Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: XP: If you had a VBAC
I don't think you are going to get many people recommending a RCS on this board. With that said. I too have not had a contraction or dilated past a 'finger tip", but my sole reason for wanting a VBA2C is for the safety of my baby and I.
No advice on recovery since I have not had a vaginal birth but I can tell you that my RCS was much better than my first C. Even with that I'm still hoping to VBA2C. Good luck!
My VBAC was painful, but not beyond what I could handle. I'm very glad I chose a VBAC. I felt like it was the safest option and I also wanted the experience of pushing out my baby.
Whether to have a VBAC or RCS is a personal choice based on what risks you feel comfortable with and what you want in terms of childbirth, so I wouldn't be able to tell you which is right for you. Only you can decide that. GL!
My recovery from my VBAC was SOOOO much better than my c/s. I did tear, but the recovery was still like nothing else. Less than an hour after I delivered, I had used the bathroom, cleaned up, and put on my own pajamas. A far cry from an hour after my c/s where they had to sedate me in recovery because I was having some adverse reaction to one of the medications they gave me.
With my c/s, I didn't get to touch my son until 3 hours after birth, my incision got infected, I had an allergic reaction to the pain meds, etc, etc.
None of that happened with my VBAC. I left the hospital 24 hours after the birth, was able to pick up and snuggle my toddler when I got home, had the energy to play with him, run up and down stairs, and drive. I think the whole family benefited from my VBAC.
The c/s recovery was harder. Just being able to pick up my 2yo was worth it.
4 days after my c/s I was still in the hospital and could barely hobble around. 4 days after my vbac I was at the park with my family - not moving super fast, but not in any real pain, and I had a 2nd degree tear.
If you have regrets about your c/s, I recommend ICAN. The meetings or online support can be great for helping you feel like you're not alone if you're surrounded by people saying stupid things like "well, you have a healthy baby, that's all that counts" (a healthy baby is most important, yes, but your emotions/feelings count too).
First, I'd like to say it does not sound dumb that you'd like to feel labor. I was curious and kinda looking forward to sharing this experience nearly every mom I've ever met has been through, too. I don't think there's anything dumb or weird about that, even though now, having felt it, I can say that I'm not a fan?.
Which was worse? It depends what you mean by worse. For a woman who wants to actively push her baby out, a cesarean would be worse. For a woman who wants to get it over with any way possible, a vaginal could be worse. I mean, a cesarean takes about 15 minutes and you don't feel a thing. Cesarean recoveries tend to be longer than vaginal birth recoveries, but involve different pain in different places. Some women consider hemorrhoids and tearing 'down there' to be worse than an abdominal scar. Others want to be up and about more quickly than a cesarean recovery allows. Both have risks, and different women weigh those risks differently.
There is no one answer to which is worse, and no way I could recommend one or the other without knowing you and your situation. I can only tell you that I had my own reasons for choosing VBAC, and I'm glad I did it. I was coming home to a toddler as well as my newborn, and I knew she wouldn't understand why I couldn't pick her up, why she couldn't jump all over me, etc. For me, a long labor was easier to manage than a long recovery.
My c-section was horrible but my natural deliveries were great! They really really hurt, don't get me wrong, but they were tolerable.
I am choosing a VBAC this time around