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October 2011 Moms
FFFC...can I start?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FFFC...can I start?
People probably think I'm a major b!tch, both here and IRL, but I really don't care. I don't let myself get walked all over, and I'm not afraid to state my opinion, even if it dissents from the popular opinion. And guess what? I am very happy, have lots of friends, good relationships with my family members, and don't get treated like a doormat in life.
I'm not rude about it, because there IS a difference, but I honestly have NO sympathy for people who are secretly beyond frustrated and miserable and come b!tch and moan about how poorly their IL's treat them, how rude their CW's are to them, wah wah wah... and refuse to stand up for themselves. THey're treating you like sh!t, why WOULDN'T you stand up for yourself? Either decide to be the martyr and gtf over it, or do something about it.
BFP 1/18/11, EDD 10/1/11. Born at 37w5d on 9/15/11.
***BFP Chart***
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
I am so with you!!!
- I can't believe we're going to do the drinking debate yet again at this late stage in the game. I will not take the sanctimonious bait being dangled. But I will snicker as I enjoy a Friday night glass of wine.
-I suck at watching the news also. It's not that I don't care, I just don't have the mental energy for it if I do find the time. I get a few minutes of NPR in the car, and quite a bit of environmental issues at work, but that is it.
Kari, I had no idea people would actually judge someone who plans to breast feed. That really sucks that someone would call you low class for feeding your child.
I've been called selfish and a number of other things, but never low class. I'm not sure why people would be concerned about what we do or don't do with our breasts.
Another confession:
I leaked a bit of pee this morning and I'm not gonna lie, I was kind of excited thinking it was my water breaking ( before I realized I just peed myself). I know that my baby will be better off staying in me as long as she can but after not getting more than 2 hours of sleep each night for the past few weeks, I was a bit excited at the prospect that I may be able to actually get some sleep w/o being in constant pain. Yes, I know I won't get a lot of sleep with a newborn but I'm sure it will be more than a combined 2 hours in a 24 hour time frame. That, and I'm getting impatient about her getting here. My sister had her DD 6 weeks early (and the baby was fine) so I feel like my time should be ticking. After all we went through to get pregnant, I just really really really want that baby to finally be in my arms !
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
Yeah, I think people just like to say judgmental things. The politics of race and income when it comes to breastfeeding are actually fascinating. I think the idea of it being low class sort of comes along with this idea that poor people have to breastfeed becuase they can't afford formula...so it must be a status symbol to FF? Who knows, people are crazy!
This. Passive agression is entirely too common in our culture. I hate it. If my in-laws somtimes think I'm a b!tch (which they do, by the way) because I'm a direct communicator and willing to draw healthy boundaries in my life, then so be it.
IVF # 1 ~ Antagonist ~ ER 1/27/11~ ET 1/30/11 ~ + HPT 7dp3dt
DD born med-free on 10/24/11
I don't usually post here, but I wanted to throw this out there. I work with a Chinese community and I've been told (right or wrong) that in China, only the poor people breastfeed and the rich people formula feed because they can afford it. So it is a social stigma to be breastfeeding. When these immigrants come here, they all want to formula feed because it's a status symbol for them. I'd imagine that some other cultures may have similar ideas and values.
TTC #1 since 10/09
Hypothyroidism 3/10
Cycle 17- Surprise BFP! 1/21/11
When God closes the door, somewhere He opens a window...
I really don't have the energy for the whole alcohol-in-pregnancy discussion, so I'll just say that I rarely drank before I got pregnant and haven't touched alcohol since I've been pregnant. There are food dishes that I've wanted to have that have alcohol in them, which I view as no big deal, but the idea of it made DH very uncomfortable, so I've acceded to his wishes that I steer clear of all of it out of an abundance of caution.
I agree with the PPs who criticize the "ostrich" philosophy of the OP. There is value in knowing what's going on locally, nationally, and internationally, and I don't have a lot of patience for people who don't at least try to educate themselves. There are also a ton of people whose idea of "trying" falls far short of my standards (like my own parents), but at least they see the value in awareness of current events, even if their standard for "awareness" is lower than mine.
My FFFC is that I am going to try to have a med-free vaginal delivery, but I'm really scared and doubting my ability to do it. I'm hoping I feel a sudden surge of confidence between now and the moment of truth.
My BFP Chart
Becoming a better role model for my daughter, one day at a time
I think the most important thing is that your baby is fed. It blows my mind how mothers can be so quick to judge one another for their choices when we're all just trying to do the best for our kids. If you can't produce enough milk yourself, it would be a terrible choice for your child to go hungry just so you can wave your "I Breastfeed" flag. I want to EBF, but if it doesn't work out? You better believe I'll FF. My kid is not going hungry.
My confession...I actually said DH when telling DH a story from TB. It's like saying LOL, it just came out. Anywhoo, then DH asks what DH means. I told him and he asked that he be referred to as AH from now on (awsome husband) HA!
I agree that it's entirely possible to assert yourself without being a raging b!tch. It took me a looooooong time to figure that out, but you teach people how to treat you. If someone is a jerk to you consistently and you don't say anything, guess what? They're going to think you're OK with being treated that way. If you nip it in the bud right away they'll know what is and is not acceptable. I think it's way worse to not say anything to the offender, then run around town talking about what a crappy person they are when you didn't have the moxy to say anything to them in the first place. If the roles were reversed and I said something completely out of line, I'd want to know right away rather than hear about it from 10 uninvolved people 3 months later, you know?
General Statement: people are not mind-readers.
I think any of those status chains like, "Post this if you love your mother/father/Uncle Sam" or "If you know someone who suffered from Cancer/Ninja Attack" are so incredibly dumb. No, I'm not going to copy your status to "prove" how committed I am to world peace. You're not really supporting anything with your stupid update.
This may be more of a vent then a confession. I can't stand people who think because they don't want to have a baby they can have unprotected sex without getting pregnant. Sadly I know more then one person who thinks this way.
A girl I know is having her fourth baby pretty much in a row. Her and her husband have hit some financial problems in the last few years and can't afford the kids they have. She keeps telling me she doesn't know how her pregnancy happened and they really only wanted one. I asked her if her birth control failed or something and she replied "no we didn't use any." So what did she think would happen? Everyone keeps saying how sorry they feel for her and I don't get it. I feel sorry for her kids who have to strugggle right along with their parents. I think she is stupid for thinking because she didn't want anymore babies it wouldn't happen. She straight out told me she just didn't go on birth control because she didn't feel like it. I feel kind of mean for saying all that but if I hear her complain one more time about being pregnant again I'm going to lose it! Maybe she needs the birds and the bees talk.
I'm also on the no drinking during pregnancy side, and although I don't really care if you choose to have a beer or a glass of wine once in a while, I think it's better safe than sorry. Also the argument about eating only organic food, avoiding pollution, etc.... is just ridiculous and way too far of a stretch. Trying to do as much as possible for a healthy child doesn't mean you can control everything or be perfect. No drinking at all for 40 weeks is very simple to do, and trust me there is absolutely NO medical evidence that having a drink while pregnant will make your pregnancy/fetus healthier than if you didn't.
unrelated, I think your siggy pic is so sweet and both you and your DD are so pretty!
For me, it's not a status symbol that I can afford to formula feed. It's a comfort thing. As someone with a severe social anxiety and panic disorder, the thought of taking out a boob in public (yes I know there are nursing covers) terrifies me. I can't see having a panic attack every time I had to feed my child.
I feel the same way and I had a med-free birth with DD. The funny thing is my labor with DD was trauma free... I am just having pre labor jitters this time around. I think it's totally normal. You can do it!!
My FFFC : I wish that UO Thursdays and FFFC was less baby related. hah. I know this is the Bump, but sometimes it's boring.
Thank you! You can do it too!
