I just got a text from my Ex......(weight gain related) Vent...

Crystal318 · May 2011

A little background:

Ex and I were together for over five years. We were taking some space (initiated by me) and I ended up dating my current FI. I got pregnant pretty quickly and of course I broke things off with Ex completely. He was devastated.

He texts me to say hi every once in a great while (FI knows about this).

I ran into Ex's roommate a couple weeks ago while I was with LO.

The text from my Ex that I just got is asking me to stop by his work (a local restuarant) just so he can see me and say hi (admittedly, he is still not over me). My text back to him (I am very sarcastic) says something to the affect of "I dont think that is a good idea but trust me, I dont think you would want to see me anyways, didnt Roomate tell you I blew up?" (I was kinda joking around but its true that I did gain a lot of weight since Ex and I were together). Ex responds back and and says "YES, Roomate did said that you got a big, but I dont care"

I am bothered by the fact that I have gained weight but it just sucks to hear that other people are actually talking about it!!! I love to be the topic of a FAT conversation..NOT! Now I am even more depressed about it then I was before! Crying

I said "Well, did he at least tell you how cute LO is - at least that would make up for it" and he said "No, he just told me about you (how fat I got)" Great. That makes me feel fantastic!

VENT over.

Thanks.

[Deleted User] · May 2011

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Deleted User] · May 2011

The user and all related content has been deleted.

hermione76 · May 2011

Meh! I would not worry as long as you FI still loves you and thinks you look great! Who cares what you ex thinks?

MissNikki007 · May 2011

t watley:
I hate to be an asshoIe but you probably could've saved yourself some hurt by simply responding "I'm not coming to see you because that is inappropriate and I'm engaged to be married." instead trying to fish for compliments.

Sorry OP, but this was my initial reaction as well.

KoalaBear103 · May 2011

While his reply sucks and I understand that you are hurt by it, I think you should stop texting him. I don't think it's a good idea to remain close to an ex like that.

That chapter of your life is closed, so don't keep reopening it. If he texts you, simply don't reply. You have a baby now and a FI, you don't need to care what he thinks about your weight!

hopkins5 · May 2011

He didn't really go out of his way to tell you you're fat. You basically told him you're fat and he agreed. It's not nice but I think you could've skipped the entire conversation with him altogether.

Sweeti7307 · May 2011

MissNikki007:
t watley:
I hate to be an asshoIe but you probably could've saved yourself some hurt by simply responding "I'm not coming to see you because that is inappropriate and I'm engaged to be married." instead trying to fish for compliments.
Sorry OP, but this was my initial reaction as well.

.

Yea it was kind of inadvertently asking "did your roommate tell you I gained weight?". Kind of should have seen that coming.

MrsQueale · May 2011

t watley:
I hate to be an asshoIe but you probably could've saved yourself some hurt by simply responding "I'm not coming to see you because that is inappropriate and I'm engaged to be married." instead trying to fish for compliments.

Ya... I would not have set myself up like that.

It sucks he was an a$$ and admitted it though.

AshtonMain · May 2011

I had all the same feelings as the previous posters, but to address your main concern, that sucks. It does suck to be the topic of fat conversation. Been there and it hurts.

daronsmommy · May 2011

Nothing good will come from staying in touch with an ex who still has feelings for you. Your FI may say he's okay with you talking to him but my guess would be, he's not.

Kara5109 · May 2011

Yeah, that really sucks. But, it would probably be best to cut him out of your life. That can't be a good idea with him still having feelings for you.

Crystal318 · May 2011

MissNikki007:
t watley:
I hate to be an asshoIe but you probably could've saved yourself some hurt by simply responding "I'm not coming to see you because that is inappropriate and I'm engaged to be married." instead trying to fish for compliments.
Sorry OP, but this was my initial reaction as well.

#1 - I told him that wasnt a good idea. He knows my stance on all that.

