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September 2011 Moms
Advice for the Newcomers-Lurkers.....
Since there seem to be many mixed emotions flying around about the newbees and their posting, I thought I'd throw this out there as a post where the mamas who have been around since the first trimester can throw out some advice to help the next two months go smoother. No one should be afraid to post or share their feelings and no one should be annoyed constantly at the redundant/one liner posting. It works as a two way street......
I am in no way, shape or form, trying to run the show..... I am just a mama that is tired of seeing annoying posts and tired of seeing mamas complain about the newcomers and lurkers.....
So any advice to offer up ladies?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advice for the Newcomers-Lurkers.....
We are all adult women and we are pregnant. Not preggo, prego, preggers, preg-zilla, preggerlicious, etc.
Otherwise, welcome to the group and best wishes.
I second Exoh!
Here are some of mine:
-It helps to read back a few pages before your 'Omg!!!' post, just because most likely the question has been asked and answered already, recently.
-RLP is sharp pain that goes away, no BH does not hurt. It's a tightening of your uterus.
-If it is upsetting you or feels in any way wrong, yes, you should call your doctor. No, you will not be bothering them, and no, they will not think that you call for every little thing.
1. One thing that drives me nuts is before you post your question about pregnancy, google it or research it in What to Expect When Expecting. There is an ober amount of research out there on the net, use it! It will save the redundant questions that could most likely be answered in 2 seconds.
2. If something doesn't seem right, call your dr. Don't ask us.
3. Read the board before you post. I am sure there is an answer to your question about shower hostess gifts, what to pack in your hospital bag, and is it safe to do xyz......
4. Lastly, personalize yourself. Throw an introduction out, put a picture in your siggy.... make yourself memorable so that people recognize you.
This!!! Like a million times over. Yeah it might not be on page 1 or even page 2, but spend a few minutes looking through the posts.
I don't mind seeing a lurker/drive by poster chime in on a post and I'm probably in the minority, but I think intro posts (especially at this point) are super lame. I recognize people by their siggy pics and avatars so go ahead and jazz up your profile a bit. If you're worried about privacy issues, find something that makes your profile stand out a bit even if it's a cartoon character or hot celebrity. There are very few people I recognize on screen name alone.
We do sometimes discuss things that people feel very passionately about. This board has done a great job keeping things even-tempered and respectful. All opinions are welcome. Please keep in mind if you enter into one of these threads with guns blazing, refusing to play nice, you are going to be put in your place.
Most of us have been posting on here since January and have gotten to know each other quite a bit. We want to get to know you too. Give us that chance with a proper introduction of yourselves and with respectful posts.
I second this times 1000! It cant get anymore highschool than this!
What a great post Pina. I mean all of us were 'newbies' at one point. There was a group of you ladies who seemed close when I first came to the board, but the more I posted and made myself known, the more acceptance I got.
I totally agree with personalizing your siggy. How are we to remember you if we only have to try to remember your screen name? If you don't want to share your own pic, post one of your animal or childs name...give us SOMETHING.
ITA, everyone should feel comfortable posting and asking questions.
I have a question though. I've tried the search at the bottom of the page and it sucks! I get ZERO results when I use it. Anyone have any tips? Maybe if the search worked better there wouldn't be so much redundancy.
you can search the bump in general at the top of the page in the green bar.
That stupid search thing doesn't work...... I think the best thing to do is scroll through the posts.... it may be time consuming, but it will work out better in the end.
And I totally agree, everyone should be posting and enjoying the board..... hence this post to try and nip the complaints and make people feel more comfortable.....
No, see now I TOTALLY have to refer to myself exclusively as preggerlicious. lol
Notice the list on the left. Scroll through and maybe there is a board that better suits a question you have or even yourself. Also, on the bottom there is a glossary that will contain all of the abbreviations. that are used on TB.
Notice what PW is please, it's annoying especially when we don't know you.
Seriously? Why does there always have to be one that starts some drama. This post was intended to keep the peace, not cause more disruption.
Maybe because I don't post on here very often, and I am a lurker but I agree 100% with this. The whole reason why I don't post on here often is because you ladies come across as very cliquish. And as someone referred to the slang names for being pregnant as high school, well so is a post like this. Why do I have to introduce myself to a bunch of women I will never meet? Why can't we just come on here ask our questions and not be ignored, belittled, or flamed? We are all going through the same things and should be adult enough to talk about things without our names or faces or even our unborn childrens names being posted on here. Every single one of us should be able to come on here and feel comfortable without all the preamble.
So to all you ladies who are like me and only post every so often or are lurkers for whatever reason. Keep doing what your doing because the ones on here who are going to make the snide comments are always going to make them. And you can't expect to post something like this and not get some sort of feedback from the ones you are so rudely addressing! I don't think that mabma80's comment was meant to cause drama, but I do feel like this whole thread was intended to be that. Who are you to set rules about what we can and can not ask on a public forum? I'm pretty sure that was left up to the "bump police" to control.
Damn that feels good to say! I've been wanting to get that out there for a long time!!!
You make some very good points. You are correct in saying that this board can be cliquish at times.
However, and Pina can correct me if I am wrong, I do not think that this thread was directed at every newbie/ lurker. If someone does not want to establish relationships with other posters than who gives a rats ass about this thread. But, if you are a newbie that wants to join in the comradarie of this thread then there are some things which will help the regulars get to know you.
I hate to put it in this way, but if you walk over to a group of girls that were laughing together over dinner and, without saying anything else, said that you did not like someone's shirt, can you be expected to be welcomed with open arms.
The fact is, the bump is not a support group, it is a group of hormonal women. But, over time, and getting to know one another, we grow to support each other.
The whole point of the months boards (in my opinion) is to get to know women who are at the exact stage as you, whether that be in pregnancy or after all our babes are born and we continue as moms of kids the same age. The month boards are more close-knit than say the 1st, 2nd, & 3rd tri boards, or age groups for once we give birth. It is so we can actually get to know you rather than just answer drive-by questions.
The board isn't cliquey we just have gotten to know each other quite well and if that means we have inside jokes and stuff then so be it, but that doesn't mean we aren't accepting of newcomers. We just genuinely like to get to know each other and the intention of this post wasn't to give anyone rules. It was purely to HELP those that may feel like they don't belong here, so we all get to know you.
I guess I want to know what you feel like these boards are for? If I only was looking for answers to questions about my pregnancy I would use google or my doctor or the other million other resources out there on the internet. To me, and I believe what Pina was saying, is this is sort of a support group, a mommy to be board where we are looking for answers to questions, but also with a sense of comradery.
And you and your insecurities about being flamed with questions you have sounds more like a personal issue. We don't know who you are IRL so why do you care what anyone thinks of you?
I'm glad you got that off your chest...
Oh crap! I never post a photo at the bottom of my profile, but I figure everyone knows me from the ridiculously bright tennis ball pic and my constant bitching about m/s. Should I be personalizing my profile?? I have been here since Jan!
Also, I hope none of us regulars are pissed that I write pg. I am not doing it to be cute. I just don't feel like writing pregnant all the time.
Not sure this has been said, but for the newbies...multiple posts in a short amount of time are frowned upon too.
You CAN come on here, sans introduction, and ask a question. But if it's a stupid question or one that's been asked 10 times this week, we aren't going to answer it.
I think this board is a place to connect with other woman going through something you are also going through. Building comraderie. If you simply have a question, that's what google is for. We are not experts. So if you don't want to get to know us, if you just want a question answered, go to a different website, or don't get mad when you don't get the response you are looking for.
Pina's not setting rules, she's simplying offering suggestions on how to become a part of the group.
Who are you again? Welcome!
The only time the pregnant nicknames like prego and preggers annoys me is in real life.
