September 2011 Moms

Gender preferences...

so Veronika's post below got me thinking...do people really have gender preferences and why? I understand that if you want one of each, and already have one child, why you might be pulling for the other gender.

But, if this is baby #1, why would someone have a gender preference? I just don't get it. Today, most things are pretty equal (careers, education, etc). So can someone explain to me why you would be pulling for one over another?

DH and I don't have a preference at all. And, people say to me all the time, well you really do but just don't want to say, which is not true at all. While I have a hunch this baby is a boy- I would not be disappointed at all if it is a girl.

I think this may be the last time I can get some truthful answers before all the reveals...do you have a gender preference? And, if so why? I just haven't heard a good reason yet- so I am hoping someone will enlighten me.



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Lilypie - (hfj2)
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Re: Gender preferences...

  • I'll be thrilled either way but I'd prefer a boy first.

    Girls run in both mine and DH's family and my husband is the last male in the family so it's up to us to have the little one carry on he family name LOL...We'd like to start out with a boy and get that out of the way.

    However, all the signs point to us having a little girl so we'll see :D

     

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  • Hey Lily!

    While I'd be happy, truly happy, with either, I do want a girl because I want my husband to be a dad to a girl. I think he'll be a great dad to either, but I grew up with a terrible dad and our relationship is just a mess. I have always coveted a healthy father-daughter relationship, and I guess I just want that for my kid. I know, if I were being born today, and I ended up with my DH as a dad- well, I'd be the luckiest girl in the world. And, after all our struggles conceiving, we don't know that we'll ever have this opportunity again, so if we had just one shot, this is what we'd wish for.

    Maybe it's me living vicariously or whatever, but I'm not planning to put my kid in pageants because I had dreams of being Miss America, you know what I mean? I think this wish for my kid is pretty harmless, and it really comes from a good place.

    But omigoodness, we'd have such fun if it is a boy too! He'll be a great dad no matter what, and I hope to be the best mom I can be- to a boy OR a girl.

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  • I want a girl because mine and DH?s families are both over run with boys! I would be just as happy with a boy but it sure would be nice to get to buy cute girly things I?m so over buying boys stuff! Smile
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  • first let me apologize for the lack of punctuation and capital letters. im posting from my phone

    i would really love to have a girl. this is not to say that if its a boy i would be disappointed in the least. but from childhood for some reason i have always wanted one. it has nothing to do with careers and status and all that being equal these days. either way i will be happy. but i have always pictured myself with a girl. 

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  • I honestly did not care with #1, but I knew I would have more kids so it didn't matter.  However, my DH wanted a son.  He couldn't or wouldn't vocalize why, and he knew he'd love a daughter, but he wanted a son.  

    Now with #2, I wanted another girl.  I wanted DD to have a sister, as my sisters are so important to me and some of my best friends.  I knew that just having a girl didn't necessarily guarantee that relationship, but it was what I envisioned and wanted for her.  However, that preference melted away upon hearing boy.

    As we sit with one of each, I am back to not caring about the sex for #3.  I don't feel it is as important for DD to have the sister, because what's not to say that DS won't have that type of relationship with his brother.  Not to mention my kids have a great sibling relationship and they're the opposite sex, so I realize my reasoning was kind of silly.

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  • I truly didn't have a preference either way, but I felt like we were having a girl. I was excited thinking about either one though. My husband wanted a boy, because he has two siblings but neither of them have or will ever have kids so it is up to him to carry on the family name, and he wants our kids to have an older brother and blah blah. But even still, he wasn't disappointed, he just had to get used to the idea of having a girl, not a boy.
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  • I say preference towards girl only because that is just what I instantly picture. Not sure why, just happens. DH has no preference and at the end of the day I really don't either. It's just that my mind goes towards girl automatically. It's silly really.

    Also with the exception of my niece it is ALL boys in the family so far.

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  • I'll absolutely be thrilled either way too, but I'd love to have a little girl! I guess just with my personality and relationship with my mom, I'd love to have that connection with my own daughter.  Not that I can't have a close relationship with a boy, but it's just "different" with a girl I feel like.  But, we'll see! No matter what, we just want a healthy, happy baby Big Smile
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  • I am hoping for a girl, in part because that is what I know.  I used to babysit full time from my home, and I watched two little girls.  We also had my cousin's little girl live with us for a few months when my cousin was going through a rough time in her life.  It was our first little taste of parenting (though I know it will be different with my own child), and my husband was just so great with her--and she had him wrapped around her finger. 

    And call me shallow, but I love the idea of doing girly things with my little girl, as opposed to all the mud and superheroes and typical boy stuff that little boys like to do.  Like previous pp, I will not be *disappointed* if we have a boy.  I will have to adjust my expectations, but I will absolutely love him, and not feel like I got cheated in any way.  For me, it's like chocolate and vanilla ice cream.  Given the choice, I will choose vanilla.  But chocolate is great too, and nothing to be unhappy about!

  • I have always, from little on, thought I'd have a boy first. It just seemed to me that's how it should be. I had a big brother (he was the oldest, followed by four girls!) and wanted any daughters I had to have a big brother.

    Our first is a girl, and even though I was convinced she was a boy, I was not disappointed at all in the end. As cliche as it sounds, I really was just thrilled to have a healthy baby.

    This time around, I have zero feelings as to whether this baby is a girl or a boy, and no preference, either. I would love DD to have a sister close in age, and to be able to use the boxes and boxes of adorable girl's clothes we have stored up. But DH would both like one of each. DH is on the fence about a third - if we have a boy, I think it will be easier to say we're done. If we have a girl, I think it will be easier to say let's have one more and see if we can have a boy or if we're just a girl factory Stick out tongue

    Mama to two sweet girls
    DD1 Feb 2010
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  • I know DH really wants a boy.  He's so excited at the thought of going to little league games, having a buddy to watch football with, it's a weird man thing.  Yes, he could do that with a daughter, but he wants a son.

    I have a little brother 10 years younger than me and I played a big role in raising him.  Because of that, I feel like I have experience with boys so I'm sort of leaning towards wanting a boy. 

    But I really really want a daughter at some point in my life. 

    So I'd truly take either but I feel pressure to provide my DH with a son so I do hope #1 is a boy.  Plus I like the idea of future children having a big brother in their lives.

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  • imageKuraks10:

    I'll be thrilled either way but I'd prefer a boy first.

    Girls run in both mine and DH's family and my husband is the last male in the family so it's up to us to have the little one carry on he family name LOL...We'd like to start out with a boy and get that out of the way.

    However, all the signs point to us having a little girl so we'll see :D

     

    We're in the same situation, too. I'm not sure how important it is to DH or his family for us to carry on the family name... guess we'll find out if we never have a boy!

    Mama to two sweet girls
    DD1 Feb 2010
    DD2 Sept 2011


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  • This is baby # 1 and I would be thrilled either way, but if someone twisted my arm I would say I have a preference towards a boy. Our reasoning is as follows: DH wants a boy because he is into hunting, fishing, and dirtbiking. Sure, a girl can do these things, but if she's anything like her very girly mommy, it won't be a priority like it would with a boy. I would like a boy first because I like the dynamic between DH and his younger sister. He looked out for her and protected her and they got along sooo well. I had a younger sister the exact same number of years apart and we fought like CRAZY! But really, our reasoning is pretty thin and we would be thrilled with either!
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  • Since we have a boy I would love a girl to have one of each. This will be the last baby for us so I think it would be fun. Also, both of our families have a large amount of boys, this would be the 1st girl on his side and 2nd on mine. Either way I of course will be so happy!!
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  • I havent had very good male experiences. I never got along with my brother when I was younger and my father (Dont even go there) ..

    I also have this fear that if I have a boy it'll end up like my brother he's a pretty messed up kid..Not even kidding.

    It's an irrational fear but its still there..Aside from that I always wanted a little girl, I'm not really sure why..

    DH really wants a boy this time (and last) he wants to do that male father son bonding..