#2 - I was definitley not fishing for compliments - I know I'm fat. I wasnt expecting him to say "oh yeah, roomate say you look great with 30 extra pounds on you!"

#3 (this is a reply to a different poster) I do know that my FI loves me even if I gained 100 pounds but no matter what it still sucks to hear that people are talking about you weight gain! I would be just as upset if my great grandmother was having the same conversation. I dont care SPECIFICALLY about what ex thinks.

jessie395 · May 2011

hopkins5:
He didn't really go out of his way to tell you you're fat. You basically told him you're fat and he agreed. It's not nice but I think you could've skipped the entire conversation with him altogether.

Fishing for a compliment=FAIL.

You really need to quit talking to your ex so much. Close the door and move on.

KoalaBear103 · May 2011

Crystal318:

#1 - I told him that wasnt a good idea. He knows my stance on all that.

Then just don't reply to him. Eventually he will stop and let you live your life

Crystal318 · May 2011

OMG people....I didnt say that I text him and asked me to meet him out back so we could have wild, passionate sex!!! I simply responded to his text with a sarcastic comment.

Trust me, my focus is 100% om my LO and FI. I dont think the 30 seconds it took for us to have that conversation, took away from that!

MissNikki007 · May 2011

Crystal318:

MissNikki007:
t watley:
I hate to be an asshoIe but you probably could've saved yourself some hurt by simply responding "I'm not coming to see you because that is inappropriate and I'm engaged to be married." instead trying to fish for compliments.
Sorry OP, but this was my initial reaction as well.

#1 - I told him that wasnt a good idea. He knows my stance on all that.

#2 - I was definitley not fishing for compliments - I know I'm fat. I wasnt expecting him to say "oh yeah, roomate say you look great with 30 extra pounds on you!"

#3 (this is a reply to a different poster) I do know that my FI loves me even if I gained 100 pounds but no matter what it still sucks to hear that people are talking about you weight gain! I would be just as upset if my great grandmother was having the same conversation. I dont care SPECIFICALLY about what ex thinks.

Really? Because I'm pretty sure you were expecting him to say, "No, he said you look great!", or you wouldn't be so hurt/shocked.

MissNikki007 · May 2011

Crystal318:

OMG people....I didnt say that I text him and asked me to meet him out back so we could have wild, passionate sex!!! I simply responded to his text with a sarcastic comment.

Trust me, my focus is 100% om my LO and FI. I dont think the 30 seconds it took for us to have that conversation, took away from that!

How old are you? I'm not being snarky-I'm being serious.

Kara5109 · May 2011

Crystal318:
OMG people....I didnt say that I text him and asked me to meet him out back so we could have wild, passionate sex!!! I simply responded to his text with a sarcastic comment.

Trust me, my focus is 100% om my LO and FI. I dont think the 30 seconds it took for us to have that conversation, took away from that!

I guess I just don't understand why you would bring up your weight if you're sensitive about it.

Crystal318 · May 2011

MissNikki007:
Crystal318:

MissNikki007:
t watley:
I hate to be an asshoIe but you probably could've saved yourself some hurt by simply responding "I'm not coming to see you because that is inappropriate and I'm engaged to be married." instead trying to fish for compliments.
Sorry OP, but this was my initial reaction as well.

#1 - I told him that wasnt a good idea. He knows my stance on all that.

#2 - I was definitley not fishing for compliments - I know I'm fat. I wasnt expecting him to say "oh yeah, roomate say you look great with 30 extra pounds on you!"

#3 (this is a reply to a different poster) I do know that my FI loves me even if I gained 100 pounds but no matter what it still sucks to hear that people are talking about you weight gain! I would be just as upset if my great grandmother was having the same conversation. I dont care SPECIFICALLY about what ex thinks.

Really? Because I'm pretty sure you were expecting him to say, "No, he said you look great!", or you wouldn't be so hurt/shocked.

