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October 2011 Moms
FFFC...can I start?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FFFC...can I start?
So basically it's ok to FF -- ONLY if their reason is GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
So now I judge you. I don't judge peeps for BFing or FFing, but I do judge people for being holier than thou and think they are the boss of deciding if other people's reasoning is good enough for them......
Yo - "forgiving" FFing moms only if they have physical barriers to BFing is very narrow-minded and IMO, sorta mean. Who the F is anyone else to say what we should be doing with our freaking boobs.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Breasts are for feeding babies. That is their sole purpose. All I'm saying is I do judge someone who won't try. IMO, that is ridiculous. Those who disagree can feel free to judge me.
Honestly, I don't want people in my house all the time. I especially don't want my MIL coming to "help". I will probably call my mom once in a while (who lives close) to come over for a couple of hours if I need to sleep or need some adult company. Otherwise, stay out of my house. I'm pretty sure we can handle it.
Their SOLE purpose? Really?
In my twenties mine were awesome at scoring free drinks. I guess my boobs are more talented than yours. They saved me money AND managed to nourish my kid.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Lol...
I confess that I will be totally OK with LO coming a little late - even a little over a week late. I know some people may say "Oh just wait until you are 41 weeks and see what you say then!" but I know myself and although I might be uncomfortable, I would rather go late than go early. Everyone told me I'd be uncomfortable at 36 weeks and frankly - I am still waiting. (Before the flames come - yes, I realize I am lucky and blessed to still feel good. I am just saying that the people who told me "you will be uncomfortable - just you wait!" were wrong.)
When reading posts (especially on 3rd Tri) about what people can do to induce labor before 40 weeks, I actually am afraid to do those "home remedies" because I am afraid I will go into labor early if I do them.
Example: I want to continue going for my 4-6 mile walks and continue having sex, but I am afraid I will go into labor early if I continue doing those things!
I totally understand this. I have been trying to tell DH's cousins for months now that I don't need 100 people here to help out. They don't seem to get that. Plus, I don't really knwo what people could do. DH can cook, clean, drive places. I am just there to feed the baby. Like what do these other folks do?
Janimal.... You are hilarious!
Mine is...
I judge people who keep popping out babies, even though they can't afford them and live completely on government assistance. You dont need 4 kids while your husband is working 10 hours a week, going to school full time, and the gov't puts you up in a super cute 3 bedroom apartment and pays for your food and your husbands schooling. Thats the complete opposite of being a responsible person and parent, IMO.
I wish my boobs did double duty, I scored drinks with my sweet dance moves
Dayum!
Lol...I can appreciate that.
I'm sure you understood that I meant to clarify that BFing is all nature intended breasts for....which our society seems to regularly forget.
Definitely skip to Part 2. I read a few of the birth stories but lost interest... Part 2 is much more interesting.
I respectfully disagree. I think they are pretty damn awesome from a sexual perspective. Yes, they make milk, but for the majority of your life, they are just THERE to look at, touch, and be played with. If they weren't meant to be a part of sex, then why does it feel so damn good to have them played with?
Not this again!?!?!
hahahaha... i love this.
When people say that breast are ONLY good for BF'ing.... it makes me roll my eyes. Mine didn't produce enough milk with DD, sucks to be sporting some pretty great breasts that are good for nothing.
Though DH would beg to differ.
"Nature" doesn't have intentions or control over my breasts! I wasn't able to get pregnant with nature, I got pregnant with a team of highly trained and well compensated physicians with tons of injections, multiple procedures and thousands of dollars. My baby was born in an OR where competent and trained professionals saved her because "nature" couldn't get her out safely. My current fetus was frozen in a lab and carefully thawed before a WOMAN could get me pregnant with him after I took a Xanax.
So yeah, if I listened to "nature" I would have gotten the message LOUD AND CLEAR that this body was most definitely NOT meant to have babies. I have a lot of useless lady parts when it comes to birthin'.
