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September 2011 Moms
lily87
member
Gender preferences...
lily87
member
so Veronika's post below got me thinking...do people really have gender preferences and why? I understand that if you want one of each, and already have one child, why you might be pulling for the other gender.
But, if this is baby #1, why would someone have a gender preference? I just don't get it. Today, most things are pretty equal (careers, education, etc). So can someone explain to me why you would be pulling for one over another?
DH and I don't have a preference at all. And, people say to me all the time, well you really do but just don't want to say, which is not true at all. While I have a hunch this baby is a boy- I would not be disappointed at all if it is a girl.
I think this may be the last time I can get some truthful answers before all the reveals...do you have a gender preference? And, if so why? I just haven't heard a good reason yet- so I am hoping someone will enlighten me.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Gender preferences...
I'll be thrilled either way but I'd prefer a boy first.
Girls run in both mine and DH's family and my husband is the last male in the family so it's up to us to have the little one carry on he family name LOL...We'd like to start out with a boy and get that out of the way.
However, all the signs point to us having a little girl so we'll see
Hey Lily!
While I'd be happy, truly happy, with either, I do want a girl because I want my husband to be a dad to a girl. I think he'll be a great dad to either, but I grew up with a terrible dad and our relationship is just a mess. I have always coveted a healthy father-daughter relationship, and I guess I just want that for my kid. I know, if I were being born today, and I ended up with my DH as a dad- well, I'd be the luckiest girl in the world. And, after all our struggles conceiving, we don't know that we'll ever have this opportunity again, so if we had just one shot, this is what we'd wish for.
Maybe it's me living vicariously or whatever, but I'm not planning to put my kid in pageants because I had dreams of being Miss America, you know what I mean? I think this wish for my kid is pretty harmless, and it really comes from a good place.
But omigoodness, we'd have such fun if it is a boy too! He'll be a great dad no matter what, and I hope to be the best mom I can be- to a boy OR a girl.
first let me apologize for the lack of punctuation and capital letters. im posting from my phone
i would really love to have a girl. this is not to say that if its a boy i would be disappointed in the least. but from childhood for some reason i have always wanted one. it has nothing to do with careers and status and all that being equal these days. either way i will be happy. but i have always pictured myself with a girl.
I honestly did not care with #1, but I knew I would have more kids so it didn't matter. However, my DH wanted a son. He couldn't or wouldn't vocalize why, and he knew he'd love a daughter, but he wanted a son.
Now with #2, I wanted another girl. I wanted DD to have a sister, as my sisters are so important to me and some of my best friends. I knew that just having a girl didn't necessarily guarantee that relationship, but it was what I envisioned and wanted for her. However, that preference melted away upon hearing boy.
As we sit with one of each, I am back to not caring about the sex for #3. I don't feel it is as important for DD to have the sister, because what's not to say that DS won't have that type of relationship with his brother. Not to mention my kids have a great sibling relationship and they're the opposite sex, so I realize my reasoning was kind of silly.
www.homeofthehonakers.blogspot.com
I say preference towards girl only because that is just what I instantly picture. Not sure why, just happens. DH has no preference and at the end of the day I really don't either. It's just that my mind goes towards girl automatically. It's silly really.
Also with the exception of my niece it is ALL boys in the family so far.
I am hoping for a girl, in part because that is what I know. I used to babysit full time from my home, and I watched two little girls. We also had my cousin's little girl live with us for a few months when my cousin was going through a rough time in her life. It was our first little taste of parenting (though I know it will be different with my own child), and my husband was just so great with her--and she had him wrapped around her finger.
And call me shallow, but I love the idea of doing girly things with my little girl, as opposed to all the mud and superheroes and typical boy stuff that little boys like to do. Like previous pp, I will not be *disappointed* if we have a boy. I will have to adjust my expectations, but I will absolutely love him, and not feel like I got cheated in any way. For me, it's like chocolate and vanilla ice cream. Given the choice, I will choose vanilla. But chocolate is great too, and nothing to be unhappy about!
I have always, from little on, thought I'd have a boy first. It just seemed to me that's how it should be. I had a big brother (he was the oldest, followed by four girls!) and wanted any daughters I had to have a big brother.
