Is it possible to conceive after my actions?

heather_09_15_07

(on the off-chance this is for real) 

Yes, it is possible. People get pregnant after d&c's all the time.

But please don't procreate.

GermanGirl2007

SpartyMom2B:

I am trying to be as objective as possible.

To answer your question, yes, it is possible to conceive after an abortion. Unfortunately, I know this because I know a few women who have had multiple abortions.

Secondly, the old cliche "the truth will set you free" is a clice for a reason. In my opinion, lying to your husband will not get you anywhere. And, to be perfectly honest, if you choose to tell him you had a miscarriage I think it will only add to your guilty feeling. If I were you, I would go to a therapist and discuss your discuss your situation. Once you have a handle on your emotions, bring you husband into an appointment and tell him. That way you have a mediator.

Like previous posters said, a baby is not a bandaid for a troubled marriage. Babies add stress, and it sounds like the two of you have all the stress you can handle for the time being.

Finally, if your husband is the devout Catholic you say he is, he will not be ready or willing to go to divorce count until all other options are exhausted, as divorce is not exactly welcomed in the Catholic church. This is where the "good times and bad" part of the wedding vows come into the picture.

I honestly wish you good luck and hope you are able to figure this out.

This is a perfectly stated response. I agree completely.

I just wanted to add that as someone who struggled in the past with severe depression and can understand the impulsive thoughts and actions that can be a part of that. I am not necessarily surprised by the choices that you made, but I agree that you need help, and need to come clean.

Also, if this is MUD, my I retract my response and have much harsher words for you.

ral1985

GermanGirl2007:

SpartyMom2B:

I am trying to be as objective as possible.

To answer your question, yes, it is possible to conceive after an abortion. Unfortunately, I know this because I know a few women who have had multiple abortions.

Secondly, the old cliche "the truth will set you free" is a clice for a reason. In my opinion, lying to your husband will not get you anywhere. And, to be perfectly honest, if you choose to tell him you had a miscarriage I think it will only add to your guilty feeling. If I were you, I would go to a therapist and discuss your discuss your situation. Once you have a handle on your emotions, bring you husband into an appointment and tell him. That way you have a mediator.

Like previous posters said, a baby is not a bandaid for a troubled marriage. Babies add stress, and it sounds like the two of you have all the stress you can handle for the time being.

Finally, if your husband is the devout Catholic you say he is, he will not be ready or willing to go to divorce count until all other options are exhausted, as divorce is not exactly welcomed in the Catholic church. This is where the "good times and bad" part of the wedding vows come into the picture.

I honestly wish you good luck and hope you are able to figure this out.

This is a perfectly stated response. I agree completely.

I just wanted to add that as someone who struggled in the past with severe depression and can understand the impulsive thoughts and actions that can be a part of that. I am not necessarily surprised by the choices that you made, but I agree that you need help, and need to come clean.

Also, if this is MUD, my I retract my response and have much harsher words for you.

The bolded statement brings a lot of truth with it, and you will feel like a weight has been lifted.  Seek counseling for yourself and how to handle your impulses, and find therapy for you and your husband, you guys are going to need it. GL.

WashingtonQueen

klink11:

juliagoolia1992:

 I never said I did the right thing or I was proud.  None of MY actions were motivated by religous bullsh!t but my entire family and husband are very devout and it woudl devastate them.  My family seriously would disown me, I am not exxagerating.  My dad is old school.  I don't WANT to lie to my husband, I just wish I could end this lie as painlessly as possible WITHOUT destroying everything. 

If he was that "devout" then divorce wouldn't have been an option.

 

This!! lol mud

Dr.Google

Yes, if the abortion was correctly performed in a doctor's office with no complications, you shouldn't have any trouble conceiving later.

 

https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/abortion/AN00633

 

MamaWino

klink11:

juliagoolia1992:

 I never said I did the right thing or I was proud.  None of MY actions were motivated by religous bullsh!t but my entire family and husband are very devout and it woudl devastate them.  My family seriously would disown me, I am not exxagerating.  My dad is old school.  I don't WANT to lie to my husband, I just wish I could end this lie as painlessly as possible WITHOUT destroying everything. 

If he was that "devout" then divorce wouldn't have been an option.

Exactly.  This has got to be MUD.  If not, it seriously sickens me that someone would come to a board titled "Trying to Get Pregnant" and talk about an abortion and faking a miscarriage.  

OP, MUD or not, you need help. 

atlb

SpartyMom2B:

I am trying to be as objective as possible.

To answer your question, yes, it is possible to conceive after an abortion. Unfortunately, I know this because I know a few women who have had multiple abortions.

Secondly, the old cliche "the truth will set you free" is a clice for a reason. In my opinion, lying to your husband will not get you anywhere. And, to be perfectly honest, if you choose to tell him you had a miscarriage I think it will only add to your guilty feeling. If I were you, I would go to a therapist and discuss your discuss your situation. Once you have a handle on your emotions, bring you husband into an appointment and tell him. That way you have a mediator.

