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Adoption
newbie with questions, esp. about Utah and America's Adoption Agency
Hi all, I don't know if it's kosher to discuss agencies on here or not? I saw on some other site that it wasn't ok there, but I think I see a few
discussions of specific agencies on here so I am just going to ask away and you can tell me if I've crossed a line.
We met yesterday with a SW who does home studies in our state, but primarily for interstate and international adoption because, as she explained to us, the state we happen to live in has one of the most stringent sets of adoption laws out there, with BM's changing their minds about 75% of the time, and it's not something she is happy recommending that adoptive parents do. (On the one hand I am all for BM's getting all the time they need so I feel pleased that this is my state's policy -- on the other hand, as a prospective adoptive parent, that sounds really scary, statistically speaking).
This SW, who was very informative and very direct with us (and who came highly recommended from someone I trust, one half of a gay couple who did their homestudy with her), ended up mostly telling us about adoption agencies in Utah, specifically Heart-to-Heart (she seemed to really favor that one, and I think she's worked a lot with them), Heart and Soul, and another called Adoption Choice which I can't locate online, so maybe I got the name wrong (perhaps it's Adoption Choice Center?). She said she really liked Heart-to-Heart's ethics towards both birth mothers and adoptive parents in particular, but in general she seemed to be advocating for going through a Utah agency because of the fact that the BM signs over the baby very shortly after birth by Utah law, often even if the baby is not born in Utah, based on the laws of the states the agencies tend to work with. This makes me a little uncomfortable but I can see why it would be reassuring; if things fall apart, at least you haven't taken the baby home with you (which is what would happen in my state). Anyway, first, I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with any Utah-based agencies that they'd like to share, here or via PM.
Second, she also mentioned, with some reservations, the American Adoption Agency, by which I think she meant America's Adoption Agency, the big national flashy one that charges higher fees, including upfront, in part because they do a media package for you (again, not sure how I feel about this). Any experiences out there with this one?
I'm feeling a little (ok, a lot) overwhelmed since I thought we'd simply find an agency here in my state and not need to think on the national level; the conversation yesterday has taught me that's probably not the case. I'm happy to go do my research on the Utah agencies, but don't want to jump right on the bandwagon just because one person--the first to help us start navigating this--said so. So, any help/advice would be super.
me - 41 (dx: DOR); DH - 53 (no problems);
7/18/09 - married!;
8/4/09 - BFP on first (real)try;
9/14/09 - missed m/c; 9/15/09 - d&c;
11/09 - 3/10 - 4 natural cycles = BFN;
4/10 - dx hyperthyroidism caused by Graves' disease;
6/10 - thyroidectomy;
7/10 - 12/10 - 1 natural and 5 medicated IUI cycles = BFN;
1/11 - new RE; dx low ovarian reserve (AMH .42;
1/26/11 -- BFP (ectopic) from IUI #6; methotrexate 2/10/11;
6/2/11 - IVF #1 = BFN;
9/12/11 - prescreening for DE;
9/15/11 - IUI #7 (unmedicated)= BFN;
11/8 - begin DE cycle (shared risk program);
12/5 - ER (5 eggs/4 mature/3 fertilized/2 left by day 5)
12/10 - ET of one 1BB blast (expanded, "fair" quality), none to freeze;
12/22 - totally shocked by +hpt; beta #1 = 413; #2 = 3952
2/14 - CVS reveals a healthy baby girl!
EDD: 8/27/12 DD born 8/31/12, 10 lbs 10 oz and perfect in every way.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: newbie with questions, esp. about Utah and America's Adoption Agency
Hi and welcome.
Most people prefer not to discuss specific agencies on the board, but will be happy to PM you with info/experiences or discuss via e-mail.
It's been a while, but I remember there being some criticism of Utah adoption laws as apply to birthfathers. But I'm hoping someone else with more knowledge will chime in.
I haven't heard of any of the agencies you mention. I know a couple of people here have used American Adoptions (I'm pretty sure that's the name) with good experiences. But the rest of those I'm not familiar with.
I'm curious as to which state you're in (you don't have to divulge if you don't want to). I've never heard of any state having such restrictive adoption laws that no one seems to want to adopt there.
