anyone else annoyed by the phrase "full time mom"?

brooketini · September 2011

KathrynMD:
those "to do" lists also need:

Don't kill self from boredom

Wow, really? I do not understand the hostility.

WinesNot Whines · September 2011

The term "full time mom" doesn't bother me. I understand it just means a woman who spends most of her time taking care of her kids instead of working outside the home. Of course working moms are also full-time moms. But when I'm at work, I'm not dealing with day-to-day child care while LO is at school. I do wonder what "full time moms" call themselves when their kids go off to kindergarten.

I give SAHMs a lot of credit. I think it's often harder to be a SAHM than a WOHM. When my kid has one of his cranky days, I'm happy that I can leave him with his teachers and friends at school, and go to work and drink a cup of coffee in peace! And I would totally make To Do lists if I was a SAHM. I had To Do lists when I was on maternity leave, and they included things like showering!

laurakaz13 · September 2011

EllaHella:
Maybride2:
This is ridiculous.

Being a mother is hard work, period. For me, being a SAHM would be extremely hard, that's why I'm not one.

This thread started off as a scoff at the notion of a "full time mom"; sorry, but it is a stupid term and it's demeaning to all fathers and working mothers.

I frankly don't care what anyone else's To Do list looks like, I'm too busy trying to accomplush everything on my own.

100% agree. This thread is why there is a mommy war. I hate pitting moms against each other like this. Both sides have it rough.

Ahhh! Thank you! This is exactly what I'm thinking while I read this thread.

rodiesmum · September 2011

all of us are full time moms. It just so happened that we working moms, would like to support our families financially too

pinksweetpea2 · September 2011

These posts really make me wonder why I visit this board. As someone who hugs the fence and has been both a SAHM and a WM (currently), I can safely say there are a lot more of these type of posts on here than on the SAHM board.

The SAHM bashing just makes you look bitter. Be happy with your life or change it.

laurakaz13 · September 2011

pinksweetpea2:

These posts really make me wonder why I visit this board. As someone who hugs the fence and has been both a SAHM and a WM (currently), I can safely say there are a lot more of these type of posts on here than on the SAHM board.

The SAHM bashing just makes you look bitter. Be happy with your life or change it.

Totally disagree. Most of the women on this board do not put up with bashing others for their choices. Most of us couldn't care less.

Of course there are lame SAHM's who really think that working mom's are only part-time parents. Of course there are lame working mom's who think SAHM's do nothing all day. But most women I've ever met really just respect each other's choices.

I do agree that posts like this make people sound bitter. And I'm one of those mom's with a great career that I refuse to give up. We don't need my salary, so I could do either.

laurakaz13 · September 2011

pinksweetpea2:

These posts really make me wonder why I visit this board. As someone who hugs the fence and has been both a SAHM and a WM (currently), I can safely say there are a lot more of these type of posts on here than on the SAHM board.

The SAHM bashing just makes you look bitter. Be happy with your life or change it.

Totally disagree. Most of the women on this board do not put up with bashing others for their choices. Most of us couldn't care less.

Of course there are lame SAHM's who really think that working mom's are only part-time parents. Of course there are lame working mom's who think SAHM's do nothing all day. But most women I've ever met really just respect each other's choices.

I do agree that posts like this make people sound bitter. And I'm one of those mom's with a great career that I refuse to give up. We don't need my salary, so I could do either.

kcisthebombdotcom · September 2011

KathrynMD:

those "to do" lists also need:

Don't kill self from boredom

Meh, I find nothing boring about getting to spend my days taking my kids to fun places like the children's museum, zoo, library, playground, etc.

Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

To answer the original question, I dont get annoyed about what others refer to themselves as. I think it's a stupid choice of words, but does it annoy me? No.

duchess0727 · September 2011

You have to love message boards - in real life, everyone I know hates this term. Only on the internet does it turn into a battle between WMs and SAHMs. Honestly, being a mom isn't a job. That's like saying that your husband babysits his own kids. Being a parent is hard work for sure - but it's not a job. A job is something that pays the bills.

KL777 · September 2011

That statement does come off as offensive. When DS was born, my sis-n-law asked DH was I back at work and he replied "she's a full time mom". I myself never used that terminology, I always said "SAHM".

On the flipside, the term "WM" can also come off as offensive. This wording can lead one to believe that SAHMs don't work.

