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Parenting
looking for opinions on an event that is already happened
This discussion has been closed.
Re: looking for opinions on an event that is already happened
Jodi, I get what you are saying. In the circustance described (smaller town, she knows the driver), I would have let my daughter ride in a cab home when she was 13, because she had the maturity to do it.
My 13 year old son? I don't think so.
I think it does partly depend on the kid.
IMO, where she went wrong was not informing the parent first.
Uh, no. First of all in the story you quoted the mother got to make the decision herself. If, when your daughter is 13, you are ok with her getting into a cab at 12 with an adult male YOU don't know, then fine, your call. But you don't put children in your care (that are not your own) in the care of another adult without first clearing it with the parents. That's really where you went wrong here. It was not your call to make for their child, not to mention that you also put a friend of the little girl's in the cab too and the other dad is responsible for her as well. So he has to answer to her parents. Big time error in judgement.
Hey, *I* wouldn't even ride in a cab alone at midnight at 35 years old. But that's the whole stereotypical "cabbies are rapists" and the fear of the unknown. So I get it. I do. But RATIONALLY, the chances of Mr Cab man actually raping/murdering this girl and her friend --- um, a bit unlikely. As rides mentioned, it's more likely some stranger would lurk in the woods and barge in to the house while they are babysitting.
Crap -- isn't there movies made about stuff like this!?
For realz. I'd feel safer letting my DD ride in a cab with a stranger. Statistics show that the OP's husband (no offense OP, I'm just trying to point out that most sexual assaults involve someone that the victim knows) is more likely to molest the babysitter than some random cab driver.
If your babysitter is 18 or up particularly if they are not in their parents house anymore then they can make the call for themselves, but personally I'd try really hard to get them home myself if possible since I'd appreciate someone else doing that for my young adult daughter.
Any child under 18 in your care...parents absolutely need to know if you intend to transfer care to someone else while you are responsible for them. There is no point in getting into silly what ifs, and it doens't matter if this Harold guy is the most upstanding character out there, if my 13 year old daughter is going to be entrusted to his care in the middle of the night I want to know about it first.
I think we're speaking from different life experience here- to me cabs are not...anythign to bat an eye about. they're a method of transportation. they're not a RISK, for god's sake.
Im curious if some of you have never hailed a cab in your life, or ridden in one at all?
like- I just do not get the fear factor here- btu I DO understand parents wanting to make choices for their children- and I get the dad's dissatisfaction with the scenario- I think an apology is in order- and clarification that it won't happen again if he prefers it not.
some of you are freaking me out with your alarmist cab fears!!
how do you get around in this world if you're so afraid of civilization and advances in transportation? do you ride in buggies?
I was wondering the same thing.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree with dad too.
And I might be a little less agreeable (with dad) if I didn't live where I live. Taxi's are not a means of adequate travel in this town--NYC? Maybe but still probably not.
eta: i also backpacked across Europe at 23 & i am awaiting the day that my 10 year old neighbor turns 12. She is awesome with my kids. my youngest will be 3 and I have NO problem leaving my kids with her (how is that for a young babysitter)..youngest that is legalJeebus. For those of you who have missed my comments, I did own it. I totally agree with the dad and we had a nice chat last night about it at the soccer field. He was far less upset than many of the ladies here. It was new territory for me; not just as a parent, but as a former babysitter when the rules were fast and loose, literally. Holy smokes.
It just gave me cause to reflect on the whole picture.
I am not offended by the post that made the comment about the 'husband' being a more likely rapist than the cab driver.
I was not making a direct comparison between the mother who let her 9 year old find his own way home from Bloomingdales and this situation.
I just don't live in a world where women don't ride in cabs until they are seniors in college (or older). Heck, when I was 21 I packed my backpack and left for Europe and North Africa for 6+ months. No cell phone, no forwarding address, no firm plans beyond the first 10 days.
I hate the thought of my kids growing up scared, looking over their shoulder. I cannot imagine not knowing every neighbour's name for at least 6 houses on each side of me (which, incidentally is about the number of homes between me and the sitter). I refuse to live in fear of the 'what if'.
You are being silly. I live in a major metro area and have taken many cabs in my life. That's not the point. The point is, if I have entrusted you with the care of my child I expect that if you are going to put her in someone else's care...yes, particularly an adult male I don't know at midnight, that you first make sure it's ok with me. Maybe the father was mad too because the friend's parents also didn't know about this and the father felt responsible for the friend as well as his own child.
