UO Thursday

christiney06 · June 2011

Janimal:
A Pregnant Pause:

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I feel like reproductive technology has gotten so out of control. I truly do understand that infertility can be devastating but - especially in the extreme cases - having a baby is not a right. Maybe there is a reason that you were not meant to carry a child. There are so many children already here who need caring homes...
'
Here come the flames.
I have a child through IVF and this baby in my belly is from IVF. Anyone who says I wasn't meant to carry a child can shove it.
People who say "just adopt" have no idea there is no "just" in adoption. We began the adoption process and IF treatment process at the same time. I needed to know there was a child in my future, one way or another.
Adoption is expensive, difficult, and comes with it's own set of unique problems and heartache. There are NOT a lot of healthy infants available to adopt. There are plenty of older children with a multitude of issues that not all people are ready to deal with.
If you had cancer, you would get treatment right? You would say, oh, I guess I wasn't mean to live that long. If you broke your leg, you would get it treated, right? Not say, oh, I guess I wasn't meant to use that leg. IF is a MEDICAL condition, and why should it not rank getting treatment?
Who the feck are you or anyone else to say who should and should not have a baby? Do you say to women who got pregnant naturally - "you know, you should have adopted, there are so many kids who need homes." No - you just assume that infertile gals are the ones who should take on the responsbility for those children.
Your thoughtless comments on this matter should never be uttered outloud. 1 in 6 couples deal with IF. You could offend a LOT of people with your uninformed and thoughtless crap.

GIANT GOLF CLAP FOR JANIMAL. you said it all, much better than i would have. my IUI produced 2yr old is giving the OP the stink eye!

karinothing · June 2011

akabillups:

I have never participated in the Unpopular Opinion Thursday threads...so here it goes:

I am probably going to get flamed for this but, I don't like Unpopular Opinion Thursdays...causes too much drama

I like supportive threads best!!!!

Supportive threads get like 2 posts. UO threads and drama post go on for pages. Some of us are bored at work. I can only read so much of "good luck" or "yay!" before it gets old. I need drama to make my day more interesting!

CallMeAl · June 2011

Mrs. Mo:
FrauElyse:
A Pregnant Pause:

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I feel like reproductive technology has gotten so out of control. I truly do understand that infertility can be devastating but - especially in the extreme cases - having a baby is not a right. Maybe there is a reason that you were not meant to carry a child. There are so many children already here who need caring homes...

I actually agree with this. A friend of mine is having trouble TTC and she's almost at the point where she's considering adoption; however, her partner is convinced they can keep tapping the scientific overkill for a solution. She just wants a child...he refuses to raise one that's not his (which is his problem, but it also demonstrates a lot of people's attitudes towards this).

Anyway, my UO is that life is too short to work yourself to death. Live within your means, make cuts if you have to, and enjoy your family and your life. If you spend every spare moment working/being attached to a Blackberry/whatever, then you're going to end up missing a lot without realizing it. I think it's worth making cuts to my standard of living if it means spending more happy time with my family.

For fear of saying something that will get me banned, my only replies to you 2 are . You ladies have no fvcking idea how lucky you are that you were able to conceive without medical help.

I'm with Mo. I cannot even type out a reply to these posts without getting banned. Thanks for the apologies, but I'm not convinced for a single second that you actually get it. Until you actually witness the pain of your husband and soul mate sobbing on his knees, begging you to divorce him because he cannot get you pregnant due to a medical condition he has no control over, shut.the.fvck.up.

SpinningJess · June 2011

christen_z1:
sewpinkgal:
Ess-elle:

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

Just as I was offended by someone saying that women with fertility issues don't deserve children, I'm just as offended by the above. Way to sling mud back the other direction. Real nice.

Ditto. My pregnancy was completely planned and this child is just as wanted and loved as much as any child could be.

Uh yeah....this is just awful. Gals, I think between the two extremes every one of us has been insulted today! Who are YOU to judge or guage how much I love/cherish/value/care for my children?!?! Wow....this UO Thursday is just jaw dropping rude in so many ways. And here I thought I'd shake things up with the video game ban UO....

StephK · June 2011

Janimal:
sewpinkgal:
Ess-elle:

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

Just as I was offended by someone saying that women with fertility issues don't deserve children, I'm just as offended by the above. Way to sling mud back the other direction. Real nice.

I disagree with Ess-Elle and agree with sewpinkgal. It's ridiculous to say IF moms love their kids more! For realz!

My DD is an IVF kid that we struggled like hell to have! BUT - that doesn't mean I love her more than a mommy who got pg the first night trying. The method of conception does not affect how we feel about children. A mother is a mother is a mother, whether conceived by good old fashioned sex, adoption, or with a team of expensive professionals.

