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How do I tell people I don't want to talk?

atprincatprinc
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I'm lucky- I have a very large circle of supportive friends and family. I told myself that I would give myself a week to wallow and very gently told my husband to tell them that I wasn't in a good place and I would call when I was ready to talk. EXCEPT, I realized that I don't want to talk about it. At all. I don't want anyone to tell me they're sorry, or that it was for the best or any other crap that doesn't help. And I know they want to *be there for me*, but I want to just leave it alone.

How do I say this without sounding like a horrible person?

Happily Married since 10-31-03 Meaghan Riley Grace arrived 1 month early- May 19, 2008 Angel Baby- lost on September 12, 2011- 8 weeks Hoping for a sticky baby!
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Re: How do I tell people I don't want to talk?

  • HopingforChangeHopingforChange member
    Atprinc, I would leave it be unless someone brought it up.  Then, I would just say, "Thank you for caring, but it isn't something I am comfortable talking about.  If that ever changes, I will let you know."  Anyone who is at all understanding will get that it's your choice, and they definitely shouldn't judge you for your method of grieving.  People can say some dumb crap, and I wish I had told more people I didn't want to chat just so I didn't have to listen to their ridiculous statements. 
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  • GatorBaby2012GatorBaby2012
    I'm sorry for your loss. I did the same thing and gave myself a 1 week pity-party, but I told everyone in advance that I  had a m/c and that the best thing they could do for me is to not talk about it with me. I would suggest that if anyone tries to reach out to talk to you, to either ask your husband to tell them that you're healing in your own way and right now it's best for you to not talk about it, or if you feel comfortable with it, you telling them yourself.  I agree with PP that people can say some stupid things thinking they are lightening the mood or helping, not realizing how hurtful words can be to someone so emotionally sensitive. So, in my opinion, it's best to nip it in the bud in advance and then you can talk about everything other than this with your friends and family, which is a welcome distraction and is indirectly the best support you can have, rather than avoiding them completely.
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  • babemcd2012babemcd2012

    I am so sorry for your loss! It is tragic for sure.  What I do is look them in the eye and say "I can't talk about it, I will get too upset"  usually the look =on your face will keep the "talkers" at bay.  I had to do that to my dentist in front of the whole office cause she asked me how I was doing (I was seeing her shortly after my MC and I had previously saw her and told her about it).

     I still tear up sometimes (its been over 2 months) but everyone is good at not asking again.

     Just remenber your gong through this...not your friends...so it is up to you how you tell them!

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  • heatherubyheatheruby
    I'm with you on not wanting to talk and I am so worried that people are going to ask me about it or say I heard you are pregnant and then I have to explain the whole situation.  Ours happened later (12 weeks) so a lot of people knew were were pregnant.  So far I have just been telling people that things didn't work out and usually people just say sorry and don't try to talk about it, but there have been some people that I have just had to say straight up I don't want to talk about it.  I guess this is one situation where you have to be blunt or rude, which is not usually how am either, but it's just the way it is.
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