In all honesty this is way more than just a public forum to the ladies that have been here for a while getting to know each other, and growing to love each other. If what your looking for is more of just a public forum I would be happy to re direct you to the third tri board. It can be found in the top left of your screen.Like PP's have said this thread was not posted to be rude or set rules, yet to help people fit into what we already have as a good group of ladies. We are not going to be welcoming of course of people that are going to stir up emotions and cause conflict. No one would.If your looking for somewhere to post and disappear I will again re direct you to the third tri board where you can get more answers because thats basically what that board is on a daily basis. Also we are not a cliquey group of women, we have just grown to know and respect one another, we will always have open arms to new comers if the are not snarky and bring drama.
I say this fully recognizing that I am not an active poster on this board...
I've seen this sort of discussion on another board (multiple times) and the bottom line is, this is a public message board. Aside from the TOS, no one can dictate who says what and what the rules of the boards are. There has been a dynamic that was created because as PP put it, everyone here is going through the same thing at approx the same time and there has been a lot of sharing over the past 7 months. I get how board dynamics can work, I was there and a member of a certain board for a while before moving on.
However, I can see how a newer member might think that it is clique-y when she comes on, posts, gets tons of views and receives maybe 2 replies. I do also get the other side, where the ladies here have created a warm community and want to get to know others who would like to join. BUT, to the new member, all she may see is that nobody is responding because she isn't "part of the group".
I do 100% agree that repetitive questions can be annoying, that juvenile words such as preggo and preggers are annoying (they make me feel like I am speaking to my high school students) and that pointless posts are annoying. Unfortunately, regardless of which board it's on, it is not my place, nor anyone else's place to police such things. Opinions can be voiced, but people cannot expect those kinds of things to change just because some don't like it. These are just some things that nobody has any control over.
Edited.
I feel the same way! I've been here since January but I've never really personalized my signature. Probably due to a combination of pure laziness and the fact that I usually access the board at work.
FWIW, I do recognize you from your bright tennis ball pic!
I recognize that bright tennis ball for sure ( : and I write pg too.
You, my darling, are comical. In fact, this whole post is comical. Thanks for the chuckle
I don't think anyone is trying to dictate TOS or who can post what on this board.....
I think the intent of some regular posters was to try and give some helpful advice to lurkers/newcomers who may want to feel accepted and part of the group about how to do that. Certainly those who aren't interested in that aspect of things can use the boards in a way that is effective for them.
That being said, though I am a somewhat regular poster (not as regular as others, though I do try to respond when I have something new/different to add and I don't always get to most posts most days), I don't know that I necessarily feel "accepted as part of the group" but I assume its my own perceptions about the limitations of the internet and my general hesitance to post too much personal info. So my advice is to give people the benefit of the doubt about their intentions and responses, and assume they are trying to be helpful and positive in some way (even via sarcasm). Try not to take it personally or get upset when you get an unexpected response.
I really am sorry you feel this way. Nobody was jumping down your throat. But you seem to be on the defensive so I don't think anything anyone can say right now would change your mind. Good luck to you in your pregnancy and best wishes on your healthy baby and delivery as well.
I actually do appreciate this post, as I am one of the semi-newbies who gets all paranoid about being annoying (I can admit that :P ). I joined TB at around 20 weeks on the suggestion of a friend (I actually didnt know about it before then!), and Im really glad I did.
Thanks for helping a sister out!
Love is multiplied: DS #1: 1.5.99 ~ DS #2: 9.23.11 ~ DD 8.29.13
m/c 11/12/12 - sleep tight baby bean.
Bitty Baby #4, please stick around - we already love you so very much!
Ultrasound 11/4 - TWO HEARTBEATS!!!
Bwhahahaha, that's awesome. If you're preggerlicious, can I be bumptastic?
I thought you were extremely clear and not trying to be bossy or make up rules for the internet. You were trying to say 'hey regulars/ clique- be friendlier, be patient" and " Hey people we don't talk to every day, let us be nice by saying hi and understanding we all know each other because we spend too much time on here"
It was worth the try!
Sry Nat,
But I have to disagree and think that there are quite a few September mommies that are extremely preggerlicious!!! bahaha
Otherwise, how would you explain all the moms and moms to be that have been hit on?