Would you let your MIL... (long)

santo614 · June 2011

Would you consider letting your MIL drive your 3 year old across the country? I'm having a hard time with this one. I have an unusual situation where I'm moving from DC to WA state within a month of having a baby. I obviously can't drive my car myself, with the baby, so my MIL has graciously offered to drive my car and I'll just fly. But, she's offered several times to take DS with her. She's not pushy, but DH feels like she really wants DS to go, and she's doing this really nice thing for us so we're sort of obligated, and practically speaking it would be a good idea.

Sending him with her would save us a plane ticket, and would mean he doesn't have to be stuck in a 1 bdrm apartment with his new sister crying all the time (we'll be staying in temp housing by that time). It would give him some special time with g-ma, while I had time to get used to the new baby and get her on a reasonable sleep schedule.

But, I have concerns. What if he is bored to tears with being in the car? He's been on long road trips, but none like this. Also, g-ma lets him get away with more, so his behavior is always terrible after being with her for a few days- and this will be for about 10. And mostly, I'm concerned about safety. My MIL is a safe driver, but overly cautious and slow- which I think can actually be worse sometimes. It makes aggressive drivers do stupid things to get around her.

I think part of this is that it's a stressful move; DH can't go with us, and I'm kind of just prepared for me and the kids to stick together and make it through. I want to keep them both close to me, and I think I need DS as much as he needs me. Also, sometimes I see my MIL as an intruder- my mom is completely uninvolved in my life, so it took a long time to get used to DH's family being so "active" in each others' lives. I would sort of rather get to Seattle, set up OUR routine, and not have any outside interference (she'd want to stay for a while once she drops him and the car off). Is this selfish?

Gummybear · June 2011

NO! But I won't even let my parents take my 3 yo down the shore.

I have sort of an anxiety issue though, esp. when it comes to other people driving my baby around. I would not be able to eat or sleep until she was safely here.

erikalovesmatt · June 2011

Yes, I would. I think that it would be a great experience for the kid.

magnoliablossom00 · June 2011

santo614:
Would you consider letting your MIL drive your 3 year old across the country? I'm having a hard time with this one. I have an unusual situation where I'm moving from DC to WA state within a month of having a baby. I obviously can't drive my car myself, with the baby, so my MIL has graciously offered to drive my car and I'll just fly. But, she's offered several times to take DS with her. She's not pushy, but DH feels like she really wants DS to go, and she's doing this really nice thing for us so we're sort of obligated, and practically speaking it would be a good idea.
Sending him with her would save us a plane ticket, and would mean he doesn't have to be stuck in a 1 bdrm apartment with his new sister crying all the time (we'll be staying in temp housing by that time). It would give him some special time with g-ma, while I had time to get used to the new baby and get her on a reasonable sleep schedule.
But, I have concerns. What if he is bored to tears with being in the car? He's been on long road trips, but none like this. Also, g-ma lets him get away with more, so his behavior is always terrible after being with her for a few days- and this will be for about 10. And mostly, I'm concerned about safety. My MIL is a safe driver, but overly cautious and slow- which I think can actually be worse sometimes. It makes aggressive drivers do stupid things to get around her.
I think part of this is that it's a stressful move; DH can't go with us, and I'm kind of just prepared for me and the kids to stick together and make it through. I want to keep them both close to me, and I think I need DS as much as he needs me. Also, sometimes I see my MIL as an intruder- my mom is completely uninvolved in my life, so it took a long time to get used to DH's family being so "active" in each others' lives. I would sort of rather get to Seattle, set up OUR routine, and not have any outside interference (she'd want to stay for a while once she drops him and the car off). Is this selfish?

No offense, but I didn't even read the rest of your post after this- NO, absolutely not. However, my MIL is horrid, but still, no. Never. Not even my own mother.

tink7227 · June 2011

I wouldn't let my HUSBAND drive a 3 yo across the country. Being stuck in a 1 bedroom apartment with a new baby is way better than being stuck in a car. I took a 4 yo on a 9 hour trip and with a dvd player it was hell!

Plus I would never let anyone besides me ot H drive for any long distance with our children, too many bad things could happen. Even if you trust MIL's driving there are alot of crazies out there.

Shotgunqueen12 · June 2011

hocus:

If your child was older (like 8) and might really enjoy a cool road trip with grandma then I'd consider it. An unnecessary road trip for a 3 year old seems really cruel to me. 3 year olds should be running through the park and getting in the mud not sitting in a car for 8 hours at day,

I agree with this.

eminbmore · June 2011

My MIL is a terrible driver, so no. Absolutely no. But, under the right circumstances I could see this working out just fine.

kgunz11 · June 2011

Shotgunqueen12:
hocus:

If your child was older (like 8) and might really enjoy a cool road trip with grandma then I'd consider it. An unnecessary road trip for a 3 year old seems really cruel to me. 3 year olds should be running through the park and getting in the mud not sitting in a car for 8 hours at day,

I agree with this.

