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Attachment Parenting
shakes
member
Do you ever get sick of the judgement?!
shakes
member
I'm so sick of people and their side eyes and eye rolls and "oh we ate that and it never hurt us" bs!!! Feed you kid what you want, I will feed my kid what I want! Yes my kid is on goats milk and has been since 6 months. NO it's not "a sin" that he has to drink it! He is very allergic to dairy and has a massive eczema blowout if he eats it. But thanks so much for your opinion! NO I will not give him cakes and cookies and sweets "because he likes it!" I am sure he does, so does the dog, what's your point?! Yes I sometimes bedshare, NO I am not worried about his emotional development at 7 years old.
I could go on for hours. It just amazes me that parents who do things the regular way, cry victim that "we" judge them so much. SO stop judging me. My kid is alive, very healthy and has hit every single milestone early! PISSS OFF!
I just needed to get that out! 
Thanks girls.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Do you ever get sick of the judgement?!
Oh yes, you should have seen the looks I got from H's family when I served my son a vegan cake for his first birthday. I had regular cupcakes for everyone else and they kept joking about "slipping him the good stuff". Thanks, but he has never had sugary, starchy products before much less chocolate and has a very sensitive stomach so why don't you fvck off- thanks.
Hey, as long as WE feel like we are doing the right thing for our child and they are thriving and happy then that's really all that matters!!
I may have to steal that line when DD gets old enough to be exposed to sweets.
House / Baby blog
Why was your kid on goats milk instead of formula or breastmilk at 6 months old?
And "very allergic" does not equal eczema. Anaphylactic reactions=very allergic. It's scary.
Anyway, otherwise I agree, but it seems that those type of people feel equally judged by you and your type...so....
And congrats on the early milestones. That's obviously because you're an AWESOME parent. LOL.
Do you save all your snark for here instead of parenting? You need to bring it back! That board is so dead that I have to check 5 other boards just to entertain myself. ;-)
Anyway...
I feel like there's judgement on both sides. Someone answered a sleep post on the toddler board with:
At 13 months he needs to CIO a little bit. If not, he will be running all over you for a very, very long time.
I responded that I disagreed with that, and I recommended the NCSS. I basically got told that since my 5 yo doesn't always sttn, that my opinion was invalid.
Judgement sucks, no matter what side you're on. You just have to do what works for you and try to ignore everyone else.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
I know exactly what you mean! I feel like I am constanly defending my parenting choices. I mean, wtf...it is my baby, right? Just bc this isnt what you did, or what you would do...doesnt mean it is wrong. Plus, Its not as if I jsut came up with this crazy decision to bedshare, babywear, BF beyond 1 yr, make my own baby food, not feed her tons of sweets and processed foods, ect out of the blue.... I have read books and artivcles and formed my own opinions. Plus I know my baby best. I just dont understand why ppl feel the need to comment and judge?
** I think i hate most that I try very hard to feed E healthy, fresh foods... and MIL/FIL feed her junk and think its cute. ( oh she's missing out on all the good stuff) I even prepare and send food with her to their house and they feed her something else! they just disregard what I say bc they dont agreee. ugh. ok, sorry to vent. but i ahve been feeling this way for months now!!
** oh, and the comment about the dog liking it too, HILARIOUS, lol. I will have to use that next time
I don't know what kind of people you encounter that you all feel the need to defend yourselves so fervently. No one has asked me about whether I breastfeed (besides some random old lady at church), how or where she sleeps and if we feed all organic solids. I mean really?
And if they did, I'd just answer them very simply and leave it at that. I wouldn't allow probing.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Maybe you can alleviate your frustration by not sharing information about parenting choices that seem "different" to others. Also, if those topics happen to come up, just don't engage in the conversation.
Don't share. Don't explain. Don't convince. Don't debate. Talk about something non-controversial--like the weather
Or, talk about the bean dip: https://goybparenting.com/?page_id=27
That behavior does smack of disrespecting and ridiculing your parenting choices. There's no excuse for that. It can be annoying and hurtful. I get that.
