't *force* her to do it.  even if she did do it, she would just be repeating you and not saying it on her own accord, so it's not really the best way of teaching.  

  • I've got the same problem with my almost three year old.  Just seems lately that this came on and she is very socialized--lots of playgroups, preschool and other activities.  Sometimes if I'm holding her and a friend or relative looks at her and says "hi" she will put on a frowny face and turn her head and/or grunt "no!" It's pretty embarrassing as I figure people probably think she is a brat.  Though she really is a super loving child most of the time.  I am stalking your post for ideas on how to handle it.  For the time being, I just say that's not how we talk to others" and just move on. 
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