Another vent- I'll prob delete later...LONG

nicleep · May 2011

BM always seems to be complaing to FI about how broke she is. I get it- you've got four kids and a husband who's disabled (but does get money through the gov- but whatever). Times are hard on all of us. You get your child support. It comes straight out of FI's check. It's not a huge amount- but it's what the courts calculated. You have new iphones- you eat out everyday, try saving some money...We pay for 'extra' activities (the few SD has done). You say 'it's so hard with four kids' as an excuse to why SD is falling behind in school and you aren't taking any steps to help her. Why, then, do you refuse to change the schedule? Why can't we have her weekdays while you take the 'fun' weekends? We've asked so many times. What's the harm in seeing if SD's grades come up? If it lightens the load for you a bit? We've even discussed continuing paying the child support even if the time shifts?

I think I have a pretty good idea why she won't agree. #1- pride. I think she's afraid if she 'gives' up the weekdays she admitting failure or something. #2. Disabled husband needs SD to help watch the other three children (2years and 8 month twins) after school. She had admitted needed SD there because her new husband has had afew accidents- he's blind and one of the younger kids swallowed a coin- after surgery the baby was ok but I think they realize just how lucky they were. I think SD should be doing her homework not looking after 3 under 3...maybe I'm just harsh.

Thanks for letting me vent. Oh, PS- FI is bringing BM $20 tonight because she's just so broke etc etc. Bleh.

OH SIDE NOTE: Not that it matters but...BM's new husband is the man she left FI for.

o_so_in_love · May 2011

I think it's crap that SD has to help take care of kids b/c SD is disabled. My DSD is almost nine and her SD has MS. She has a three year old sister that she says she spends most of the time with while her SD sleeps because his MS medication makes him tired all the time. She also talks about all the chores she has to do and about changing her sisters diapers (when she was 7!) because her SD askes her to do it. I have never asked her to change her brother's diaper when she is here and it's not just because he's a boy! Kids need to be kids, not grow up faster because adults can't be adults, no matter what the reason! BM works in the medical field so she's gone a lot. DH is military so he works long hours too (fortunately hasn't been deployed yet) but I'm a SAHM. Personally I think she'd be better off with us. If she has to spend most of her time with a step parent why not let it be the one who can nurture her? But I know that will never happen because of the same reasons it will never happen for y'all. I feel your pain!

J+R · May 2011

nicleep:
Oh, PS- FI is bringing BM $20 tonight because she's just so broke etc etc. Bleh.

Well there you have it... why would BM give up her "hard, struggling life" - your FI continues to enable that behavior. Eventually that $20 will turn into $50, etc. I think you have a FI problem...

Littlejen22 · May 2011

Then fight for custody instead of just asking for it.

karleegirl · May 2011

Unless your sd had no food there is no way in hell I would have been ok with taking bm $20. Your fi needs to grow a set.

I get where you and another poster are venting about your stepkids being responsible for younger kids.They should allowed to be kids and not surrogate parents. But to some degree there is nothing wrong with kids helping watch out for younger brothers or sisters. Im not sure of the age of your sd though. My brother "watched" me every day after school for about an hour till my mom got off work. That was just part of being family.

*

Ilumine · May 2011

Two points and then my IVY.

First - if your DH keeps giving BM money, then HE IS EQUALLY CULPABLE FOR THE WHINING/KVETCHING/MOANING. Every extra cent given to her rewards her behavior.

So stop giving her the money. She may not stop begging, but at least you've stopped being part of the problem.

Second - taking care of the younger kids is part and parcle of being the eldest. I changed my younger brother's diapers at the ripe old age of 9. I watched over my younger sister and brother after school. And my parents are still together.

You have no bone to pick with that one...

So onto my IVY.

Yes you can be upset that SD's grades are atrocious. And you can demand that BM start working with her after she gets home from school.

OR you can stop 'asking' for a different parenting plan and actually start legal proceedings to 'get' more time. The fact that there WAS an accident in the home due to the SF's disability could work in your favor.

BTW - it does not matter that SF is the man that BM left your DH for.

o_so_in_love · May 2011

There is a difference in being part of the family/responsibilities of the eldest and having to play the parent because one or both of the grown-ups don't have time, are too sick/disabled, lazy, etc. I know all about being the eldest and in my case and maybe even in the case of the OP, this is not the same thing. There are legitimate reasons and then there are excuses. And it also makes a difference if the family is blended or not, especially if one of the families would be better suited for the needs of a child. Yeah, courts could be brought into it and custody could be fought but it's not always that cut and dry.

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Another vent- I'll prob delete later...LONG

Re: Another vent- I'll prob delete later...LONG

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