I think going through IVF has shaped how I view pregnancy, because I thought I would never get to be pregnant. So I think I was more aware and had appreciation for the gift of pregnancy more than other pregnant friends of mine. But we all love our kids just as much no matter what we did to get them.

Thank you, sewpink and Janimal and everyone else who has disagreed with the original post. While it may be the previous poster's opinion and she is entitled to it, I think it is very misguided to presume that any baby is more well-loved than another, including those that were conceived naturally. I am great friends with a couple who conceived via IVF and I have no doubt that they will be amazing parents and love their baby. That doesn't mean that I won't love our baby just as much. I am very thankful that I am pregnant and I will love this baby just as much as any other mom here will love her baby. To say otherwise is... there really are no words that adequately summarize how that makes me feel.

There's room for every mom here, no matter how it happened. I hate that anyone thinks that they need to take something away from someone else to make their feelings more valid. Ugh.

jpeazybreezy · June 2011

akabillups:

I have never participated in the Unpopular Opinion Thursday threads...so here it goes:

I am probably going to get flamed for this but, I don't like Unpopular Opinion Thursdays...causes too much drama

I like supportive threads best!!!!

Ick!

LOL. Puppy and Rainbow time is all. weeeeek. long. Give ppl who actually want to talk about somthing thought provoking two days please!

Then we can go back to letting our brains ooze over posts about nursery colors and loving our husbands so much.

Slockhart · June 2011

My:UO: I cannot handle when pregnant women ask questions about every single little thing. I mean when you get pregnant there are books, lots of books, that will answer questions you have. Come on if you are seriously taking time to get onto a message board to ask about having a beer or eating a freaking turkey sandwhich you need to do more productive things in your day like read a book and educate yourself on being pregnant. I swear not all pregnant women loose their brains but there is that small 30% that are just plain dumb.

Julz629 · June 2011

christen_z1:
jholbel:
christen_z1:
sewpinkgal:
Ess-elle:

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

Just as I was offended by someone saying that women with fertility issues don't deserve children, I'm just as offended by the above. Way to sling mud back the other direction. Real nice.

Ditto. My pregnancy was completely planned and this child is just as wanted and loved as much as any child could be.

I never participate in UO (and not really on this board in general), but this comment is ridiculous. I will admit that this pregnancy was not entirely planned, but not exactly prevented at the same time. But I will love this child with every ounce of my being. How dare you say your child will be loved more than mine?

I'm assuming this comment was directed at Ess-elle?

Yes, it was directed at Ess-elle. Sorry, forgot to point out that I was agreeing with the previous 2 responses to her.

CakeBatter · June 2011

Ess-elle:
This is something I've always sworn I would never say openly, but given today's discussion regarding infertility, here goes.
I went through a struggle to get pregnant. It was a long time coming and required medical intervention.
My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?
There are no accidents when you go through IF treatment; every child conceived with the help of medical technology is wanted and desired more than you'll ever know. That's a hell of a lot more than can be said for "natural" pregnancies, especially when something like 50% of them are accidental.

Your UO is extremely offensive. For most of us, pregnancy, no matter how we got that way, is not easy, and we have to put up with a lot of things ranging from inconveniences to potentially life-threatening situations just to make sure LO arrives here safe and sound. In my case, I have to give myself daily injections in the stomach so that we don't develop a blood clot and die. It's painful and expensive. Other women may have other issues or may have a text book pregnancies; regardless, for you to state that someone who went through IVF loves their baby more than anyone else does just because of how they were conceived is ridiculous.

Janimal · June 2011

Actually, I think within the drama, there was LOTS of support in this thread today.

There was lots of support for women who have gone through infertility treatment when it was cast in a negative light. And then lots of support also posted for women who have NOT gone through treatment when suggested they didn't care as much for their kids.

It seems to me the overall pulse of this thread, and this board, is a general understanding that we all have different journeys to motherhood and we all will adore our children. If that isn't a supportive message, what is?!

Julz629 · June 2011

SpinningJess:
christen_z1:
sewpinkgal:
Ess-elle:

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

Just as I was offended by someone saying that women with fertility issues don't deserve children, I'm just as offended by the above. Way to sling mud back the other direction. Real nice.

Ditto. My pregnancy was completely planned and this child is just as wanted and loved as much as any child could be.

Uh yeah....this is just awful. Gals, I think between the two extremes every one of us has been insulted today! Who are YOU to judge or guage how much I love/cherish/value/care for my children?!?! Wow....this UO Thursday is just jaw dropping rude in so many ways. And here I thought I'd shake things up with the video game ban UO....

So just to sum things up -- those who are IF weren't meant to be parents and those who conceived naturally don't love their children as much. Right...

Sugarpea90 · June 2011

SpinningJess:
christen_z1:
sewpinkgal:
Ess-elle:

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

Just as I was offended by someone saying that women with fertility issues don't deserve children, I'm just as offended by the above. Way to sling mud back the other direction. Real nice.