This is how I feel too. If your child was older, they could turn it into an adventure, maybe stopping to see a few sights along the way. It would be a great bonding experience and geography/history lesson all rolled into one. But a 3-yr old? Not in a million years.

just kita · June 2011

I'm not sure, but I'm leaning towards yes. My MIL is wonderful, and I have great memories of taking half-cross country trips with my grandparents when I was younger (my parents would take us for a week, then go back home to work while we stayed a little longer). Those trips are the best memories I have of my grandparents, who I didn't get to see very much because of the distance.

I think it depends on your 3yr old, and how you think he will behave and how your MIL will react to his behavior.

I don't think you need a plane ticket for an infant though. You can keep in him a body carrier and check the carseat as carryon. If there is an empty seat and your carseat is airplane approved, they will usually switch people around so you can put the baby in the empty seat.

eminbmore · June 2011

just kita:
I'm not sure, but I'm leaning towards yes. My MIL is wonderful, and I have great memories of taking half-cross country trips with my grandparents when I was younger (my parents would take us for a week, then go back home to work while we stayed a little longer). Those trips are the best memories I have of my grandparents, who I didn't get to see very much because of the distance.
I think it depends on your 3yr old, and how you think he will behave and how your MIL will react to his behavior.

I don't think you need a plane ticket for an infant though. You can keep in him a body carrier and check the carseat as carryon. If there is an empty seat and your carseat is airplane approved, they will usually switch people around so you can put the baby in the empty seat.

Anyone over the age of 2 needs a ticket.

cfisher2008 · June 2011

I wouldn't mind my MIL taking my child on a cross-country trip, but I think 3 is too young for a cross-country trip. So, I am saying "no", but not because I don't want my MIL driving my child. I just think 3 is too young and it would be easier on everyone for a 3yo to fly a few hours than drive for 10 days.

BetsyDavis · June 2011

I say no. My nephew who is 2 1/2 went to Las Vegas with my mom,my sisters, my brother and my 3 little sisters and from what I hear it was hell. He cried most the way because he wanted out, they had to stop a lot, and he destroyed the backseat f the rental car with spilt drinks and food. I can only imagine a 3 year old being just as bad. I would just have him fly and save everyone the headache.

Kvitale87 · June 2011

hocus:
If your child was older (like 8) and might really enjoy a cool road trip with grandma then I'd consider it. An unnecessary road trip for a 3 year old seems really cruel to me. 3 year olds should be running through the park and getting in the mud not sitting in a car for 8 hours at day,

THIS! I have issues with road trips and I am 23! Plus that would be ten days of you caring for a new baby and worrying about your DS. If you ask me it would be putting yourself in a very hard place. I would be a constant wreck and calling her all the time.

Emcat1980@yahoo.com · June 2011

No way. That sounds miserable for both of them, and I would be a nervous wreck the whole time.

I just skimmed but if I were you I'd find a way for her to fly along with you and both kids to give you a hand. I know it'll cost more $$ (although surely negated by the cost of gas/hotels in a 10 day cross country road trip right!?!) but that would be the best situation.

We are moving 1000 miles (so not nearly as long as you are moving) a week or so after this baby is due, and what we are doing is flying my sister up here - she'll fly home w/ me and the kids to help me manage them. My H is driving a moving van, towing our car, and we also are flying his dad up here to follow in H's truck.

ETA: Ok I reread your post. Where does MIL live? How is she going to get home once she arrives w/ your car? Fly one way back? I think she WOULD expect to stay a while and hang w/ y'all after she does you the 'favor' of driving your kid across country.

My ILs are also very ..... um....'helpful' (i.e. intrusive) at times, and I am pretty private, so I TOTALLY get you wanting to establish a little routine w/ just you and the kids. When does your H arrive since he won't be moving with you and the kids?

Just explore ALL your options....shipping your car, having your H bring the car (towed or whatever) when he comes and you just renting one while you're over there alone, flying MIL/DS together with you, etc...... and see what you think the best option for you all is. Good luck.

htessen35 · June 2011

We had taken my 4 year old cousin to florida with us (we drove) and met her parents 3 days later down there. It was terrible my grandma gives into everything with her so we thought she would enjoy the trip and have a lot of fun and ...WRONG Her 11 year old sister who she is very close with also was along with us. The poor kid couldnt eat, cried A LOT because she missed her mom and dad, she even cried about missing her cat and dog. It was a terrible experience I love her dearly but it was the longest 3 days of my life. I would definatly wait until your child was a little bit older.

wareham11 · June 2011

Have you looked into having your car shipped/towed by an outside company? It will likely be cheaper than having your MIL take a 10-day cross-country trip, plus you won't put unnecessary mileage on your car. We did this for around $800 around a year ago, but if you shop around you may find an even better deal.

