so many gender dissappointment posts

islandgirl79 · April 2011

Why do people put so much pressure on the gender issue? You have absolutely no control over it. Before you have your gender u/s you have absolutely no real proof that the gender will be one or the other.

I would encourage those who don't know yet to get the fantasy of boy/girl out of your head and just be content with being pregnant.

And who really cares about planes, trains, barbies, and tutus??? This argument is immature and silly.

kimandjared · April 2011

I haven't been on too much lately to see what you are talking about, but I agree with what you are saying 100%. Be happy you are pregnant with a healthy baby. You know how many girls would love to be in your situation?? Once that baby comes every ounce of disappointment will disappear.

amyegunnip · April 2011

Amen sister Yes

Ms.Hodge · April 2011

Agreed. I am also, tired of other people tell me what they want me to have. I have no control over the gender.

Ceridwen21 · April 2011

I haven't seen the posts your referring to, but I think that everyone is entitled to feel a little sad about wanting a boy and having a girl (or vice versa). Tutus, Barbies and trucks may not be a big deal to you, but to others it is, and I'd say especially so for those of us who are only planning on having one.

Yes, we all want healthy babies, but it's ok to have a preference and be a bit sad if it doesn't come out the way you had hoped. It doesn't mean they love their babies any less.

jetskreemr · April 2011

Ceridwen21:
I haven't seen the posts your referring to, but I think that everyone is entitled to feel a little sad about wanting a boy and having a girl (or vice versa). Tutus, Barbies and trucks may not be a big deal to you, but to others it is, and I'd say especially so for those of us who are only planning on having one.

Yes, we all want healthy babies, but it's ok to have a preference and be a bit sad if it doesn't come out the way you had hoped. It doesn't mean they love their babies any less.

I agree with this. Just because you don't feel gender disappointment doesn't mean that others don't. (And FWIW, I was OK with either one too, doesn't mean I don't understand that some people have a preference, and it's *OK* to have a preference!)

lmjt · April 2011

I will be disappointed for a minute if this one is a boy. I already have a boy, and would like to have one of each, and this is it for me. I will love a boy of course, but I will be sad for a bit that I won't get to have a daughter in my life.

mallorynelson · April 2011

I do agree with you that everyone should be happy they were able to get pregnant when so many women can not get pregnant and could care less about a boy or a girl. However, I do not think that any woman who posts about gender disappointment is no longer happy about being pregnant. I think being slightly disappointed in the gender happens more often than people realize.

I wanted a boy first and am lucky enough to be having a boy. If it was a girl would I have been disappointed? Maybe a little. Would I still have been happy I was pregnant? Absolutely!

That being said, I think we should let people be honest about their feelings and not judge them for it.

sunandsurfmama · April 2011

Agreed. I don't even open these posts.

CCinLove · April 2011

I don't get it either. It's easy for us to be Team Green because it doesn't matter one way or the other. I have too many friends who know they were born only because their parents wanted a boy. It's hurtful.

NeverEnoughTime · April 2011

She DD'd it. I didn't get ot read it. Just the usual?

12bailey18 · April 2011

lmjt:
I will be disappointed for a minute if this one is a boy. I already have a boy, and would like to have one of each, and this is it for me. I will love a boy of course, but I will be sad for a bit that I won't get to have a daughter in my life.

This exactly. I can completely understand if you're not having any more kids and you'd like to have a different gender. I think that's completely normal and justified.

bellethebride · April 2011

I completely agree. I currently have a boy and think, if I have a girl that would be great for me and DH to experience both but if I have a boy, my DS has a brother to pal around with! The saying, "it really doesn't matter, I just want a healthy baby" is completely true for me.

I can understand people having preferences but really don't get the disappointment. I read loss posts (and had a 12 week loss myself) that break my heart and I feel blessed to have a healthy baby.