Ditto. My pregnancy was completely planned and this child is just as wanted and loved as much as any child could be.

Uh yeah....this is just awful. Gals, I think between the two extremes every one of us has been insulted today! Who are YOU to judge or guage how much I love/cherish/value/care for my children?!?! Wow....this UO Thursday is just jaw dropping rude in so many ways. And here I thought I'd shake things up with the video game ban UO....

Lol. I know, right? I thought I was shaking things up with my baby shower post! Geeked

akabillups · June 2011

karinothing:
akabillups:

I have never participated in the Unpopular Opinion Thursday threads...so here it goes:

I am probably going to get flamed for this but, I don't like Unpopular Opinion Thursdays...causes too much drama

I like supportive threads best!!!!

Supportive threads get like 2 posts. UO threads and drama post go on for pages. Some of us are bored at work. I can only read so much of "good luck" or "yay!" before it gets old. I need drama to make my day more interesting!

Oh I love reading the drama...keeps me entertained. But I don't like to participate in it. I am a lover not a fighter Big Smile

maryNamory · June 2011

ok I am editing I did not read all the posts and it looks like we have run the gambit of emotions here. Nothing more to add.

akabillups · June 2011

jpeazybreezy:
akabillups:

I have never participated in the Unpopular Opinion Thursday threads...so here it goes:

I am probably going to get flamed for this but, I don't like Unpopular Opinion Thursdays...causes too much drama

I like supportive threads best!!!!

LOL. Puppy and Rainbow time is all. weeeeek. long. Give ppl who actually want to talk about somthing thought provoking two days please!

Then we can go back to letting our brains ooze over posts about nursery colors and loving our husbands so much.

Haha. Hey I am all for other people throwing drama at each other. Drama has filled my life too much recently so sadly this board is where I go to for some optimism and support.

I never said I think you all should stop with negative/drama posts. I just put my opinion out there that I don't like them is all Big Smile

Marcilyn0812 · June 2011

Janimal:
sewpinkgal:
Ess-elle:

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

Just as I was offended by someone saying that women with fertility issues don't deserve children, I'm just as offended by the above. Way to sling mud back the other direction. Real nice.

I disagree with Ess-Elle and agree with sewpinkgal. It's ridiculous to say IF moms love their kids more! For realz!

My DD is an IVF kid that we struggled like hell to have! BUT - that doesn't mean I love her more than a mommy who got pg the first night trying. The method of conception does not affect how we feel about children. A mother is a mother is a mother, whether conceived by good old fashioned sex, adoption, or with a team of expensive professionals.

I think going through IVF has shaped how I view pregnancy, because I thought I would never get to be pregnant. So I think I was more aware and had appreciation for the gift of pregnancy more than other pregnant friends of mine. But we all love our kids just as much no matter what we did to get them.

I love the way you put this Janimal. Both of your responses to this have been on point, honest and fair.

Liz4444 · June 2011

jholbel:
SpinningJess:
christen_z1:
sewpinkgal:
Ess-elle:

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

Just as I was offended by someone saying that women with fertility issues don't deserve children, I'm just as offended by the above. Way to sling mud back the other direction. Real nice.

Ditto. My pregnancy was completely planned and this child is just as wanted and loved as much as any child could be.

Uh yeah....this is just awful. Gals, I think between the two extremes every one of us has been insulted today! Who are YOU to judge or guage how much I love/cherish/value/care for my children?!?! Wow....this UO Thursday is just jaw dropping rude in so many ways. And here I thought I'd shake things up with the video game ban UO....

So just to sum things up -- those who are IF weren't meant to be parents and those who conceived naturally don't love their children as much. Right...

Right... And what about those of us that got pregnant naturally and then miscarried? I wonder if someone thinks that was a good thing because apparently I didn't really want the baby that we planned and spent months trying to conceive? Guess what, that was just as devastating and this baby even being conceived naturally is just as wanted and will be loved just as much as anyone elses.

ProcrastinatingBride · June 2011

SpinningJess:
I'll play today. My UO is that I don't think the ban on selling violent video games to children should have been lifted. It is mind boggling that we can prevent a 10-year-old from going to an R rated movie, but we can go ahead and sell them a video game with like (or even worse) content. My best friend thinks that this will make parents more responsible for what their children are playing... I strongly disagree. I think if a parent is ok with a child playing Halo3 then the parent can go buy the game that is banned. However, without a ban, it's easier for a child to go buy it without permission. I think kids are WAY too desensitized to violence due to these kind of games, and it results in them having little to no empathy for others in pain. I'm NOT saying the games will turn kids into homicidal maniacs, don't read too far into what I'm trying to say here!!

I just hope my son enjoys playing ball, riding his bike, etc. way more than being stuck on the couch playing video games!

