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March 2012 Moms
What is with all the negativity and sensitivity???
Seriously, nowadays I'm almost scared to click on general topics. Unless the post is specifically about the OP and her baby or personal experience, the post is bound to have someone getting pissed about something!
I get excited to see the "It's a ..." posts or the funny posts from ITPK because I know those are likely to be safe so I'm all over jumping in on those.
However, lately, 1st time moms are getting their heads chewed off for asking questions, women are being overly sensitive about topics and they specifically open a topic just so they can bash the OP for the fact that they posted it at all.
What I wanna know is WHY? Why is it necessary to open that post at all and make a comment? Half the time you can tell by the topic if you're gonna agree with it or not and the other half the time, you can easily read the post and see that you have nothing good to contribute then just CLOSE IT. Why do you HAVE to make a comment? Why is it absolutely necessary for us to have snarky, argumentative comments at every frickin turn?? I'm getting so sick of it! I don't even open hot topics like "Circumcision" and after yesterday I'm not likely to open anything about "Breast Feeding" either because we can't seem to discuss it maturely... There's no discussion... There's no educating going on.... There's no support... It's all just bitching back and forth while each person tries to defend their personal choices instead of discussing relevant information that they have learned about the subject as it SHOULD BE!
The saddest part I'm positive that most of the time, if we were face to face with the OP, we'd be able to hear the tone and inflection in the persons's voice and know that they are not trying to be offensive to anyone at all. But sooo many ladies seems to like to choose to assume the worst and take general question posts as a personal attack and feel the needs to defend their choices and sensibilities.
Just stop. PLEASE! It's not that frickin serious! You don't even really know these people!! No one should feel like they can't ask questions for fear of being chastised. That's the whole point of being on here for a lot of us, and I say this as a 1st time mom who has very VERY little baby experience so I literally have no frame of reference for a lot of things baby related. And yes, you can search google... but I'd much rather hear from someone who has experienced or is experiencing things in real time, then some google article likely written by some male OB!
Maybe I sound like Susy Sunshine and I need to accept that people are going to bicker and thats fine... but I think its happening A LOT more on the March 2012 and it sucks!
Don't open the post... Don't leave a comment if you don't agree... Keep your 2 cents to yourself...
IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL- Kindergarten Manners 101
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What is with all the negativity and sensitivity???
I agree with you. Like the weight gain post. (until the OP got all snotty) I didn't see WHAT was flameful about that post. I used to be overweight, now I'm not. I feel weird not gaining much weight with this pregnancy and I worry. It was reassuring for me to see others that fall in "Normal" and have only gained 3.5-5 lbs as well at all the same amount of weeks.
I don't think it makes it interesting at all, it makes people feel apprehensive to ask for the information they need. I mean, I can understand that some people genuinely enjoy debate... different strokes for different folks and all that and that is totally fine. I personally AM one of those people. I can argue with someone until I am blue in the face and even if I'm wrong, I will win simply because I'm stubborn and I don't shut up!
HOWEVER, I personally think when you're on a pregnancy board with a lot of nervous women who are anxious about bringing a new life into the world and many who are clearly sensitive, it's simply wiser and KINDER to save that crap for another place. It's about being considerate of other people. If you decide its more interesting to stir up crap on the boards then I guess that's your perogative. I think its bull.
I think a lot of this could be prevented if the OP really thought through what their question really was and didn't put any bias or assumptions in.
For example, instead of saying "Why wouldn't you breastfeed?" (which can be easily construed as judgmental) perhaps say "Veteran mom's talk to me about the challenges associated with breastfeeding so I can make an educated decision"
This is a board full of hormonal pregnant women that have strong opinions but I also think it is a board full of kind women who are willing to help, just be smart about how you ask particular questions and put in disclaimers if you think someone might be offended to avoid the drama. Easy peasy.
I think it's called pregnancy hormones? People offer their opinions, they disagree...otherwise, we don't have much of a conversation going!
As a second time mom I have to say: compared to the ladies I went through first round with these girls are angels. The group I traveled through the boards with first time were downright mean!
COMPLETELY AGREE!!! The first time i posted something on "The Bump" my head got chewed off by a person that i rather not mention...yes i LEARNED HER NAME AND ignore everything she writes, b/c to me its crap.... I am a 1st time mom, 1st time pregnancy, 1st time PERIOD... I don't know whats suppose to happen (like many new moms to be) thats why i post it, to get feedback , not to get chewed of my some lame person. Instead of being the "WITCH" that i can be, I calmed down and just shrugged it off. But I thought the same thing, If you have nothing to say and think your too good for this site, why the hell are they still on it! I look for topics that I can relate to, but some people on here jsut need to be blocked completely.
Thanks for sharing, thought I was the only one that thought that way!