CCinLove · April 2011

And I disagree that it's okay to have a preference to the point that you're disappointed. What if you never have your gender of choice? Are your children second best. You have no control over this, so why get invested? I don't plan to treat my girls and boys differently, so the truck vs tutu argument is irrelevant. Your boy or girl might not fit the mold you imagine.

kellie7 · April 2011

i was thinking i was having a boy (based on absolutely nothing). i just thought it was a boy. so did DH. we found out yesterday we're having a girl. we're not disappointed. we were so focused on all these boy things, that we really didn't think about girl stuff. i just pictured myself with a little boy. now, it is weird to think of all the girl stuff because i've been focusing on boys names and bedding, and those things. either way, boy or girl, i don't think there's anything to be disappointed about. if i never have a boy, i will be a little sad, but i am so excited to get to have my own family at all. these fur-babies just aren't cutting it.

Annabelle81 · April 2011

Thank you! I don't get it. Don't people realize the chance is 50/50, despite what you really, really, really want to have? Do people decide to have a child because they only want a son or a daughter?

SunMoon&Stars · April 2011

Thank you for this post! I am so tired of people asking me which gender I want.....I want to reply "seriously?"

desmerelda317 · April 2011

mallorynelson:
I do agree with you that everyone should be happy they were able to get pregnant when so many women can not get pregnant and could care less about a boy or a girl. However, I do not think that any woman who posts about gender disappointment is no longer happy about being pregnant. I think being slightly disappointed in the gender happens more often than people realize.
I wanted a boy first and am lucky enough to be having a boy. If it was a girl would I have been disappointed? Maybe a little. Would I still have been happy I was pregnant? Absolutely!
That being said, I think we should let people be honest about their feelings and not judge them for it.

I get what you're saying. Having a preference isn't a big deal. Feeling slightly sad for an hour, maybe even a day or two, I can understand. But a post was written today about a woman who was sobbing so hard she decided to sleep on the couch so as not to wake her husband. She said she's severely depressed over not having a girl - that's taking it a bit far! She was clearly overly invested in the idea of having a girl, and that isn't healthy when you have absolutely no control over whether you're having a boy or girl.

Gummybear · April 2011

I think there are a lot of people in this world who are used to getting exactly what they want when they want. There are a lot of spoiled people in the world who were indulged by their parents or whoever for their entire life.

The sex of your baby is one of the only things in life where we have absolutely no control (short of gender selection) and these people (the ones who cry and are depressed and whine and act like their life is over, not the ones who are momentarily bummed), have never been told no, or maybe next time, or sorry it wasn't what you wanted. So when they get a dose of reality, they can't handle it.

fraglette · April 2011

desmerelda317:
mallorynelson:
I do agree with you that everyone should be happy they were able to get pregnant when so many women can not get pregnant and could care less about a boy or a girl. However, I do not think that any woman who posts about gender disappointment is no longer happy about being pregnant. I think being slightly disappointed in the gender happens more often than people realize.
I wanted a boy first and am lucky enough to be having a boy. If it was a girl would I have been disappointed? Maybe a little. Would I still have been happy I was pregnant? Absolutely!
That being said, I think we should let people be honest about their feelings and not judge them for it.
I think this is indicative of a greater problem than gender disappointment. I think it goes above and beyond the moment of "aww shucks" that some people feel which is what I would consider "disappointment." At that stage, it's more like "gender depression."
I get what you're saying. Having a preference isn't a big deal. Feeling slightly sad for an hour, maybe even a day or two, I can understand. But a post was written today about a woman who was sobbing so hard she decided to sleep on the couch so as not to wake her husband. She said she's severely depressed over not having a girl - that's taking it a bit far! She was clearly overly invested in the idea of having a girl, and that isn't healthy when you have absolutely no control over whether you're having a boy or girl.

islandgirl79 · April 2011

bellethebride:
I completely agree. I currently have a boy and think, if I have a girl that would be great for me and DH to experience both but if I have a boy, my DS has a brother to pal around with! The saying, "it really doesn't matter, I just want a healthy baby" is completely true for me.
I can understand people having preferences but really don't get the disappointment. I read loss posts (and had a 12 week loss myself) that break my heart and I feel blessed to have a healthy baby.