I think the better term for both would be SAHM and WOHM. Issue settled! :-)

mexicolombiana · September 2011

duchess0727:
You have to love message boards - in real life, everyone I know hates this term. Only on the internet does it turn into a battle between WMs and SAHMs. Honestly, being a mom isn't a job. That's like saying that your husband babysits his own kids. Being a parent is hard work for sure - but it's not a job. A job is something that pays the bills.

I agree, I just don't think being a mom is a JOB. You work hard but you don't get paid for it and unless you're calling it an "unpaid internship" or apprenticeship it's not a job. It is just being a mom. You're a mom who stays home and doesn't work so she can watch her kids.

I don't care to jump into the debate much other than to say that yes I work all day and actually am sometimes bitter that I "have" to work. There are days I wish I could stay home all day. But that's just not an option for me so I deal with it and do the best I can being me!

KL777 · September 2011

This.

KL777 · September 2011

pinksweetpea2:

These posts really make me wonder why I visit this board. As someone who hugs the fence and has been both a SAHM and a WM (currently), I can safely say there are a lot more of these type of posts on here than on the SAHM board.

The SAHM bashing just makes you look bitter. Be happy with your life or change it.

This.

erinruns · September 2011

Is this the FTM thing? Because I used to think that meant full time mom and yes! I hated it. But then I realized it meant first time mom.

KathrynMD · September 2011

KC_13:
KathrynMD:

those "to do" lists also need:

Don't kill self from boredom

Meh, I find nothing boring about getting to spend my days taking my kids to fun places like the children's museum, zoo, library, playground, etc.

Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

To answer the original question, I dont get annoyed about what others refer to themselves as. I think it's a stupid choice of words, but does it annoy me? No.

I'm not bored going on adventures w/ my kid, but my impression from the handful of "to do lists" that were copied here were that most of the "to do" items were things like "fold laundry", "pick up dry cleaning" "grocery store" I didn't see anything fun or kid-related in those lists. So, yes, if my day consisted of just household chores and errands, I'd be bored silly. Now - add in some fun activities w/ my kid and I'd feel differently. I was just reacting to those lists.

kcisthebombdotcom · September 2011

KathrynMD:
KC_13:
KathrynMD:

those "to do" lists also need:

Don't kill self from boredom

Meh, I find nothing boring about getting to spend my days taking my kids to fun places like the children's museum, zoo, library, playground, etc.

Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

To answer the original question, I dont get annoyed about what others refer to themselves as. I think it's a stupid choice of words, but does it annoy me? No.

I'm not bored going on adventures w/ my kid, but my impression from the handful of "to do lists" that were copied here were that most of the "to do" items were things like "fold laundry", "pick up dry cleaning" "grocery store" I didn't see anything fun or kid-related in those lists. So, yes, if my day consisted of just household chores and errands, I'd be bored silly. Now - add in some fun activities w/ my kid and I'd feel differently. I was just reacting to those lists.

Maybe they participate in those posts to have some accountibility of what they need to get done around the house that day? I know one day a week the kids play at home so I can get extra housework done, but that's not an accurate glimpse of our day to day life.

Mjmksb04 · September 2011

I would just note that if you lurk on any of the tri boards when the "Will you SAH or work once you have the baby?" poll comes up, there are always sanctimonious responses about how so and so will stay home because she doesn't want "strangers raising her children," and other responses along those lines basically making anyone who works feel like crap. So for some of you, please don't act like these attitudes don't run both ways and that they are just spewing puppies and rainbows over on the SAH board.

kcisthebombdotcom · September 2011

Mjmksb04:
I would just note that if you lurk on any of the tri boards when the "Will you SAH or work once you have the baby?" poll comes up, there are always sanctimonious responses about how so and so will stay home because she doesn't want "strangers raising her children," and other responses along those lines basically making anyone who works feel like crap. So for some of you, please don't act like these attitudes don't run both ways and that they are just spewing puppies and rainbows over on the SAH board.

Yes, that kind of stuff comes up... on the tri boards.

I participate in both boards since I work 15 hours a week, and I'd say there's more criticism of the other side here as opposed to the SAH board. I think there's an occasional mention of a "stranger raising their baby" on the SAH board (which is usually an unintentional dig), but as an unbiased person I see more people intentionally bashing the other side here.

susanmosley · September 2011

EllaHella:
You can't deny that there are poorly worded posts that stir up the mommy wars on both boards. People on both sides of the aisle either poorly word posts or throw little passive digs here and there. You simply can't deny that it takes two sides to keep the flames going. Blaming one another also does no one any good.