Like previous posters said, a baby is not a bandaid for a troubled marriage. Babies add stress, and it sounds like the two of you have all the stress you can handle for the time being.

Finally, if your husband is the devout Catholic you say he is, he will not be ready or willing to go to divorce count until all other options are exhausted, as divorce is not exactly welcomed in the Catholic church. This is where the "good times and bad" part of the wedding vows come into the picture.

I honestly wish you good luck and hope you are able to figure this out.

This was perfectly stated.

OP, I honestly feel for you. It sounds like you are in a terrible situation in which noone can really "win". I sincerely hope that you are able to figure things out and get your life back on track. Good luck.

melissa721

It's amazing to me that the idea of faking a miscarriage has not been brought up once but TWICE this week on the bump. Some people are sick fvcks.

dani2480

Assuming this is real, I highly, HIGHLY recommend you and your husband look into attending Retrouvaille (https://www.retrouvaille.org/). Your marriage is in a deep crisis right now, and you need to reach out for help. If you both had the tools to make this marriage work, you'd already be using them. You need somebody or something outside your marriage to help teach you those missing tools.

Retrouvaille is Catholic in origin (although, if you aren't Catholic, or religious, it's perfectly fine -- this is not a weekend about religion, and while there are some references to God, it's never overwhelming and generally is used in the form of parables to help illustrate an otherwise secular point). It's designed for marriages that are in the worst possible crises, and has even been successful in repairing marriages where the couple had already filed for divorce (and in a few cases had even fully divorced, and then remarried after attending Retrouvaille).

I have seen Retrouvaille turn some of the most awful marriages into marriages that most people would envy. If you follow the program (including attending all of the post-sessions), and do the work, it WILL change you for the better (as well as your marriage, if your spouse does the work too). 

The other great thing about Retrouvaille is that they really try to open it up to as many people as possible. If money is an issue, you only have to pay what you can afford (even if that's nothing). At the end of the weekend, they send you back to your hotel room (paid for by them) with an envelope. They tell you what the weekend actually costs to put on, per person, and then tell you to give what you can. Some people give nothing. Others give enough to cover multiple people. When you return from your room, you put the sealed envelope in a basket, and that's it. They never ask you for money, ever again. The thing is, the program is seriously so good that many people wind up donating again in the future, to help other, less fortunate couples.

Retrouvaille will help you and your husband figure out how to deal with everything that's going on between you (from the original issues to the new issues with the abortion), and how to heal from and strengthen your marriage despite it all. They won't make you share anything about yourselves or your situation with anyone else in the group (even the presenters), so it's all very private.

Seriously... look into it and go. And do this before you think about trying for another child again. Your future children deserve parents with a healthy, loving, strong marriage.

09babymama

First.... are you really going to mend your relationship based on a "miscarriage." Think of the guilt you would carry based on not telling him the truth... it will eventually come out one way or another. You should go to marriage counseling and work on the relationship. Children dont fix things. You need a strong marriage to parent together. If it is a unhealthy relationship that wouldnt be good for the child either. I wish you luck in your marriage, but dont lie to your husband!

donnycornelius

JuliaGoolia1992.   Hmm.

If this is real, I'm going to guess that the OP is 19 years old.   Which explains a lot actually.

I'm also wondering if pretending she's pregnant and stealing someone else's baby in 8 months is one of the options she's considering....(since all of her plans and decisions so far have been extraordinarily terrible, why NOT add a felony?)

 

tsc3260

you dont deserve a baby, you killed your first one intentionally.

sweetgotham

tsc3260:

you dont deserve a baby, you killed your first one intentionally.

tsc3260

If she is willing to abort a baby for such a ridiculous reason...why should she parent another. you cant just kill a baby because you dont want it to seem like an excuse. sick people.

sweetgotham

tsc3260:

If she is willing to abort a baby for such a ridiculous reason...why should she parent another. you cant just kill a baby because you dont want it to seem like an excuse. sick people.

Indeed.

GermanGirl2007

tsc3260:

you dont deserve a baby, you killed your first one intentionally.

atlb

tsc3260:

If she is willing to abort a baby for such a ridiculous reason...why should she parent another. you cant just kill a baby because you dont want it to seem like an excuse. sick people.

She "killed her baby" because she didn't want to bring it into this awful situation, you judgemental twat.

tsc3260

atlb:

tsc3260:

If she is willing to abort a baby for such a ridiculous reason...why should she parent another. you cant just kill a baby because you dont want it to seem like an excuse. sick people.

She "killed her baby" because she didn't want to bring it into this awful situation, you judgemental twat.

 

ever heard of adoption you bitchy ***. 

atlb

tsc3260:

atlb:

tsc3260:

If she is willing to abort a baby for such a ridiculous reason...why should she parent another. you cant just kill a baby because you dont want it to seem like an excuse. sick people.

She "killed her baby" because she didn't want to bring it into this awful situation, you judgemental twat.

 

ever heard of adoption you bitchy ***. 

No, what's that?

Abortion is an option for a reason. You don't have to do it if you don't want to.

melissa721

tsc3260:

atlb:

tsc3260:

If she is willing to abort a baby for such a ridiculous reason...why should she parent another. you cant just kill a baby because you dont want it to seem like an excuse. sick people.

