Success after IF

Horrible NT scan results (long)

We went for our NT scan on Saturday and it was absolutely horrible.  The ultrasound was so bad the doctor didn't even bother with the blood test.  The measurement was 6.6mm, but in addition to that there is swelling around the baby's entire body.  The doctor said there is a good chance the baby will die in the next few weeks, but it may not.  He said it could be chromosomal, a heart defect, or a drainage problem.  We are scheduled for a CVS tomorrow, which I swore I would never do, but I just can't not know what's going on.  I never even planned to do the NT scan, but our perinatologist talked us into it and we decided it would give us a little more confidence before sharing our news with everone. 

I haven't felt good about this pregnancy from the beginning.  Our first ultrasound measured 2 weeks behind where I thought it should be, but no one else seemed very concerned especially once they noticed I had a tilted uterus.  Our second ultrasound moved us ahead by a week so I started to think things might be ok.  I don't even know what to think or do right now.

I feel horrible thinking this, but in a way I think I would prefer this baby die on it's on in the next few weeks before I start feeling it kick.  I don't think I could ever terminate, but I don't know how I could continue carrying a baby until it is born knowing it will never live.  The doctor said with results like ours it is unlikely the baby will survive.  Of course, there is still a chance that things could end up somewhat normal if the swelling goes away, but he didn't sound very optimistic when telling us that.  It's getting pretty tough to hide my pregnancy so I know I'm going to start getting comments from people and I don't know what to say or how to keep myself composed when talking to them.  I already talked to my boss and plan to work from home for a few weeks so I can avoid dealing with everyone in my office, but there are things like daycare as well.  I know my son's teachers are going to notice I'm pregnant and I don't know how to respond without breaking down if they were ever to bring it up.

It also sucks because I was told I can't pick my son up for 5 days after the CVS.  He doesn't even walk yet so and isn't going to understand when I don't pick him up when he reaches for me.  I wish we could get through this without affecting him at all, it's just not fair to him.

I know there are so many people that have it worse than us and I don't know how so many of you handle it.  I feel like everything is falling apart, but I try to keep remembering that we are so lucky in what we do have.

It took 3 1/2 long years, but we finally got our little miracle!
IVF #1 - BFP (6dt)
Unassisted Pregnancy #2 - lost at 15w6d due to T21, severe heart defects, and fetal hydrops

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Re: Horrible NT scan results (long)

  • Oh honey....I am in tears just reading this. I am so so so sorry. I really hope the CVS gives you some answers and you can find some peace with whatever you decide. You are in my thoughts and prayers. (((huge hugs)))
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  • Oh no :( I'm so so sorry!! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as this resolves itself. ((((hugs))))
  • CBLCBL member
    I'm so sorry.  This is heartbreaking for you. 
  • I am so, so sorry.  I hope you get some answers from your CVS.  ((Hugs))
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  • I'm so sorry you are going through this. T&P to you and your family.

    TTC since 6/2003. m/c 9/14/03 8 weeks, 5 chemical pregnancies, mmc 6/04 12 weeks, Michael born sleeping 5/25/05 at 22weeks always our angel, fought ovarian cancer and won, m/c 4/06 5.2 weeks and 7/07 6.6 weeks,Our Miracle baby girl born 4/8/10,mc 12/18/11 at 5.3 weeks, BFP 10/26/12 dating u/s on 11/8/12 showing a strong heartbeat!EDD July 4,2013. RCS on 6/27. Baby boy in NICU for 8 long and scary days before he was able to come home. We are now a happy family of 4

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  • I am so sorry you are going through this. ((hugs))
    A lot of years and a million tears finally led me to you.
    After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
    My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
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  • I'm so so sorry to hear this. I remember when you first told us about your pregnancy (@ the NOVA gtg) you were apprehensive. I was really praying that everything would turn out fine. I have no advice, but I am hoping & praying that the CVS results give you some peace of mind & that everything will be okay/you guys will be able to make a decision that you can eventually be comfortable & @ peace with. I'm so sorry - sending lots of hugs & T&P your way.
  • I am so sorry you have to go through this.  Hang in there and know that you have support here. 
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    "When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame

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  • I am so sorry you are going through this.
  • I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • I am so sorry and will pray for better results from the CVS test (and that the swelling resides).
  • I'm so, so sorry. ((HUGS))
  • CMM05CMM05 member

    I am so very sorry......it is all so unfair.

    I hope you get some answers from the CVS.

    (((HUGS))) 

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  • I am so so sorry ((BIG HUGS))
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  • I'm so sorry. I hope you get answers quickly. Don't stress about not being able to pick up your DS, just have him come to you or sit on the floor and cuddle, etc.  That is easy to get around (I was the same way after I had surgery while pg with DS and I couldn't lift DD for 2 weeks).
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  • I am so sorry you are going through this.  I hope you get some clear answers soon. 
  • I am just so sorry.  I hope against hope that you get good news with further testing.  And if not, I hope you somehow find some peace.  My heart just breaks for you.  I'm sorry.
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    TTC since March '06
    MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
    3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
    IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
    IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
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  • there are no words. I'll try with "I'm sorry" and such, but this just hurts my heart you have to go through this.

