looking for opinions on an event that is already happened

ridesbuttons

A week and a half ago we had a new babysitter stay with the kids on a Saturday night while DH and I went out with friends.  Babysitter is 13,  lives about a 5 minute walk from our home and brought a friend (with our blessing) and sat with the kids (who were already in bed) from 8pm til midnight.

DH and I decide to take a cab home.  We do not drink and drive, at all.

We paid the cab driver the additional cash to take the girls back to their home, a 2 minute (or less) drive.

Babysitter's father approaches me last night at soccer and tells me he is disturbed and upset that we sent the girls home in a cab.  We should have called him to come and pick the girls up.

I thought about this all night, kind of kept me up a bit.  I'd like to hear some opinions, weigh in on this little event, if you would.

j-w

I agree with the dad.

Furthermore, if driving was going to be an issue, I'd have chosen not to drink.

Carol*Brady2

I agree with Dad too--I would not be OK w/ my kid being put in a cab in the middle of the night w/out another adult.  If you rode with them, I probably would not have been upset.

Mominator

I also agree with the Dad. I am generally not an alarmist, but those girls are way to young to be in a cab at that time of night with a stange man. Things could happen.

meglew

100% agree with the dad.

grja

I agree with the dad. I would have just called and said you had a drink or two and didn't want to drive them.

Emiliana7

I also agree with the dad. I would not allow my teen to babysit for you again. just my honest opinion.

ali-1411

I'd be okay with my kid in the cab, especially since it was so close.  I probably would have liked to know about it first, though.  

Yodajo

I agree with the dad.

I think you dropped the ball in that you didn't think the night through enough to figure out the girls' transportation  when you got home.  Did you drive to the party and leave your car there or did you take a cab to the party too?

ToledoDeux

I agree with the dad, too.  You were responsible for getting those girls home safely, and being too tipsy to drive them yourself and then putting them in a cab with a stranger are not fulfilling that responsibility.

docmay25

I agree with the Dad also. Either one of you should not have been drinking so that you could drive the girls home or ride in teh cab with the girls.  I would be uncomfortable with my 13 year old driving in a cab with a stranger.

Yodajo

Too late now, but a workable solution would have been for one of you to stay in the ca with them for the ride home and then get dropped off after that.

rebs

I agree with the dad too.  I would not have sent them in a cab without letting the babysitter know in advance.  I can see a parent not wanting their 13 year old girl in a car with a strange man, which is what a cab is. In the situation you are describing I would have had your DH walk them home (assuming it was not freezing or pouring).

tammy79

I agree with the Dad, I think the biggest issue is not checking with the parents first, and also way too young to be in a cab by themselves so late.

 

sooosie

I agree w/the dad too.  If it was only a 5 min walk, couldn't one of you have walked them home?

Ciarrai

I agree with the dad too.  I would have either had one of us not drinking or walked the girls home (while the other stayed home with the kids, of course). 

Jodi&Joe

I'm torn.  As a parent, I would be LIVID if someone sent my kid home in a cab.  It just screams "rapist/mass murderer" to me.  But that's because I watch a lot of Criminal Minds!  LOL

On the other hand, if my daughter is not ready to ride in a cab by herself at 13, I'm also guessing she's not old enough to be caring for any one else's toddlers.  Even if they are in bed sleeping.

So....I don't know.  I'm definitely leaning towards agreeing with the dad though.  Something about expecting my kid to be brought home by the PARENTS only to have my kid show up in a CAB .....yea, that would not sit well with me.

kjr

carol*brady2:

I agree with Dad too--I would not be OK w/ my kid being put in a cab in the middle of the night w/out another adult.  If you rode with them, I probably would not have been upset.

I totally agree.

penguingrrl

I'd be upset if my 13 year old were sent home in a cab. But, before sending my kid out to babysit I'd let them know that I'm available to pick them up and assume the parents are likely drinking. I babysat for an awesome family when I was that age and they drank every time they went out then the dad walked me home, so I would assume parents night out means no DD lol!

EdithBouvierBeale

honestly- I think i would be in your very position- like I wouldnt have questioned it until it was confronted.

We're big on cabs too- esp when we lived in the city- so it doesn't seem the least bit weird- but I can TOTALLY see a parent not liking that- and I would just tell him that it hadn't even occurred to you that it wouldn't be a good idea (maybe you could have walked them home, or your h could have?

yeah- Id apologize and say I totally understood his hesitation to acccept that- and that you won't do it again- and that you're sorry (even if it wasn't done irresponsibly and even if you don't feel like you did anything wrong- I'd still tell him what he wants to hear, and keep the girl as a sitter if you like her.)