I know I'm fat and it sucks. Like I said, if my great grandmother had said it, it would still hurt. I just sucks is all I'm saying. Maybe I just care too much about what people think - stranger, ex, FI, family member, LO, co-worker and especially myself - If anyone of them had been talking about it, it would hurt my feelings.

Obviouslly you dont get the point.

MrsG NC · May 2011

Kara5109:
Crystal318:
OMG people....I didnt say that I text him and asked me to meet him out back so we could have wild, passionate sex!!! I simply responded to his text with a sarcastic comment.
Trust me, my focus is 100% om my LO and FI. I dont think the 30 seconds it took for us to have that conversation, took away from that!
I guess I just don't understand why you would bring up your weight if you're sensitive about it.

This. That seems like an odd thing to bring up randomly in a conversation. Especially if you were going to get your feelings hurt by his response. IMO you left that door wide open.

J+MS · May 2011

Crystal318:
MissNikki007:
Crystal318:

MissNikki007:
t watley:
I hate to be an asshoIe but you probably could've saved yourself some hurt by simply responding "I'm not coming to see you because that is inappropriate and I'm engaged to be married." instead trying to fish for compliments.
Sorry OP, but this was my initial reaction as well.

#1 - I told him that wasnt a good idea. He knows my stance on all that.

#2 - I was definitley not fishing for compliments - I know I'm fat. I wasnt expecting him to say "oh yeah, roomate say you look great with 30 extra pounds on you!"

#3 (this is a reply to a different poster) I do know that my FI loves me even if I gained 100 pounds but no matter what it still sucks to hear that people are talking about you weight gain! I would be just as upset if my great grandmother was having the same conversation. I dont care SPECIFICALLY about what ex thinks.

Really? Because I'm pretty sure you were expecting him to say, "No, he said you look great!", or you wouldn't be so hurt/shocked.

I know I'm fat and it sucks. Like I said, if my great grandmother had said it, it would still hurt. I just sucks is all I'm saying. Maybe I just care too much about what people think - stranger, ex, FI, family member, LO, co-worker and especially myself - If anyone of them had been talking about it, it would hurt my feelings.

Obviouslly you dont get the point.

LOL

Crystal318 · May 2011

MissNikki007:
Crystal318:

OMG people....I didnt say that I text him and asked me to meet him out back so we could have wild, passionate sex!!! I simply responded to his text with a sarcastic comment.

Trust me, my focus is 100% om my LO and FI. I dont think the 30 seconds it took for us to have that conversation, took away from that!

How old are you? I'm not being snarky-I'm being serious.

I'm almost thirty and I have my Sh*t together - independent, college grad, full time job, own my house, my car, etc. I guess I am just too nice to people - that has actually always been my problem. My mother still talks to her ex from when she was in high school. She is 58 years old. He is married with three kids and she is married with two. No one in my family has ever cheated/had an affair, etc.

I am friends with my ex from high school/college too...I texted his wife to say Happy Mother's Day. She is a new mom too. Shoot me!

Crystal318 · May 2011

heckysue:
Crystal318:
MissNikki007:
Crystal318:

OMG people....I didnt say that I text him and asked me to meet him out back so we could have wild, passionate sex!!! I simply responded to his text with a sarcastic comment.

Trust me, my focus is 100% om my LO and FI. I dont think the 30 seconds it took for us to have that conversation, took away from that!

How old are you? I'm not being snarky-I'm being serious.

I'm almost thirty and I have my Sh*t together - independent, college grad, full time job, own my house, my car, etc. I guess I am just too nice to people - that has actually always been my problem. My mother still talks to her ex from when she was in high school. She is 58 years old. He is married with three kids and she is married with two. No one in my family has ever cheated/had an affair, etc.

I am friends with my ex from high school/college too...I texted his wife to say Happy Mother's Day. She is a new mom too. Shoot me!

NOt judging if that works for you and your DH but I think this is weird under most circumstances. And if I was the exes' wife I would probably think it was more weird.