ITA with this! In an ideal world, parents would take the sort of responsibility that they should take over this kind of stuff, but the reality is that they don't, and I do think it's in society's interest (not necessarily society's responsibility, but it's to society's advantage) to pick up the slack when parents aren't doing their job in some settings - like this one.

My UO: I don't like any discussions that devolve into "I love my LO more than you do!" I don't quite agree with akabillups, who only wants positive threads Big Smile , but I do think that the whole idea that any of us - conceiving without meds, with meds, by accident, on purpose, whatever - will love our child more or less than any others of us is ridiculous. And lends itself to the sort of petty one-upmanship among women that small-minded people love to make cliches about. I'm not in a competition with anyone over how much I'm going to love my kid.

So there.

akabillups · June 2011

ProcrastinatingBride:
SpinningJess:
I'll play today. My UO is that I don't think the ban on selling violent video games to children should have been lifted. It is mind boggling that we can prevent a 10-year-old from going to an R rated movie, but we can go ahead and sell them a video game with like (or even worse) content. My best friend thinks that this will make parents more responsible for what their children are playing... I strongly disagree. I think if a parent is ok with a child playing Halo3 then the parent can go buy the game that is banned. However, without a ban, it's easier for a child to go buy it without permission. I think kids are WAY too desensitized to violence due to these kind of games, and it results in them having little to no empathy for others in pain. I'm NOT saying the games will turn kids into homicidal maniacs, don't read too far into what I'm trying to say here!!

I just hope my son enjoys playing ball, riding his bike, etc. way more than being stuck on the couch playing video games!
ITA with this! In an ideal world, parents would take the sort of responsibility that they should take over this kind of stuff, but the reality is that they don't, and I do think it's in society's interest (not necessarily society's responsibility, but it's to society's advantage) to pick up the slack when parents aren't doing their job in some settings - like this one.
My UO: I don't like any discussions that devolve into "I love my LO more than you do!" I don't quite agree with akabillups, who only wants positive threads , but I do think that the whole idea that any of us - conceiving without meds, with meds, by accident, on purpose, whatever - will love our child more or less than any others of us is ridiculous. And lends itself to the sort of petty one-upmanship among women that small-minded people love to make cliches about. I'm not in a competition with anyone over how much I'm going to love my kid.
So there.

hehe I never said all I want is positive threads, I just don't want to participate in the negative discussions. I LOVE drama, this is the girl who watched"Rock of Love" and whatever other trash tv I can get a hold of!!

LaneCA · June 2011

CallMeAl:
Mrs. Mo:
FrauElyse:
A Pregnant Pause:

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I feel like reproductive technology has gotten so out of control. I truly do understand that infertility?can be?devastating but - especially in the?extreme cases -?having a baby is not a right. Maybe there is a reason that you were not meant to carry a child.?There are so many children already here?who need caring homes...
I actually agree with this. ?A friend of mine is having trouble TTC and she's almost at the point where she's considering adoption; however, her partner is convinced they can keep tapping the scientific overkill for a solution. ?She just wants a child...he refuses to raise one that's not his (which is his problem, but it also demonstrates a lot of people's attitudes towards this).
Anyway, my UO is that life is too short to work yourself to death. ?Live within your means, make cuts if you have to, and enjoy your family and your life. ?If you spend every spare moment working/being attached to a Blackberry/whatever, then you're going to end up missing a lot without realizing it. ?I think it's worth making cuts to my standard of living if it means spending more happy time with my family. ??
For fear of saying something that will get me banned, my only replies to you 2 are . You ladies have no fvcking idea how lucky you are that you were able to conceive without medical help.
I'm with Mo. I cannot even type out a reply to these posts without getting banned. Thanks for the apologies, but I'm not convinced for a single second that you actually get it. Until you actually witness the pain of your husband and soul mate sobbing?on his knees, begging you to divorce him because he cannot get you pregnant due to a medical condition he has no control over, shut.the.fvck.up.

I agree with all of my IF ladies. But more importantly, you harbor an opinion that is way too common. While going through my years of infertility, I was amazed by the lack of support from women. Many shared your adoption opinion, while others openly confessed they were scared they would end up like me. It is an isolating, terrifying life experience to go through, and I can not understand why women are so cruel to one another. I ended up in therapy, sobbing about my feelings of God not loving me because I could not have babies without medical treatment. I hope you don't share your opinion with a friend or family member going through IF, because you WILL make their journey much harder.

I felt worthless, and could not even look my husband in the face. I could not even make eye contact with women who were pregnant, because I felt so inferior. What I learned is that these feelings were compounded by the judgement from women not dealing with infertility. Getting pregnant and having a baby is such a primal urge for so many women, and through therapy, I did realize it was not my fault and I am not worthless.