    I know of at least one gal that carried a terminal pregnancy full term, and has a blog. Let me know if you need/want that info. (she's an active Bumpie).

    I can relate in a tiny little way - we lost a pregnancy at about 10 weeks, and ends up the baby had Trisomy 13. While it's easy to say what I would or wouldn't have done AFTER the baby already decided it for us, I did feel some sense of relief that WE didn't have to make any decisions. I've always been thankful (is that the right word?) in the fact *I* believe our baby made the choice for us, so we didn't have to.

    You have support in us, I hope you feel that. Regardless what path this journey takes you.

     

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  • I'm so very sorry you're going through this, I wish there was something better I could say than that. Thinking of you and we are here whenever you need us.
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  • How devastating...I am so very sorry. You will be in my thoughts. We are all here for you...
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker TTC since Dec '04 Severe MFI-diagnosed 12/06 3 failed Fresh IVFs FET #1 - BFP!! 2 blasts tx on day 6. Beta #1 8dp6dt = 56, Beta #2 = 600, Beta #3 = 5600 My Blog Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I'm so very sorry.  I know the feeling all too well.  I hope the CVS results give you the answers you need.  FWIW, the day after my CVS I was carrying dd around because she was only 10-months-old and she couldn't walk.  I will keep your family in my prayers.

    If you want to talk please e-mail me laura.dan05@gmail.com


    Clomid M/C 8 weeks 2/08 *IVF #1-DD born 3/09
    *Surprise BFP-T18 baby lost at 13w 1/10 *FET #1-DS born 2/11
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  • i am so very sorry to hear this, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • I'm so, so sorry. My heart is breaking for you. Please let me know if there's anything I can do, or if you ever need any help with DS...you know I'm always here and we'd love to play with him so you can get some rest or do whatever you need to do.
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  • My heart aches for you.  I'll be thinking of you over these next few weeks and I know that we are all here to offer support and love no matter what happens and what you decide.  

    I am so sorry.  

     

  • My heart breaks for you. Prayers for some peace for you during this time.
  • I'm so sorry.
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  • I am so sorry you are going through this.  My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
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  • I am so so sorry.

    ((((Hugs)))

     

  • I am so, so sorry to read this.  My thoughts are with you and your DH at this difficult time.
  • I am so, so sorry that this is happening to you.  I pray that you find peace in whatever decisions that you need to make in the following weeks.  There is nothing fair about this at all and I know your heart must ache so very much.
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  • epphdepphd member

    wed, I'm so, so sorry.  I've been there almost exactly. Please feel free to PM me. The CVS wasn't too bad for me and the restrictions weren't as onerous as you're facing, so definitely ask questions - I had only to limit picking Sam up for ~48 hours.  (((hugs)))

    also, sending you a PM.

     

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    I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
  • i am so sorry, i cant even imagine what your going through.. you will be in my prayers
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    TTC since 2005
    missed miscarriage nov 2006- 4 failed clomid cycles-
    3 failed femara iui cycles-
    moving on to IVF oct 2011
    ER nov. 7th
    tansfered 2 blasts on 11/10
    lots of +hpt!!
    beta #1 on 11/21= 50.4
    beta #2 on11/23= 90.8
    another miscarriage 12/23
    moving on to Round 2 of IVF with an auto immune dx
    ER 4/23-retrieved 12 eggs
    ET 4/28 3 transfered
    Beta #1- 356
    Beta #2- 870

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  • I am so very sorry to hear this devastating news.  I will hope for a miracle!  But if it doesn't come to pass, then I wish you peace throughout this difficult journey.
    Childhood cancer (DH) + chemo + radiation = 0 sperm.
    LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
    LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
    Life is beautiful!

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  • I'm so sorry.  Lots of hugs and prayers.
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  • I am just so sorry.  Praying for you and hoping for a miracle.  (((HUGS)))
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  • Oh my, I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  My thoughts are with you. 
  • I am so sorry. ((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))

    After 5 years of TTC, 3 IUIs, 5 IVFs, 2 FETs, multiple losses and an adoption that wasn
  • Sending T&P's your way.
  • I am so very sorry.  I feel like you need something to come over you to give you peace.  You are such a strong woman, you will get through this.  No one should be asking you regarding your pregnancy and really you don't need to explain to anyone.  If anyone is to ask you can reply with a stock answer that you are comfortable with "there are complications that I would rather not discuss".  This is between your family and your faith so please do not worry yourself with trivial things such as other people getting into your business.  Your son will want you to take care of you, so do just that.  This isn't about being fair - as this is not fair to you.    My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Hang in there and hold onto hope; I hope for peace for you. 

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