Well her and I have a lot in common. First of all they live 1000 miles away from me. Secondly, when my son was born he was really sick and almost didnt make it. My Ex and his wife had twins a month later born at 25 weeks and they almost didnt make it. He prayed for me and my LO and I prayed for him and his LOs. We would text each other and check in on each other LO's. I dont see anything wrong with that. Just because you dont mesh well with someone on a romantic level, does not mean that you cant be friends. I think most of your thought processes are very shallow - no offense.

Rach7170 · May 2011

t watley:
It's pretty shitty to break a man's heart by leaving him in the dust and making a baby with a different man. It's even more shitty to maintain contact with that man when he clearly still has feelings for you. I'm all for being friends with exes, but it is really inappropriate in this case.

And based on this story alone, I'm having a hard time thinking that you're "just too nice".

ITA. I think you trying to be nice is actually really hurtful to yuor ex. You shouldn't be friends with any ex that still has feelings for you or vise versa, it doesn't matter how much history there is. It just causes hurt and pain.

I am not friends with my ex even though we were friends since we were 12, there are still feelings there and it just isn't appropriate.

Crystal318 · May 2011

t watley:
It's pretty shitty to break a man's heart by leaving him in the dust and making a baby with a different man. It's even more shitty to maintain contact with that man when he clearly still has feelings for you. I'm all for being friends with exes, but it is really inappropriate in this case.

And based on this story alone, I'm having a hard time thinking that you're "just too nice".

You're right, I am a total f*cking ***.

And I am sure that all of you have NEVER engaged in any sexual activity before getting married. I am sure that there was never a moment in any or your lives where you could have gotten pregnant and it wasnt planned.

I got pregnant. I had the baby. I wouldnt change it for the world. He was the best thing that ever happend to me.

Now if I could just lose some weight...which was the entire intention of this post. Damn you ladies are cranky!

J+MS · May 2011

heckysue:
Crystal318:
heckysue:
Crystal318:
MissNikki007:
Crystal318:

OMG people....I didnt say that I text him and asked me to meet him out back so we could have wild, passionate sex!!! I simply responded to his text with a sarcastic comment.

Trust me, my focus is 100% om my LO and FI. I dont think the 30 seconds it took for us to have that conversation, took away from that!

How old are you? I'm not being snarky-I'm being serious.

I'm almost thirty and I have my Sh*t together - independent, college grad, full time job, own my house, my car, etc. I guess I am just too nice to people - that has actually always been my problem. My mother still talks to her ex from when she was in high school. She is 58 years old. He is married with three kids and she is married with two. No one in my family has ever cheated/had an affair, etc.

I am friends with my ex from high school/college too...I texted his wife to say Happy Mother's Day. She is a new mom too. Shoot me!

NOt judging if that works for you and your DH but I think this is weird under most circumstances. And if I was the exes' wife I would probably think it was more weird.

Well her and I have a lot in common. First of all they live 1000 miles away from me. Secondly, when my son was born he was really sick and almost didnt make it. My Ex and his wife had twins a month later born at 25 weeks and they almost didnt make it. He prayed for me and my LO and I prayed for him and his LOs. We would text each other and check in on each other LO's. I dont see anything wrong with that. Just because you dont mesh well with someone on a romantic level, does not mean that you cant be friends. I think most of your thought processes are very shallow - no offense.

Really? Because you've been around TB all of five minutes to know "most of" my thought processes? I'd say whether they like me or not there are plenty of laides on here who will tell you that that's not the case.
I can see why you would connect with someone in similar circumstances to you. I get that...which is why I said "under most circumstances." There are exceptions.

FTR, I adore hecky.

and you can't be friends with this dude, especially once you're married.

Crystal318 · May 2011

heckysue:
Crystal318:
heckysue:
Crystal318:
MissNikki007:
Crystal318:

OMG people....I didnt say that I text him and asked me to meet him out back so we could have wild, passionate sex!!! I simply responded to his text with a sarcastic comment.