I think BFing is awesome. Big fan. But it is not for everyone. And for women who can't/won't for any reason have to deal with misplaced guilt and shame for it because of the attitudes of women like YOU who look down their noses at them with shrieks of "nature".
Breastfeeding can be difficult in even the best situation. Women come to motherhood with varying feelings and insecurities and that includes varying feelings about our bodies. We have the right to them and to make decisions about what is best for us, without having to justify our reasons. Some women just don't want to FF. For whatever reason. There is no ultra double secret list of reasons why it is ok for some people to FF and not others. I hate when I see "Oh at least you tried, I totally understand if you had a physical reason for stopping." FFS, ANY reason is ok. The kids are still getting fed.
There are MANY poor mothering decisions it may be appropriate to clutch our pearls over, but how to deliver adequate nourishment to our babes is not one of them.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Ah, thank you. I had been toying with doing this, and you just gave me the push I needed. I'm hoping my confidence boost will begin today. Thanks again!!
My BFP Chart
Becoming a better role model for my daughter, one day at a time
my thoughts exactly!
I was gonna post a response about a husband going to school would be a good thing, a step in the right direction to get them out their situation, and some other stuff to respond to this mess, but I think just never mind because I just can't get into another skittles for poor people debate.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Agreed. How many times do we have to wank on and on about government assistance and how we are all SOOOOOOOOO much better people/parents/beauty queens because we "work hard and don't take handouts" blah blah. Sorry, Hairspray, but this diatribe is so overplayed and wrought with self-satisfied lack of compassion for the situations of other people. You cannot place a blanket statement over government assistance and use that to justify whether or not other people are allowed to procreate.
I'm glad I'm not the only one around here that was impregnated my a chick. MH seems to think it's the BEST anecdote to tell.
I understand everything you're saying, I do. I never once said I think someone is a bad mother if she doesn't BF. But I will never understand why a person would not want to at least TRY to give her child the most nutritious, healthy food out there at the start of life, particularly when it is readily available and your body has made it to be exactly what your child needs. As I said before, I understand this is not the case for everyone.
But no, you're not going to convince me not to have a problem with someone who refuses to even attempt BFing just because they don't feel like it.
But come on that $200 they get each month really allows them to live like royalty!
- signed someone who works for a welfare agency and knows how much the checks are.
But it's not just about nourishment. I honestly haven't read any studies about the nutritional value of BF v. FF. If it's a toss up nutritionally (which I assume it is, and maybe depending on the diet of the mother, FF might even be better), then I could agree with you. What mattes is that baby is fed.
My concern is passing on the immunities from mom to baby, especially in those first few months before LO can get vaccinated. To basically say "I'm not going to BF because my vanity/comfort is more important than providing my child with some level of protection against disease" is selfish and I'm going to judge you as being that. In the end, it's my opinion and IRL I keep it to myself. If asked, I will give it. Now if I were shoving it down your throat and repeatedly telling you that you were a bad mother because of it, that would be different (and FTR, I consider this dialogue and explaining my position, not shoving it down your throat
).
I am not saying this as a "just wait" comment but I think that you will become a little more understanding about how much challenge can come with the decision to BF. I am sure that it is incredible rewarding and wonderful but its also very difficult at first. There are a lot of working or full time student moms who have a horrible time trying to make it happen. I did. I plan on trying again but I am in a much more settled position in my life and I will have a lot more time to establish the BF thing before I will have to worry about pumping. I do not blame a mom for not wanting to try again or for knowing that its not for her. I might have judged if I had never known what it was like myself. I have had so many freinds that have so much guilt about not breastfeeding. Its so sad that we as women put each other down like this.
Me too. And now I have diabetes so instead of sugar, I've been drinking more caffeine
Not understanding why someone wouldn't try is a lot different from judging and "having a problem" with someone who doesn't try.
I can't really truly understand either. Because it's just not how I personally feel. But just because I don't "get" that choice, doesn't mean I judge that choice negatively. I can respect someone else's decision without looking down on them for doing something different than me.