Our first is a girl, and even though I was convinced she was a boy, I was not disappointed at all in the end. As cliche as it sounds, I really was just thrilled to have a healthy baby.
This time around, I have zero feelings as to whether this baby is a girl or a boy, and no preference, either. I would love DD to have a sister close in age, and to be able to use the boxes and boxes of adorable girl's clothes we have stored up. But DH would both like one of each. DH is on the fence about a third - if we have a boy, I think it will be easier to say we're done. If we have a girl, I think it will be easier to say let's have one more and see if we can have a boy or if we're just a girl factory
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
I know DH really wants a boy. He's so excited at the thought of going to little league games, having a buddy to watch football with, it's a weird man thing. Yes, he could do that with a daughter, but he wants a son.
I have a little brother 10 years younger than me and I played a big role in raising him. Because of that, I feel like I have experience with boys so I'm sort of leaning towards wanting a boy.
But I really really want a daughter at some point in my life.
So I'd truly take either but I feel pressure to provide my DH with a son so I do hope #1 is a boy. Plus I like the idea of future children having a big brother in their lives.
We're in the same situation, too. I'm not sure how important it is to DH or his family for us to carry on the family name... guess we'll find out if we never have a boy!
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
I havent had very good male experiences. I never got along with my brother when I was younger and my father (Dont even go there) ..
I also have this fear that if I have a boy it'll end up like my brother he's a pretty messed up kid..Not even kidding.
It's an irrational fear but its still there..Aside from that I always wanted a little girl, I'm not really sure why..
DH really wants a boy this time (and last) he wants to do that male father son bonding..
With my first, I wanted a little girl. 1) because boys were rampant in the family 2) because I wanted a little girl to wrap daddy around her little finger before a boy came along and stole the show with playing sports and all the other boy stuff. With #3, I really wanted another girl. I just LOVE little girls! They are so different than boys. They are sensitive and gentle and like dressing up and playing dolls and all the typical girl things where my boy is all out 100% boy and as much as I love him, I have a really hard time connecting with him because I don't understand boy thinking. I don't understand the just go go go full speed ahead, messy dirty, rough, play hard all day long mentality of a boy. My husband claims he's just a boy and that's how boys are. But there is such a huge difference between girls and boys that I personally love little girls and their softness and frills. I do hope we're having another boy though. Because as I said, I love my son. Very much! And I would love for him to have a brother to rough house and play with that doesn't whine about him being so rough all the time when he's just playing and being himself. AND, I know hubby would love to have another boy.
My blog: Midwest Chaos
I just keep telling him he's a little lady maker
Now you have one!
i'm honestly ok with either genders, BUT feel a boy would benefit from me more...all i've ever babysat were little boys - i was a tom-boy myself and hate pink, played in the dirt, found bugs - i feel tho, that i could play just the same with a little girl, no reason she has to be treated more delicately!
i know i could raise a daughter just as well - although i'd be lying if i said i wasn't intimidated probably just because i was never around a lot of little girls like i was boys
my best friend is an ultrasound tech and she's gonna look tomorrow for us, see what she can see - i will be very happy with whatever she finds, just maybe a lil bit nervous about one over the other
I can definitely understand how people have gender preferences. I personally don't have a preference either way but I think some people just have an image in their mind of what motherhood will be like and what their baby will be.
One thing I don't understand is the need for people to verbalize that they don't have a preference of sex and they just want a healthy baby. Don't we all just want healthy babies? It's like saying if you're hoping for a girl and don't say "Oh I don't have a preference, I just want a healthy baby" then you aren't hoping for a healthy baby. It just seems silly that people feel the need to say something so obvious.
I honestly don't care either way. DH has a preference for a girl, he grew up really close to his sisters and has always had an easier time relating to girls than boys. Also SIL has two fantastic little boys, so he'd really like to have the first grand-daughter.
I have a feeling that this one is a boy, don't know why. Just a feeling I have.
Both DH and I are hoping for a girl for a lot of reasons. They may be irrational and biased, but regardless they are reasons why we would prefer a girl.