However, I doubt that they're trying to be hurtful. I'm guessing that you and your DH are responsible for 99.9% of your DD's diet--healthy, fresh foods. So having her grandparents slip her some junk every now and then isn't that harmful to her health.
Also, the grandparents may also be trying to "love" their granchild in a way that they know how. I mean, parents get all the good stuff--bedsharing, nursing, full-time parenting. The grandparents just get visits and maybe some babysitting.
thanks very much for your input. i am tryign not to be so uptight, but i jsut dont want her to get used to "sweet". ( and they watch her friday-sunday evenings while DH and I are at work. but anyway, guess I was jsut venting. thanks
* and sorry OP didnt mean to take over your thread or anything
I understand. We don't feed DD junk food either. However, if your LO has had momma milk or fruit, she knows what sweet tastes like.
I doubt that my DD gobbles down mango because of the nutrients in it.
Why do you let it bother you? If you're confident in your choices, you shouldn't.
I never hear the end of how I bedshare with my toddler and how I'm never going to get him out of my bed. Instead of arguing, I make jokes about how he's going to be bedsharing in high school and I'm going to have to try to wean him before he goes off to college.
Those comments only bother you if you let them.
And ditto the PP who said that a little junk food from grandparents isnt the end of the world. I'd think about 99% of grandparents are that way.
Currently going through our second deployment. Can't wait for Zoe to meet her daddy!
Ugh, I feel judged a lot too! I really try not to let it bother me, but people sometimes feel like they need to get sooooo involved. I have a childless friend who I mistakenly let know we were bedsharing. She comments every time we talk (on the phone, we live far away) "your not still letting that baby sleep with you are you?" I usually just laugh a little and change the subject, but its so irritating that I avoid her calls now.
I don't think it's an AP thing to be judged, all parents probably get it to some degree or another. AP parents feel judged by non-ap parents (and vice versa) and everyone gets judged by their in-laws. I don't think anyone means harm, they are just trying to share their parenting ideals (even if they are not even parents) with you because they believe that they are right. Just like you believe that you are right. Parenting is the one field where NO ONE is an expert.
I find that sometimes people feel the need to justify their parenting choices (AP or not) by extolling them on you.
Love the bean dip suggestion, awesome! I will be using that
This.
I can understand it getting under your skin, but obviously there is some other underlying issue that is causing you to feel so adamantly. To be honest, I really haven't come across that many people who had differing parenting choices than I do, and even then it wasn't some all out brawl. I have noticed that, for the most part, people generally agree with how I choose to parent- but to different extents. For example, my friend agrees breastfeeding is best, but think it's weird I plan to for at least a year or longer.
Since I doubt people are randomly coming up to you on a regular basis to argue with you, perhaps you're inviting these discussions? If it's a parent or IL who has upset you, then I would talk it over with them as you are obviously under quite a bit of distress.
Aquarian Mommmy Blog
Because even if you KNOW your doing the best possible job of raising your child, being told otherwise can still sting.
It' not just about parenting. If you get a haircut you love and your friend says "I don't really like it, you shouldn't have bangs" her comment can bother you even if you still love your haircut and think it flatters your face. Child rearing is arguably the most emotionally charged thing that happen in our lives. Feelings can and do get hurt when people try to shoehorn their way in with different ideas and opinions.
I don't think i've ever asked for advice, complained, or invited discussion, especially to people I knew didn't share my parenting philosophies, but that hasn't stopped unwanted comments from some friends and family. Most of the time I do brush it off but it is annoying and can hurtful, even if that's not how it's intended.
OP, if you are inviting discussion, don't. If your not, try to brush it off, but I'm with you, sometimes you need to vent about it a little!
Thank you, thats exactly it. I'm not inviting anything, I am very confident in my choices. It simply sometimes gets incredibly irritating, and I had a moment of frusteration. As I said in the post, just needed to get that out!
