Poll: Did you talk about the possibility of IF?

melissa721 · May 2011

Another post from earlier today got me thinking, PRIOR to marriage, did you and your husband talk about what you would do if you found out you couldn't have kids?

Now that I think about it, I will admit, we did not. We've been together off and on since we were 16/17 and I think because we started out so young, it wasn't something we thought about. Ever.

Even when he proposed when I was 24, the thought never crossed either of our minds. I think if I were single right now at 27 and just getting into a relationship, it would be a bigger deal and I would definitely bring up the conversation. But I just don't think, for us, at the time it was something that was even on our radar.

SheenaNash1 · May 2011

We have only briefly talked about, I think since we just started TTC we want to keep things positive right now and we will cross that bridge when we come to it. But I do know that we would both be on board with most IF treatments, adoption is something that we would need to talk abot further

reinstone · May 2011

It wasn't on our radar either; we didn't talk about it.

LegallyBlonde217 · May 2011

We did not discuss it.

KLN1179 · May 2011

My husband I knew we wanted children. However, we did not discuss the possibility of not being able to have them, even though we were 30 when we got married. After a year with no luck, I am beginning to think we might need to start thinking about the possibility. I just always assumed that we would be able to get pregnant with no issue, go off the pill and a month later would be pregnant...silly me! Tongue Tied

Lena122 · May 2011

We never talked about it before we got married but we did briefly discuss the possibility once we started TTC. We did discuss wanting kids but never the possibility of not being able to have them. I guess I just figured we'd cross that bridge when we came to it and that I wanted to marry him regardless.

nickelpickelpink · May 2011

We did not discuss the possibility of IF until we started trying. When we first started dating, around 17 years old too, we mostly discussed how to avoid pregnancy! Big Smile

MySweetBaboo · May 2011

Yes we did! we left no stone unturned. We weren't spring chickens when we married and I wanted to be sure we were on the same page regarding adoption, ivf, etc. Should we have issues. We had many hypothetical conversations about it while we were dating and again when we were engaged.

chloebeth930 · May 2011

We talked about adopting in addition to having our own children. However, being so young (together at 18 married at 23), IF never came up.

stellelinds25 · May 2011

Honestly, no....having trouble TTC was not something I had even thought that much about until I started coming around these parts. It's scary to think about the possibilities, but I know that in the event that anything would happen, we'll deal with it and decide what steps to take.

Szeretlek · May 2011

yes we have. We currently don't want to do anything to invasive, but that may change depending on how ttc goes.

GR8TDANEMOM · May 2011

We have talked about it. It took my mom 6 years to get pregnant with me and I know infertility is in no way genetic, but I always had this fear in the back of my mind that I would have problems getting pregnant even though I have no reason to believe that. I know that Im meant to be a mom and we both want kids badly and have had multiple discussions after watching a show or something where IF is discussed. I also had a close friend who donated her eggs which prompted many discussions.

XXXXX222 · May 2011

Not at all. And that might have been a good thing.

We got married 5 years ago. I wonder, had we discussed it, would I have voiced an opinion against IVF at that point? Would he have? It's possible. Would I have ended up feeling weird changing my mind and deciding I was okay with IVF later on? Would he have gotten used to the idea of no treatments and been surprised by my change of heart?

Actually living through it is different than merely considering the possibility though. You might end up making decisions you never thought you would.

somnybooks · May 2011

Yes we did. I have had problems with my cycle since I was 15. Although I had no other reason to think there would/could be issues, I wanted DH to understand that there was a possibility. Now, here we are with a PCOS DX and only 2 ovulatory cycles in 10 months of TTC. We are both comfortable with IF treatments (IUI, IVF, etc). I am not comfortable with surrogacy or egg/sperm donation and DH is not comfortable with adoption. We will see what happens if it comes to that.

phishgirl29 · May 2011

lynnyloo:
This is actually something we talked about before getting married. We discussed what we might do in the case of IF, but didn't come to any firm decisions. I'm glad we talked about it prior to getting married. It is reassuring that we both accept that it is a possibility and somehow I feel better prepared if we ever feel the need to take the next step.

This plus adoption. The longer it's been (on cycle 8) I'm surprised that my DH is leaning more towards IVF then adoption. We have friends that have done both due to unexplained infertility, and adoption 'seemed" to be actually more stressful from DH''s point of view. We haven't given up hope though and don't plan too for the next year or so before seeing a doctor about IVF.

BN+JL2010 · May 2011

We discussed it prior to getting married. Our stance is that if it doesn't happen naturally then we won't pursue it farther than that. We believe that if God wants us to have a child we will. If charting, temping, OPKs and such don't work for us then we are fine with that.

btaylor19 · May 2011

I did, because I knew that my cycles were horribly erratic, and it probably was not a great sign for my fertility. I was always very careful to say "if" we have kids instead of "when". I even joked that we would have to go on meds and could end up with twins.

My husband said he would go through IUI, but was not up for IVF. If we get to that point he wants adoption. So far his mind has not changed.

eta- finishing my thought.

ccam · May 2011

We did talk about it since his sister went through IF treatments. Nothing indepth, but pretty much said we'd do whatever we need to in order to have kids.

peloquinJ · May 2011

We still have never talked about it. The closest we have been to talking about issues with fertility in general was that DH has said if we have issues we can always adopt. I haven't bothered discussing further because I feel like why worry about something that may never happen and I know that I would be on board with whatever as long as I ended up being a parent and DH does seem on board with that based on these type of comments.

brachatzipora · May 2011

We talked about it enough to say that we would adopt if we weren't able to have children. DH is 7 years older than me, so we knew that could play a role and so we knew we wanted to start trying shortly after we were married. Now that we're only cycle 9, we still have hope but on my down days (thinking it will NEVER happen), DH will remind me that he promised we would be a family (of more than 2).

bwe1100 · May 2011

We didn't before marriage, but talked about IF and approaches to it recently when I was diagnosed with a fibroid. It was a good talk.

brookelynpaisley · May 2011

Nope, never even considered it prior to marriage.