I truly hope you change your opinion and can walk away from this with a little more compassion, as well as a bit more insight. What is written about in articles and shown on TV is often sensationalized versions of IF treatments.

jonnygurl76 · June 2011

Indifferent

so am i the only person on this board that doesn't think marjiuana should be legalized? wow.

Echloe · June 2011

A Pregnant Pause:
I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I feel like reproductive technology has gotten so out of control. I truly do understand that infertility can be devastating but - especially in the extreme cases - having a baby is not a right. Maybe there is a reason that you were not meant to carry a child. There are so many children already here who need caring homes...

. You obviously don't understand how devastating IF can be. And you are lucky for not having it impact your life. This is such a hurtful post. I hope you never face any dilemma in your life. I hope the child you are carrying doesn't ever need an extreme medical intervention. Because it sounds like you would opt for them to die since there must be SOME reason they got such and such illness.

ProcrastinatingBride · June 2011

akabillups:
ProcrastinatingBride:
SpinningJess:
I'll play today. My UO is that I don't think the ban on selling violent video games to children should have been lifted. It is mind boggling that we can prevent a 10-year-old from going to an R rated movie, but we can go ahead and sell them a video game with like (or even worse) content. My best friend thinks that this will make parents more responsible for what their children are playing... I strongly disagree. I think if a parent is ok with a child playing Halo3 then the parent can go buy the game that is banned. However, without a ban, it's easier for a child to go buy it without permission. I think kids are WAY too desensitized to violence due to these kind of games, and it results in them having little to no empathy for others in pain. I'm NOT saying the games will turn kids into homicidal maniacs, don't read too far into what I'm trying to say here!!

I just hope my son enjoys playing ball, riding his bike, etc. way more than being stuck on the couch playing video games!
ITA with this! In an ideal world, parents would take the sort of responsibility that they should take over this kind of stuff, but the reality is that they don't, and I do think it's in society's interest (not necessarily society's responsibility, but it's to society's advantage) to pick up the slack when parents aren't doing their job in some settings - like this one.
My UO: I don't like any discussions that devolve into "I love my LO more than you do!" I don't quite agree with akabillups, who only wants positive threads , but I do think that the whole idea that any of us - conceiving without meds, with meds, by accident, on purpose, whatever - will love our child more or less than any others of us is ridiculous. And lends itself to the sort of petty one-upmanship among women that small-minded people love to make cliches about. I'm not in a competition with anyone over how much I'm going to love my kid.
So there.
hehe I never said all I want is positive threads, I just don't want to participate in the negative discussions. I LOVE drama, this is the girl who watched"Rock of Love" and whatever other trash tv I can get a hold of!!

LOL, I love this. I have been known to watch an episode or two of this myself. Embarrassed And I'm like an addict when it comes to Real Housewives.

Sorry, I was going from memory and didn't double-check your exact words. I usually avoid the Bump drama too, though lately it's more because my job is consuming me than because of any desire to avoid y'all.

Sugarpea90 · June 2011

jonnygurl76:

so am i the only person on this board that doesn't think marjiuana should be legalized? wow.

Nope, I don't think it should be legalized either.

lunatunatoo · June 2011

Ess-elle:

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

So I don't love/appreciate/value my child as much since I didn't go through ferility treatments?

CalinsBride · June 2011

Ess-elle:

This is something I've always sworn I would never say openly, but given today's discussion regarding infertility, here goes.

I went through a struggle to get pregnant. It was a long time coming and required medical intervention.

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

There are no accidents when you go through IF treatment; every child conceived with the help of medical technology is wanted and desired more than you'll ever know. That's a hell of a lot more than can be said for "natural" pregnancies, especially when something like 50% of them are accidental.

I think telling someone that you clearly love your child more than they love their child, just because of the way that they came to them (be it IVF, naturally, or through adoption or foster care) is ridiculous. I don't know how you can make such a broad generalization that way. Just as it is offensive to say that people with IF aren't meant to have children, it is equally offensive to say that those people love their children more than I love mine. No, I did not go through IF to have him, but I sure as hell did struggle to get him here, and I struggle every day to be the best mom I can be and make sure he has everything that he needs, despite the fact that he was not planned. THAT, IMO, is love.

Oh, btw, hi. Lurker here. I'll be joining the board. Confused

lunatunatoo · June 2011

lunatunatoo:
Ess-elle:

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

So I don't love/appreciate/value my child as much since I didn't go through ferility treatments?

Damn it, I can never get the "edit" thing to work - I responded the above this too soon! Next time I'll read the entire thread before I put in my 2 cents.

Also - keep these posts coming. It's refreshing to read some actual conversation besides "I ate a corned beef sandwich. I'm freaking out!!" Ick!

Mandy747 · June 2011

slockhart:
My:UO: I cannot handle when pregnant women ask questions about every single little thing. I mean when you get pregnant there are books, lots of books, that will answer questions you have. Come on if you are seriously taking time to get onto a message board to ask about having a beer or eating a freaking turkey sandwhich you need to do more productive things in your day like read a book and educate yourself on being pregnant. I swear not all pregnant women loose their brains but there is that small 30% that are just plain dumb.

I find it highly entertaining that in the same sentence where you are calling people dumb, you completely misuse 'loose'. I think you meant to say, 'not all pregnant women LOSE their brains'.

Kitty Holland · June 2011

Hope I'm not too late... FWIW I'm pregnant through IVF due to my SO's cancer ...

MY UO: I can't stand when people use "it's a personal decision" to justify every crazy thing they want to do to their child / themselves while pregnant. Not every damn thing is a personal decision. What color to paint your nursery? Personal decision. Letting your baby smoke crack? NOT a personal decision.

I have another, somewhat related, one: "everything in moderation" to justify all kinds of questionable stuff women do while pregnant, but those same people have very black and white opinions about smoking or drinking. Ingesting pesticides? Sure. Carcinogenic meat? Yum! Purposely exposing your unborn child to harmful chemicals? Why not! But, half a glass of a wine spritzer? NO WAAAAY!!! Just is so hypocritical.

freckleface77 · June 2011

Ess-elle:

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

There are no accidents when you go through IF treatment; every child conceived with the help of medical technology is wanted and desired more than you'll ever know. That's a hell of a lot more than can be said for "natural" pregnancies, especially when something like 50% of them are accidental.

Ok, I had to pipe in here because my blood is boiling!

I'm really glad that you have chosen not to say these types of things in real life because it just might get you physically assaulted! For one, I've had to deal with internal feelings of not being as loved MYSELF because I found out 3 yrs ago that I was essentially an "accident" (on a much larger scale though because I have a different biological father than my mom's husband, the only dad I've ever known). My mom has had to do some serious damage control and some heavy convincing since then to help me get over it. Guess what, THEY BOTH LOVE ME, even dad, who had no idea that I wasn't "his" either!! (Well, he had a suspicion because I look absolutely nothing like him) My mother risked her life to have me, knowing that she could have a stroke very early on in the pregnancy. Doctors advised her to abort me but she said no way!! AND YES, all the while knowing I might not even be her husband's baby. I'd say that's some love right there!!!!!

Oh and I'll throw you a bone here too, my pregnancy was a TOTAL surprise! But I guess I will kinda sorta love my child since I had infertility issues for 4 years prior with my XH. That should make me a bit more grateful eh??

How dare you even insinuate that you will love your child more than I already love mine!!!! F***ING JERK Angry

LCS040209 · June 2011

LaneCA:
CallMeAl:
Mrs. Mo:
FrauElyse:
A Pregnant Pause:

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I feel like reproductive technology has gotten so out of control. I truly do understand that infertility can be devastating but - especially in the extreme cases - having a baby is not a right. Maybe there is a reason that you were not meant to carry a child. There are so many children already here who need caring homes...
I actually agree with this. A friend of mine is having trouble TTC and she's almost at the point where she's considering adoption; however, her partner is convinced they can keep tapping the scientific overkill for a solution. She just wants a child...he refuses to raise one that's not his (which is his problem, but it also demonstrates a lot of people's attitudes towards this).
Anyway, my UO is that life is too short to work yourself to death. Live within your means, make cuts if you have to, and enjoy your family and your life. If you spend every spare moment working/being attached to a Blackberry/whatever, then you're going to end up missing a lot without realizing it. I think it's worth making cuts to my standard of living if it means spending more happy time with my family.
For fear of saying something that will get me banned, my only replies to you 2 are . You ladies have no fvcking idea how lucky you are that you were able to conceive without medical help.
I'm with Mo. I cannot even type out a reply to these posts without getting banned. Thanks for the apologies, but I'm not convinced for a single second that you actually get it. Until you actually witness the pain of your husband and soul mate sobbing on his knees, begging you to divorce him because he cannot get you pregnant due to a medical condition he has no control over, shut.the.fvck.up.
I agree with all of my IF ladies. But more importantly, you harbor an opinion that is way too common. While going through my years of infertility, I was amazed by the lack of support from women. Many shared your adoption opinion, while others openly confessed they were scared they would end up like me. It is an isolating, terrifying life experience to go through, and I can not understand why women are so cruel to one another. I ended up in therapy, sobbing about my feelings of God not loving me because I could not have babies without medical treatment. I hope you don't share your opinion with a friend or family member going through IF, because you WILL make their journey much harder.
I felt worthless, and could not even look my husband in the face. I could not even make eye contact with women who were pregnant, because I felt so inferior. What I learned is that these feelings were compounded by the judgement from women not dealing with infertility. Getting pregnant and having a baby is such a primal urge for so many women, and through therapy, I did realize it was not my fault and I am not worthless.
I truly hope you change your opinion and can walk away from this with a little more compassion, as well as a bit more insight. What is written about in articles and shown on TV is often sensationalized versions of IF treatments.

