What is with all the negativity and sensitivity???

GoldenGibson

IteachPK:

I agree with you. Like the weight gain post. (until the OP got all snotty) I didn't see WHAT was flameful about that post.  I used to be overweight, now I'm not. I feel weird not gaining much weight with this pregnancy and I worry. It was reassuring for me to see others that fall in "Normal" and have only gained 3.5-5 lbs as well at all the same amount of weeks.  

 

My thing with the weight gain post (and some other topics) is that it is discussed daily almost. It's just a little irritating to see the same post EVERY DAY! I just hope to see new topics pop up to talk about instead of the same old same old.

Also what the other people were saying about the weight posts making heavy gainers feel bad is true as well. Even though the people who have gained nothing may be concerned about it, the person who has gained 15 is wishing they hadn't and so on etc.... I understand both sidea of the argument.

mhollidayesq

salt78:

mhollidayesq:

Even the tone of some of the responses to this thread are snarky and rude...and I can only beleive that was in fact the intent.

I think you are confusing "snarky/rude" with "people that don't agree with me".

 

::waits to be called "snarky and rude" for posting this::

LOL. Not at all (i.e., I dont believe I am confusing the two and I don't perceive it as either snarky or rude). 

I do beleive there is a difference between not agreeing with someone and being "snarky/rude" when expressing a disagreement.  I am a fairly blunt person myself and will always speak my mind.  However, I try and be mindful of how the things that I say may come off/across to someone (especially when they are reading it).  I'm certainly not successful all the time...but I consciously try to express my opinions without being humiliating (unless that it is really my intent - LOL -- and sometimes it certainly is).

Having worked in employee relations and personnel for almost 10 years now I have witnessed things happen (up to folks being fired) simply because of the way an opinion was stated and/or perceived.  I have had to give trainings to supervisors on how to deliver the same message to subordinates without making someone feel demeaned and vice versa.  Sometimes the snarkiness/rudeness is intentional, other times it's just the way that people are and then don't mean to be offensive.  All of that being said, my philosophy has always been, even if done unintentionally, that doesn't make it right  -- especially in an enviroment that one would expect to be supportive, but instead reasonable minded people are being offended (because I do agree that some people are too sensitive and just hate to be criticized).  

sweet_nitenale

GoldenGibson:

IteachPK:

I agree with you. Like the weight gain post. (until the OP got all snotty) I didn't see WHAT was flameful about that post.  I used to be overweight, now I'm not. I feel weird not gaining much weight with this pregnancy and I worry. It was reassuring for me to see others that fall in "Normal" and have only gained 3.5-5 lbs as well at all the same amount of weeks.  

 

My thing with the weight gain post (and some other topics) is that it is discussed daily almost. It's just a little irritating to see the same post EVERY DAY! I just hope to see new topics pop up to talk about instead of the same old same old.

Also what the other people were saying about the weight posts making heavy gainers feel bad is true as well. Even though the people who have gained nothing may be concerned about it, the person who has gained 15 is wishing they hadn't and so on etc.... I understand both sidea of the argument.

I do agree with you and everyone else who mentioned it, that frequent posts on the same topic does get annoying. I've never seen a post on this topic before so for those who have seen it a lot I apologize I guess. I think we bumpies get so excited to post that by the time you check the website again there's soooo many new posts that ones that are fairly recent are so far back in the pages its easy to miss.

But it IS still annoying nonetheless to see the same post every other day.

Those constant NT Scan posts asking the same questions got super annoying but I know its a worrisome topic so I just skipped over them when they started getting excessive.

salt78

GoldenGibson:

Also what the other people were saying about the weight posts making heavy gainers feel bad is true as well. Even though the people who have gained nothing may be concerned about it, the person who has gained 15 is wishing they hadn't and so on etc.... I understand both sidea of the argument.

This is where I was going with my post in that thread. 

And for me personally, it's not so much being a heavy gainer, but that I just have a hard time with comparing weights period. Poor body image is a b!tch.

But I guess that would just be my problem because of my "delicate sensibilities", as the OP of that thread so callously put it.

iris2717

salt78:

The people that do want to talk about their weight are much nastier about it than the people who don't. Just an observation that I found kind of funny.

 I totally agree with this.  

This is my first pregnancy and I am a newbie here at The Bump and can say that i've gotten nothing but positive feedback and advice whenever I have questions and I totally appreciate this.  I have gained a little more weight than I wanted to since BFP due to being put on bedrest and asked not to exercise until 2nd trimester.  Because of this I am a little sensitive when it comes to my weight and I tread lightly through the 'weight gain' threads knowing this.  HOWEVER, I do feel that some (not all) of the OP of weight check-up threads have a little more depth to their posts intent than just simply trying to keep track of how much they are gaining and this is just my own observation and opinion.  I have noticed that the ladies that are constantly posting their weight gain have little to no gain at all and seem a little zealous about this, not worried.  They also seem to be the ones that are being a bit aggressive about it.  Just my observation and opinion.

But, overall, I have had a great experience here.

LillyGrrl

So my .02 is that people who are so concerned about weight gain in pregnancy are the ones that will constantly post topics about it so that they can deem themselves "within normal range"  and/or they are hoping that they have gained less than others to make themselves feel better (because I honestly do not believe you can make another person feel bad-they either feel bad or they don't and that's basically on them).