Playing the "you all talk about us more" game needs to stop on both sides. It is ridiculous and perpetuates the war.

Its really only a war if you decide to make it that. Otherwise, it is just people sharing their opinions which you can choose to not take personally or perceive as a fight.

susanmosley · September 2011

EllaHella:
susanmosley:
EllaHella:

You can't deny that there are poorly worded posts that stir up the mommy wars on both boards. People on both sides of the aisle either poorly word posts or throw little passive digs here and there. You simply can't deny that it takes two sides to keep the flames going. Blaming one another also does no one any good.

Playing the "you all talk about us more" game needs to stop on both sides. It is ridiculous and perpetuates the war.

Its really only a war if you decide to make it that. Otherwise, it is just people sharing their opinions which you can choose to not take personally or perceive as a fight.

I would agree with you. Except both boards are fighting (or taking it personal) with each other over it. And it sucks.

It's just silly, really.

pinksweetpea2 · September 2011

laurakaz13:
pinksweetpea2:

These posts really make me wonder why I visit this board. As someone who hugs the fence and has been both a SAHM and a WM (currently), I can safely say there are a lot more of these type of posts on here than on the SAHM board.

The SAHM bashing just makes you look bitter. Be happy with your life or change it.

Totally disagree. Most of the women on this board do not put up with bashing others for their choices. Most of us couldn't care less.

I didn't say that most of the women on this board think this, I just said that I see far more posts like these on this board that the counterpart on the SAHM boards. ::shrugs::

The only reason I stick around is because there are so many amazing women like yourself on here. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

pinksweetpea2 · September 2011

Mjmksb04:
I would just note that if you lurk on any of the tri boards when the "Will you SAH or work once you have the baby?" poll comes up, there are always sanctimonious responses about how so and so will stay home because she doesn't want "strangers raising her children," and other responses along those lines basically making anyone who works feel like crap. So for some of you, please don't act like these attitudes don't run both ways and that they are just spewing puppies and rainbows over on the SAH board.

Yes you see this on the TRIMESTER boards. If you actually spend any time on the SAHM board you will see that these comments are usually made by lurkers who are pregnant and there is always someone who call thems on it (many times myself).

JerseyMa27 · September 2011

To say things like "If you don't like your situation, then change it" is unfair. While a lot of moms on here are proud to be working moms and enjoy it, others (like myself), do what they have to do and don't have a choice. Not everyone can "make it work" with one income. So, when you have no choice but to leave your baby in the care of others 5 days a week in oder to be able to give said baby a good life, it's easy to take offense to SAHM's saying things like "I'm a full-time mom" . It feels like they're saying all Working moms have chosen to be away from their kids(s). It's a sensitive subject for some of us is all.

I think there is nothing wrong with wanting to be home with your baby all day and doing so if you are able to financially, just the same as there's nothing wrong with working to support your family financially even if you don't have to work, just because you enjoy it. But making other people feel shitty by making insensitive comments is not acceptable. Just the same as some moms can't afford NOT to work, some SAHM moms want to work but can't get a job that pays enough money for child care, to make the paying job even worth it.

Mjmksb04 · September 2011

pinksweetpea2:

Mjmksb04:
I would just note that if you lurk on any of the tri boards when the "Will you SAH or work once you have the baby?" poll comes up, there are always sanctimonious responses about how so and so will stay home because she doesn't want "strangers raising her children," and other responses along those lines basically making anyone who works feel like crap. So for some of you, please don't act like these attitudes don't run both ways and that they are just spewing puppies and rainbows over on the SAH board.

Yes you see this on the TRIMESTER boards. If you actually spend any time on the SAHM board you will see that these comments are usually made by lurkers who are pregnant and there is always someone who call thems on it (many times myself).

So noone on the SAH board feels that way? Really? Confused I find that incredibly difficult to believe. And I don't have a real opinion on this since there are obviously offensive opinions about SAH moms on this board and I don't care what people do.

testtubebaby · September 2011

racampbell1:
CTGirl30:

jf198400:
It irritates me too. I still have just as much mom work to do as a SAHM- taking care of kids, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. and I also get to work/commute 50hrs a week. When people ask me what I do, I don't say "I have 2 full time jobs."