I feel the same way. I would love to have a daughter but another boy would be awesome too (nevermind easier and cheaper!). I just can't get worked up about it because it is done, and I had no control over it.

I just get annoyed by the whole "I wanted a girl to dress her in pink and I don't know how to play with trucks and GI JOes!" attitude. You could end up with a girl that hates pink, a boy that wants to do ballet or whatever.

sarahleigh23 · April 2011

lmjt:
I will be disappointed for a minute if this one is a boy. I already have a boy, and would like to have one of each, and this is it for me. I will love a boy of course, but I will be sad for a bit that I won't get to have a daughter in my life.

All of this

MouseInLux · April 2011

This is why I'm team green. I can't change if the baby is a boy or a girl, and I don't care about plains, trains or barbies and tutus so why stress it.

islandgirl79 · April 2011

desmerelda317:
mallorynelson:
I do agree with you that everyone should be happy they were able to get pregnant when so many women can not get pregnant and could care less about a boy or a girl. However, I do not think that any woman who posts about gender disappointment is no longer happy about being pregnant. I think being slightly disappointed in the gender happens more often than people realize.
I wanted a boy first and am lucky enough to be having a boy. If it was a girl would I have been disappointed? Maybe a little. Would I still have been happy I was pregnant? Absolutely!
That being said, I think we should let people be honest about their feelings and not judge them for it.
I get what you're saying. Having a preference isn't a big deal. Feeling slightly sad for an hour, maybe even a day or two, I can understand. But a post was written today about a woman who was sobbing so hard she decided to sleep on the couch so as not to wake her husband. She said she's severely depressed over not having a girl - that's taking it a bit far! She was clearly overly invested in the idea of having a girl, and that isn't healthy when you have absolutely no control over whether you're having a boy or girl.

This is more what I was talking about. I think have feelings about gender is normal but there are posts on here about severe disappointment. Like the sobbing that is mentioned above.

Lilrdmandy · April 2011

I have a son, and I am sort of hoping this one is a girl, because I would love to have one of each at least. DH is hoping for a boy since we already have boy stuff. I would like DS to have a brother too so either way I'll be happy.

That said, if I find out this baby is a boy I couldn't bring myself to being upset because then it would be like I wasn't happy for that baby.

It was almost like that mom was saying she doesn't love her baby anymore because its not the gender she wanted.

lovelyophelia · April 2011

Lilrdmandy:
I have a son, and I am sort of hoping this one is a girl, because I would love to have one of each at least. DH is hoping for a boy since we already have boy stuff. I would like DS to have a brother too so either way I'll be happy.
That said, if I find out this baby is a boy I couldn't bring myself to being upset because then it would be like I wasn't happy for that baby.
It was almost like that mom was saying she doesn't love her baby anymore because its not the gender she wanted.

Exactly. And we are still undecided about if we want to try for baby #3. So, there may be another chance for a girl. I don't understand gender disappointment with your first child if you intend to have more.

jheideman · April 2011

desmerelda317:
mallorynelson:
I do agree with you that everyone should be happy they were able to get pregnant when so many women can not get pregnant and could care less about a boy or a girl. However, I do not think that any woman who posts about gender disappointment is no longer happy about being pregnant. I think being slightly disappointed in the gender happens more often than people realize.
I wanted a boy first and am lucky enough to be having a boy. If it was a girl would I have been disappointed? Maybe a little. Would I still have been happy I was pregnant? Absolutely!
That being said, I think we should let people be honest about their feelings and not judge them for it.
I get what you're saying. Having a preference isn't a big deal. Feeling slightly sad for an hour, maybe even a day or two, I can understand. But a post was written today about a woman who was sobbing so hard she decided to sleep on the couch so as not to wake her husband. She said she's severely depressed over not having a girl - that's taking it a bit far! She was clearly overly invested in the idea of having a girl, and that isn't healthy when you have absolutely no control over whether you're having a boy or girl.