As new moms, we are subject to SO much judgment about our choices - you'll see. And you won't think it's fair either --- and this is the same thing.
Women face lots of guilt about breastfeeding. Go to some breastfeeding support groups and you'll find a woman weeping over her struggles and fraught with guilt. Or heck, wait til we're all on a 0-3 month board and someone is venting and looking for support because of BF issues. Why should we be weeping and guilty? We don't feel guilty when we catch a cold or break a bone, but having trouble BFing makes women feel like crap because of judgy mcjudgypants out there.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Janimal - you are always one of my favorite people but all of your posts today are especially amazing. Thank you for saying what I'm thinking much better than I possibly could myself.
Burned by the Bear
<<blushing>>
Can you feeeeeel the luuuuurve, tonnniight.....
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
Thank you for stating this. I agree. My DH and I both work all the time, still have no money, but this will be our only child. I get so mad at our neighbors who are on state ass, have 4 kids, 3 cars and a boat! Neither of them work. They stay home and drink beer all day
I don't want to drink beer but the boat would be nice. My DH and I think we should be able to go to their house (and anyone on food stamps) and eat dinner with them, since our taxes paid for the food. And we think they shouldn't be allowed to buy junk food with FS. Only healthy food you have to prepare. No lunchables, chips, candy, expensive food like shrimp, ect.
I don't judge ANYONE who tries and struggles with breastfeeding. And I do respect that it is an individual choice to BF or FF, I just don't understand not trying the proven best way. I also get that FF provides adequate nutrition. It just seems selfish to withold the best nutrition for your child because you just don't want to attempt BFing. That is all I'm saying.
I'm not some monster who is condemning women who FF, which some of you ladies seem to think given your responses. But anyway, I think I've made my point and you've made yours. We'll just have to agree to disagree.
This is me too! I am totally fine if he decided to come a little late. I don't want to be pushed by my OB to induce, but she will let me go to 42 weeks and frankly I feel great! Yes, I have swelling and some back pain, but nothing I can't deal with! I actually have been totally blessed with an awesome pregnancy and love being pregnant! I know, I know.....ya'll hate me and I would too if I had had a rough one!
It's your call, maybe I found the first section good because this is my second, so I knew what they were saying, but take it with a grain of salt. Ina May is very anti-intervention (including the GD test, ultrasounds, etc.) so it's really not surprising that the stories that made the grade have to do with previously terrible hospital experiences. Don't read it as law, but if you choose to keep reading the birth stories, focus more on the confidence the mothers expressed, their mindset, the techniques they used to relax and have a positive birth experience. It really is a fantastic book, and very empowering in terms of what the female body is capable of.
NO SKITTLES FOR POOR PEOPLE!
Yes, your anecdote about your neighbors proves that government assistance is wrong and poor people should never have candy. Bravo.
(I really wish TB had a sarcasm font)
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
This. I found the birth stories to be very helpful. Each woman described her unique pain, experience and coping methods. This section of the book really made me feel like I could have a natural, med-free birth!
I know the news topic has long since disappeared, but I wanted to add my vote to the "sometimes watching the news sucks" side. I struggle with fears and some anxiety, and when I was reading the news daily, I had trouble remembering that the crazy things made the news because they were uncommon and NOT run-of-the-mill. I thought about them too often, and had trouble remembering that just because it happened to someone else, did not mean it would happen to me and my loved ones (eg - someone being killed when they went to pick something up from Craigslist, some guy being beheaded on a bus, plane crashes, etc.) I struggle enough with an overactive imagination as it is, the last thing I need is for someone else to plant new fears in my head.
Granted, this type of fear and anxiety is not something everyone deals with, and I do think people should be informed as to world events, etc. But for me, I find out the big stuff from others, and am saved from losing sleep over the rest of it.
AH Janimal, you've done it again. Couldn't have said it better.
And guess what pp, crappy junk food is cheap and readily available. That's why people with less money buy it. I've lived in some low-income areas and TRUST me there are fewer healthy choices available... fresh produce and food is a middle class privilege... be happy you can afford it.