12bailey18 · June 2011

No, I would not. I wouldn't let my mother either. I'm usually very relaxed about things but I would not feel comfortable having one of my babies driving across the country with someone else other than myself or DH. No way. Go with your gut on this one.

docsallen · June 2011

My MIL has gotten lost twice driving from her house to our house - and we live 2 miles away. Obviously, I would not let her drive my DS cross-country. I would look into getting her a plane ticket and spending a week with you to help out. I was so tired the month after I had my DS - the help with your children, setting up in the new place, etc. would probaby be greatly appreciated since your DH won't be there. I'm a private person and ordinarily I would not like my MIL around that much, but I just remember how tired I was before and my DS is so active now that I wonder how I'm going to do it this time around.

fabfive · June 2011

oh heck no!!!

Shelleybell · June 2011

No i personally wouldn't

TheLastCall · June 2011

Although it was very generous to offer to drive your son across the country, I would decline. 10 days is a very long time for a 3 year old to be without their parents, especially because this is already bound to be a stressful time for him because of the big move. Besides, 10 days in a car is a pretty long time for an adult, not to mention a toddler. Personally, I'd fly with DS to minimize the travel time for him and ask if your MIL will fly with the three of you and have your DH tow your car behind the rental truck. She could even stay with you at the new place for a few days while you wait for your DH to show up so you have an extra hand with the two kids.

Matt Dvorak · June 2011

Is she going to be the only driver? I've done some very long drives, and I feel that they are safer when there are 2 drivers - that way when one can't keep their eyes open, the other can take over. I'd be nervous about a 3 year old in the car with any solo cross country driver. I drove solo for about 400 miles with a cat and I seriously thought I was going to tear my hair out - what if your 3 year old starts driving your MIL insane while she's driving and not having anyone else there to keep him entertained?

Fisherman'sWife · June 2011

I would be worried about her trying to distract or play with him while driving!

MustanGTbaby13 · June 2011

I think it is super nice she is willing to do that....but I know exactly where you are coming from. I love my in-laws....but FIL scares me to death when he is driving. He is easily distracted when there is just a dog in the back seat....I can't imagine him with my baby lol.

Leahsmom1023 · June 2011

I don't think I would mind as long as she had some other adult going with her to help when he gets a little cranky from sitting. But I would have no problem letting my mom take my LO as long as someone was with her.

LaRue86 · June 2011

I drove cross country last year and it was pure hell. I was a passenger and it took us 5 days. I would think it would be better for your 3.5 year old to fly. Your MIL will be exhausted at days end and your 3.5 will have a ton of energy to expel at the days end. Driving abilities aside, I do not think it is wise. We were moving my brother and his wife and my mom and I went to help. My mom was passed out in the hotel room within an hour of stopping. She would admit after doing it, there is no way she would do it again, let alone with a 3.5 year old.

Not to mention when traveling through parts of the country there are very long periods of no places to stop. There are also times where you only have one hotel option and it is definitely sketchy...

SeaMama · June 2011

Not a chance in hell. But according to my own mother I'm a "control freak" when it comes to my kid. Whatever - I don't trust anyone but DH 100%. The kid's life is in my hands. I don't feel bad about it at all.

Stellar1 · June 2011

My mom- yes MIL- no way... My MIL is a complete worrier and there is no way I would ever let her take DD out of town by herself, let alone cross country. She just is such a worrier and freaks out about every little thing that I think I would be a compete basket case the entire trip. It really depends on how capable your MIL is.

tikitomban · June 2011

No. And mostly because I'd think your 3 year old DS would be miserable. Grandma could be the coolest person ever ... but at that age, and for that length of trip, he's going to want his mommy.

google123 · June 2011

just kita:
I'm not sure, but I'm leaning towards yes. My MIL is wonderful, and I have great memories of taking half-cross country trips with my grandparents when I was younger (my parents would take us for a week, then go back home to work while we stayed a little longer). Those trips are the best memories I have of my grandparents, who I didn't get to see very much because of the distance.
I think it depends on your 3yr old, and how you think he will behave and how your MIL will react to his behavior.

I don't think you need a plane ticket for an infant though. You can keep in him a body carrier and check the carseat as carryon. If there is an empty seat and your carseat is airplane approved, they will usually switch people around so you can put the baby in the empty seat.

I have to say, part of me agrees with her. My fondest memories were with my grandparents...I wasn't just raised by my parents, I was raised by my whole family (aunts, uncles, grandma). We were really close, and it wasn't uncommon for me to stay for days/weeks with the grandparents. I remember I would go to my grandma's for nearly the whole summer (or a month at least). I almost feel sad that people nowadays don't have this kind of relationship...and when they do get the chance (i.e. a very lovely involved grandma) they don't embrace it, and they see it as a bad thing or something weird. Since your mom isn't there for you, you should be happy that you have a MIL like her, and not one of those crazy psycho ones that most people vent about on here.

That being said, I suppose a cross-country trip would be hard on a 3yr old...so I would say that if you don't feel comfy with it, then don't let him go. But, as a general thing, I think it's so important that your son have a loving grandma and it's great if you'd try to be less anxious about her "interfering" and welcome her in your son's life. Trust me, some of his best memories are going to be with his loving grandparents. There is just something about grandma that is special to children. My parents were great, but all of my funniest, silliest, happiest memories seem to be when I was with grandma. Maybe it's because she did let me get away with more things LOL. Sometimes mine would let me eat ice cream for breakfast...as long as I promised not to tell mommy. Sorry for the rambling, I just cherish my granny so much, and I miss her terribly.

FutureMrsWittig · June 2011

I wouldn't... but I don't like my MIL. I don't think you're being selfish at all. I think you're being a mom.

O2BaMom · June 2011

I'm going to be the odd girl out and say yes. But I have a wonderful relationship with my MIL, in fact she will be watching LO at least one day a week when I go back to work. I think you have to do what is best for your family.

nillian10 · June 2011

Shotgunqueen12:
hocus:

If your child was older (like 8) and might really enjoy a cool road trip with grandma then I'd consider it. An unnecessary road trip for a 3 year old seems really cruel to me. 3 year olds should be running through the park and getting in the mud not sitting in a car for 8 hours at day,

I agree with this.

me too!

KendraJoette · June 2011

kgunz11:
Shotgunqueen12:
hocus:

If your child was older (like 8) and might really enjoy a cool road trip with grandma then I'd consider it. An unnecessary road trip for a 3 year old seems really cruel to me. 3 year olds should be running through the park and getting in the mud not sitting in a car for 8 hours at day,

I agree with this.

This is how I feel too. If your child was older, they could turn it into an adventure, maybe stopping to see a few sights along the way. It would be a great bonding experience and geography/history lesson all rolled into one. But a 3-yr old? Not in a million years.

I agree too!

andkatiesays · June 2011

Absolutely not. Not that I don't trust MIL, but she isn't used to dealing with a 3 year old in the car for a 20 minute drive let alone 10 days. AND I wouldn't want to be without my 3 year old for 10 days!

plumag · June 2011

I wouldn't, but I think this all depends on your MIL. What's your relationship with her? What level of trust do you have? Which is worse, the anxiety of having your 3 year old on the plane with you or thinking about DS driving with your MIL?

BobbiJanay07 · June 2011

I wouldn't have a problem with this at 5 or older but 3 not really.

JrsMommy11 · June 2011

I don't think MIL knows what she is getting herself into. I think it is cruel to keep a 3 year old in one spot for 8 hours if you don't have to. JMO.

Heather&Ben · June 2011

not 1 driver w/ a 3 yr old! no way IMO!

kxp004 · June 2011

KendraJoette:
kgunz11:
Shotgunqueen12:
hocus:

If your child was older (like 8) and might really enjoy a cool road trip with grandma then I'd consider it. An unnecessary road trip for a 3 year old seems really cruel to me. 3 year olds should be running through the park and getting in the mud not sitting in a car for 8 hours at day,

I agree with this.

This is how I feel too. If your child was older, they could turn it into an adventure, maybe stopping to see a few sights along the way. It would be a great bonding experience and geography/history lesson all rolled into one. But a 3-yr old? Not in a million years.

I agree too!

All the bolded stuff is spot on!!!!!!!! I have been on countless roadtrips from Texas to....Wisconsin, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Alabama, Louisiana, Arizona, New Mexico, Mississippi, Missouri, Minnesota, Kansas, Oklahoma....

and I can tell you right now---having a brother and sister who were much younger than me that went on these trips (both from age 0-7) I would NEVER send my kid from DC to WA.... they would be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored out of their mind somebody would die before they got to WA.... and thats even with one of those fancy little car tv's

crzygirl · June 2011

In your case, YES! I would not allow this for just a random vacation but for your move across the country it sounds like a great opprotunity for your son.

Want a personalized experience?

Would you let your MIL... (long)

Re: Would you let your MIL... (long)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards