So I talked about my first m/c on my BMB this morning and the fact that it was a missed m/c and I had no symptoms and I don't think one of the girls was very appreciative of that. Has anyone else had any experiences like this where just talking honestly about what happened to you wasn't well recieved? I wasn't trying to freak her out or anything but I think I did and I feel bad about it but I was just talking about my experience not about what might be going on with her.
BFP 7/27/10, no hb discovered 9/3/10, natural m/c 9/17/10
BFP #2- 2/1/11,bleeding- 2/6/11, natural m/c @ 5wks
BFP #3- 4/29/11 - DS born 12/31/11
TTCAL buddies with LilMaggs and psumel13
Re: How do you feel about BMBs?
They are generally rainbows and unicorns over there and don't like to hear bad things. I think almost everyone here has had the same type of experience you are describing.
I don't think you should fee bad though because honestly, a healthy does of reality isn't a bad thing. People who have never had a miscarriage just can't understand though, and generally don't want to.
I hate my BMB. They definitely do not have the same mentality as PGAL, not that it is just puppies and rainbows but still... We have threads on a weekly basis regarding the following:
So yeah, I will post random devel. questions/resposnes on their but I have lost respect for a lot of ladies on there.
Not to hijack, but does anyone know how to unhide these people? I did this and now I can't figure it out.
Oh, also, the BMB seems to get better after the gender reveals. Once everyone gets that complaining out and starts to really worry about real things (like six people on mine had to go to L&D this week), they seem to calm down.
Dx: Me: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss; DH: Low Morphology (2%)
BFP#1: MC 3/1/11 at 6w1d - EDD 10/21/11
BFP#3: MC 2/8/14 at 4w5d - EDD 10/13/14
BFP#6: CP 11/6/14 at 4w2d - EDD 7/14/15
IVF #1 with ICSI & PGS: May/June 2015, ER 6/3/15, 17R/17M/15F
IVF #2 with ICSI & PGS: July 2015, ER 7/16/15, 16R/11M/9F
PGS results = 6 normal embryos (4 boys, 2 girls)
FET 9/23/15 = BFFN
I lurk but I am not active. I don't blame them for being naive because I was just like that once. I am in a different place now though so I can't really relate to them like I can the ladies on this board.
Yeah I was that naive once and thought that no cramping or spotting meant that nothing was wrong, and now I know better, but I really didn't intend to freak anybody out. But I think it's probably better for me to stay away from there. I think I'm too much reality for this stage in the pregnancy for the BMB.
BFP #2- 2/1/11,bleeding- 2/6/11, natural m/c @ 5wks
BFP #3- 4/29/11 - DS born 12/31/11
TTCAL buddies with LilMaggs and psumel13
Married 7/11/09 TTC #1 Since 05/10
BFP #1 09/20/10 Natural m/c 10/05/10
BFP! #2 04/21/11... Beta 16 DPO: 437, 18 DPO:1446 Ultrasound 6w6d TWINS!
Annabel & Sophia Born 11/28/11 at 34w6d
BFP #3 10/4/16... Beta 13 DPO: 145, 15 DPO: 367 12/1/16 It's a GIRL!
I deleted the post because I didn't want to end up freaking anybody else out. The Jan board to me seems to be mostly the same kinds of posts over and over again. Half of them seem to be about some sort of pain or cramp or what have you and they are looking for reassurance that everything is fine. Well in my experience those things have not ended well so I don't really feel good about participating because I don't want to be all debbie downer and say that something really could be wrong but I also don't want to say, yeah you're fine don't worry, when I'm on my third pregnancy and still no babies KWIM?
BFP #2- 2/1/11,bleeding- 2/6/11, natural m/c @ 5wks
BFP #3- 4/29/11 - DS born 12/31/11
TTCAL buddies with LilMaggs and psumel13
DD #1 born 9/07 ** DD #2 born 7/11 ** Operation Take Back My Body has begun 10/11
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Gobble Wobble 5K 11/24/11 - Abington, PA 29:40
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I'm December LOL; The past 3 weeks has been BSC over there!
And to the PP with the FB question, next to "Most Recent" on your news feed there is a little carrot people. You can click on that then "edit options" and it brings up the list of people you've hidden.
Again, yes I feel awful that people made you feel bad about sharing your experience. I don't mind the naivety (sp?) It's the judgemental attitude towards us who have lived it!
Married 7/11/09 TTC #1 Since 05/10
BFP #1 09/20/10 Natural m/c 10/05/10
BFP! #2 04/21/11... Beta 16 DPO: 437, 18 DPO:1446 Ultrasound 6w6d TWINS!
Annabel & Sophia Born 11/28/11 at 34w6d
BFP #3 10/4/16... Beta 13 DPO: 145, 15 DPO: 367 12/1/16 It's a GIRL!
