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It's all so very clear now

monkeysmama62monkeysmama62 member
in Postpartum Depression
For the last 3 months 3 weeks and 3 days I just haven't felt right. Even the day DD was born I felt absolutely no connection to her. I blamed it on the epidural. The three weeks that followed it still didn't feel like she was mine. I blamed it on baby blues. Now I don't want to take care of her. I hardly hold her I usually have her in the swing or on the floor. When I do hold her I usually give her DH and find something to occupy myself. I worry constantly about her though. I'm always afraid that I'm going to wake up and she won't be breathing. I'm constantly angry at DH. I blamed that on AF returning and my hormones get back to normal. I pick fights with him then proceed to cry for 2 hours after fighting because I don't want to fight I just can't not be angry with him. I constantly beat myself up and feel like I failed DD because I stopped EBF at 1 month just because I wore me out. But right now everything is so very clear. Something is truly wrong with me and I need to stop ignoring it. 
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Re: It's all so very clear now

  • EVA116EVA116 member
    Your post made me cry. I had PPD right after my DD was born. I recognized it soon with the help of my mom and got on medication right away. It took weeks for me to even fell a little better. I was really bad and couldn't even leave the house. i couldn't believe it happened to me because i had wanted a child for as long as I can remember. My DH didn't understand. I would cry and cry and ask my mom if I could just give her back. I felt like her real mom would be there to pick her up soon. I just wanted to go back and not have a baby. But I also did what you did and worried all the time about her. I remember I asked my mom what the benefits of having a child were...she just started to cry because she knew how sad I was. I am much better now. i do still need to take my medication and I do still have some bad days but now I can't wait to get off work and see my DD. The thing that helped me the most, besides the meds, was Brook Shields book. i read it and it was me exactly. It was nice to know that someone had it as bad as me and got through it.image

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