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was I rude to the pg barista?

carrieandtimcarrieandtim member
in TTC After a Loss

I was at Starbucks yesterday and there was a pregnant barista making my husband's drink that I ordered after I was there with a friend for an hour.  

We did the common "how are you doing" chit-chat and she asked if I already was there not that long ago.  Continue more small chit-chat and she said, "My husband loves free drinks too.  His boss actually likes it more when he takes him the free pound of whole bean coffee I give to him for working here.  He freaked out last week since I didn't get the coffee for him.  I got tea for myself instead because I'm pregnant."  Uhhh, yeah.  I see that.

I said "Congratulations.  When are you due?"  

She said, "September.  But I can't BELIEVE I have to suffer all summer long being pregnant."

"At least you are pregnant."  I said. *gasp*  It was like someone crazy came out and I didn't even hesitate or consider that I shouldn't say that.  

She asked me if I had kids and I straight up said, "Interesting you should ask.  I've had two miscarriages recently." 

Then she said she had one after her DS and before this pg.  Thank heavens...I think she totally understand my statement.  I still feel bad though.

Married my best friend ~ May 31, 2008
Adopted our furbaby Kona ~ January 17, 2010
Trying to grow our family ~ June 2010

1st BFP 7.6.10 ~ EDD 3.15.11 ~ mmc 8.6.10 ~ d&c 8.11.10
2nd BFP 11.4.10 ~ EDD 7.15.11 ~ HB 6w3d ~ No HB 7w ~ mmc 12.8.10 ~ d&c 12.9.10
3rd BFP 7.12.11 ~ EDD 3.22.12 ~ HB 6w5d 124 bpm ~ Team Green ~ SHE STUCK!
4th BFP 6.20.13 ~ EDD 3.1.14 ~ HB 7w5d 153 bpm ~ A/S revealed due date possibly 2.23
*~*~*~*EXPECT MIRACLES*~*~*~*
Praying for peace in God's ultimate plan ~ "Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10


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Re: was I rude to the pg barista?

  • ECHC829ECHC829

    I'm sorry you had an awkward moment.... I don't think it's necessarily rude, miscarriages are taboo because people refuse to talk about them/acknowledge them publicly.  I think if people were more open, it wouldn't be such a "shock" thing to say, kwim??   Plus, I find as soon as you start talking about your own (like what happened to you) others open up about their own or others they know - we found out so many of our friends/family losses after we experienced our own....

    I think as long as you weren't "mean" to her for being pregnant you weren't being rude, you were being honest.... it's commendable Smile


    BFP#1 11.2.10 | EDD 7.9.11 | HB 7w2d & 8w4d | missed M/C 11w2d | D&E 12.21.10
    FSH at 14.5 - 4.21.11 | CCCT - (CD3 8.8,CD10 12.2)| dx w/ DOR @ 28 yrs old
    IUI#1 + clomid 8.29.11 (our anniversary)
    BFP#2 9.10.11 | EDD 5.21.12 | beta 1 @ 14dpi:232 | beta 2 @17dpi:703 | beta 3 @24dpi:7,174
    Baby A HB of 142(7w), 161(8w), 164(9w) | Baby B no HB, Vanishing Twin
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  • butterfly843butterfly843

    I don't think you were being rude. I wouldn't have even asked her when she was due.

    Jenn

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    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

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  • ambs21ambs21 member
    It's not rude, and I'm sure she understood.  Sounds like she needed a reminder to be thankful.  I wish people (including myself) were more open publicly about miscarriage so that it wasn't such a taboo subject.  It shouldn't be.  People need to have some awareness and compassion.  Good for you for being honest with your feelings.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but I think you handled it well.  Big hugs!
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  • celinegcelineg

    You were not rude at all, I might have said the same thing after hearing someone complain about being pregnant. Kuddos to you for sharing about your losses, and I'm glad she shared about hers too.