  • With my first, I wanted a little girl.  1) because boys were rampant in the family 2) because I wanted a little girl to wrap daddy around her little finger before a boy came along and stole the show with playing sports and all the other boy stuff.  With #3, I really wanted another girl.  I just LOVE little girls!  They are so different than boys.  They are sensitive and gentle and like dressing up and playing dolls and all the typical girl things where my boy is all out 100% boy and as much as I love him, I have a really hard time connecting with him because I don't understand boy thinking.  I don't understand the just go go go full speed ahead, messy dirty, rough, play hard all day long mentality of a boy.  My husband claims he's just a boy and that's how boys are.  But there is such a huge difference between girls and boys that I personally love little girls and their softness and frills.  I do hope we're having another boy though.  Because as I said, I love my son.  Very much!  And I would love for him to have a brother to rough house and play with that doesn't whine about him being so rough all the time when he's just playing and being himself.  AND, I know hubby would love to have another boy.  :)

  • I would honestly be really sad if I never get to raise a boy. BUT I'm kind of leaning towards wanting this one to be a girl. This is only because I'm scared how I'll react emotionally to it being a boy so soon after losing our first son. I know it sounds silly, but I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to replace him. I know in my heart I want another boy, and I kind of have a feeling this one is a boy, so I know I will get through the emotional aspect. But I will be so thrilled to have a little sister for DD if it ends up being a girl too.

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  • imagejmg1029:

    Don't feel pressure...it's the husband that dictates it, so you can always blame him Smile

    Yes This works REALLY well..He blamed me for a girl said I jinxed it with DD but I always remind him that HE chose it.. I told him he better have had a good pep talk with his boys this time if he wants that boy!

    I just keep telling him he's a little lady maker ;)

  • imageMrsMVM:
    Oh yea, and you have a PM! :)

    Now you have one! :)

     



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    Lilypie - (hfj2)
  • Im hoping for a girl this time around but I would also love a boy - so it doesnt really matter...a small part of me wants a girl a little bit more. I am glad we had DS first, I have an older brother and it was always nice to have that older protective big brother who would do anything for me. I lost my Mom in September and she and I were very close, a part of me wants a girl so I have a daughter to have that kind of relationship with, I want to know what that mother - daughter connection is like with my own child. I will be thrilled either way, and DS having a little brother to pal around with would be nice too.
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  • i'm honestly ok with either genders, BUT feel a boy would benefit from me more...all i've ever babysat were little boys - i was a tom-boy myself and hate pink, played in the dirt, found bugs - i feel tho, that i could play just the same with a little girl, no reason she has to be treated more delicately!

    i know i could raise a daughter just as well - although i'd be lying if i said i wasn't intimidated probably just because i was never around a lot of little girls like i was boys

    my best friend is an ultrasound tech and she's gonna look tomorrow for us, see what she can see - i will be very happy with whatever she finds, just maybe a lil bit nervous about one over the other Wink

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  • I am not one of the ones who will be disappointed with a little girl, but I think both DH and I lean towards a boy.  I think we both just feel more comfortable raising a boy... not sure why though.  I have never been a girlie girl and the thought of dresses and hair bows doesn't get me excited.  I know in this day and age gender differences have become less of a prodominant issue, but a boy is what I lean towards.  That being said, a little healthy baby is all I truly ask for.
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  • I can definitely understand how people have gender preferences. I personally don't have a preference either way but I think some people just have an image in their mind of what motherhood will be like and what their baby will be.

    One thing I don't understand is the need for people to verbalize that they don't have a preference of sex and they just want a healthy baby. Don't we all just want healthy babies? It's like saying if you're hoping for a girl and don't say "Oh I don't have a preference, I just want a healthy baby" then you aren't hoping for a healthy baby. It just seems silly that people feel the need to say something so obvious. 

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  • I can't provide you with a good answer as to why I have a gender preference, can't help you there. But with that said, DH and I both prefer to have a boy first. I've always pictured myself with a boy when I was younger so it has stuck ever since. And DH's logic goes, "With a boy, I only have to worry about 1 d!ck. With a girl, I have to worry about everyone else's". I totally agree with him.
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  • I had a gender preference with #1 because I knew I would be raising her on my own, I had no idea what to do with a boy, luckily I had a girl because I was convinced (at that time) I wouldn't have wanted the boy, just because I wouldn't have known what to do with a boy.  Luckily I did have a girl, she's 10 now and I wouldn't change it for the world!! Now, I really really want a boy with this one, now that I've seen what drama little girls are capable of!!  Plus, DH wants a boy too, we already have a girl, we've decided 1 girl is enough!! Yes
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  • I'm happy with whatever gender comes first. However I've always dreamed of having a little girl first, I really don't know why. I know I'm excited about the playing dress up, combing her hair. 
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  • I honestly don't care either way. DH has a preference for a girl, he grew up really close to his sisters and has always had an easier time relating to girls than boys. Also SIL has two fantastic little boys, so he'd really like to have the first grand-daughter.