Trust me, my focus is 100% om my LO and FI. I dont think the 30 seconds it took for us to have that conversation, took away from that!

How old are you? I'm not being snarky-I'm being serious.

I'm almost thirty and I have my Sh*t together - independent, college grad, full time job, own my house, my car, etc. I guess I am just too nice to people - that has actually always been my problem. My mother still talks to her ex from when she was in high school. She is 58 years old. He is married with three kids and she is married with two. No one in my family has ever cheated/had an affair, etc.

I am friends with my ex from high school/college too...I texted his wife to say Happy Mother's Day. She is a new mom too. Shoot me!

NOt judging if that works for you and your DH but I think this is weird under most circumstances. And if I was the exes' wife I would probably think it was more weird.

Well her and I have a lot in common. First of all they live 1000 miles away from me. Secondly, when my son was born he was really sick and almost didnt make it. My Ex and his wife had twins a month later born at 25 weeks and they almost didnt make it. He prayed for me and my LO and I prayed for him and his LOs. We would text each other and check in on each other LO's. I dont see anything wrong with that. Just because you dont mesh well with someone on a romantic level, does not mean that you cant be friends. I think most of your thought processes are very shallow - no offense.

Really? Because you've been around TB all of five minutes to know "most of" my thought processes? I'd say whether they like me or not there are plenty of laides on here who will tell you that that's not the case.
I can see why you would connect with someone in similar circumstances to you. I get that...which is why I said "under most circumstances." There are exceptions.

Sorry, I guess I should have worded that differently. I did not mean YOU. I mean most of the posters on the bump. Not all. But most. At least from what I have seen.

PS - I have been on here for over a year.

KoalaBear103 · May 2011

If you can be friends with an ex and it works for you and your SO, that's your perogotive. In my case, I want nothing to do with the skeezebucketslimeballloser so no, we are not friends.

However knowingly continuing a relationship (even as "friends") when the other person still has romantic feelings is unacceptable. It's not about being "too nice" it's just plain mean and not appropriate.

I do not think that my way of thinking is shallow at all-my ex is my ex for a reason and I have no reason to keep him in any prat of my life. I can say with 99% certainty that if he texted me saying anything about my weight I wouldnt care (this coming from the Queen of self esteem issues). I don't care what he thinks because he is my exboyfriend.

Disclaimer: I've been up since 1am with a sick child-if this rant is riddled with spelling errors and/or makes no sense, I apologize.

CinemaGoddess · May 2011

Crystal318:

t watley:
It's pretty shitty to break a man's heart by leaving him in the dust and making a baby with a different man. It's even more shitty to maintain contact with that man when he clearly still has feelings for you. I'm all for being friends with exes, but it is really inappropriate in this case.

And based on this story alone, I'm having a hard time thinking that you're "just too nice".

You're right, I am a total f*cking ***.

And I am sure that all of you have NEVER engaged in any sexual activity before getting married. I am sure that there was never a moment in any or your lives where you could have gotten pregnant and it wasnt planned.

I got pregnant. I had the baby. I wouldnt change it for the world. He was the best thing that ever happend to me.

Now if I could just lose some weight...which was the entire intention of this post. Damn you ladies are cranky!

We really need CathyMD's "the point" / "you" diagram here.

Also

Crystal318 · May 2011

amy052006:
Crystal318:

t watley:
It's pretty shitty to break a man's heart by leaving him in the dust and making a baby with a different man. It's even more shitty to maintain contact with that man when he clearly still has feelings for you. I'm all for being friends with exes, but it is really inappropriate in this case.

And based on this story alone, I'm having a hard time thinking that you're "just too nice".

You're right, I am a total f*cking ***.

And I am sure that all of you have NEVER engaged in any sexual activity before getting married. I am sure that there was never a moment in any or your lives where you could have gotten pregnant and it wasnt planned.