My BFP Chart
Becoming a better role model for my daughter, one day at a time
This is a really interesting post and I'm glad you brought it up. I think it's sad when women just become "Billy's Mom" and completely lose who they were prior to kids. You model behavior for kids and if they see someone with independence and a strong sense of self, it will help them develop those attributes themselves. I also want my kids to be able to leave home knowing that I'm not going to be completely devastated / have no sense of purpose without them so that they feel free to go and live the life that's best for them. I think a lot of women sometimes forget that their kids will grow up someday and have lives of their own - that's why it's important to maintain relationships, keep up with your interests and hobbies, and take time for yourself. I truly believe you can be an excellent, 100% devoted mom without abandoning yourself.
If it is the same link I am thinking of, it also said that children of mothers who drank (no more than one alcoholic beverage per week) had less behavioral problems than children of mothers who abstained from alcohol completely. I wish I had saved the link...
This is the one I was thinking of:
Discovery News: Light Drinking Said OK for Pregnant Women
and this is the one i posted before which actually says there are positives associated with light drinking - interesting stuff at the very least...
https://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2008/oct/31/women-pregnancy-alchohol-birth-defects
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11
BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14
My Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
Read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. It will help with your confidence. It's helped me tremendously.
If you find it, can you post it? I'd love to read the actual study.
Well, if you actually read the original article discussed above (at the guardian site), which I started to do, they admit that while there is no demonstrable harm associated with light drinking, they do not actually conclude that light drinking is responsible for the modest improvements in the testing and behavior of the boys studied (the positive impact was observed only in boys).
As summarized at the link "Dr Yvonne Kelly, the lead researcher, said they could not be completely certain that the children's better performance was not linked to their family background. "The reasons behind these findings might in part be because light drinkers tend to be more socially advantaged than abstainers, rather than being due to the physical benefits of low-level alcohol consumption seen, for example, in heart disease," said Kelly."
They apparently did a follow up with the same cohort of kids at 5 years of age and still did not find any negative effects from light drinking.
Though, the line between no ill effects and negative effects was pretty interesting to me. The "light drinkers" include occasional drinks up to 1-2 drinks per week during pregnancy. Negative effects were observed in moderate drinkers (3-5 drinks per week) and in heavy/binge drinkers. So, the definition of "light" appears to matter.
https://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/06/pregnancy-light-drinking-no-harm-study?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487 <--- info on the follow up 5 year study
Personally, I have never been a big drinker, so it hasn't been a question that I continue to abstain during pregnancy. I don't judge those that choose to drink occasionally, but I think the argument that those that choose to drink are doing something beneficial for the baby isn't supported by these specific studies. Your attitude towards parenting will likely have the same effect.
(sorry, I started to ramble, so I bolded the most relevant parts
and I edited to remove some rambles).
I agree!!!! I labored for 26 hours (was 10CM & 100% effaced for hours) & tried push the twins out of the "hole" only to find out that my body must have a defect & I cannot give vaginal birth.
I work for a government, and one of my CW (in IT, no less) forwards really inappropriate emails (think People of Wal Mart) to me, other CW and other professionals from his work account. I'm tempted to print one off and send it to the media with a note about using how taxpayer resources are being used. He should know better, especially as he works in IT.
Clinking my small glass against yours.
This, exactly. While it is certainly a personal decision and I wouldn't ask someone how they plan to feed their LO, I do judge women who refuse to even attempt it. It is completely proven that BFing is the absolute best and healthiest way to feed your child (unless there are issues with supply, etc. or you are simply unable to successfully do it) so I can't understand the women who don't try it. If you try and find it to be too difficult for you, okay then. At least you gave it a shot.
I just started it, but all the birth stories are prefaced with, "Since my first LO's birth was SO TERRIFYING, I knew I had to come to the Birthing Ranch for my 2nd birth ..." which is turning me off a LOT. Do you think I can/should skip to Part 2?
My BFP Chart
Becoming a better role model for my daughter, one day at a time
I can start linking medical studies that show the opposite. Most studies as you stated above do not go to school age where soft neurological issues are discovered (speech, ADD, learning disabilities, etc) I get really really tired of people on the board saying...I drank and my kid (who is three months old) is perfect. Tell me that your kid is fine when your kid is in second grade and had no trouble learning to read or any school issues etc. If thats the case then great...I belive you. Otherwise who knows if your kid is perfect?