This is why I love my IF girls. You sound like an uneducated ignorant woman. First of all, your opinion does not even make any sense. You changed your tune once the flames started and claimed you just didn't agree with treatment based on age. Maybe before you say something so offensive you should step back and think about it. The funny part is that you actually sat there and thought about it enough to write it, so it is just simply sad that your opinion is so ignorant.

I love how people who don't experience IF have a "plan" for what they would do if they did have it. Just keep on living in that ignorant world of yours, where life is just a bowl full of cherries. Oh, and enjoy your accidental child.

christinaramirez08 · June 2011

Ess-elle:

This is something I've always sworn I would never say openly, but given today's discussion regarding infertility, here goes.

I went through a struggle to get pregnant. It was a long time coming and required medical intervention.

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

There are no accidents when you go through IF treatment; every child conceived with the help of medical technology is wanted and desired more than you'll ever know. That's a hell of a lot more than can be said for "natural" pregnancies, especially when something like 50% of them are accidental.

I will have to disagree with you on this one. I may not have IF, but I did have an early loss prior to this pregnancy and both times were planned. I don't think you can speak for everyone and say that since I conceived naturally I will love my child less than someone who conceived through IVF. It's not fair and I will not accept that!!!

akabillups · June 2011

ProcrastinatingBride:
akabillups:
ProcrastinatingBride:
SpinningJess:

I'll play today. My UO is that I don't think the ban on selling violent video games to children should have been lifted. It is mind boggling that we can prevent a 10-year-old from going to an R rated movie, but we can go ahead and sell them a video game with like (or even worse) content. My best friend thinks that this will make parents more responsible for what their children are playing... I strongly disagree. I think if a parent is ok with a child playing Halo3 then the parent can go buy the game that is banned. However, without a ban, it's easier for a child to go buy it without permission. I think kids are WAY too desensitized to violence due to these kind of games, and it results in them having little to no empathy for others in pain. I'm NOT saying the games will turn kids into homicidal maniacs, don't read too far into what I'm trying to say here!!

I just hope my son enjoys playing ball, riding his bike, etc. way more than being stuck on the couch playing video games!

ITA with this! In an ideal world, parents would take the sort of responsibility that they should take over this kind of stuff, but the reality is that they don't, and I do think it's in society's interest (not necessarily society's responsibility, but it's to society's advantage) to pick up the slack when parents aren't doing their job in some settings - like this one.

My UO: I don't like any discussions that devolve into "I love my LO more than you do!" I don't quite agree with akabillups, who only wants positive threads , but I do think that the whole idea that any of us - conceiving without meds, with meds, by accident, on purpose, whatever - will love our child more or less than any others of us is ridiculous. And lends itself to the sort of petty one-upmanship among women that small-minded people love to make cliches about. I'm not in a competition with anyone over how much I'm going to love my kid.

So there.

hehe I never said all I want is positive threads, I just don't want to participate in the negative discussions. I LOVE drama, this is the girl who watched"Rock of Love" and whatever other trash tv I can get a hold of!!

LOL, I love this. I have been known to watch an episode or two of this myself. And I'm like an addict when it comes to Real Housewives.

Sorry, I was going from memory and didn't double-check your exact words. I usually avoid the Bump drama too, though lately it's more because my job is consuming me than because of any desire to avoid y'all.

hehe its all good Smile I am very ashamed of all the drama filled trash tv that I watch. DH tells me I am killing brain cells haha!!

Runnergirl2242 · June 2011

LaneCA:
CallMeAl:
Mrs. Mo:
FrauElyse:
A Pregnant Pause:

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I feel like reproductive technology has gotten so out of control. I truly do understand that infertility can be devastating but - especially in the extreme cases - having a baby is not a right. Maybe there is a reason that you were not meant to carry a child. There are so many children already here who need caring homes...

I actually agree with this. A friend of mine is having trouble TTC and she's almost at the point where she's considering adoption; however, her partner is convinced they can keep tapping the scientific overkill for a solution. She just wants a child...he refuses to raise one that's not his (which is his problem, but it also demonstrates a lot of people's attitudes towards this).

Anyway, my UO is that life is too short to work yourself to death. Live within your means, make cuts if you have to, and enjoy your family and your life. If you spend every spare moment working/being attached to a Blackberry/whatever, then you're going to end up missing a lot without realizing it. I think it's worth making cuts to my standard of living if it means spending more happy time with my family.

For fear of saying something that will get me banned, my only replies to you 2 are . You ladies have no fvcking idea how lucky you are that you were able to conceive without medical help.