I got pregnant. I had the baby. I wouldnt change it for the world. He was the best thing that ever happend to me.

Now if I could just lose some weight...which was the entire intention of this post. Damn you ladies are cranky!

I can say with 100% certainty that 1) I always practiced safe sex until I was TTC and 2) no, I didn't screw another guy while "on a break" from my boyfriend.

I never said, I didnt practice safe sex. Actually, I always do. Condoms Break. People get pregnant.

And FYI - I am not a whore. I know that is what half of you are thinking. I have been with three people in my life. One I was with for six years, the next five and the next two.

VABride2008 · May 2011

DD in 5...4....3...2....??

CinemaGoddess · May 2011

VABride2008:
DD in 5...4....3...2....??

But she hasn't said she feels sorry for our husbands and the inevitable GBCB.

She's already graced us with "YOU DON'T KNOW MY LYFE!"

racegrrl714 · May 2011

Rach7170:
t watley:
It's pretty shitty to break a man's heart by leaving him in the dust and making a baby with a different man. It's even more shitty to maintain contact with that man when he clearly still has feelings for you. I'm all for being friends with exes, but it is really inappropriate in this case.

And based on this story alone, I'm having a hard time thinking that you're "just too nice".
ITA. I think you trying to be nice is actually really hurtful to yuor ex. You shouldn't be friends with any ex that still has feelings for you or vise versa, it doesn't matter how much history there is. It just causes hurt and pain.
I am not friends with my ex even though we were friends since we were 12, there are still feelings there and it just isn't appropriate.

i totally agree with rach. take it from someone who used to be on the other side. i was strung along for years by someone i also thought to be my best friend. it didnt turn out pretty.

[Deleted User] · May 2011

The user and all related content has been deleted.

MissNikki007 · May 2011

For CG:

monkiem · May 2011

t watley:
I hate to be an asshoIe but you probably could've saved yourself some hurt by simply responding "I'm not coming to see you because that is inappropriate and I'm engaged to be married." instead trying to fish for compliments.

This.

MrsG NC · May 2011

SookieFrackhouse68:
Kill the motor, dude. No one said you were a whore. I think what everyone is trying to say is that if the guy has feelings for you, you probably shouldn't be in contact with him, for the sake of his feelings and also because that's not appropriate when you are in a relationship with your FI. That's all.

This.

Also, did you not say earlier that he has a wife? If he has a wife, yet he still has feelings for you that makes this 10x more inappropriate.

nikki368 · May 2011

Crystal318:
Well her and I have a lot in common. First of all they live 1000 miles away from me. Secondly, when my son was born he was really sick and almost didnt make it. My Ex and his wife had twins a month later born at 25 weeks and they almost didnt make it. He prayed for me and my LO and I prayed for him and his LOs. We would text each other and check in on each other LO's. I dont see anything wrong with that. Just because you dont mesh well with someone on a romantic level, does not mean that you cant be friends. I think most of your thought processes are very shallow - no offense.

Actually, you're the one with the shallow thought processes. You are concerned over your feelings because of the weight comment that you brought up, but you don't seemed to be too concerned about your ex's feelings.

ETA: No offense.

Kara5109 · May 2011

SookieFrackhouse68:
Kill the motor, dude. No one said you were a whore. I think what everyone is trying to say is that if the guy has feelings for you, you probably shouldn't be in contact with him, for the sake of his feelings and also because that's not appropriate when you are in a relationship with your FI. That's all.

For real.

HappyDaze12 · May 2011

SookieFrackhouse68:
Kill the motor, dude. No one said you were a whore. I think what everyone is trying to say is that if the guy has feelings for you, you probably shouldn't be in contact with him, for the sake of his feelings and also because that's not appropriate when you are in a relationship with your FI. That's all.

Late to the party but all of this = what I was going to say.

Pump the brakes girlfriend.