    I have a feeling that this one is a boy, don't know why. Just a feeling I have. 

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  • Both DH and I are hoping for a girl for a lot of reasons. They may be irrational and biased, but regardless they are reasons why we would prefer a girl.

    In my family and social circles, we are both very hard pressed to think of a boy that didn't go through a "bad" period in their upper teens/twenties. My brother especially, made my mom's life extremely hard for her for about 8 years until he finally got on his feet. My mom had such a hard time putting her foot down because he was her baby and he was the boy. I can see so much of myself in her, and I would hate to have to deal with the same thing and feel as helpless as she did. My nephews are following the same path, and I just feel so horrible for my sister who is about to go through the same stuff.

    My nieces on the other hand are little angels. Much like myself, my sisters, my mom and most of all of the girls we know were growing up. It totally has to do with what we've been exposed to in our lives, and as irrational as that is, that is why we are leaning towards wanting a girl.

    Again though, we wouldn't be looking for adoptive parents for a boy though. We would love him regardless just as much as we would love a girl. Don't know if I explained that very well, but I can totally see how someone would have a preference for one over the other. It all has to do with perspectives.

  • imagedawn3513:

    I can definitely understand how people have gender preferences. I personally don't have a preference either way but I think some people just have an image in their mind of what motherhood will be like and what their baby will be.

    One thing I don't understand is the need for people to verbalize that they don't have a preference of sex and they just want a healthy baby. Don't we all just want healthy babies? It's like saying if you're hoping for a girl and don't say "Oh I don't have a preference, I just want a healthy baby" then you aren't hoping for a healthy baby. It just seems silly that people feel the need to say something so obvious. 

    I hope you noticed that I didn't say this...lol :)

     



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    Lilypie - (hfj2)
  • When I was growing up and thought about having kids, I always wanted a boy first so that future children would have an older brother to look after them, in school, etc.

    Now that its really happening, I'm with you, I honestly have no real preference.

    I would like one of each, so it doesn't really matter which one comes first :)

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  • imagelily87:

    so Veronika's post below got me thinking...do people really have gender preferences and why? I understand that if you want one of each, and already have one child, why you might be pulling for the other gender.

    But, if this is baby #1, why would someone have a gender preference? I just don't get it. Today, most things are pretty equal (careers, education, etc). So can someone explain to me why you would be pulling for one over another?

    DH and I don't have a preference at all. And, people say to me all the time, well you really do but just don't want to say, which is not true at all. While I have a hunch this baby is a boy- I would not be disappointed at all if it is a girl.

    I think this may be the last time I can get some truthful answers before all the reveals...do you have a gender preference? And, if so why? I just haven't heard a good reason yet- so I am hoping someone will enlighten me.

     I should probably post this in Unpopular Opinion Thursday, because I am sooo going to get flamed for it, but, in all honesty, I am hoping it's a girl because I want to buy girly things for her.

     Sure, there are other reasons, like, I was the oldest of two girls and, well, actually, I honestly can't even think of a good reason that might save me.  Seriously.

     I sort of have my heart set on a girl (which is ridiculous and not a good idea, I know) and I will probably be very disappointed if I find out that I'm having a boy.

     That being said, however, I am so happy to be pregnant right now and, once I get over the inital shock if I find out I'm having a boy, I'm sure that I will be just as excited to start buying blue things and things with racecars on them, as well. 

     And, no matter what happens, boy or girl, my husband and I will love this baby so very, very much, that I'm sure, in the end, it doesn't really matter if it turns out to be an alien.  Although, that would be quite the shock, as well!  :)

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  • imagedawn3513:

    One thing I don't understand is the need for people to verbalize that they don't have a preference of sex and they just want a healthy baby. Don't we all just want healthy babies? It's like saying if you're hoping for a girl and don't say "Oh I don't have a preference, I just want a healthy baby" then you aren't hoping for a healthy baby. It just seems silly that people feel the need to say something so obvious. 