There are a host of regional and national adoption agencies out there that may be right for you, or you may want to do more research and go the route of an adoption attorney or a facilitator. To me it sounds like you haven't quite found the best people to work with you, and it may take a bit more time to find The One.
GL and keep asking questions.
Many thanks! If anyone wants to PM me, please just leave a note here that you have done so, because I tend not to check my messages here. I can also be reached at lhcorange@gmail.com.
Dr. L., I'd like to tell you what state I'm in because I could certainly use advice about it, but my username is not ideal for preserving my privacy. I need to change it, I guess by getting a new Bump account, and then I can ask away.
Do you mind sharing what state you are in?
I'm not familiar with Utah agencies, but I did look into American Adoptions (American is the correct name) when we were considering our options, and they have a good reputation. I spoke at length with a very experienced attorney in Arkansas (I did some networking in Arkansas even though I'm in GA because they have more relaxed laws on what can be done to identify your own birth mother). This attorney had great things to say about American, including their policies regarding lost fees for a failed match. I think it's worth researching the agency.
I also encourage you to consider consultants and, if they are legal in your state, facilitators. You don't have to commit to one agency, and can work with a consultant or facilitator for a nationwide search for the right adoption situation for you. This is the route we took, and ended up matching through an agency in Las Vegas. I know that my consultant, and probably most others, focuses on maintaining relationships with adoption professionals in the states that have the most favorable laws for the adoptive family.
Thanks for the response! It's probably overly paranoid of me, but I chose the wrong username to be able comfortably to identify what state I'm in. I'm in a profession where I'm frequently Googled and until I get myself a new bump account, I feel like I have to keep that private given all the stuff I've written elsewhere on the boards about IF, etc.
I sort of felt like the woman we met with yesterday could *be* a kind of consultant--she told us she was certainly willing to look into any agencies we were interested in--but that's not, of course, her actual job. So many thanks for the advice about that.
At several points last year, there was discussion on this board about the baby Emma Wyatt case and Utah's exceptionally harsh putative paternity laws... The Washington Post did a story last year (https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/13/AR2010041302445.html), and there was also a lot of media coverage when the case was argued before the Utah Supreme Court in the fall.
When we started networking outside of our original adoption agency, we did sign w/Heart to Heart and The Adoption Center (in UT). Both came from strong recommendations of friends who successfully adopted with them.
That said, UT can be very pricey and can be called into ethics discussions. My Reader's Digest version--- Because of birth father laws (BFs have very few rights in UT.... ), many agencies choose to fly in birth moms from other states. This makes for fewer contested adoptions since birth fathers aren't likely to contest. What that means for you as an adoptive parent- you cover the cost of the hospital stay and delivery. An out of state expectant mom can't apply for MediCaid.
Personally, I would be careful on who you chose to work with in UT and I'd understand the financial aspects up front but it wouldn't deter me.
My BFF used Heart-to-Heart for 2 adoptions. She has nothing but wonderful things to say about them. That said, I have heard the same issues as others with Utah laws.
Also, for what she told me about costs, they seem to be on the moderate to pricey side (but that is from our perspective of going with LSS, which seems to be one of the most affordable).
Hope that helps!
Dx PCOS 2003/high fasting insulin/clotting issues DH Dx with low sperm count, motility and morphology. Varicocele repair (11/1/2010)
2/2011 - Confirmed no improvement - On to Donor Sperm
4 failed IUIs in 2010
IUI#5 and 6- with DS, BFN
Final IUI - Lucky #7! IUI with DS - 20.Jun.2011 - 21.5 mil motile! Not so lucky - BFFN and the end of our IF journey....
Waiting for our family to be complete through Adoption - May 2012 - Hoping our baby finds us soon!
We didn't adopt from UT, but we did adopt from Kansas. TPR can be signed at 12 hours at there is no rev. after it's signed. They don't have the same BF laws and issues at UT does and we had a really good experience there and with our agency.
We had a homestudy done by an independant agency that had a sliding fee scale also since we were using a consultant. Agencies in our state generally have a wait time of years and I couldn't handle that. We had a failed match here and decided to open our options up to a national level.
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. Good luck with everything.