I really like all the women on this board, so keep that im mind when I say that all this post will do is serve to stir up more sh!t. There were posts like this all.the.time. over on TTGP and all they ever did was cause drama. Call out posts never come to any positive reslolution. They just cause people to bicker and fight and get more snarky. And honestly, if you think this board is rude, you really should lurk some more on other boards. I think that would help put things in perspective. This board is definitely all puppies and rainbows as far as I'm concerned.
Bottom line, you CAN'T control people over the internet. It is what it is. If you want to hear all positive comments then that's what IRL friends and family are for. The internet brings all types. It can't be changed.
ETA: And I swear if I hear "oh its hormones" again I'm going to pull my hair out. I think it's safe to say we all disagreed with people and had opinions before we got pregnant. Why thehell do women need to have an" excuse" to have an opinion and speakt heir minds? Jesus...
+1
::waves:: Hiiii Sheena!
Thank you for starting this thread.
Yes, we're pregnant. We're nervous. We're inquisitive.
We all have hormones, but that is no excuse for anyone to be so hostile!
PS: IS there an ignore/block function on this board? Or am I blind?
(edit: I am blind. Just found the ignore/block function. Hope to never use it!)
EEEKKK! OMG! HI! (And yes, I'm totally yelling all this in my head) Wait, are you having a boy??
I agree with you 100%+ and I am glad that someone finally said something. I have thought about saying something more than once, but wasnt really in the mood for responses acting as if it was no big deal that some people seem to focus on always being negative.
When I first signed up on here never did I think that some of the women would be so mean spirited and out to riducule others. Many of days I have commented to my DH that its just another example of women mistreating each other...yet we expect so much respect from men.
On the one hand I would like to believe that maybe everyone is a tad bit hormonal and sensitive and that could explain some of the snarkiness...However, I have observed that a lot of the unnecessary mean spirited remarks come from some of the same women over and over again. I also think its really easy for people to hide behind their computer screens and be nasty to others.
I have discussed the bump generally with women that I do see as support group on another forum. The general consensus from that group (many who lurk on the bump) is that groups on the bump are far from supportive and that every now and then you can find some informative posts. Outside of that, you shouldnt expect much but a lot of insecure bitchy women criticizing each other for everything. I didnt want to be believe it was true, but I'm starting to feel the exact same way.
Haha yes! A BOY! Join us over in the Shaq!!! Post so that we don't hijack this thread! Need to catch up!!!!!!!
I think it is extremely annoying and also a little degrading to say that having any type of opinion or attitude about something is due to "hormones". I find a lot of posts on here extremely obnoxious, judgmental, and repetitive and it certainly has nothing to do with my hormones. Seeing the same 30 posts/questions asked in one day is just annoying, plain and simple.
Dont get me wrong I am all for a pissy post but yea the weight gain one, wtf. I like the check in on weight its nice to see where people fall normal is a big range. and if you are that sensitive seems like a personal problem with yourself don't blame others because you have body image issues. I also lost a decent amount of weight and weight scares me in pregnancy.
There is a block button at the bottom of your box... I've used it before!
And I think for all the ladies who feel comfortable making their snarky comments... I feel equally comfortable stating by opinon that no matter whether this is the internet or not, people need to GET OVER THEMSELVES. Maybe you'll think the same about me and that's ok with me. I'm speaking out on behalf of timid 1st time moms who really want helpful information without the bull$hit!
If this stirs up more snarky, argumentative discussion... at least its not going to be directed at some poor 1st time mom who was just curious about something she had little knowledge of.
With all due respect, don't tell me where I can and cannot post my opinions. Thank you very much
The block button is below every single post.
Also, I'm so confused by this post. I haven't seen anything on this board that is that negative that it would warrant blocking someone. People are going to disagree. I don't see how pretending that we all have the exact same opinion on every hot button issue is mature or in any way better than just expressing ourselves. I honestly have rarely seen anything that has fallen into the category of "disrespectful" on this board. BTW, what's wrong with sensitivity? I'm sure there are plenty of things that would make you feel sensitive, OP and PPs, and you're telling me you'd just "keep your mouth shut" if you saw something that was offensive to you posted on these boards?
Seriously. Same sh!t different day.
I didn't even bother reading the whole novel since I'm sure it's nothing that hasn't been said on the Bump a million times.
So...you are cool with more snark and more arguments, but only at certain people? Please enlighten us on what your rules are so we can all get on board.
Oh thank god, what would they do without you!!!!
I almost just said tl;dr. But decided against it...
Honestly girls, its a message board. There is a place for dissenting views on a message board - just like there is a place for support and questions. When you have this many different people from different cultures - there will be POV. You can't expect people to just keep their POV's to themselves because you don't like it....JMO.
I agree 100%!
