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Trying to Get Pregnant
Is it possible to conceive after my actions?
I am beside myself with grief and I feel completely guilty about my actions. Please bare with me.
My husband and I got into a huge fight and he moved out for a while, although we continued to have a physical relationship from time to time. While he was away I discovered I was pregnant right around the time I discovered he wanted to file for a divorce. I didn't want to use the pregnancy as a bargaining chip to make him feel guilty and call off the D, but I didn't want to be a single parent, either. I made a snap judgment and decided to end the pregnancy. The only person who knew about the pregancy was my sis but I didn't tell ANYBODY about the abortion because my family is Catholic and they would have disowned me. ANYWAY. My sister was trying to be helpful and told the husband that I was preggo and he ended up moving back in. I was so overjoyed that he was coming back that I kinda sorta neglected to tell him I endd the pregnancy. I want a child really bad, and I feel so guilty about what I did that I literally cannot tell him. Hed leave me.
I was wondering if it's possible to get pregnant again right after an abortion - I know it's probably unlikely, but I was hoping it was so I can try. If the timing is just right, he might not even notice, especially if I luck out and have an early arrival. Or should I just fake a miscarriage? Are there any symptoms other than bleeding?
I just feel awful that I may have ruined my marriage and my chances at having a family. Advice?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is it possible to conceive after my actions?
I pray to everything holy that you are making this sh!t up. In the event that you aren't, you need to be honest with him. It is disgusting, vile, and EVIL to fake a miscarriage or try to trick him. The likelihood that you would get pregnant right away again is slim. Also, you and your husband both seem to be impulsive people. I mean, what kind of fight did you have that your husband would move out without trying to work it out? You get an abortion as a snap judgement, and now he's back and you want to be pregnant again.
You two don't sound very settled (or mature) at all and should not be having kids until you truly work out your marriage. Honestly, if this is the type of person you are it's no wonder your husband wanted to file for divorce.
You need to re-build your marriage and you can't do that without truth or honesty. You need to tell him what you did.
You said you had an abortion because you didn't want to use the baby as a bargaining chip to save your marriage. Well, now that's exactly what you're trying to do. It's sick.
You need some serious, serious marriage counseling. You honestly think the best thing to do is trick your husband with a pregnancy instead of just being honest? Yep, that'll work great...everyone knows relationships based on distrust and lies work out perfectly 100% of the time. Yayz.
ETA: Massive
to everything BBJ said.
I also think you would probably benefit from speaking to a professional. You probably need more than an internet message board can give you.
О Привязать! Z!
Are you serious....
Firstly, you're coming on to a board full of women who are trying to conceive, and you're telling us about your abortion? Perhaps it's the fact that MH and I just entered our 12th cycle, and have already had one M/C... but I find your post highly inappropriate on this board. This is something you should confer with your doctor about - not a bunch of Internet strangers.
Secondly - WTF is wrong with you that you would want to fake a miscarriage??? I also find this train of thought highly offensive; what kind of person would even consider pretending to have lost a baby when they CHOSE to terminate the pregnancy of their own free will and volition.
Thirdly - to hide such an event from your husband is disturbing to me. You do not sound trustworthy, and I seriously question why he asked for a divorce in the first place...
...and finally - I can't even say that I hope this is MUD...because that would be horrible. Straight from my heart, GTFO... do not pass go, do not collect $200.
This must be MUD.
MUD or not, you're an a$$hole. Own up to your sh!t, and think harder about whether or not you want a child with a man you were ready to file divorce papers on.
BFP #1 - BFP #2 - Blog
and Luck to my BFPB StephK!!- Emma is here!!
If this isn't MUD, then this.
OP, work on your marriage and be honest with your husband before having a baby.
If it's MUD...try again later. Or not...
my currently-reading shelf:
Exactly this. Also, on the off chance that you are a real person, bringing a child into the mix is absolutely NOT going to fix your marriage. You'll just be forcing an innocent child to live with your dysfunctions.