Oh good grief! I did not see that post, but that is terrible!

itsmevkb · April 2011

I responded to one of these posts the other day and it was harsh but honestly I just can't help it. I'm so tired of women getting pregnant and then saying how hurt they feel or disappointed they or their husbands are because they aren't getting exactly what they want. Even worse is when they say "of course we just want a healthy baby BUT." Nope, sorry, there is no but allowed in that sentence. If you are disappointed about the sex of your baby then having a healthy baby really isn't the only thing that mattered.

I think if you're so spoiled that you aren't going to be able to deal with not getting exactly what you want you should choose adoption where you get to pick the sex.

I can honestly say the sex of my babies never mattered to me, either before or after my losses. I just hope these disappointed women never experience the sort of pain that comes from finding out your baby has died because the overwhelming guilt they would feel from not just being grateful for the wonderful gift they've been given would probably be unbearable.

melaniedel · April 2011

kimandjared:
I haven't been on too much lately to see what you are talking about, but I agree with what you are saying 100%. Be happy you are pregnant with a healthy baby. You know how many girls would love to be in your situation?? Once that baby comes every ounce of disappointment will disappear.

Agreed. Ya know, I can see a five second pause for adjustment or if you have a few of one sex, and kinda hoping for the other BUT I believe God chooses, and you are blessed to have either. There are so many pros about both so who cares!!!! They are part of YOU!!!

MrsGo4Hockeychick · April 2011

Gummybear:
I think there are a lot of people in this world who are used to getting exactly what they want when they want. There are a lot of spoiled people in the world who were indulged by their parents or whoever for their entire life.
The sex of your baby is one of the only things in life where we have absolutely no control (short of gender selection) and these people (the ones who cry and are depressed and whine and act like their life is over, not the ones who are momentarily bummed), have never been told no, or maybe next time, or sorry it wasn't what you wanted. So when they get a dose of reality, they can't handle it.

.

they're the 16 year old spoiled brats complaining because their brand new BMW is the wrong color.

shanna82 · April 2011

Yep, ITA. Gender disappointment makes me sick.

Lizard2022 · April 2011

Honestly, I had pretty bad gender disappointment when we found out DS was a boy. DH has two sons from his previous marriage who live with us full time and I really was hoping for a girl. I felt like everything we did together, wedding, getting pregnant, raising a child, was a first for me but a second for him, so a girl would finally be a first we could share together.

I think people should be able to be honest about their feelings. Its a valid emotional moment. Some people have different reasons for wanting a specific gender. Being able to express your disappointment and move on is different then crying on the couch for days or not loving your child anymore though. That is a little extreme.

LO2 was a bit of a surprise and we are hoping for a girl this time too, but I feel less anxious about it.

claar · April 2011

I think, for the most part, gender disappointment is fleeting for those who express it, and they express it on these boards because it's an appropriate, somewhat anonymous forum to vent about these inner frustrations. Personally, my baby's gender is the last thing on my mind: this is going to be my first, and I have been diagnosed with IC, so I just pray everyday that I make it to term with a healthy baby. Am I going to think that women disappointed with gender are frivolous? No, because it is a very real emotion for them...I don't think any woman is "proud" of this emotion, and they need somewhere to express it...

Just felt like waxing philosophical :-)

trytryagain · April 2011

Having triplets, I thought there would be a mix...finding out I was having 3 girls was a huge surprise....but not one that we were disappointed about in any stretch or form. Getting pregnant, was not an easy thing for us. we feel truly blessed that we are having 3 little girls! I have never understood people being upset or disappointed if they didn't get what they had hoped for. Boy or girl.. they are both bundles of joy!

dragon_chica · April 2011

I see way too many families continue to have kids in the hope of having that golden boy child. It makes me really sad for the daughters. With LO #1, we didn't care either way. We were just happy to be PG. With #2 DH has admitted to wanting a boy but after having DD he said he would still be ecstatic if we had another girl. I don't care either way. I try to look at it rationally. If we have a girl then no need for too many new clothes. Yay! If we have a boy then we have one of each and that's cool too.