 

Temp108743750006959

I would apologize to the family for poor planning on your part. I do not agree with the logic of the kids are old enough to babysit so they must be old enough to take a cab at midnight.

AnnapolisLari

What's done is done, but I wouldn't count on her parents letting her sit for you again.

I'm a little torn-- at 13 I was plenty mature enough to be in a cab with a friend, can see why the dad is upset, too.

There are plenty of options: call the dad before you got home to let him know they were coming in a cab, walking them home if it was only 5 min away, staying in the cab with them, having one of you sober enough to drive...

ridesbuttons

Jodi&Joe:

I'm torn.  As a parent, I would be LIVID if someone sent my kid home in a cab.  It just screams "rapist/mass murderer" to me.  But that's because I watch a lot of Criminal Minds!  LOL

On the other hand, if my daughter is not ready to ride in a cab by herself at 13, I'm also guessing she's not old enough to be caring for any one else's toddlers.  Even if they are in bed sleeping.

So....I don't know.  I'm definitely leaning towards agreeing with the dad though.  Something about expecting my kid to be brought home by the PARENTS only to have my kid show up in a CAB .....yea, that would not sit well with me.

That is where I was last night too. 

We live in a small town.  DH and I are on a first name basis with that particular cab driver as he also drives for a local business that our business does a lot of business with.  Dispatch knew he was taking the babysitters home and to what address, we knew, the 2 girls knew and the cab driver knew.  Our 'urban' friends (who were up visiting that weekend) saw no problem with it.  More common in that setting perhaps?  IDK.

Hindsight, I should have walked the girls home, I agree, or ridden in the cab with them.  Or call the house and ask the dad.

I don't have a teenage daughter, but I was a teenage kid who babysat a lot in those years.  I made my own way home many times, and white knuckled a drive home from the parents more than once.  But I had confidence in myself, which I can't tell if it is the sitter who is lacking confidence, or the parent whose opinion is bigger here.

 

ETA: I totally ate crow with the dad.  Obviously unplanned and new territory for us as well as we've either had sitters who can drive, or one of us has driven the sitter home.  I wasn't looking to get into a battle, it just on reflection didn't seem so black and white as it did when he first confronted me.

rebs

I have to say I don't think I would have a big problem with my 13 yo taking a short cab ride with a friend, however I would want to be informed of it beforehand.

I would just apologize and tell them you will make sure one of you always walks or drives her home from now on.

Yodajo

I'm glad you posted this though.  I can't say for sure its a scenario I would have thought through before I was in it and it was enlightening for me.  I would like to say that I would have made the right decision, but I can't say for sure that I would have.   I know now that I would!

veloelle

agree w/ dad 100%. there was a female murdered by her cab driver in SF about 8 years ago. Apparently not provoked, just a random act of violence. I'd be very upset. Unless you live in NYC where cabs are a way of life.

JOEBunny

Kudos to you for taking a cab.  I don't drink and drive at all, so I completely agree with that situation.  I think people judge people for taking cabs when a lot of times, they should take them more often themselves.  I don't have a 13 year old yet, but I think sending a babysitter home in a cab at that age is perfectly fine, though I might have made it clear from the start.  I babysat a lot as a kid and I can say that more than 1/2 the time, I wish the parents would have sent me home in a cab.  Very responsible IMO. 

We hire adults to babysit when we know we will be drinking a lot for the  reason that we don't want the liability if something were to happen of not having a completely sober adult to deal with an emergency.  If we were just going out locally for a few drinks, we have hired teens, but DH could walk them home in 5 minutes. 

EastCoastBride

Jodi&Joe:

On the other hand, if my daughter is not ready to ride in a cab by herself at 13, I'm also guessing she's not old enough to be caring for any one else's toddlers.  Even if they are in bed sleeping.

THis is a good point!

To me, this is a lesson learned.  From here on out, if you're ever in this situation again, either walk the sitter home or ride w/ her and then just walk home yourself.

 

jettagurl

I'm not crazy, but if you put my 13 yr old in a cab with another 13 yr old at midnight, I'd be more than PO'd.  So many things could have happened.  Ugh.  My eyes kinda bugged out when you said you stuck them in the cab. 

ridesbuttons

veloelle:

agree w/ dad 100%. there was a female murdered by her cab driver in SF about 8 years ago. Apparently not provoked, just a random act of violence. I'd be very upset. Unless you live in NYC where cabs are a way of life.

The last murder in our town was more than 8 years ago.  I think being in our home was riskier than being in a cab where 3 sets of people were aware of all the circumstances personally.

The whole scene kind of reminds me of this: https://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-the-subway-alone/

I think this mom had death threats due to her decision.

I appreciate the dad's point of view, I do.  And yes, lesson learned.  So easy to walk them home (except for the damn blackflies, lol).

I guess I'm living in the past or something.

warriormomerin

rebs:

I have to say I don't think I would have a big problem with my 13 yo taking a short cab ride with a friend, however I would want to be informed of it beforehand.

This. I wouldn't have a problem with the cab ride, but I would be pissed that I wasn't notified about it.

AggieCouple

vccake:

I do not agree with the logic of the kids are old enough to babysit so they must be old enough to take a cab at midnight.

Word.  Getting into a car with a stranger at night and being responsible are two unrelated things.  I know my teenage nieces can babysit just fine, but that doesn't mean I'd want them jogging after dark.

DandelionMom

I can see why the father would be concerned, especially if cab rides may not be a common thing in their home.  I imagine I'd be worried about sending my kids in a cab since I've rarely ridden in a cab and about half the time, the cab didn't have working seat belts. 

veloelle

ridesbuttons:

veloelle:

agree w/ dad 100%. there was a female murdered by her cab driver in SF about 8 years ago. Apparently not provoked, just a random act of violence. I'd be very upset. Unless you live in NYC where cabs are a way of life.

The last murder in our town was more than 8 years ago.  I think being in our home was riskier than being in a cab where 3 sets of people were aware of all the circumstances personally.

The whole scene kind of reminds me of this: https://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-the-subway-alone/

I think this mom had death threats due to her decision.

I appreciate the dad's point of view, I do.  And yes, lesson learned.  So easy to walk them home (except for the damn blackflies, lol).

I guess I'm living in the past or something.

I think the responses might have been different if you said 1) you live in a town that everyone knows everyone, ir at least the taxi crew and 2) it wasn't midnight. I'm not one to quote random acts of violence, but w/ no back story, a 13 yr old in a cab alone at midnight certainly raises eyebrows. My reference is the large city I live in, which has it's share of crime.

EdithBouvierBeale

you guys- wtf is so scary about a cab?

really? you're acting like she called some death cab company of doom to joyride these girls home at the driver's leisure.

Yeah- I get that the dad was taken aback ( and rightly so if it was a change of plan.)- but come ON- do you think cabs are risky? in general?

you know, I think there are lifetime movies about girls getting raped by dads driving babysitters home. if that also out of the question? or weirdoes jumping out of shrubs, or drive by shootings, or holes in blacktop that swallow people alive.

what kind of cabs are you people taking that make this sound so scary?

 

MotherBucker

warrior*mom:

rebs:

I have to say I don't think I would have a big problem with my 13 yo taking a short cab ride with a friend, however I would want to be informed of it beforehand.

This. I wouldn't have a problem with the cab ride, but I would be pissed that I wasn't notified about it.

 

This is how I feel. As the parent, I would want to be asked first, then I can decide if a cab ride is ok, or I pick up my kid.

 I do want to say, I am glad that you chose to find alternative transportation for the kids, rather than drive them after you've been drinking.

amanda&rob

This is an interesting topic!

I think I would have been ok with it if you would have called and said, "Harold the cab driver is taking your girls home mkay!"  I do think I would have been thrown off a bit to see that my kids took a cab home.  But, I would much much much rather a cab drive home than you guys that have had some drinks!  

ridesbuttons

Oh yeah, in hindsight, that conversation didn't have to happen with dad at all.  Walk 'em home, call, ride in the cab, whatever.  And I didn't add all the details because while I always knew them, the dad didn't (and still doesn't) and the situation is more relatable with the meat and potatoes.

I had 3 or 4 glasses of wine over a 4 hour period.  Nobody was drunk.  We just weren't driving.

I'll bet a thousand dollars the girls would never had blinked an eye if one of us had driven them home.  How's that for irony.

Andrewsgal

Agree with dandi on this one. I was babysitting at 13 and did not take a cab until I was a senior in college. I would have not been comfortable taking one at 13aybe the sitter was not either. When you grow up in a town where cabs ate not the norm there is some fear of the unknown. On the other hand I soul not hire a 13 year old.

buffalo_buckeye

amanda&rob:

This is an interesting topic!

I think I would have been ok with it if you would have called and said, "Harold the cab driver is taking your girls home mkay!"  I do think I would have been thrown off a bit to see that my kids took a cab home.  But, I would much much much rather a cab drive home than you guys that have had some drinks!  

Ditto

mom2one

I wouldn't let my kids sit for you again knowing the circumstances.