PPD or normal feelings?
NewlyWeds13
member
I am usually a somewhat negative person (although I don't talk about that often and if you knew me IRL you would not know that) and generally think the worst and then I don't get disappointed.
I also don't really share my feelings with many people except my DH.
Anyways, since DS was born, I have been functioning fine, don't cry or anything but I can honestly say that I find very few things more enjoyable with the baby than without. I love DS very much and I spend a lot of time with him, and love to hold and cuddle him, etc... but I generally don't think life is easier or more enjoyable with a child than without. I don't regret having my son as I love him, but I can admit to myself that having him for the past year has not enriched my life. I have found it primarily a sacrafice and lots of additional work, with very little reward.
I feel awuful even writing that... it makes me sound like a selfish, awful person. I can not even admit that to my DH as I don't think he would understand and would be horrified.
I am not unhappy... but I don't necessarily find a lot of joy from being a mother either. I am "happy" as in I laugh and play, etc with him and if you watched me, you would have no idea I felt that way.. .but when I leave for work or when I am running errands, or DH and I are out when we have a babysitter, I primarily feel a sense of relief rather than missing my son.
I do miss him I think in that I feel guilty when I am away from him for too long and I do think he is cute and I am proud of him, but it is a weird feeling.
Anyways-- would this match with what PPD? Maybe I have had it all along? Or maybe I am just not cut out from the same cloth that most mothers are? I might delete this later as I feel uncomfortable writing it.
Re: PPD or normal feelings?
I have had these same feelings on and off for the last 5 years that I have been a mother. Being a mother is hard work and it takes a lot of sacrifice. So I believe naturally you are bound to feel this way at some point. I know personally that some women find motherhood comes a lot more natural than others. I love my kids and I also love doing things with them. But, I find myself feeling VERY excited to do things without them as well.
I also have had PPD and these feelings are worse when I am going through that. This last time I wanted nothing to do with my older kids while I was feeling down and recovering from the delivery.
I guess it is hard to tell if it is PPD or not since it manifests itself differently in everyone. If I were you I would talk to your Dr about what you are feeling. I am sure he would be able to help you figure out if it is PPD.
Good luck with everything!
I read your post earlier this week. I have been struggling lately and trying to determine if I have PPD or not also. When I read your post, I felt like I could have written most of the things you said. My son is almost 13 months old but I have been having these feelings for months. I went ahead and scheduled an appt with the doctor.
I went to my doctor today, was diagnosed PPD and given medication to try. I would recommend that you make an appt with your doctor. Even if you do not have PPD, it doesn't hurt to see you doctor and talk about what you're feeling.
If you want to talk, feel free to PM me anytime. Good luck to you!