Don't ever read any of their To Do lists then... (yes, sometimes I pop over to the SAHM board out of curiosity).

Oh lord, I didn't even know they posted To Do lists... here's a real one that I just copied:

"Gym, Laundry, Tidy House"

Wow. I do those things almost every day AND work at a very stressful job. I know, I know, the SAHM board is for SAHM and I shouldn't read it and get my panties in a bunch because obviously, our lives are different. I guess we are all entitled to have our own perspectives on what constitutes a full day.

damn, sucks to be you then! i love not having to work.

testtubebaby · September 2011

KathrynMD:

those "to do" lists also need:

Don't kill self from boredom

wow... how sad that you think taking care of your household and own children is such a boredom. i feel bad for your kids.

asyph107 · September 2011

clo1982:

Angela814:
Yes. I also hate the argument that SAHMs work. All moms work to take care of their kids. When we say WOHM or WAHM, we all know that we're talking about a job.

Amen to this! Yes we all know it's work to stay at home. That doesn't mean I get to say that I have 2 full time jobs because I work outside of the house as well!

Agree totally!

kjennnn · September 2011

testtubebaby:
KathrynMD:

those "to do" lists also need:

Don't kill self from boredom

wow... how sad that you think taking care of your household and own children is such a boredom. i feel bad for your kids.

We do take care of our kids and household, AND we manage to work fulltime. In the same 24 hours that you get.

testtubebaby · September 2011

kjennnn:
testtubebaby:
KathrynMD:

those "to do" lists also need:

Don't kill self from boredom

wow... how sad that you think taking care of your household and own children is such a boredom. i feel bad for your kids.

We do take care of our kids and household, AND we manage to work fulltime. In the same 24 hours that you get.

are you implying that you are better than sahms because you "do more"? i hope that sitting behind a desk is gratifying to you but i don't get my self worth by doing a 9-5 shift everyday. no other job is more important to me than raising my children and i'm glad to have the opportunity to do so. i understand that you also take care of your family but the poster was saying that sahms are bored, it's sad that she thinks that way because i don't find it boring at all taking care of my family and it's very demanding most of the time. people who have to justify their reasonings by starting this stuff on a message board are only conveying that they are not secure in their decision.

laurakaz13 · September 2011

pinksweetpea2:
laurakaz13:
pinksweetpea2:

These posts really make me wonder why I visit this board. As someone who hugs the fence and has been both a SAHM and a WM (currently), I can safely say there are a lot more of these type of posts on here than on the SAHM board.

The SAHM bashing just makes you look bitter. Be happy with your life or change it.

Totally disagree. Most of the women on this board do not put up with bashing others for their choices. Most of us couldn't care less.

I didn't say that most of the women on this board think this, I just said that I see far more posts like these on this board that the counterpart on the SAHM boards. ::shrugs::

The only reason I stick around is because there are so many amazing women like yourself on here. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

Thanks! No problem. Honestly, I think most ladies on each board are like us. We respect each other and just want to chat about our adorable kids. Enough said. :-)

laurakaz13 · September 2011

testtubebaby:
kjennnn:
testtubebaby:
KathrynMD:

those "to do" lists also need:

Don't kill self from boredom

wow... how sad that you think taking care of your household and own children is such a boredom. i feel bad for your kids.

We do take care of our kids and household, AND we manage to work fulltime. In the same 24 hours that you get.

are you implying that you are better than sahms because you "do more"? i hope that sitting behind a desk is gratifying to you but i don't get my self worth by doing a 9-5 shift everyday. no other job is more important to me than raising my children and i'm glad to have the opportunity to do so. i understand that you also take care of your family but the poster was saying that sahms are bored, it's sad that she thinks that way because i don't find it boring at all taking care of my family and it's very demanding most of the time. people who have to justify their reasonings by starting this stuff on a message board are only conveying that they are not secure in their decision.

No, actually you just proved that you're one of the SAHM's who suck. This is a cr*ppy thing to say. I love my work, but you better believe that I am also raising my child and taking care of my home.

Of course, I have tons of help b/c I make a ton of money along with my DH. But that doesn't make my parenting any less important. However, many women on here NEED to work. This is very disrespectful of them.

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