    I am one who says I don't have a preference as long as it's healthy. I don't say it because I think other people don't want a healthy baby - of course everyone does. I just honestly and truly do not have a preference beyond a healthy baby, and I don't see anything wrong with saying it. It may seem obvious, but it's how I feel, so if someone asks, why shouldn't I say it?

    Mama to two sweet girls
    DD1 Feb 2010
    DD2 Sept 2011


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  • When i was PG with DD, i really wanted her to be a boy but that was only because i wanted the whole ideal "big brother" for when i had my second

    but she was a girl (obviously) and I love her just the same but now i want a boy to have one of each.  If i get another girl, there may be a spark of disappointment but in the end we will all still be happy

  • I mentioned this in another post.  I had a gender preference with #1.  I wanted a boy.  I have never had a particularly good relationship with my father and I wanted a big brother growing up SO badly.  Truthfully, I was disappointed when I found out we were having a girl, but the disappointment was very fleeting and I got over it quickly.  I can't imagine my life any other way now, and DH is 1000x the father my dad ever was, which I knew he would be.

    This time, I still want a boy, because it'll be awhile before we have another baby after this, but I would also love for DD to have a little sister.  That's part of the reason we're not finding out this time. 

    Wife, mom, Ob/Gyn resident
    Sarah - 12/23/2008
    Alex - 9/30/2011

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    "I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
  • imagedawn3513:

    I can definitely understand how people have gender preferences. I personally don't have a preference either way but I think some people just have an image in their mind of what motherhood will be like and what their baby will be.

    One thing I don't understand is the need for people to verbalize that they don't have a preference of sex and they just want a healthy baby. Don't we all just want healthy babies? It's like saying if you're hoping for a girl and don't say "Oh I don't have a preference, I just want a healthy baby" then you aren't hoping for a healthy baby. It just seems silly that people feel the need to say something so obvious. 

    Spot on.

    I can't wait to hear someone say "Don't care if it's braindead, don't care if it's limbless, if it has a penis."

    Wife, mom, Ob/Gyn resident
    Sarah - 12/23/2008
    Alex - 9/30/2011

    image

    "I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
  •  Either way, I am a happy mom.  However, if you force it out of me, I will say girl.  Why?  I had a great relationship with my father as a child.  He was great.  He would keep me out of school a couple times per year just to spend time with me and take me places.  I was daddy's little girl.  However, when things started to sour when I was in high school, that person who I admired so much began to disappear.  I want a little girl to wrap DH around her finger like I was with my dad.  I want DH to experience daddy's little girl.  DH had a sister, but their father was never home; he would rather hunt/fish/whatever, so he never saw what a close father/daughter relationship was about.  DH acts nothing like his father and is all about this child.  However, I can also see DH with a little boy in the backyard throwing football/baseball, being a little league coach, family Christmas's where we all get 4wheelers, etc....I could so do all of that.  Either way, I am happy.  Although, DH is going to be a pain when decorating a little boy's nursery :)   
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  • I personally don't have a strong gender preference, but my DH does.  He has a daughter from his previous marriage and has always said he also wants a son.  We are having two at once that are identical and we are not sure if we are going to have any more after this (for a while at least).  Although according to my DH, if we are having girls then WE are going to try one more time for a boy ...yeah okay...we'll see...
  • I really wanted a DD this time around and was disappointed for about 5 minutes after I received the results of the CVS telling me about DS. Now I can't imagine it any other way I think it's safe to say we will all be happy with whatever we have:) As long as it's healthy...LOL!!
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  • Thanks for the answers ladies. I think some of them made me understand why people have the preferences that they do. While I have no preference, I have thought this baby was a boy since my 12 week u/s and will probably be surprised if it is a girl. If I had dreamed about one gender forever, I could see where someone might get disappointed. But, I also thought the comments on personal parental relationships were pretty interesting.

    My dad passed away 5 weeks before I was born, so I never had a father-daughter relationship. I have only seen my mom with kids of both genders. With my DH, my child has a dad which is a blessing in and of itself that I didn't have. So, some of these father-son daughter-daddy comments were really interesting and illuminating to me.



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