How did we get from putting someone else's 13 year old kid in a cab in the middle of the night to 'not letting women ride in cabs until they are seniors in college or older?'
Well looky here, we have found a new topic to debate- tens and taxis!
I think OP realizes where she went wrong (not informing parents of babysitter about the cab ride). As far as I can tell she has owned that. Whether or not you would let a teen ride in a cab is super subjective- depends where you live and whether cab rides are common. I would let my 13 yo take a short cab ride with a friend. But I live in a fairly safe , small Canadian city where the only violence in cabs have been directed against the cabbie himself.
But hey, I let a 13 yo watch my kids too. They seem to have survived that so far...
Here's where you lose me.
Exactly how have I been entrusted with the care of that child when I have left her alone? Is she not caring for herself and my children? I was not babysitting the 13 year olds and then sending them home. They were babysitting my children.
And, for those of you not reading the whole thread (even I can't be bothered anymore) I certainly did apologize to the dad, and we discussed in a very friendly manner the sceranios he would prefer in the future, as both he and his daughter wish to continue this relationship.
I confirmed in my posts that I agreed with the father's point. Didja read that part? Im not being silly- I SEE the reason for his not being excited about it- what is SILLY to ME is the people who are acting like cabs are OMIGOD! something you don't DO! until you're mature enough to take such RISKS! because strange men drive taxicabs!!
DANGER !
Really, why not? It was a misunderstanding, and she said it won't happen again. That wouldn't be enough for you?
Because it wouldn't be the Bump if people didn't judge and totally beat someone over the head over something they did.
Oh, ridesbuttons come on! The parents knew where she was when she was babysitting. She was at your house, they knew that. They had ok'd her being left there alone to babysit. Yes, you are right, you weren't there but her parents knew where she was. They had a reasonable expectation that when you arrived home you would take her home yourself, or call her parents. When you put her in the cab her parents no longer knew where she was or who she was with. You made a parenting decision for them, which was not your right. We could go through all the unlikely scenerios (cabbie gets in an accident, is actually a creep and takes advantage of them, they don't wear their seatbelts, etc, etc) but the point is when these kids are at your home you ARE responsible for them and the parents knew that and were ok with it. The cab ride, no.
I agree w/ the dad.
If it were my 13YO, I'd prefer you would have let me know they'd be in a cab and/or give me the option to come get them. I just feel like at that point, they are out of your care but not yet back in my care and I'd want to know where they were. It just seems unsafe to me.
I don't know - for example - we live on a cul de sac and Jackson's BFF lives two doors down. Either his BFF's mom watches him walk home, walks him home (if she's headed to our other neighbor's) or calls me to let me know he's heading home (so I can walk out and watch him). The boys are perfectly fine walking between our houses by themselves, but I feel like it's a courtesy required so that someone knows that they are now responsible for them.
This a clusterfuck. lol
It all boils down to the OP letting two 13 yr olds ride home at midnight with a stranger. He may not have been a stranger to the OP, but he was to the dad. It doesn't matter if it was a cab driver, a long time next door neighbor or someone known from childhood church. The fear of strangers isn't exclusive to cab drivers.
I think 13 is a perfectly acceptable age to babysit. I know our YMCA has a babysitting class for 13 and up.
But to send them home in a cab at 13 at night alone isn't right. They have the job of keeping your child safe while you go out. You trust them to do that. The dad trusted you to keep his child safe also. Sending her home in a cab isn't keeping her safe.
You should have walked her home or have driven her home. I can't blame him for being upset.
I haven't read any of the other responses yet, but yeah, I agree w/ the dad. I would never put a 13 year old girl into a car w/ a driver she doesn't know.
If she was a 5 minute walk away, why didn't either of you offer to walk the girls home?
I agree w/ Praline here, after reading some of the responses. I am not opposed, to some extent, to the free-range kids lady's philosophy. As a parent, you get to make that decision for YOUR kids; not for someone else's child. And I also agree that the babysitter's friend being in that scenario complicated your responsibility further b/c now you have a parent in the mix who has truly NO idea where her child is while she's in that car and will likely be upset at the other dad when she finds out. It's just not a good situation to put people in bc you had too many drinks at dinner.
And I really don't agree w/ the idea that if they're old enough to babysit, they're old enough to get into a car w/ a stranger at midnight. That logic is completely 100% flawed to me.