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Trying to Get Pregnant
are we really ready?
My DH and i have been married for 11 months now, and have been together
for almost 8 years! I am only 21 and still have another year left of
school, but DH is 23 and done with school and is working full time. We
have enough money to support us and should be fine supporting a baby as
well. i'm so ready to have a baby, but DH would like to wait to pay off
my student loans, which could take years, depending on how good of a job
i get out of school! i can't imagine waiting that long! i know i seem
young, but i feel as if we are ready for a baby! how do we know if we
should wait till loans are paid off or to start now!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: are we really ready?
If you wait for the perfect time to have a baby you'll never have one. Do what you and DH both think is best for your family.
I was 19 years old when DH and I had DD1...age really doesn't matter. As long as you both love eachother and can financially & emotionally support your child.
I don't know, are you?
Maybe you should talk to YH instead of asking a board of internet strangers.
Sorry, but I have to disagree with this. No matter how much you think you are "ready" in your teens, you can't be. Brains aren't fully formed for good decision making until your mid-20's. Not to say kids rasied by teen parents can't turn out well, or that some teen parents don't do a good job. But age certainly IS a factor you should consider.
That's pretty bold.
Not really, its science. Humans brains are not fully prepared to handle adult jobs in their teens. Also, read what I wrote under that sentence.
I don't think that because your H isn't ready today won't mean he won't be ready tomorrow. It just needs to be something that you both discuss and keep open communication about, esp. if it is important to you.
My DH has been so back and forth about us having a baby, but I think he just gets scared when we say we are TTC vs. 'just letting it happen'. He wants a baby so badly, but he had a rough childhood with his folks and is so worried about being a good father. At the end of the day we just have to communicate, and if someone is/isn't on the same page anymore in the future than we have to agree to TTC or not based on that.
Everyone is different, so the best source to get an answer will be your H. I know that is not the answer you want, it can be really hard to sometimes when you both aren't on the same page, but just be honest with him and communicate how you are feeling.
CD3 & 7DPO B/W Normal except TSH - Low
Dx Autoimmune Thyroid Disease - 8/2011
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha, I'm pretty sure you can.
It may not be ideal, but come on! It happens, and it doesnt always turn out to be the train wreck that '16 & Pregnant' depicts.
Keyourtnee - I'll say it again, please read what I wrote on the very next sentence of that response. But it's good that you can pick out words to suit your point.
And if anyone can show me a teen couple who is financially stable, not living paycheck to paycheck without credit cards, and ready to be parents, and who don't have a trust fund or help from their parents, please let me know. Cause I haven't met one yet.
Oh, I read it all. I chose to respond to your point that made me laugh at your ignorance. And, most (adult) Americans are living paycheck to paycheck WITH credit cards.
Stop reading statistics and venture out into the real world!
Teenage pregnancies for alllllllll!!!!!!!
You should sit down & talk to YH, because there is a chance that it's NOT just paying off loans that's making him want to wait. It could run deeper than that. That is something you need to discuss with him. Being financially ready is one thing. Being emotionally ready is another. GL!
EDD 07/29/2017
Haha, no snarky-ness at all!
Of course not, and like I said, it is definately not the ideal situation. If anything, I have learned from it and will do everything I can so that my daughter doesn't have to go through what I did growing up so fast. Im not advocating teen pregnancy in any way. Im saying that such broad statements are ignorant. Its like saying "I don't know of any honest lawyers, so all lawyers are filthy, lying, thieves"
Not really fair, is it?
ETA - Obviously meant to quote LegalPawn
Just because people do, doesn't mean it's a good idea. The real world is full of train wrecks...a lot of them got married, had children at an early age and ended up divorced and wondering what the hell happened to their lives.
"Teen pregnancy is 100% preventable."
Women have been having babies in their teen years for thousands of years. In fact, it used to be the norm. I just read an article today that said that more than 25% of unplanned pregnancies between married couples are aborted. Now take the statistic for what it's worth but it certainly says something about ANY couple's ability to parent. Age can certainly play a factor in one's ability to parent but that's doesn't mean that age can make someone incapable of parenting as your post suggests.
Aside from all that, didn't the OP say she is 21 and therefore not a teen??
article : https://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/gpr/12/2/gpr120213.html
I TOTALLY agree. Thinking and problem-solving processes in the brain of a 24 year old compared to even a 26 year old can differ like night and day. A few years of learning, and growing make the world of difference. At 24 and younger, it SEEMS like you know what's best for yourself, and you've got the world figured out, but you are still developing thinking patterns, personality and learning who you are. Making lifelong decisions during this time isn't ideal...although it doesn't mean the decisions will be regretted or wrong.
Age is a factor.
BFP #2 - 3/2/13 * DS1 - BORN ON EDD - 11/13/13
BFP #3 - 11/7/14 * DS2 - BORN ON EDD - 07/21/15
January 2012 Blog
Whoa. Wait a minute. I am 23(22 when I got PG) so technically you are saying that I was not ready to have my child or make the best decision. Or, according to you, I don't know what IS best for myself which would then correlate to not knowing what is best for my family. I have been through more life experiences then most people who are in the 50's have been so way to lump everyone into one category and not take their life experience into consideration.
Maybe I need to make myself more clear...
My first post was in response to someone who said that age doesn't really matter (or something that effect) when planning a family, which is clearly not true. Age is a HUGE factor when planning a family.
Second, the OP was talking about being READY to have a child. A teen (or young adult) who gets pregnant on accident and then steps up to the plate and does their job in being a parent is very, very different than being ready to be a parent. Being ready means planning, taking time to be thoughtful about you choices before you TTC, and getting your affairs in order. It also means having conversations about parenting styles, money, etc with your partner or support system. Getting pregnant at a young age and then doing what you are supposed to do for a child is quite another thing.
Third, I would hardly say that what I said was the same as putting all people in one group (like your lawyer example). What I said was merely that young adults and teens do not have the same thought process when it comes to judgement and foresight because of the differences in their brains.
It seems you got confused and got offended because you were a teen mom once. I'm sorry you took that personally, but I stand by my words. Age matters.
My post didn't suggest that. I said specifically that some young parents do a good job....holy he!! is it Tuesday already??
Just because you said that some teen parents can do a good job doesn't negate the fact that you said that young people CAN'T BE READY. That is what you said, correct? I understand that you're saying that age matters. I agree. But you're making it seem like young people CAN'T BE READY... because, well, that's what you said.
Did you really miss her whole explination? We aren't talking about their ability to parent after the fact we are talking about their preparedness prior to even getting pregnant.
I did understand her explanation. We'll just have to agree to disagree. There are many young women under 25 (as she did say mid-20s) who can make a decision to get pregnant and be a successful parent. There are also many older women who make the decision to get pregnant and are not successful parents. Perhaps that part of the brain that's not fully developed has to so with some other kind of decision making...