Personally, as an overweight woman who lost 50lbs before becoming pregnant with my daughter and then managed to gain all but 10lbs of it back during that pregnancy and subsequently lost it all plus another 15 before getting pregnant with this one I couldn't give a fig about how much weight I gain during this pregnancy (which isn't to say I don't watch what I eat, of course I do) because for me it's completely irrelevant until my doctor tells me otherwise.

People should worry less about the whole weight thing, food thing, caffiene thing etc.  So much of it is a non-issue until it's an issue.  Eat right, get moderate exercise and relax- bodies gain weight during pregnancy some gain more than others.  So long as you aren't eating a box of twinkies, followed by a gallon of ice cream on top of a liter of soda daily I think most weight will come off once the pregnancy process is over.  And if it doesn't well there are only two choices - deal with the gain (i.e. accept that's who you are now) or lose it.

 

mhollidayesq

salt78:

GoldenGibson:

Also what the other people were saying about the weight posts making heavy gainers feel bad is true as well. Even though the people who have gained nothing may be concerned about it, the person who has gained 15 is wishing they hadn't and so on etc.... I understand both sidea of the argument.

This is where I was going with my post in that thread. 

And for me personally, it's not so much being a heavy gainer, but that I just have a hard time with comparing weights period. Poor body image is a b!tch.

But I guess that would just be my problem because of my "delicate sensibilities", as the OP of that thread so callously put it.

OK, so I have a confession to make! LOL

I have never read any of the "weight gain" threads. I avoid them because I have my own weight gain issues (had to lose weight just to even give IVF a try) and have decided that I am going do to my best to not obsess over my weight during this pregnancy.  I just pray to God that I can keep it at 20 pounds! Considering I have already gained 10 I'm thinking...probably not -- but oh well...as long as my LO is born healthy I will deal with my weight issues later.

Anyway, back to the confession...so after reading on here that there may have been some concern over "snarkiness/rudeness" on the weight gain thread I just couldn't help myself and I had to check it out.  Let's just say that's one thread that I probably would have INTENTIONALLY been snarky on!  It's definitely about my own personal issues -- but I sooooo DONT want to hear/read folks brag about their ability to keep their weight in check! LOL.  But I suppose that may also be why I never bothered reading any of them either -- I just didnt need the comparisons trying to make me feel bad. So on the one hand I do get the person(s) who said "just dont comment/read," but on the other had I decided to check it out and read...I don't know if I would have been able to stop myself from saying something snarky either!  LOL. 

danlexi04

This entire post makes me want to bang my head. This type of post is ALWAYS being posted somewhere on TB and every.single.time the OP thinks that they're the first ones to bring it up. It's old news ladies, old news.

beachbunni307

I agree with you 100%. Some women who post on here are rude just to be rude. I agree...if you can't be nice...don't post. And for all of the people on here complaining that they should be able to post an opposing opinion. Thats true, everyone is entitled to their own opinion....but many of those posts get very rude.

salt78

beachbunni307:

And for all of the people on here complaining that they should be able to post an opposing opinion. Thats true, everyone is entitled to their own opinion....but many of those posts get very rude.

No one is "complaining" about anything (except for maybe you complaining about how people are rude). I'm sorry that you only want to be surrounded by shining happy rainbows on here all the time, but that's not realistic. Especially when you get so many different personalities into one place.

Aaaaand I'm going to stop beating this dead horse now. I actually do like most of the people here, regardless of posting styles.

betsy1486

Its incredibly difficult to determine a person's tone or intent based on text and written words. With that being said, there are certain ppl on here who consistantly come off as rude/b!tchy/snarky (whichever term you wish to use). Some of these ladies are ppl I usually agree with too. But without having a face to face conversation with these ppl, I don't know if they actual are as b!tchy IRL as they seem to be on this board. I'm sure not many of us are truly aware of how we come off to each other on here. And most of the time we don't realize things can or will be taken in a negative way until our threads go ape sh!t and start a huge all out war. We need to remember that its the internet, its not as important as it may seem at the time.

[Deleted User]

OP and friends...

It sounds to me like ya'll are feeling a little "sensitive" about the "negativity". Disagreement, sarcasm, and, dare I say it, snark are not necessarily rude or something to get upset about, IMO. Maybe you should take your own advice, and ignore it if you don't like it?

You need BGP for TB. And really, this board is pretty darn puppies and rainbows compared to most of the other boards. Granted, I haven't had a ton of time for bumping lately, but all the posts I've read here have been pretty tame. I just really don't understand getting so annoyed/upset about snark.

ETA: Ok I just read the weight gain post, at least I think it's the one everyone here is referring to, and uhhh what was so awful about that? Just some disagreement, no name calling or personal attacks. WTF is the big deal??

alumsden1

sorry if this has been said already- but I just skimmed this thread. 

But just keep in mind that when people are hiding behind their computer screen and conversing with people they don't have to face in real life, they are a little more bold, and may even exercise a bit more attitude and spunk than they would IRL. The keyboard is like artificial courage; and online cat fights and arguments add a bit of excitement to an otherwise dull afternoon.

Take it from this mama who spent way too much time on TB when pregnant with DD. Don't take these things to heart- just ignore them. Once those babies are in your arms, you (hopefully) won't blink an eye to this silly stuff. 

*FWIW I remember writing a post like this when I first started on here- LOL These posts do come around often, and don't change anything. You're better off just ignoring particular posters and their threads