Stellasmom · April 2011

Yeah, what gets me about a lot of them is that they're all disappointed because they won't get to shop for dresses, or put their kid in pee wee football, as if those are the quintessential experiences of parenting.

It's normal to feel a little disapointment, or maybe even shed a tear. It's not normal to allow oneself to get depressed about getting the "wrong" gender.

rvandiver0705 · April 2011

MrsGo4Hockeychick:
Gummybear:
I think there are a lot of people in this world who are used to getting exactly what they want when they want. There are a lot of spoiled people in the world who were indulged by their parents or whoever for their entire life.
The sex of your baby is one of the only things in life where we have absolutely no control (short of gender selection) and these people (the ones who cry and are depressed and whine and act like their life is over, not the ones who are momentarily bummed), have never been told no, or maybe next time, or sorry it wasn't what you wanted. So when they get a dose of reality, they can't handle it.
.
they're the 16 year old spoiled brats complaining because their brand new BMW is the wrong color.

I love this so much.

islandgirl79 · April 2011

Stellasmom:
Yeah, what gets me about a lot of them is that they're all disappointed because they won't get to shop for dresses, or put their kid in pee wee football, as if those are the quintessential experiences of parenting.

It's normal to feel a little disapointment, or maybe even shed a tear. It's not normal to allow oneself to get depressed about getting the "wrong" gender.

Exactly what I am talking about! That stuff doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things.

MrsGo4Hockeychick · April 2011

Stellasmom:
Yeah, what gets me about a lot of them is that they're all disappointed because they won't get to shop for dresses, or put their kid in pee wee football, as if those are the quintessential experiences of parenting.

my dad used to talk about being a little sad he never had a boy. For him it was more because our family name will die with him. He was the only boy, and since he had all girls, the name stops there.

He's said multiple times that while he was sad none of us were boys, he's glad he got over it quickly because not a single one of us was a girly girl. You couldn't pay me to wear a dress as a kid, the girliest thing I did was skate. If my mom bought me something pink, it would go back because I wouldn't wear it. I preferred GI Joe and hated barbie, as did my sisters. I would sit with him on the couch and cheer for the Packers and the North Stars and go out back and play football and baseball with him. He says that although none of us has a penis, he doesn't feel he missed out on the experience of raising a boy since all of us were big time tom boys.

leslie13510 · April 2011

Hi, I'm not pregnant, but the boards are slow today so I'm going to butt in here anyway. :P

For those of you reading this who are disappointed because you didn't get the sex you wanted... no fears, you can still live out your dreams! <-- That dreams part was mostly sarcasm in case that's not clear.

As proof, I offer up the fact that my daughter is currently running around the living room wearing a play tool belt, Diego snow boots, and a camo baseball cap, while "fixing" the "broken" toy trains that she lined up on the floor. While she is doing this, my son is walking around the playroom in some princess dress up shoes, while carrying a purse with two dolls in it, and singing "Under the Sea." They also will BOTH be starting a ballet class at the end of this month, will probably BOTH play t-ball or soccer when the time comes, and whatever else they want to do regardless of the typical gender stereotypes of that activity.

So the whole, "like ZOMG I'll never get to play dress up or be the parent at a little league game," reasons for having one sex over the other are pretty dumb, IMO.

dlast09 · April 2011

islandgirl79:
Why do people put so much pressure on the gender issue? You have absolutely no control over it. Before you have your gender u/s you have absolutely no real proof that the gender will be one or the other.
I would encourage those who don't know yet to get the fantasy of boy/girl out of your head and just be content with being pregnant.
And who really cares about planes, trains, barbies, and tutus??? This argument is immature and silly.

Can I get an AMEN Yes

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