Well, my sis put me in the situation to use it as a bargaining chip which I didn't want, but I freaked out like a deer in the headlights. He wanted to come back and taht is all I wanted, so I didn't want to tell him right away and ruin things. But I dont' know how to tell him now. I don't want to get into why he left, I just make him angry sometimes with my words and he gets in rages. Never hits me or anything, so it's not a big deal. We are working through it now.
I just know if I tell him I got an abortion he'd flip because of the religious thing. I don't think abrtion was right but I freaked, and was having major panic attacks and depression - and I even was taking xanax so I knew that it would have birth defects. I sometimes think I did the right thing and sometimes not.
I'm still feeling fragile right now and if he left me again I know the depression would spiral out of control and I'd do something dumb. I just feel stuck.
1-800-suicide. Call them.
There is no way you can KNOW that your baby would have had birth defects. It sounds like you definitely need to tell him what you did. You are the one who terminated your pregnancy without including him in the decision, you need to own up to that. Then, please, please, go seek some serious therapy. It sound like you need that more than anything else right now. Maybe your husband should also seek some therapy for his "rages".
Also, if you are THAT depressed right now you should absolutely not be getting pregnant until you get that under control. Pregnancy hormones are not going to help that situation at all.
The things that I've highlighted tell me that you have a seriously sick, dysfunctional relationship. You sound extremely immature and unstable. You're blaming other people for your actions, which makes it obvious that you're irresponsible; you don't want to accept responsiblity for what you've done. YOU chose to have an abortion. YOU will have to deal with the consequences of that. Lying will do nothing but dig a deeper hole.
Maybe you should talk to your doctor/therapist and maybe he/she can help you tell your husband the truth.
oh good, then you can fake m/s too.
P.S. - Lying is a sin to Catholics too.
BFP #1 - BFP #2 - Blog
and Luck to my BFPB StephK!!- Emma is here!!
OP, you need to talk to a counselor or a therapist about this. At some point you will NEED to talk to your husband. Face the consequences to your actions.
my currently-reading shelf:
I never said I did the right thing or I was proud. None of MY actions were motivated by religous bullsh!t but my entire family and husband are very devout and it woudl devastate them. My family seriously would disown me, I am not exxagerating. My dad is old school. I don't WANT to lie to my husband, I just wish I could end this lie as painlessly as possible WITHOUT destroying everything.
For those that gave advice without the judgement, I thank you. The rest, I guess I understand. I wish you all would try to be less b1tchy but whatevs. I know it sounds evil, maybe I am so I suppose I have it coming. I always do and say things that seem to get my husband upset, so why not a bunch of internet strangrers?
I came here because writing it was easier because I don't have to look somebody in the face and say it out loud. Maybe this will help. We'll see. Honestly I feel like unless I fake a miscariage my only option would be to just leave my husband. I don't know what he'd do when he found out. I could call him I guess... Might make my stomach nerves better.
I personally find it disgusting that you would even consider faking a miscarriage in order to cover your own idiot behind. If, someday, you actually experience a miscarriage, you will realize how sick and repulsive that is.
And here's option #2: Tell your husband the truth. Give him an opportunity to react in his own way. If the options are you-leave-him or him-leave-you, then why not just be honest and see where it takes you?
Let me put it this way. Faking a pregnancy, and then not having a baby in 9 months is going to go over a lot worse than if you just told the truth.
Simple: If you don't WANT to like, then don't lie.
BFP #1 - BFP #2 - Blog
and Luck to my BFPB StephK!!- Emma is here!!
Agreed. I'm pretty sure that every after school special showed us that owning up is a lot better than piling on the lies.
Seriously OP it is going to suck but you need to be honest. You are an adult, life is hard. Once again, you are going to have to handle the consequences to your actions.
my currently-reading shelf:
**lurker butting in**
I can totally see why your husband does not want to be with you.....Grow up and own up!