I didn't mean to come off as p*ssed off because you were talking about you experience. In fact, I was going to apologize to you about my reaction but you deleted the post.
I too experienced a loss and understand that pregnancy isn't always puppies and rainbows. I was telling you about the m/s symptoms that I was/wasn't feeling and your response sort of took me by surprise. Please don't feel that you and your experience is not welcomed on the month board.
6/14/10 BFP; 6/30/10 Dx ectopic
11/16/10 BFP #2; DD born 7/26/11
Yeah I deleted because I didn't want someone who hadn't experienced a loss to see it and go- oh sh!t and start freaking out about their pregnancy because no one needs that added stress. I think since my first loss was a missed m/c it makes me nervous all the time that something is going to go wrong with this pregnancy but I won't know it. But I didn't mean to upset you or take you by surprise with my response so that's why I felt bad about it.
BFP #2- 2/1/11,bleeding- 2/6/11, natural m/c @ 5wks
BFP #3- 4/29/11 - DS born 12/31/11
TTCAL buddies with LilMaggs and psumel13
I like my BMB... but it started out rocky and has gotten better. I now pick the posts I read... I really don't have time/energy for drama.
Do not feel bad about posting your missed m/c... it is life... which sucks at times.
BFP #1 March 24, 2010; missed m/c May 26, 2010 @ 12w 4d; D&E May 28, 2010
BFP #2 Oct 20, 2010; My little boy was born on July 5, 2011
BFP #3 April 30, 2013; Chemical Pg May 5, 2013
BFP #4 Aug 22, 2013; It's a boy. Loss discovered at 24 weeks on Jan 15, 2014 (cause CMV virus)
We love and miss you Timothy
BFP #5 April 6, 2014; missed m/c May 15, 2014 @ 9 weeks; Misoprostol May 15, 2014; D&C May June 3, 2014
Trying to talk about m/c's over there is a losing battle, a few may get it, but in general if it doesn't happen to them they don't care or understand why we the way we are.
BMB's=unicorn piss and sparkles. I don't spend much time over there obviously.
bfp 01/23/10 m/c 12w1d 03/14/10 EDD 09/24/10
bfp 07/20/10 m/c 5w1d 07/25/10
bfp 11/19/10 Born 07/24/11 via C/S
My Forever Sister From Another Mister~CashewsMommy!!
Ours had a similar reaction to missed m/c stories around the same point you're at. I think in large part its because it harps on their biggest fears and they don't know how to deal with that. Granted its one of our biggest fears as well, but to us its not a great unknown...its a potential end result of a pregnancy.
Our BMB seems to go through waves of douchedom. First up was the "Reading about all these m/c is so hard on ME" and "ZOMG, if a m/c happened to her...am I next?!?!!". Then you move on to the "I'm not getting an NT scan bc I'd love my baby no matter what" (you know, because Downs is the only thing they find at that ::headdesk::). Now that we're near the midway point, the gender disappointment threads are kicking in, though thankfully the ones on Oct so far have been mild.
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11
BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14
My Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
If you go to your recent news feed, at the top where you can sort between "Top News" and "Newest," there is a drop down arrow. Go to "edit options" and uncheck your hidden friends. HTH!!! I know because I just re-added a friend who was pregnant that I "hid" after my loss yesterday!
I agree w/ penny and nekillo - it's not them being naive that is the problem on our BMB; it's the outright hostility toward women who have had a loss and talk about it, their complete unwillingness to understand how that can change one's perspective in dealing with other pregnant women. I really don't need them to "believe" us when we discuss the realities of a healthy pregnancy, but I am disgusted by their complete insensitivity, especially toward women who have been part of our board, and then have lost their pregnancies. And the truth of the matter is that one woman in particular has surprised me in having that attitude, just knowing her struggles in getting pregnant from another board. Fortunately, not all of them seem to share these opinions, which is why I still post occasionally.
I'm finding that I'm honestly too tired to keep up with it - and when I have the energy I'd rather spend my time over here on PgAL. I'm not going to reassure people about spotting - though my spotting last time around had nothing to do with my loss - that's not always the case. IRL I am quite a realist and do not have any puppies nor have I ever seen a unicorn, so....
They all seem pretty nice in January (so far) but this trimester I just can't relate... maybe I'll pick it up more next tri. When I get past my loss milestone I'm hoping I can be more positive and hopeful.
One thing I really hate is the flame free confessions.... I just loathe that. So I keep away from that.
BFP#1 - 8/27/10 - D&C 10/27/10 @ 13 weeks to Trisomy 18
Missing our Angel Baby Gabriel
BFP#2 - 3/18/11 - CP 3/19/11 BFP#3 - 4/27/11 - Due 1/9/12