Is it necessary to be such a biitch?! He has been tested and has a dairy allergy. He's on goats milk because that is what his doctor put him on. It cleared up his skin and eased his discomfort within days. Anaphylactic equals anaphylactic, don't be so dramatic. My kid breaks out in eczema patches that crack and bleed and gets diherrea when he ingests dairy. My comment about his milestones, was simply suggesting he's obviously not lacking in nutrition or suffering.
That being said, thank you so much for proving my point.
Really?
If anyone gave my daughter something I expressly said I don't want her to eat, I'd flip my sh*t. It's not about being uptight, it's about YOU being HER parent and YOU deciding what your child should or should not eat. I think your frustration is more than justified. Your parents (in law) need to learn to respect you and your parenting choices. Period.
I think it's ok for people to give advice and even to voice opinions, but only if they're 1. polite about it and 2. stop the moment you tell them that THIS is what you choose to do, no matter what they say.
You just have to be assertive and make it very clear what you want. And if they disrespect your choices, there have to be consequences. *Hugs!!!*
Say you like a dress. Your friend says "not my style". Big difference between her saying that and "that would make your hips look HUGE!"
It's one thing if you get offended when someone blantantly criticizes your parenting choice. My BIL tells me all the time that my kid is going to turn out "weird" and socially awkward if I dont put him in daycare and my choice to be at home is a bad one. I find that offensive. However, when people say I wouldnt cosleep with my child, I dont find it offensive. They're merely saying they would do something differently, but they're not outright bashing your choice.
There's a difference between someone saying they wouldnt make that choice and that your choice is a BAD one. If you're offended when people tell you that you're doing something bad to your child, you should be. If you're so overly sensitive that any comment that anyone makes gets to you, that's a lack of confidence in your parenting choices.
Have you consulted with a pediatric GI doctor? Goat's milk is no longer recommended. If there's a milk allergy, a nursing mom is recommended to take milk out of her diet. A mom that's FF from the beginning is recommended special formula. Goat's milk is very outdated medical advice.
Not saying this from a place of judgment, but from a place that you should seek another opinion if you havent already.I also had a baby with stomach issues and have been seeing a GI doctor for him for nearly a year.
Here's an article stating the recommended treatment for milk allergy, and how goat's milk is not recommended:
https://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/allergies/milk_allergy.html#
https://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/milk/milk-supplements.html
Yes I am aware of that. His milk has many suppliments added to it to ensure he gets everything he needs and that is digested properly.
Isn't she lovely?!
When my sis and I ended up pg at the same time, I was stoked because we are also BFFs. Turns out that she and I parent very differently. Avoiding those topics on which we disagree has definitely impacted our relationship. Quite frankly, it hurts my feelings when she makes fun of me for being "crunchy." I'm not a food, I'm a parent. So, I feel ya.
All the folks having troubles with ILs: google 7 Laws of Grandparenting. Things were awful between me and my ILs until FIL stumbled on this. They are totally reformed now. And much happier, because I'm less stressed about and more willing to have them watch LO. My cousin just printed them and taped them to his mother's door in an attempt to help their relationship.
BFP#1 "Watermelon" born 3/2011
BFP#2 "Pumpkin" 7/14/12 ~ EDD 3/23/13 ~ Natural M/C 8/3/12 @ 7 weeks
BFP#3 "Pineapple" born 4/2013
BFP#4 "Grapefruit" EDD 3/29/16
Was this the recommendation of your pedi, or your GI doctor? Going to a pedi GI was so much better, as my pedi didnt give me the best advice as she is not a stomach specialist.
ETA: I guess it's a moot point now, since your LO is almost a year old.
Back to my original point....thanks for the advice but our pedi is fantastic. It's an allergy not a GI issue. I'm glad it worked for your LO.
Ahh, The Bump. Nothing like posting a vent about being told you are caring for LO wrong- and being told you are caring for LO wrong in that post.
Exactly...le sigh!
You clearly do not understand the allergy thing nor the nutrition needs of an infant.
But your kid hit his milestones early, so what the hell?
Angela, to answer your question, I just can't stay away. I don't snark the people on parenting because they're not clueless idiots. There are plenty of normal people on this board, then you have the others...
But can you blame her? She went with the advice that her pedi gave her. Many people trust their pediatricians to be up to date on the most recent recommendations. Many years ago before the medical community knew any better, that used to be the treatment for her child's issue.
Don't be annoyed with the mom, be annoyed @ the pedi.
Go fvck yourself. Seriously. You're a douchebag.
This is uncalled for.
I was just lurking around, because I use AP standards in making a lot of my parenting decisions and this thread is awesome.
1) It's called lactose intolerance for a reason. It isn't a milk allergy. It is a sensitivity. People use the two words as synonyms, but they are wrong. If your child is having a rash and diarrhea but is not having an ALLERGIC reaction, then he is sensitive to it. If he swells up and begins to have trouble breathing and loses oxygen then he is allergic. What you have described is sensitivity. I sense that your pedi has not corrected you because you pay him, but it's not an allergy.
2) A child can meet every milestone there is to meet and still be starving nutritionally. I'm not saying that yours is, I'm just saying that logic is flawed. There are children in third world countries who meet the generic "milestones" on time or early and they are still starving to death.
3) I'm not sure you aren't inviting the judgement. I know several parents who put themselves out there with their family or friends by saying things like "Oh man, LO didn't sleep well last night" and of course that leads to a conversation about bed-sharing and when the trying-to-be-helpful friends and family respond that perhaps everyone would sleep better in their own rooms, the person gets offended and thinks they are being judged. You may not REALIZE you are opening yourself up, but you likely are, by just trying to have conversation about mom-type things. The person was just looking to commiserate, and didn't THINK they were starting a debate, but because they have chosen something different than their friends, they hear about it.
Specifically I have a friend who's son needed tubes put in his ears for drainage. He's almost two. For a year and a half his doctors have suggested, but not gone so far as to say YOU HAVE TO DO THIS or there will be permanent damage. She has complained about her sons lack of speaking, constant falling, missing milestones etc, but when we bring up the fact that all of those things can be attributed to her lack of response to her sons inner ear problems she gets offended that "we are telling her how to take care of her son." Now, what you're doing isn't harming your son. So it's an extreme comparison, but the basics are the same. She didn't think she was starting a medical debate when she said, "LO fell and banged his head again today." She thought she was just talking about normal toddler woes, but because her parenting choices were different than ours, we started discussing how those differences could be the cause of the problems she was having.
4) If you aren't happy with the childcare you have your child in (with your IL's) then you have to make the choice as a parent to find new childcare. You cannot complain that the grandparents don't follow your wishes and then continue to let them watch LO. That's like saying, "I took DS to daycare and I didn't like that they only changed him once a day" but still taking him there. The "junk food" may not be as harmful as an unchanged diaper all day, but if it's important to you, you have to stand up for yourself, or they will always see your "way of parenting" as just a complication you're trying to put in their lives to be picky, but not something that you actually adhere to. My FIL and his wife wanted desperately to watch DS for our weekly date night. We let them try once and when we picked him up we were informed that he screamed the whole 4 hours we were gone. They didn't get to watch DS again until we were confident they could handle DS's needs. That involved both them illustrating their competency in our presence and DS maturing enough to need different things. They missed him, but it isn't about their feelings, it was about our sons well-being. If you are truly convicted in the decisions you are making as a parent, then stick to your guns and enforce consequences.
As far as using goat's milk, in lieu of BM or a low-antigen specialty formula, I do agree with the statement that this is not part of the most current guidelines; this is primarily because goat's milk contains some of the same antigenic components as cow's milk. But, if it's working for this child and he's healthy/thriving, then that's what matters.