In my family and social circles, we are both very hard pressed to think of a boy that didn't go through a "bad" period in their upper teens/twenties. My brother especially, made my mom's life extremely hard for her for about 8 years until he finally got on his feet. My mom had such a hard time putting her foot down because he was her baby and he was the boy. I can see so much of myself in her, and I would hate to have to deal with the same thing and feel as helpless as she did. My nephews are following the same path, and I just feel so horrible for my sister who is about to go through the same stuff.
My nieces on the other hand are little angels. Much like myself, my sisters, my mom and most of all of the girls we know were growing up. It totally has to do with what we've been exposed to in our lives, and as irrational as that is, that is why we are leaning towards wanting a girl.
Again though, we wouldn't be looking for adoptive parents for a boy though. We would love him regardless just as much as we would love a girl. Don't know if I explained that very well, but I can totally see how someone would have a preference for one over the other. It all has to do with perspectives.
I hope you noticed that I didn't say this...lol
When I was growing up and thought about having kids, I always wanted a boy first so that future children would have an older brother to look after them, in school, etc.
Now that its really happening, I'm with you, I honestly have no real preference.
I would like one of each, so it doesn't really matter which one comes first
"What did my fingers do before they held you? What did my heart do with it's love?"
I should probably post this in Unpopular Opinion Thursday, because I am sooo going to get flamed for it, but, in all honesty, I am hoping it's a girl because I want to buy girly things for her.
Sure, there are other reasons, like, I was the oldest of two girls and, well, actually, I honestly can't even think of a good reason that might save me. Seriously.
I sort of have my heart set on a girl (which is ridiculous and not a good idea, I know) and I will probably be very disappointed if I find out that I'm having a boy.
That being said, however, I am so happy to be pregnant right now and, once I get over the inital shock if I find out I'm having a boy, I'm sure that I will be just as excited to start buying blue things and things with racecars on them, as well.
And, no matter what happens, boy or girl, my husband and I will love this baby so very, very much, that I'm sure, in the end, it doesn't really matter if it turns out to be an alien. Although, that would be quite the shock, as well!
I am one who says I don't have a preference as long as it's healthy. I don't say it because I think other people don't want a healthy baby - of course everyone does. I just honestly and truly do not have a preference beyond a healthy baby, and I don't see anything wrong with saying it. It may seem obvious, but it's how I feel, so if someone asks, why shouldn't I say it?
DD1 Feb 2010
DD2 Sept 2011
When i was PG with DD, i really wanted her to be a boy but that was only because i wanted the whole ideal "big brother" for when i had my second
but she was a girl (obviously) and I love her just the same but now i want a boy to have one of each. If i get another girl, there may be a spark of disappointment but in the end we will all still be happy
I mentioned this in another post. I had a gender preference with #1. I wanted a boy. I have never had a particularly good relationship with my father and I wanted a big brother growing up SO badly. Truthfully, I was disappointed when I found out we were having a girl, but the disappointment was very fleeting and I got over it quickly. I can't imagine my life any other way now, and DH is 1000x the father my dad ever was, which I knew he would be.
This time, I still want a boy, because it'll be awhile before we have another baby after this, but I would also love for DD to have a little sister. That's part of the reason we're not finding out this time.
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
Spot on.
I can't wait to hear someone say "Don't care if it's braindead, don't care if it's limbless, if it has a penis."
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
Peanut Butter and Jelly!
<a href="http://s568.photobucket.com/albums/ss122/AliceNP/?action=view
Thanks for the answers ladies. I think some of them made me understand why people have the preferences that they do. While I have no preference, I have thought this baby was a boy since my 12 week u/s and will probably be surprised if it is a girl. If I had dreamed about one gender forever, I could see where someone might get disappointed. But, I also thought the comments on personal parental relationships were pretty interesting.
My dad passed away 5 weeks before I was born, so I never had a father-daughter relationship. I have only seen my mom with kids of both genders. With my DH, my child has a dad which is a blessing in and of itself that I didn't have. So, some of these father-son daughter-daddy comments were really interesting and illuminating to me.