Cho I had a personal attack that was moved from a general post to an all out debate back and forth between myself and another bumpie and after that I blocked that person because I just didn't wanna get caught up in that kinda thing. If you had seen that post you'd totally understand cause we both got unnecessarily bitchy in the post. So if there's more of that type of thing going on, I can understand the "block". For it was like, I didn't wanna be tempted to be a snot down the road because of it.
And can I say I appreciate your comment... You had a disagreement to the post but were able to convey it in a way that didn't sound like, OMG Wow you're dumb for your opinion and that's the kinda ish i'm talking about. You can disagree without being a total *** about it. End of story!
Well, I guess I missed that post. I've blocked people before on the Bump, so it's not like I'm judging anyone for wanting to, but I haven't personally seen anything HERE on this board that was that ugly. I thought this post was in response to the weight gain thread, which I really don't think has anything that heated or ugly (or at least it didn't 10 minutes ago... I haven't read it since).
Let me just be COMPLETELY clear. I have NO problem with disagreements and if my intial rant that yes, turned into a novel, gave off the impression that I think we all need to hold hands and sing Ring Around the Rosie every day, let me clear that up now.
Disagreements are totally fine. I welcome that but it's about the actual words being said that can be the problem. Yeah, yeah, lots of different women from different backgounds blah blah blah. That's fine, OF COURSE we're not all gonna agree and it wouldn't be all that helpful if we did.
But being a "witch" just to be a "witch" is just stupid and rude. You know perfectly well when you are making a comment that is a flat out personal jab to someone as opposed to a simple disagreeing opinion.
Like the person who commented much earlier and told me to "get off my soapbox". Wow ok.. you disagree with me... but do you have to say it like that? I apparently hit a nerve with her and that's fine. But I'm kinda glad she said it so I can use it as an example now. I just PERSONALLY don't think saying things like that is helpful. I don't care who you are or what your background is. And again... if these types of women feel justified in making those kinds of comments then I feel justified calling them out on being rude.
I think some may be missing the point.
Yes in the initial comment she said if you didnt agree with comments or questions on the board then don't respond...BUT, what I think she was really trying to say (or rather what I got from it and believe as well) is that it's fine to disagree with each other, but it's the way that it is being done. I refuse to believe that mature adults cannot find a way to state their opinion without being nasty, snarky, condescending, etc. More importantly I think a lot of the responders who do so would never be that way in person...but because their is the safety of anonimity and a computer screen folks get out of control. I certainly agree that you get all types on the internet...but IMP that doesn't make it right. To suggest it's ridiculous for someone to say "enough is enough" seems wrong.
Even the tone of some of the responses to this thread are snarky and rude...and I can only beleive that was in fact the intent.
That being said I never realized there was a block and ignore button on here. Now that I know I may have to start using it. There is enough negativity that you can't block from your life, so I am all about blocking the negativity that I can. There are definitely some nice sweet informative women on here, so I would hate to stop visiting the site and the board because of what I think are a few bad apples making it an unpleasant experience for some of us.
The people that do want to talk about their weight are much nastier about it than the people who don't. Just an observation that I found kind of funny.
Thank you!!! Yes, that is what I was trying to say and I apologize to anyone who wasn't getting it. Exactly what you said, was exactly my point to a T.
I think you are confusing "snarky/rude" with "people that don't agree with me".
::waits to be called "snarky and rude" for posting this::
haha! Salt! The way you say things genuinely cracks me up all the time so I can't even hate on you for this comment! But you know damn well your "::waits to be called 'snarky and rude'" was absoutely that!! LOL You're comment was actually neither UNTIL you added that part at the end! Although, I wouldn't call it "rude" necessarily but totally snarky!
***and just to be sure tone is being conveyed correctly on this hot topic post, I really am teasing in a friendly manner. No sarcasm cause I did laugh when I read it!
I also don't think that there is much that is necessarily rude or snarky about any of the posts on here, even the person who said to get off the soapbox. And FWIW, if there are people who feel that I fall into this category, I promise you that I am absolutely as blunt in person.
I interpret your post as saying that the original poster needs to be responsible for how s/he starts a thread but individuals who reply don't need to be responsible for their own assumptions or biases. Sounds a bit hypocritical to me. Rather than jumping to conclusions about anyone's post, why not ask for clarification before attacking?
I would venture a guess that 90% of the threads that are started are given less thought than what one might have for lunch. People come to message boards for advice, for commiseration, or to just vent. Additionally it feels as if these boards are also a place for people to let out their inner snark. IMO.
BFP #2 - Sylvie V. Q. born and died on 10.28.11 at 21w.
BFP #3 - Evie V. Q. Fetal demise @ 16w. DC 7.8.12
BFP #4 - Beatrix V. Q. Born 6.2.13 at 23w6d.
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Do you also feel sorry for their husbands and future children? Cause on TB I believe that's called a hat trick and everybody gets a cookie every time its said. And I could really use a cookie right now.