I'm with Mo. I cannot even type out a reply to these posts without getting banned. Thanks for the apologies, but I'm not convinced for a single second that you actually get it. Until you actually witness the pain of your husband and soul mate sobbing on his knees, begging you to divorce him because he cannot get you pregnant due to a medical condition he has no control over, shut.the.fvck.up.

I agree with all of my IF ladies. But more importantly, you harbor an opinion that is way too common. While going through my years of infertility, I was amazed by the lack of support from women. Many shared your adoption opinion, while others openly confessed they were scared they would end up like me. It is an isolating, terrifying life experience to go through, and I can not understand why women are so cruel to one another. I ended up in therapy, sobbing about my feelings of God not loving me because I could not have babies without medical treatment. I hope you don't share your opinion with a friend or family member going through IF, because you WILL make their journey much harder.

I felt worthless, and could not even look my husband in the face. I could not even make eye contact with women who were pregnant, because I felt so inferior. What I learned is that these feelings were compounded by the judgement from women not dealing with infertility. Getting pregnant and having a baby is such a primal urge for so many women, and through therapy, I did realize it was not my fault and I am not worthless.

I truly hope you change your opinion and can walk away from this with a little more compassion, as well as a bit more insight. What is written about in articles and shown on TV is often sensationalized versions of IF treatments.

This last quote made me cry. I am so thankful that your journey has brought you here. That was truly a heart wrenching post. I do think that its a primal urge to have a baby. It breaks my heart to read about your pain. Truly.

christiney06 · June 2011

slockhart:
. I swear not all pregnant women loose their brains but there is that small 30% that are just plain dumb.

well, I wouldn't go around calling people dumb when you don't know how to use lose/loose properly!

Ess-elle · June 2011

Apparently I'm ineloquent at best today.

Posted above, as I'm horrified that my post has been so offensive - however, just thought I'd note here that the perception of my post was not at ALL what I meant. I'm not saying someone who conceives in a month loves their child less than someone who conceives in a year who loves their child less than an IUI parent who loves their child less than an IVF parent, or some other ridiculous hierarchy.

I'm just saying that to ME, I would not have appreciated this amazing gift had it come to me more easily. As much as we wanted a child, having to work for it has made me so much more appreciative of it than had I become pregnant the first month off of birth control.

That's all. Hug your kids and take it easy.

SharonWantsABaby · June 2011

Ess-elle:
I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

I hope someday you realize how wrong you are. How offensive, untrue, and just plain sh*tty this is.

I want to say a WHOLE lot more than that, but I will choose not to.

WaitingOnTwoPinkLines · June 2011

FrauElyse:
Just to clarify, yes, I am happily pregnant, but I would gladly adopt if it were an issue. I said what I said because my friend is having a very hard time and would love to just adopt but her SO won't because he wants to exhaust every single option. She's worried that by that point, they won't be able to afford to adopt. I just think there's a line where you have to decide which road you want to go down and sometimes it's not the road you want, but it's a road that should be considered. If you have the money to try every option and then still be able to adopt at the end if you have to, more power to you. We're not all that lucky.

But the point is that it is THAT COUPLE'S choice, not yours. THEY have to decide which road to take, not you. To say (or agree) that women with IF shouldn't pursue treatment (& should instead adopt) is presumptive & ignorant. If THEY choose to pursue treatment or decide instead to pursue adoption, that is THEIR choice to make. Period. End of story.

& for some people, adoption is not a "road that should be considered". Some people are unable to raise a child that isn't biologically theirs. It doesn't make them horrible people, or less deserving of a child.

You don't get to draw that line, for your "friend" or any one else. Savvy?

stabil19 · June 2011

Ess-elle:

This is something I've always sworn I would never say openly, but given today's discussion regarding infertility, here goes.

I went through a struggle to get pregnant. It was a long time coming and required medical intervention.

My UO: I honestly think that children conceived this way are loved, appreciated, valued, and cared for by their parent(s) far more than those who were conceived naturally, even if the pregnancy was planned. How could they not be?

There are no accidents when you go through IF treatment; every child conceived with the help of medical technology is wanted and desired more than you'll ever know. That's a hell of a lot more than can be said for "natural" pregnancies, especially when something like 50% of them are accidental.

Although I understand what you are trying to say.... How in the world would you know???? I am 39 and FINALLY pregnant with my first and probably only child. I have waited soooooo long for this. Why in the world would I love my child less and appreciate him/her less than someone who had fertility problems????? I know nothing about IF personally, thankfully, but I do know what it is like to wonder if I will ever have a child. It's just for lack of finding my partner until now.

Slockhart · June 2011

Considering i am writing this on my phone and i have auto-text i will be the 1st to admit i am a dumb pregnant woman at times also. Dont jump down my throat for a freakin extra o ladies.

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