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  • momtoboomomtoboo
    I don't think you were rude and I think she understood. Those moments happen so I hope you didn't feel bad for too long. ((hugs))
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  • thewayiamthewayiam
    I don't think you were rude at all. There's nothing rude about saying you've had miscarriages. The "at least you are pregnant" thing is an honest comeback considering her complaining. I can't believe she'd complain about being pregnant through the summer, after suffering a loss?! Anyway, I'm sorry you had to deal with the situation but you shouldn't feel bad.
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  • xnbridexnbride member

    imagemomtoboo:
    I don't think you were rude and I think she understood. Those moments happen so I hope you didn't feel bad for too long. ((hugs))

    this!

     

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  • Missa_gMissa_g member
    imageambs21:
    It's not rude, and I'm sure she understood.  Sounds like she needed a reminder to be thankful.  I wish people (including myself) were more open publicly about miscarriage so that it wasn't such a taboo subject.  It shouldn't be.  People need to have some awareness and compassion.  Good for you for being honest with your feelings.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but I think you handled it well.  Big hugs!
    I totally agree! *hug* I think you handled yourself very well, and were very polite considering the circumstances.
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    BFP #2 Medicated cycle, twin boys born 4/4/12 at 29w4d
    BFP #3 EDD 8/8/14, D&C for missed miscarriage at 8w, baby boy with triploidy
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  • EM0704EM0704 member
    I don't think you were being rude. I probably would have said, "GOOD FOR YOU." Embarrassed
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  • morkmork member

    imageambs21:
    It's not rude, and I'm sure she understood.  Sounds like she needed a reminder to be thankful.  I wish people (including myself) were more open publicly about miscarriage so that it wasn't such a taboo subject.  It shouldn't be.  People need to have some awareness and compassion.  Good for you for being honest with your feelings.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but I think you handled it well.  Big hugs!

    Like many PPs, I agree with this!

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  • millejj1millejj1 member
    I don't think it was rude. She asked and you were honest. Unless you had a bitchy tone about it you're fine.
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  • erikaja6erikaja6 member

    imageambs21:
    It's not rude, and I'm sure she understood.  Sounds like she needed a reminder to be thankful.  I wish people (including myself) were more open publicly about miscarriage so that it wasn't such a taboo subject.  It shouldn't be.  People need to have some awareness and compassion.  Good for you for being honest with your feelings.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but I think you handled it well.  Big hugs!

    This!

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  • LilMaggsLilMaggs member
    imageEHayes1183:

    I'm sorry you had an awkward moment.... I don't think it's necessarily rude, miscarriages are taboo because people refuse to talk about them/acknowledge them publicly.  I think if people were more open, it wouldn't be such a "shock" thing to say, kwim??   Plus, I find as soon as you start talking about your own (like what happened to you) others open up about their own or others they know - we found out so many of our friends/family losses after we experienced our own....

    I think as long as you weren't "mean" to her for being pregnant you weren't being rude, you were being honest.... it's commendable Smile

     Exactly this! 

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  • LoriJ11LoriJ11
    I don't think it's rude since you explained a little bit of why you thought she was not "suffering" through the summer. Then it all makes sense. Maybe now she will be happy that she gets the opportunity to "suffer" through the summer!
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  • BarooGirlBarooGirl member

    imageMissa_g:
    imageambs21:
    It's not rude, and I'm sure she understood.  Sounds like she needed a reminder to be thankful.  I wish people (including myself) were more open publicly about miscarriage so that it wasn't such a taboo subject.  It shouldn't be.  People need to have some awareness and compassion.  Good for you for being honest with your feelings.  I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but I think you handled it well.  Big hugs!
    I totally agree! *hug* I think you handled yourself very well, and were very polite considering the circumstances.

    All of this.

    I think you were brave in your response. Sorry you had to go through that though.

    BFP #1- 11/7/10 ~EDD 7/20/11 ~M/C (bo) 12/6/10 @ 8wks ~Missing my Little Firework

    BFP #2- 9/11/11 ~EDD 5/25/12 ~M/C (mmc10w)11/4/11 @ 11wks ~Missing my May Flower

    BFP #3- 02/21/12 ~EDD 11/1/12  Audrey Lee Born 11/4/2012

    BFP #4 ~EDD 6/20/14 stick baby stick!

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  • MrsRiceARoniMrsRiceARoni member
    Sorry hun! Like you said she probably understand since she has experienced loss as well
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