**lurker butting out**
This. I believe you need to talk to someone. Seek help.
I do, however, agree with some of the other posters though - lying to your husband is not going to make anything better or make things go away. Definitely do not fake a miscarriage. Own up to what you have done wrong.
Oh my.
So, if this is real, I am not judging you for the abortion by any means. I am judging your complete and total lack of respect for your husband. This is insane.
You need to come clean. No other option.
Started fertility treatments 11/2010
Ovarian dysfunction, LPD, male factor
6 failed medicated IUI's
Pregnant 5/2011 - Miscarriage at 6 weeks due to triploidy
Decided to adopt - 6/2012
SURPRISE! Pregnant without intervention - 7/2012
Sweet Baby James Born 3/2013
Decided to be "One and Done"
....OR NOT.
Pregnant 12/2018 despite birth control pills
Here we go again...
Due 8/26/19!
Let me see if I get this stright: heated debate about abortion earlier in the day, later in the day, this post. Op is 'new', but knows to spell it 'b!tch'. Just KNOWS the baby was going to be deformed since she was on medication (a few days after we had a few posts asking about this). Makes sure to post a stand alone post as king what MUD is but is all very calm and collected about that strong posts calling her out despite her being such a damn mess she can't even tell her doctor about her phantom abortion (but she can tell us). As PP pointed out 'THE husband'.
Am I missing anything?
First off, I am calling MUD. Like SweetGotham pointed out, this post seems a little odd given what has been posted on here the past few days.
In the off chance that this is not MUD, I am going to completely ignore the abortion part of this story. I don't want to get into that debate. I definitely agree with pp's. OP, you need some serious help. You also need to come clean to your husband. No marriage should be "saved" based on lies. What kind of marriage is that?
As someone who watched her best friend deal with a bf with "rages," I would also suggest some couples counseling or just getting out. No one should have to deal with someone else's "rages."
I don't like to talk about about my religion, but I am also Catholic. Lying, divorce, abuse are all things the church is also against. I am pretty sure faking a pregnancy and/or a m/c would be against the church as well.
ETA: And to answer your question of if it is possible to concieve: I am sure it is. Anything is possible. However, I wouldn't worry about TTC unless you and your husband figure out if your marriage is savable. Why on earth would you want to bring a helpless, innocent child into that mess?
ETA take 2: spelling/wording
*BFP 10/15/11*CP 10/18/11*
*BFP 2/1/12*EDD 10/14/12*natural M/C 2/24/12 7w*
*BFP 5/2/12*E born 01/03/13 (her due date)
I'm calling MUD. Sweetgotham made some good points (same ones I was thinking)
It's too early for MUD drama, I need more coffee
Nope I think you hit it dead on! Hmm a lot of crazy newbies this week? Maybe she also had 4 BFPs and posted about it everyday?
Falling in Love! November 2014
If he was that "devout" then divorce wouldn't have been an option.
To answer your question, yes, it is possible to conceive after an abortion. Unfortunately, I know this because I know a few women who have had multiple abortions.
Secondly, the old cliche "the truth will set you free" is a clice for a reason. In my opinion, lying to your husband will not get you anywhere. And, to be perfectly honest, if you choose to tell him you had a miscarriage I think it will only add to your guilty feeling. If I were you, I would go to a therapist and discuss your discuss your situation. Once you have a handle on your emotions, bring you husband into an appointment and tell him. That way you have a mediator.
Like previous posters said, a baby is not a bandaid for a troubled marriage. Babies add stress, and it sounds like the two of you have all the stress you can handle for the time being.
Finally, if your husband is the devout Catholic you say he is, he will not be ready or willing to go to divorce count until all other options are exhausted, as divorce is not exactly welcomed in the Catholic church. This is where the "good times and bad" part of the wedding vows come into the picture.
I honestly wish you good luck and hope you are able to figure this out.
Our Baby Boy is due September 8, 2012