She "killed her baby" because she didn't want to bring it into this awful situation, you judgemental twat.

 

ever heard of adoption you bitchy ***. 

 Oh, right, because a situation like that when impending divorce is involved is that clear cut and black & white... Duh atlb.

BitterWretchedWoman

Does everyone on here have borderline personality disorder?

sweetgotham

BitterWretchedWoman:

Does everyone on here have borderline personality disorder?

As your own sig suggests: "Grumble all you like, this is how it?s going to be". But I always thought of Anne being more proud than wretched.  

 

klink11

BitterWretchedWoman:

Does everyone on here have borderline personality disorder?

ummmmmmmm...

no. 

holly321

Am I the only one who noticed she hopes she gets pregnant again, and that is it premature!

Spookster

No words for the level of disturbing this is. 

ness143

This story must be made up!

What kind of person comes onto a board with all of these women doing everything in their power to conceive and spits bs like this?? It's definitely not a sane person. You have issues, whether it's MUD or not. I am honestly surprised that anyone on this board has any positive word of encouragement for you and your disasterous mess. How can you reconcile any marriage on lies, especially when they are as dimented as this. You have no idea what marriage should be based on and you definitely should not be conceiving any child.

This is the most outlandish crap I have ever read on this board!

Grow up, get help and never get married again.

epona3

I'm confused. Are you actually asking an honest question, or are you just summarizing the first season of Glee from the point of view of Mr. Shuester's wife?

Either way, you should definitely find a pg teenager and do an "under the table" adoption. As long as you keep stuffing your belly and don't let him touch you, it should be fine.

WonderWoman27

look, to look like a real person with a real story, you need some more posts and points for me to take this freakin' story seriously.  you r sick.

mrsz2008

donnycornelius:

JuliaGoolia1992.   Hmm.

If this is real, I'm going to guess that the OP is 19 years old.   Which explains a lot actually.

I'm also wondering if pretending she's pregnant and stealing someone else's baby in 8 months is one of the options she's considering....(since all of her plans and decisions so far have been extraordinarily terrible, why NOT add a felony?)

 

Ah, I guess ALL 19 year olds make poor decisions. Okay.

WaitingOnTwoPinkLines

While I am pretty completely convinced this is MUD, here are my thoughts.

1) You blame yourself for your husband's inability to control his own temper. Because that's totally logical.

2) If he were as devout as you say, he wouldn't have filed for divorce so quickly.

3) Regardless of whether this whole thing is real, the fact that you would bring up FAKING a miscarriage is beyond disturbing. You need therapy.

4) There is no way to "just know" that your baby will have birth defects. There are women that have to take certain drugs their ENTIRE pregnancy & have perfectly healthy babies.

5) Even if you hadn't have had an abortion, staying in a marriage as volatile as yours just because of a baby isn't a good idea. Ever. In any universe.

6) Purposely TTC while in said marriage is an even worse idea. Disastrous, even.

7) If you are MUD, you are despicable. GTFO, DIAF, kthxbye. 

jkkg317

Lurker--

I think you should tell him but if you're not going to, tell him you lost the baby and that you don't want to talk about it. I was in a relationship like yours for awhile. I was the stupid one, I egged him on, I had the nerve to hit back. IMO you should let him leave you aren't missing much with him being gone. But I would not try to get pregnant again to fix this. That won't change the way he treats you and a marriage based on lies doesn't work. There is a chance he could find out on his own and think of how he will feel then when you had the chance to tell him first.  

BlondeMoment123

jkkg317:

Lurker--

I think you should tell him but if you're not going to, tell him you lost the baby and that you don't want to talk about it. I was in a relationship like yours for awhile. I was the stupid one, I egged him on, I had the nerve to hit back. IMO you should let him leave you aren't missing much with him being gone. But I would not try to get pregnant again to fix this. That won't change the way he treats you and a marriage based on lies doesn't work. There is a chance he could find out on his own and think of how he will feel then when you had the chance to tell him first.  

Yep, lying makes it all better. Wtf?

alandals

juliagoolia1992:

Well, my sis put me in the situation to use it as a bargaining chip which I didn't want, but I freaked out like a deer in the headlights.  He wanted to come back and taht is all I wanted, so I didn't want to tell him right away and ruin things.  But I dont' know how to tell him now.  I don't want to get into why he left, I just make him angry sometimes with my words and he gets in rages.  Never hits me or anything, so it's not a big deal.  We are working through it now. 

 I just know if I tell him I got an abortion he'd flip because of the religious thing.  I don't think abrtion was right but I freaked, and was having major panic attacks and depression - and I even was taking xanax so I knew that it would have birth defects.  I sometimes think I did the right thing and sometimes not. 

 

I'm still feeling fragile right now and if he left me again I know the depression would spiral out of control and I'd do something dumb.  I just feel stuck.

I hope this is MUD. You are disgusting. Just because you were taking Xanax does not damn your child to for sure having birth defects. You are an ignorant ass hole. Go away.