Bella61811 · May 2011

It has never come up and I actually just mentioned it to him and he said that he doesn't even want to think about that because "it's not going to come to that". I have an optimistic one on my hands

Kathy4678 · May 2011

We did not- until we had to. Huh?

I think in my pre-Bump life, I was just the dumb girl who thought we'd have a lot of sex and *poof* there would be a baby. Never ever expected to be anticipating IVF.

taschro · May 2011

We did not talk about it prior to marriage. We did talk about it before TTC. We both feel that if one of us is IF, we probably will not pursue any sort of treatments. I've always felt strongly about adoption in case of IF, so we would probably heavily consider that first.

Of course, our thinking might change if we were to ever find out we were IF. I worry about it more than DH, but we figure we will cross that bridge once we get to it.

Mrs.Slick · May 2011

Yes but that's only because I only got periods like 3 or 4 times a year so I knew things were "off" with me. There were also some reasons for us to talk about this from his end (balls issue and family history). Then before we got married I was dx with PCOS. So yea, we talked about it but still assumed that children would be possible for us. More recently we have talked about the possibility of adoption someday if we can't have biological children.

Katie829 · May 2011

I always suspected it would take longer for us. We also talked about adoption, which DH is against.

siple1am · May 2011

Yea we discussed it but only because I have endo and that was a possibility for me. I wanted him to know what he was getting into, but like a gentleman he said he would love me no matter what and we would get the family of our dreams one way or another. Yes, I am very lucky, and I am very thankful for my DH!

Geauxmama11 · May 2011

We did talk about it, briefly, I definitely thought about it more as we got older & had been together for several years. We have not used any form of bc for many years & relied solely on pulling out or just avoiding sex during the middle of my cycle. Never once did we have an actual oops. After getting married 5 years ago, we decide not to avoid....but DH still pulled out on a regular basis. We used to say that if it didn't "just happen"...we would adopt. The older we got, the less comfortable I became with that idea. We are now (thankfully) on the same page. Much to my excitement, my b/w, hsg & DH's sa were all normal! Hoping our time comes sooner than later!

Mattel · May 2011

We both knew from the very beginning that having children very important to both of us. and it did come up. My sister and my mom have both had reproductive issues so I knew it was possible. For as long as I can remember I have had a desire to adopt, so DH knew that even if we do have bio children, I will probably want to adopt as well and DH is on board.

nursemama2be · May 2011

We briefly talked about it and knew we would pursue whatever we could afford to have a baby. Luckily our insurance has covered everything so far and we seem to be able to get pregnant on our own. Now just to stay pregnant.

RNsteph09 · May 2011

No, we didn't talk about it prior to marriage.. We really didn't have the discussion until things didn't seem to be working out... but luckily we are open to a lot of the options.. Smile

amor_eterno · May 2011

We kind of talked about it but we wanted to marry each other anyway. We were both open to IUI, IVF but we're split on adoption. DH would be ok adopting, where I don't think it's something I want to do. I always knew we'd have some kind of trouble getting pregnant, and I was right.

Mrs.Umm · May 2011

Yes. We we're both older, and to be honest, it worried me that after 2 years with my ex we never even had a 'scare'.

We discussed fostering/adoption before we even discussed ttc.

Bees Everywhere · May 2011

We didn't really talk about IF but we discussed adoption. I've always been really interested in considering adoption anyway and DH agreed.

RumbleLina · May 2011

We didn't discuss it until after i was diagnosed with endometriosis. We both agreed that we would do whatever we needed to do as long as were financially and emotionally able.

AnoraStar · May 2011

Yes we did. We got married in a Catholic church and we had to do 'marriage prep' classes. We talked about it in detail actually. DH hated that we had to go to those classes but I'm glad we did. I don't think we would have brought it up on our own.

UK2ME · May 2011

I had a miscarriage ten years ago and DH had an "oops" pregnancy with a girlfriend twenty-odd years prior, so we had at least discussed fertility if not IF specifically.

Now that DH is turning 41 and we both have an assortment of health issues, we should probably discuss it again... but we haven't yet. This is only cycle #1, so I don't want to frighten him too much right out of the gate.

mepclu · May 2011

Yep. We talked about it. I don't exactly remember what prompted it -- but we talked about it and discussed adoption and fostering as well.

When we talked about how to grow our family; we realized we would do whatever we could within our means that feels right at the time. The great non-decision decision.

lilmrsT86 · May 2011

We didn't talk about it. I suppose being clueless had something to do with it, because we always thought it would happen right away. How wrong we were. We have discussed things now to a point (obviously) but not adoption yet.

tigerhearted · May 2011

I don't think we did specifically in regards to IF, but we'd talked about wanting to adopt someday. Adoption is something we'd like to do regardless of whether we can have our own or not, and it's our first choice if a couple rounds of IUI don't get us anywhere (if we wind up having fertility issues).

Want a personalized experience?

Poll: Did you talk about the possibility of IF?

Re: Poll: Did you talk about the possibility of IF?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards